--


Buffy strolled up the walkway to her house on Revello Drive. The paper bag containing a Doublemeat Palace Hamburger was loosely clutched in her hand. Dawn had requested her sister pick up dinner for her after Buffy got off of work.

She paused right before the stairs. It had been two days since she had had that encounter with Spike. Feeling just as confused but a little more in control of expressing her emotions, Buffy faced this meeting head on.

“Spike? Is this going to become a habit?”

She turned to see Spike appearing from behind his tree.

“Ah, it's a fair cop, you caught me, Slayer. However, in all honesty, I think we have to say this one doesn't count. After all, I wasn't exactly hiding,” he said, walking toward her.

“No, Spike.”

“No? What kind of answer is that, you haven't even heard the question yet.”

“I don't have to. We both know what you're thinking.”

Spike grinned and Buffy had to bite her cheek to prevent herself from imitating him.

“And we both know...that I'm not the only one thinking it,” he said as he approached her. Before she knew what was happening, he had an arm around her back and his lips on hers.

She moaned and responded in full. Dropping the paper bag, she wrapped her arms around him, one hand latched onto his hair and the other clutched at the nape of his neck, doing anything to pull him closer. His arms slid around her waist with the same plan.

Suddenly, she pulled back panting. Planting both her hands squarely on his chest she feebly, though effectively held him at bay.

“No. I-I don’t. No, I can’t. I should...” Without finishing her sentence, Buffy frowned in confusion. Forgetting about Dawn’s dinner on the ground, she ran inside.


--= * =-- --= * =-- --= * =--


It wasn’t until Buffy had gotten into the kitchen did she realize that she abandoned the bag of fast food. Well, she certainly wasn’t going to go back for it. She slumped into a chair and let her head fall into her hands.

This was how Willow found her.

“Hey, workin' lady. Rough night?”

“Yeah,” Buffy said quietly without lifting her head. She heard/smelled Dawn approach after Willow. “Sorry Dawn. I forgot your dinner.” She looked up after saying this. “I could try to cook you something.

Dawn smiled and shook her head.

“Ready for a bold suggestion?” Willow said, smiling at Dawn, then at Buffy. “Blow it off! Dawnie and I are headed out to the Bronze.”

“Um, do I have your permission and wanna come along?” Dawn asked with a grin. “You like how I slipped in that permission request like that?”

“Very smooth,” Willow said.

“You guys go.”

“Really?” Dawn said excitedly.

“Buffy, are you sure? I-it might do you good to get away from the mopey lifestyle for a night. See your friends,” Willow said.

“Who'd love to see you,” Dawn added.

“I'm sure. I've seen enough action for one night,” Then Buffy turned to Dawn. “Home by eleven?”

“On the dot.”

“Have a good time.”

Dawn smiled, and she and Willow headed out. Buffy wondered what they would think if they saw the DoubleMeat Palace bag.

Then Buffy said quietly to herself, “Somebody should.”


--= * =-- --= * =-- --= * =--


Xander and Anya sat at the bar eating chips from several plus-size bags, completely oblivious to the lively atmosphere of the Bronze and solely focused on the notebook in front of them bearing the wedding seating chart.

“See...this seating chart makes no sense. We have to do it again,” Anya said irritably. Xander nodded. “We can't do it again. You do it.”

“The seating chart's fine,” Xander said wearily. “Let's get back to the table arrangements. I'm starting to have dreams of gardenia bouquets.” He winced and reached into the nearest large bag of chips again. “I am so glad my manly coworkers didn't just hear me say that.”

“Will you stop wolfing down those chips? One more bag and you'll pop right out of your cummerbund.”

She grabbed the bag of chips away from him, looked in it and stuck her own hand in, oblivious to Xander’s upset look.

“You're not even hungry, you're just nervous,” she explained.

“Yeah!” Xander said smacking the bar top. “Wedding, one week! We have friends, family, demons flying in, a to-do list getting no shorter, and do NOT--” He grabbed the bag back. “--take my chips.”

They stared at each other angrily until Dawn came over, holding two plastic cups.

“Hey guys! How's the soon-to-be-newlyweds? Nervous?” She said cheerily.

