“Buffy, we need to talk about this.”
She heard him say, but refused to stop walking. She had to keep going or she might give in, and that just wasn’t an option.
“I’ll keep following you until you listen to me.”
She stopped then and turned to look at him. “What will it take for you to leave me alone?”
“Just a minute of your time, love. I know you don’t want to hear anything I have to say, but you can’t run from me forever.”
“We really don’t have anything to talk about, Spike. I have to get home.”
He nodded. “I’ll let you go after we have ourselves a little chat. You’ve been avoiding me for the last week now. I decided to give you some space after my little confession, but there’s only so much a bloke can take.”
Buffy raised her eyebrows. “You call that a little confession? Spike, you chained me up and threatened to let your crazy ex loose on me if I didn’t admit to having feelings for you.”
“Okay, those were bad decisions. I know that, but I wouldn’t have really let Dru kill you. I was just so bloody frustrated. Do you think any of this is easy for me? It would be so much easier if I could just hate you, but I can’t do that. I love you, Buffy.”
She shut her eyes tight at those words. “Stop saying that.”
Spike was surprised when she opened her eyes again and noticed the tears. “Buffy…” he started to say, but was cut off.
“No, I can’t listen to this. Why are you doing this to me? Why do you have to make everything so difficult? Do you know how hard it is for me to hear those words come from you? You don’t love me, Spike. You can’t,” she whispered the last part.
Spike was beyond irritated at this point. “Why? Because I don’t have a bloody soul? Not every demon out there needs a soul to love.”
Buffy shook her head. “It’s not about the soul. It’s about you, Spike. This is just some weird obsession. You’re not capable of loving me.”
It was his turn to raise his eyebrows. “And how do you figure that?”
Buffy took a deep breath, finally saying what she has been holding back for over a year. “You really have no idea how much you’ve hurt me, do you? Someone that’s capable of hurting me that much could never really love me.”
Spike wasn’t expecting that. “What are you on about? I’ve hardly injured you at all in any of our fights and as I recall, you put me in a bloody wheelchair once.”
Buffy gave a humorless laugh, wiping away a few traitorous tears that started to spill down her face. “There are other ways to hurt me,” she practically whispered.
Spike’s vampire hearing was able to pick it up. “Care to elaborate on that, pet?”
Buffy looked him right in the eyes before she spoke again. “Your words, Spike. Your words hurt a lot more than your fists ever could.” She saw the confusion on his face and decided to continue. “Maybe I should refresh your memory. I remember a time last year when you taunted me about Parker. If I remember correctly, you basically said that it looked like I wasn’t worth a second go. Do you have any idea how that felt? I kept doubting myself after what happened with Angel and then to have the same thing happen again? Here I was thinking that I would never be enough for anyone, but your comments really started to make me believe it. Oh, let’s not forget just a few weeks ago what you said about Riley. I think it was something about not holding his interest, or that my beauty was fading. Do you know I actually spent time looking in the mirror after that to see if something was wrong with me? You don’t think I listen, but I do. Believe it or not, I take your comments to heart. So, excuse me for finding it hard to believe that you could love me.” She turned away from him then, the tears streaming down her face now.
Spike was stunned; he never thought that she would have ever taken anything he said seriously. God, he felt like such a complete git. He hurt her without even realizing that he did it. He walked over to her, grabbing her shoulders and turning her around to look at him. If his heart was beating, it would have broken at the look in her eyes. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close to his chest. He was relieved when she didn’t pull away. “Don’t cry, love. I can’t stand it when you cry. I’m so sorry, Buffy. Please don’t be upset. I never meant anything that I said. I was just bloody jealous of that Parker bloke and I didn’t think before I spoke. I have a habit of that sometimes. It infuriated me that you would choose to be with a wanker like that and then I was even more pissed after what he did to you. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I think I was in love with you even then. Drusilla could always see it. I do love you, Buffy. I know I haven’t given you any reason to believe that, but it’s the truth. I’ll never hurt you again.”
Buffy pulled away to look at him. She could see how sincere he was, but was still finding it hard to trust him. “Do you find me repulsive?” she asked suddenly.
Spike laughed and kissed her remaining tears away. “You have to be daft to ask me that. You’re a bloody goddess. I’m a ponce for making you think otherwise.”
Buffy had to agree there. “I really want to trust you, but I don’t know if I can. How do I know that you won’t hurt me again?”
Spike tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Because I would rather stake myself than hurt you. I would gladly hand you the stake to dust me if I ever hurt you again.”
“I’ll hold you to that. I know I’m the Slayer, but my heart’s still pretty fragile. I’ve dealt with too many disappointments from the opposite sex. I don’t know if I could handle anymore right now. If I decide to let you into my heart, I need to know that you would protect it.”
Spike was ecstatic; it looked like she was willing to give him that crumb that he asked for a week ago. He would do whatever he could to keep it. “You can trust me, Buffy. I’ll never give you any reason to stake me.”
Buffy looked up at him with her big, green eyes. She nodded after a moment. “Okay, could you kiss me now?”
Spike could never deny her anything. He smiled and lowered his head to do just that. The kiss started out slow and soft, then grew more passionate. He never wanted to stop kissing her, but knew that oxygen was soon becoming an issue. He pulled away and rested his forehead against hers. “I love you,” he whispered.
“I know,” she replied.
Spike figured that was the best he would get from her. It didn’t matter if she said it back, as long as she believed him. He knew that she would start to feel that way soon enough. He would do whatever he could to gain her trust. Now that he finally had her, there was no way he was ever going to let her go.
The End
Well, that’s all I could come up with. Just another little fluffy piece from yours truly. I’m seriously full of it. Don’t forget to leave me a review. I’ll love you forever=)
Author's Chapter Notes:
This would take place a little after "Crush." It's just another short ficlet that I thought of. I was thinking that Buffy was a lot more hurt by the things that Spike told her in the past than she led us to believe. I just think some things needed to be said. She's a bit different in this, which I think is a good thing. Hope you guys like it=)