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Author's Note: Another Buffy flashback experience.

--= * =-- --= * =-- --= * =--

It had been two days since Buffy had woken up as a vampire, been reprimanded by her sire and gotten her soul restored permanently. Two days since she had wanted to kill her friends and family and drain them of their blood.

Buffy had felt an enormous amount of guilt for those few but vivid thoughts and had apologized to everyone for shouting.

She couldn't face Spike. Not at the time. It wasn't that she hated him for what he had done. She had asked him to do it. She knew that she would have died and knew that she couldn't. She had to protect Dawn from Glory.

No, she couldn't face Spike mostly because she was embarrassed. Embarrassed that she had offered him gory freedom, embarrassed that she had underestimated his will to resist her, embarrassed that she had so blatantly let her feelings for him be put into shameless seductive actions, and embarrassed as a childe normally is after being chastised by her sire. So she hadn't seen him since. Not for two days, soon to be three.

Buffy was settling into a routine. She wasn't ashamed of what she was. It was a bit strange at first but actually, in truth, some things weren't all that different from her regular routine. She still worked mostly at night except now, she found, her demon drove her to sleep most of the day and to come alive at night. Instead of her usual schedule of staying up all day and half the night, she now stayed up all night and half the day.

She had stopped going to her college classes obviously because she could not move freely around the campus in broad daylight. She was considering night classes, after the whole mess with Glory had ended. Or maybe she'd try and find a job where she could take the night shift. Buffy decided she's cross that bridge when she came to it.

Joyce now made regular trips to the butcher shop so there was now always at least a few packets of blood in the fridge.

So, life went on. With a few adjustments, true, but life went on. And Buffy was doing well. At least on the outside. She had no regrets about asking Spike to sire her, well, except maybe the loss of her tan, but she was having internal battles with herself constantly.

A lot of her debates were between her Slayer and her demon, which was to be expected. Usually when she was patrolling the arguments would be on where she stood on staking vampires. Slayer duty on one side and how one should treat their species on the other. The Slayer almost always won though.

But some of the disputes were more subtle than a simple contradiction of instinct. The one she was having now while strolling through the cemetery, twirling a stake in her hand, was one she kept replaying in her head. And she still hadn't negotiated a suitable answer.

She was struggling to decide where she stood on how she felt about Spike.

Her demon half was begging her to seek him out, because any vampire is inevitably attracted to his or her sire.

Her other half, the part that wasn't constantly fueled by instinct, was confused. She had never felt as strongly toward anyone as she did now. She assumed that was her demon, and it was...mostly. But she was unsure, still slightly wounded from Riley's departure and not really feeling ready to hook up with another guy.

But this wasn't just hooking up, this was love. Her vampire side persisted.

Buffy stopped walking for a second and blinked.

*Love? Was that it?*

She shook her head in confused amusement. She didn't want to think about this now. She tried to concentrate on patrolling but there wasn't a lot of activity going on to distract her at the moment.

She had patrolled for barely half an hour when a familiar tingle ran down her spine, except this one felt different than the usual tingle.

"Hello luv," Spike said.

Buffy knew it was him before he began speaking. Her sense of smell had been dramatically enhanced when she had been turned. The smell the cigarette smoke and the scent of old leather that usually lingered around him was more vivid now. Plus, part of her registered his scent as 'sire', and she could have picked out that scent above any and all others, even in the Bronze on a Saturday night.

Buffy turned around and locked eyes with him for a second before looking down.

"It's okay," he said, taking a few steps toward her.

She looked up.

"Don't worry about it."

Just by saying those words, the guilt that had been nagging her from the back of her mind for the last few days evaporated, as Spike knew it would.

Buffy smiled.

"Thanks," she said.

He smiled back.

"Sure."

There was a small silence before Buffy started walking again. For a minute, she was worried that he wouldn't follow her, but she relaxed as he fell into step beside her.

"So.will you always be able to do that?" Buffy said, making conversation.

"Nah, it'll get weaker over time and you won't feel that guilty anymore. Pretty soon, you'll be able to ignore my commands completely if you want to, unless I get really angry. Then you might not be able to."

Buffy listened.

"Gotcha," she said.

There was another awkward pause.

"Do you hate me?" Spike asked suddenly, stopping.

"What?" said Buffy incredulously, also stopping.

"Forget it," he said and started to walk again.

"Of course I don't hate you," Buffy said, putting a hand on his arm to stop him walking.

He looked at her.

"It's not your fault. I said you could do it," she argued.

"I know," he said quietly, looking away.

They kept walking, making light conversation as they went, smiling and even laughing a bit. The awkwardness melted away and the friendship they had started to form before she was turned happily took the spotlight again.

--= * =-- --= * =-- --= * =--

One rising vampire dust and ten minutes later, the conversation had turned to their vampire elders.

"I can't believe I'm related to Drusilla now," Buffy said.

"Neither can I," Spike said.

"And Angel. And Darla. God, Angel, how the hell am I gonna tell him?" Buffy asked. "I haven't even told him that you're in Sunnydale."

Spike looked at her with a raised eyebrow.

"Seriously, pet?"

She nodded, a grin blossoming on her face. Pretty soon they were both laughing.

--= * =-- --= * =-- --= * =--

After another hour of patrolling and talking, and not much activity, Buffy and Spike were thinking about heading off home when they were interrupted.

"Spikey!" a shrill voice called.

Both Buffy and Spike rolled their eyes as they recognized the voice and turned to see Harmony stalking up to them, looking furious.

"What the hell is going on?" She yelled. "You're wandering around with /her/ again?"

She glared at Buffy.