“No!” They both yelled.

Dawn’s eyebrows rose. “Okay. I'll just be over here then,” Dawn said dubiously.

She shrugged and went over to where Willow was fiddling with a pair of pool cues.

“Your Arnold Palmer, milady,” Dawn said as she swapped Willow a drink for her pool cue back.

“Thanks. So how are Mr. and Mrs. High-Strung?”

“I'm betting they explode.”

“You know, when I was little, I used to spend hours imagining what my wedding to Xander would be like. And now I look at them I just think...‘Nee-hee-hee!’” She said with a mocking laugh.

“You're awfully chipper tonight,” Dawn said with a giggle.

“Can't hide it,” Willow said, smiling.

“Hmm. Big wedding coming up...lots of date possibilities...you and Tara are...having coffee as friends again. You wanna call her? Invite her over?

“Oh, no. Too soon for so bold a maneuver.” Willow smiled. “Maybe tomorrow.”

“That's progress!”

“Hence the happy.”


--= * =-- --= * =-- --= * =--


Buffy drowsily crawled down the stairs in her pajamas. Glancing at the clock and groaning, she noted that it was 3:10 in the afternoon.

She found Dawn munching on a snack in their dim kitchen; all the blinds on the windows had been pulled shut as this had been their usual state for a few months.

“Hey Dawnie.”

“Hey. Huh. Bronze was fun last night. In a total home-by-eleven-ish way. You should have come.”

“Well, next time.”

“Okay,” Dawn said with a sigh as she swallowed the last of her Rice Krispie treat. She stood up, tossed the wrapper into the garbage can, turned and grabbed her backpack. “I’ll see you later.”

“Where are you going?”

“Linda’s? Remember? I have that English project with her and Tessie.”

“Oh, yeah. That's good. Uh, do you want dinner first?”

“It’s only 3:00. See you this evening? Unless you're working,” Dawn wandered around the kitchen island towards Buffy. “Or, you know, tomorrow's cool. Don't work too hard.”

She kissed Buffy on the cheek and Buffy smiled in return.

“Bye.”

After she heard the front door close, Buffy just sat in the kitchen listening to the clock tick and staring into space. Making up her mind, she went back upstairs to her room and began digging under her bed until she found what she was looking for.

She pulled out the history of Vampire Slayers that Giles had given her, thinking that maybe this would give her some clarity as to what to do. She couldn’t live like this forever.

Buffy frowned. Well...technically she could but that wasn’t the point. She climbed onto her bed and opened the large, old book to the very beginning.

“‘The Definition of a Vampire Slayer’,” she read out loud before scanning the page.

/Yadda yadda...one girl in all the world...blah blah...weapon of the Powers That Be...protector of humans...wait a minute.../

Buffy read the page twice. Written were the words, ‘The Vampire Slayer acts as a guardian for her species, the human race. She alone is their protector, whether she fights on the side of good or evil forces depends on the situation, whichever benefits the human race more.’

Nowhere did it say that the Vampire Slayer was always the good guy. Nowhere did it the Slayer that she had to wipe out every nonhuman being she came across, just the threatening ones. Nowhere did it state that it was against the Slayer’s nature to love a demon. Nobody ever said that she couldn’t love Spike.

Although Buffy had known there was no written law against what she had with Spike, it was still an incredible relief to discover what her job truly was, instead of the inaccurate mumbo-jumbo rules of the Watchers Council.

Buffy bit her lip thinking about her recent encounters with her sire.

Her eyes widened. What would she say to him? What would he want her to say? Would he want her back? She was confusing herself. Of course he’d want her back. He had to. Ignoring the warming sensation that was centred on his mark in her neck, her thoughts raced on the possibility of his rejection. This feeling was enhanced by her fretting demon who did not like that she was pondering the possible abandonment of her mate. Mate! That’s right! They were mates and mates don’t just abandon each other, epiphany-thing notwithstanding. Right?

“Stupid, irritating, bleached vampire. I oughta...” she paused and smiled. “Oh god, I love him so much.”

Laughing, she waltzed over to her closet to look for something to wear.





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