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Spike pushed his way through the crowded hallway, refusing to look at anyone. He couldn't tell if people were bumping into him on purpose. Was it was only yesterday that Buffy publicly humiliated him? It felt like months. He couldn't sleep the night before, and he was starting to feel the strain. Only one more class and then he'd go home to sleep it off.

He caught a glimpse of Buffy walking ahead of him, and his heart jumped. He was more confused than mad. Why did she do it? Did she hate him? He should be mad at her, he tried to tell himself. She ruined his life. Another part of him, though, disagreed. Everything that happened must have been his fault. He just wished he knew exactly what went wrong. She didn't like the way Willow and Xander were treated. He understood that, but why yesterday? Why the day after they had slept together?

He walked up to his locker. Someone had written "dork" on the door in bright yellow, and the lock was covered with chewed bubblegum. He could hear snickering while he pealed the gum off so he could unlock his locker. One more class, he reminded himself.

* * *

"Do you and Dawn need another ride home?" Willow caught Buffy at her locker after the last class was out.

"Sure, that'd be great," she said. Willow seemed happy with with her answer. Buffy tilted her head to the side and studied Willow. "Why are you being so nice to me?"

"You look like you could use a friend."

Buffy was going to reply that she had friends when Cordelia walked up to her. "Buffy, I haven't seen you all day."

Buffy hadn't talked to anyone about her confusion and hurt over Spike except for her mom. Did she really have friends? Buffy felt that she might be able to talk to Cordelia, but Cordelia was never alone. As if on cue, Harmony and Gage walked over to stand beside Cordelia.

"I'll talk to you later. I have to go home," Buffy said to Cordelia, glancing at Harmony and Gage. She turned to Willow. "I'll get Dawn and meet you in front."

"How much did she pay you to be her friend?" Gage indicated to Willow. Harmony snickered. Willow looked uncomfortable, mumbled something to Buffy about getting Xander, and left.

Buffy turned to Gage with a scowl, then walked towards the Freshman lockers.

On the way home, Buffy caught a glimpse of Spike entering his house. Her heart started to pound, and she found it hard to breathe. Her mother had explained that Buffy needed closure. She needed to explain to Spike that it was over instead of just avoiding him. That was what she was going to do after they got home.

"Do you guys want to come in and watch a movie or something?" Buffy asked when Xander pulled into her driveway. She asked as an excuse to put off her conversation with Spike, but she also liked them and wanted to know them better.

"Some other time? We both have a project for social studies tomorrow that we have to do." Willow glanced at Xander. "Maybe tomorrow? What do you think, Xander?"

"Tomorrow's good. What kind of movies do you have, because I could bring some over." Xander smiled.

"Do you like bad, cheesy movies?" Willow asked, rolling her eyes at Xander.

Buffy grinned and nodded. "Any Kung Foo?"

"Be still my heart, she has a preference. I don't think you ever cared what we watched," he said to Willow as she tilted her seat forward to let Dawn and Buffy out. "I'll bring some tomorrow." Xander said as they climbed out of the car.

"Can I watch them too?" Dawn asked with an enthusiastic bounce. Xander and Willow smiled at Dawn and then gave Buffy a look that said they didn't mind.

"Why not? It'll be a mini-party." Buffy walked up to unlock the front door. She waved at Xander to let him know that they got in okay.

For the first time in over a month, Buffy looked forward to hanging out with a group of people. It was nice that they wanted Dawn there. Sometimes she felt guilty for not spending much time with Dawn, but she wasn't going to expose her to the types of parties that she used to go to.

The doorbell rang and Buffy wondered who it was. Maybe it was another neighbor concerned about the accident, she thought sarcastically. She opened the door and stopped. Spike was on the other side of the door staring at his feet. He looked like he'd slept in his clothes.

"I wanted to talk to you." He looked up with sad eyes.

"Me, too." Buffy motioned for him to enter. She might as well get this over with.

Spike stepped in the house and stood a few feet from the door. He seemed to find the lampshade next to him very interesting. Buffy closed the door and ran her fingers through her hair. How was she going to say this?