"I'm not going to live with this! I gave you the best bunch of months of my life. I thought I could change you, Spike. I thought maybe if I gave and I gave and gave, maybe you'd come around. Maybe be a little nicer. Stop treating me like your dog. But now I see it's you. You're the dog. Who needs to be put down---"

And on she went for a few minutes, with Buffy and Spike tuning out the bulk of her rant.

While letting her mind wander, Buffy realized how close she and Spike were standing. They were nearly touching; barely an inch apart and leaning toward each other slightly. A week or so ago, Buffy would have moved away on instinct but now, to her surprise, she found herself wishing that that barely an inch had vanished. She wanted to feel him against her so badly. She held her eyes closed and basked in his scent for a moment before opening her eyes again to resume watching (but not listening to) Harmony rant.

Spike's thoughts were similar. He wanted to slip his arm around Buffy, and hold her close, mostly out of desire but another part of him wanted to see Harmony's reaction. He had forgotten that Harmony still claimed the position as his girlfriend. It hadn't been the first time. He wondered how long she could keep on talking. A while, Spike figured, since she didn't need to breathe.

Buffy got an idea. She looked at Spike, whose eyes were pointed in Harmony's general direction, but glazed. When he glanced back down at her, she grinned and whispered "Let's have some fun."

He grinned and slid his arm around her waist, pulling her close. She wove an arm around him. The contact they had been longing for was now in action. Each reveled in the other's touch but did their best not to show it. They were, after all, just acting so as to taunt Harmony.

"Showtime," Spike said in an undertone.

"---watching you chase after the Slayer and you can say good-bye to this," Harmony continued, pointing at her butt, "because you're not gonna see it any more. . .ever."

She thought for a moment. It looked like hard work.

"Unless you run into me somewhere and it's me walking away from you." She put her hands on her hips. "But even then ... I'll probably just ... you know ... back away."

Harmony looked satisfied with her tirade for a minute, before noticing something strange.

"Hey," she said, looking at Buffy confused. "You're different."

"Huh?" Buffy said.

"You...you're...different," she said again, as if she had explained anything.

Buffy continued to stare.

"She's a vampire, Harm," Spike filled in.

Harmony's eyes widened.

"Oh...Does that mean she's evil?"

"No. I have a soul. I'm still a good guy," Buffy said.

Harmony looked put out. And then, after an eternity of talking, she noticed how close Buffy and Spike were standing.

"Oh I get it!" She yelled, her glare returning to her face. "Now that she's a vampire, you're all lovey-dovey! I thought you just chased after her because she was the Slayer. Well, now she's not the Slayer anymore and she's no different than me and you still chose her?" Harmony was near hysterical.

"Actually, she's nothing like you," Spike said. "She has a brain."

Buffy casually flung the stake at Harmony and she was dust before she could think of a come-back.

Buffy and Spike were rejoicing and laughing and both forgot to let each other go when they started walking again, in the general direction of his crypt.

--= * =-- --= * =-- --= * =--

It wasn't for another few minutes, when they had reached his crypt, that Buffy realized Spike still had his arm around her. She turned and faced him, meaning to tell him that maybe she should go; even though the contact between them did not feel at all wrong or awkward.

But she found that her movement, instead of putting her in a position to easily talk and look into his eyes at the same time, had actually just put her in a more controversial pose.

She leaned closer to him, her eyes settling closed. He slid his arms around her waist, pulling her closer.

He, almost hesitantly, leaned forward and captured her lips in a tender kiss, his tongue hovering before hers, begging for more contact. To his surprise, she slid her arms around his neck, and deepened the kiss.

She had never felt this with Riley. The passion of her and Spike's tongues dancing felt more right than any kiss she had ever shared with the commando.

As Spike's tongue plundered her mouth, she wound her hands through his hair, as his hands slid under her shirt, and rested on the bare skin of her waist. He knew he had found a sensitive spot when she moaned as his thumbs started to knead gently into her soft skin.

Buffy found herself backed against the door of Spike's crypt, her lips still caught in his. He released her for a second to reach past her to open the door. They tumbled inside, still entranced in each other. Spike kicked the door closed behind them.

They quickly covered the space between them and the opened trapdoor, and then managed to get down the stairs and head toward the bed, dragging each other's clothes off all the while.

Finally they collapsed naked onto the four-poster, with him on top. Her arms were raised above her head, pinned by her wrists by him. He pulled back, pausing for a second, leaning over her. Her eyes, which were alight with lust, met his. She gasped in an unneeded breath.

"I love you," he whispered. Her eyes sparkled as she wrenched her wrists free from his grasp. They shot toward his head where they wound themselves in his short hair and she pulled him down to meet her lips again. His arms wound around her back and head.

He broke away again, and began kissing her neck. Sensing what she wanted, he looked up for a moment, meeting her eyes. She saw the fire in his eyes and pulled him back down to her neck. His fangs entered her as he did. She screamed at the powerful orgasm that racked through her body.

She wrapped her legs around him as he slipped out of game face and with a small growl locked his lips with hers again.

She pulled away this time, and effortlessly slipped into her own vampire visage before dragging his bare neck toward her and sinking her fangs in.

Though she had never bitten anyone before, her new demon instincts easily took the wheel on the whole claiming process. He had taken her blood, and now, if she wanted to, which she desperately did, she would take his, and then the ritual was complete. They were mates by blood and nothing in the powers of any dimension could break that bond. The Powers That Be or a spell gone awry could erase both of their memories and their demons would still be able to recognize each other.

After another five hours of endless lust and passion, Buffy and Spike finally fell into a content post-coital sleep.

--= * =-- --= * =-- --= * =--

---back to present

Buffy fell to sleep with her sire's arms around her and a smile on her face.





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