Sequel
Behind the curtain

Each of her steps caused a soft, resounding noise as she started walking slowly through the darkness.
Taking in deep breaths she inhaled the familiar smell of pine, salt, and see and paused for a moment to look up at the starry sky.
Following a sudden impulse she streched out her hands and closed her eyes.
I´m touching the stars, she thought, sensing a wild, uncontrollable joy, mixed with a deep feeling of humility and reverence.
The wind rumpled her long hair and touched softly her cheeks, warm and innocent like a child´s breath.
She kept on walking through the darkness and with every step she felt as if she was leaving the outer world of reason to dip into a inner one that was made out of feelings.

The scenery she was looking at applied as an infinite landscape of- what?
It was like nothing she had ever seen before, there was no word that could have described it.
She thought of a winter scenery, soft wafes of snow...but at the same time it smelled of spring rain and muggy summer evenings.
For some strange reasons, she felt as if she had somehow fallen into a dream without first falling into sleep.
She felt strangely light, like a sheet that was carried away by the wind, following a secret aim that was invisible for her eyes.

She lifted her head a little to listen intently to a sudden sound and it took her a moment before she understood that someone was calling her name.
“Buffy...” the voice seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere, from far away and at the same time quite near beside her ear.
She felt as if the voice, like a rag rubbing soot from a window, facilitated the passage of a thin but precious light into the darkness she walked through.

The light seemed to be on the other side of the world.
But on the side, she suddenly recognized, someone was waiting for her.

~~~~~~~


The light was more glistening than anything she had ever seen before, but it did not blind her.
It seemed as if the brightness was a shapeless substance which touched her body, filling her soul with pure joy.
Somebody walked slowly towards her, a gentle smile on the lips.
“Spike...” she whispered while her eyes filled with tears, streching out her hands to touch him.
Everything seemed to be unreal , like the wisdom in the eyes of a child, but in some hidden little corner of her soul she knew that it was really happening.

Thoughts of the years they´d shared came back to her, and as she stared at him, she noticed how little he had changed.
At that time he had left her, that smile on his face had been the last she had seen of him.
He took both of her hands in his and she closed her eyes, allowing the feelings to roll over her.
She felt something twitch inside, something deep and old, something that made her speechless and dizzy.
“So many years”, she said with breaking voice, “I couldn´t say goodbye... when you left me.”
A weight of sadness pressed her voice thinner than a whisper and she knew that the sound of her voice was full of reproach.

“I´ve written so many letters to you, Spike... There were so many things I wanted you to know.”

“I know”, he replied softly, caressing her cheek.
“I read them all.”

Buffy wrapped her arms around his body and buried her face in his shoulder, breathing in the familiar smell of his skin.
While he stroked her back, she felt as if her body was a vessel that bit by bit was filled with pure joy and peace.
All the feelings of pain, loneliness and bitterness that she he had felt over the last years since he had left her alone, disappeared like a nightmare.
Drawing him close, she felt as though she´d finally come home.

She held him tightly, letting the years of seperation dissolve.
Time, she suddenly realized, didn´t have any meaning.

“So that´s it”, she whispered as she finally pulled back to look at him, pointing at the brightness that was surrounding them.
“That´s behind the curtain... this feeling of peace. And love.”

Spike nodded slightly and smiled as she closed her eyes and spread her arms, as if intending to dive into the ocean of light.
He watched her silently, letting her enjoy the feelings for a moment, before he stepped towards her.
She hadn't realized her eyes were closed until she felt his hands cupping her face, and she opened them.

“Buffy”, he said gently, as he leaned his forehead against hers, knowing that the following words would cause her pain.
“You can´t stay here... you must go back, luv.”


~~~~~~~


She hadn´t say anything, her muscles seemed frozen.
She widened her eyes at him as she bit her lip, refusing to consider what was coming.
“You´re time hasn´t come yet”, he said softly as he brushed back a stray lock of her hair.

Her usual beauty, as clear and deep as a reflection of eternity, was now shattered by terror, crazed by sharp lines of an anguish that was close to grief.

“You must go back”, he repeated.

She shook her head, trying desperately to force back the tears.
She wanted to tell him that she loved him, that he was her very first thought when she woke and the last one before she fell asleep, but she wasn´t able to pruduce anything, not even a gasp.
“I know”, his voice came out in a rasping whisper, “I know that you want to tell me so many things. I know that you still keep my clothes in the closet and that you touch them every night before you go to bed. I know that you reach out your hands every morning to my bedside, as though I was still there.”

A tear was streaking down her cheek as she said:
“I don´t wanna go back.”

Spike raised a hand to her face and murmured:
“Since I´ve been gone you keep wishing that I return back to you. But I´m here, luv... right here.”
He touched softly her skin and pointed at the place where her heart was.

Sadly he watched the steady flow of tears as she said with breaking voice: “I can´t go back. Not now... please...”

He raised a hand to touch her face and whispered:
“Your time hasn´t come yet. You have to live your life, baby... it´s full of joy and happiness. And hope. Believe me.I know that you miss me and I know that it´s hard for you to carry the burden of each day and to keep breathing under the weight of every night. But you have to be strong, Buffy. You have to take all these feelings as they come, accept them all, the joy as well as the sadness. And when it´s time for you to go... then I´ll be waiting for you. Right here.”

She couldn´t manage answering his smile, but she nodded slightly, feeling a sudden weight on her soul that made her gasp.
“Promise me that you´ll be happy”, he said, pressing a quick kiss into her soft palm.
Again she nodded, her entire body shivering as he kissed her trembling lips.
“I love you, Buffy. Love won´t stop just because I can´t be with you... don´t forget that.”

Wiping away her tears she replied:
“I know. Love you, too.”

“I´m so sorry, luv”, he whispered, apologizing for everything and anything.
“I´ll be waiting...”
For the last time he allowed her to bath in the waves of the eternal light, before he softly turned her around.


~~~~~




“Dr. Hamilton... Dr. Hamilton... she´s back again!”
Buffy heard the foreign voice as through a fog.
Keeping her eyes firmly closed, she couldn´t see the doctor and the nurses staring at a monitor that showed the beating of her heart.
Only a few seconds ago there had been just a thin green line, but she was back again... back in life.



~~~~~~~


She knew that sooner or later they would ask her why she had taken all those pills, but this evening they let her alone and she was thankful for it.
She stood at the window and watched the sun go down while a slight smile appeared on her pale face.

Spike, she recognized, had taught her everything.
About life, hope, joy... and love.

And when my times comes, she thought, feeling the happiness in a corner of her soul, he´ll be waiting behind the curtain.


END.





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