"Buffy who was.. Oh, it's you." Dawn came into the room and put her hands on her hips in a stern, motherly stance.

"Dawn, I want to talk to him alone," Buffy pushed a protesting Dawn into the kitchen. "Don't listen at the door, either."

Spike didn't speak until Buffy walked back from the kitchen door and was standing next to him. "These last two days have been almost the worse of my life." His voice was low. "Why did you do it?"

"You gave me no choice." Buffy was immediately defensive. "You were hurting people. I tried talking to you, but it didn't change anything. I'm sorry."

"But, I thought things had changed, and everything was good. The other night, we...and afterwards you were happy. The next day, everything started out so perfect. But, then, you told everyone the truth. Why yesterday? I know weren't happy with the fight, and I don't remember how it started." Spike spaced off for a moment. "I'll change - no more hurting people. I'll make you happy. Just, take me back, please." Spike grabbed her hands.

Buffy pulled her hands free. He seemed so frustrated. Maybe they could work things out. "I'll take you back." Spike looked up with hope in his eyes. Buffy held up a finger to tell him to wait. "On one condition. Nobody knows but us. We don't hang out outside of my house or your house."

Spike looked troubled. "We can't tell anybody?"

Buffy sighed. She still came in second to the popularity. "I'll take that as a no, then."

She pulled a check from her back pocket and handed it to him. "I told my mom about the accident. She agreed that I should pay you back the money you gave me. I broke the deal, so it's only fair."

Spike stared at the check. "I don't want the money."

"It's yours. I'm slowly paying my mom back, but this is one less thing I have to feel guilty about." And with the check, she severed all ties to him, she thought.

"Buffy, please." Spike's hand tightened around the check, scrunching it. "Can't we just start over?"

He looked so lost. Buffy felt a pain in her chest, and wanted to tell him that she would take him back. But until she came first, being around him was killing her. "I'll see you later, William," she said as she led him to the door.

Buffy picked up the cordless phone and carried it to her bedroom. She dialed a number she knew from heart. "Cordelia? Hey, it's me."

* * *

Spike pulled a notebook out of his locker. Things got a little better the next couple of months. Though, he was still friendless, Spike wasn't picked on as much. He guessed that it just got old. The popular group started including Dodd, a swimteam member who had only hung around them a few times before. His parents recently bought a new house on the beach, and he started throwing huge parties. At least, that's what Spike heard.

Being isolated, Spike had time to think about everything. The way the group forgot about him was telling. Was picking on him just a trend that got old? How much did they like him when they thought he was popular? Would they have eventually tired of him if Buffy hadn't interferred? Maybe his popularity could have lasted until graduation or the end of summer. But would they had stayed in touch when he went to college? He doubted it now.

Buffy didn't seem to hang around her old friends anymore. He didn't know if she was avoiding them, or if he just never saw her with them. He did see her with Willow, Xander, and Oz, though. This surprised him, but then he remembered that she said she felt guilty. She probably blamed herself for the way he had treated his old friends and was trying to alleviate the guilt. Or maybe she actually liked them.

Buffy. God, he missed her so much. He wished he realized how important she was sooner. He would have jumped at her offer of a secret relationship, if only to show her that she was more important. The night he slept with her was the best night of his life. But it was followed by the worst days he'd experienced since his father died. Did she feel the same way? If she did, he supposed, she didn't feel that way anymore. She hadn't talked to him since the day she gave him the money back.

He needed to get on with his life. His hair looked like a mess with his roots showing, and he had stopped caring what clothes he wore a while back. Even if Buffy stopped being mad at him, why would she speak to him in this state? Maybe tonight he'll bleach his hair again.

Closing his locker door, he spotted Dawn walking by him. She had stopped talking to him when Buffy did. He wanted to talk to someone, though, and maybe she'd speak with him again. "Hey, bit," he said, greeting her.

"Stay away from me." Dawn glared at him and continued down the hall.

She's still mad at him. Spike caught up with her. "What did I do?"

Dawn stopped and crossed her arms. "You made Buffy cry." She walked away.

Spike felt the bile in his throat. He had thought Buffy was just angry. He made her cry? He paused. Had she been crying the whole time?

He could see her talking to Cordelia by the drinking fountain. Okay, so she was still talking to some of her old friends. It looked like an argument, though. Cordelia didn't look happy with her, and Buffy kept shaking her head. He heard Buffy tell Cordelia, "No!", and then walk towards the stairwell.

This would be a good time to talk to her, he thought and followed her. He had to try to talk to her again. He didn't want to think that he caused her that much pain.

She was alone on the stairs with her eyes closed. He walked up to her and touched her arm. "I-" Buffy opened her eyes and jumped, but then glared at him.

"What do you want?" Buffy narrowed her eyes. She seemed angrier than the last time they talked. Maybe she was upset over her argument with Cordelia.

Spike took a deep breath. He wasn't going to let her intimidate him, even though he felt vulnerable. "I wanted you to know that I miss you. I want you back."

"Do you want me back or the popularity?" She asked him.

Spike started to answer, but Buffy interrupted him. "Because if it's me you want, then you messed up a long time ago. You had a chance, but you didn't choose me. " She paused and then spoke in a quiet voice, "If you want the popularity, I don't think I could give it back to you even if I wanted."

"I want you. You're all I can think about. Please, just give me a chance to make it up to you. I'll do anything." Spike's voice cracked.

"You're desperate now." Buffy swallowed a lump in her throat. "You only say that because you have nothing left."

Spike shook his head. "Did that night mean anything to you?"

Buffy's expression looked pained, and Spike wasn't sure if it was from loss or regret. He hoped she didn't regret that they had sex. Even if she never took him back, he hoped that he could live with the knowledge that she was once happy with him.

"It did mean something. I don't just sleep with anybody." Buffy seemed lost, staring into space. "But, I need more than that."

"I'll give you anything."

"I wish I could believe you." With that Buffy walked away.

* * *

Standing in the stairwell, Dodd frowned. He had been told that Buffy had made up the relationship between her and Spike in order to get him popular. From the conversation he just overheard, it sounded like there was more to it than a false relationship.

So, Buffy had slept with Spike. He shrugged. He didn't see what was so great about Buffy, anyway. She never came to the parties or even ate lunch with them. In fact, it was almost as if she'd rather be a geek, hanging out with those other freaks at lunch.

But if you listened to Cameron, you'd think that she was the greatest girl in the world. Cameron had it bad. If Dodd told him what he just learned, it'd probably help his new popularity. Maybe then Cameron would go after a better girl. Or maybe he'd try to hurt Buffy. Either way could be pretty entertaining, he thought with a grin.

* * *

Buffy was stopped by Cordelia again when school was let out. "You haven't been to a party in over two months, you eat lunch with Willow, and you didn't go shopping with me last weekend when Macy's had that big sale! What's wrong?"

"My dad took my credit card away for a few months. I spent too much. I like Willow, and I haven't felt like going to a party." Buffy tried to get into her locker.

Cordelia sighed. "I understand, but if you don't go to this party tonight, your reputation will be in jeopardy."

"I don't care anymore. Besides I already have plans for tonight." Buffy smiled a little. "As soon as my father gives me my card back, I'll go shopping with you, okay?"

"You don't care?" Cordelia looked confused. "Don't you want to be invited to the big parties? To be the envy of the entire school?"

"It doesn't seem important anymore." Buffy shrugged.

Cordelia looked at Buffy and tilted her head. "Is this because of Spike? I know you were hurt, but shouldn't you get on with your life?"

"I am." Buffy smiled and walked towards the Freshman lockers to find Dawn.

She didn't see Cameron leaning against the wall until he stepped in front of her. She was going to just say hello and walk past him, but he didn't move.

She straightened her shoulders. "Cameron, could you let me by, please?"

"I heard you've been a very naughty girl." Cameron stepped closer to Buffy.

She saw another person move behind her. When she looked, Gage and Dodd were standing behind her.

"What are you talking about?"

"You had sex with Spike." Cameron never looked so angry.

TBC





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