“Baby I love you
You are my life
My happiest moments weren't complete
If you weren't by my side
You're my relation
In connection to the sun
With you next to me
There's no darkness I can't overcome
You are my raindrop
I am the sea
With you and God, who's my sunlight
I bloom and grow so beautifully
Baby, I'm so proud
So proud to be your girl
You make the confusion
Go all away
From this cold and messed up world
I am in love with you
You set me free
I can't do this thing
Called life without you here with me
Cause I'm Dangerously In Love with you
I'll never leave
Just keep lovin' me
The way I love you loving me
And I know you love me
Love me for who I am
Cause years before I became who I am
Baby you were my man
I know it ain't easy
Easy loving me
I appreciate the love and dedication
From you to me
Later on in my destiny
I see myself having your child
I see myself being your wife
And I see my whole future in your eyes
Thoughts of all my love for you
sometimes make me wanna cry
Realize all my blessings
I'm grateful
To have you by my side”
“Dangerously in love” by “Beyonce”
With a loud thud, Spike landed hard on his back on the floor.
“How was that?” One of the younger Slayers asked.
“Much better,” Spike coughed. He stood up easily, and straightened out his duster, only slightly embarrassed at being caught off guard so easily. “I might take a break though ‘ey.”
“Sure, I’ll go train with Kennedy.” She wandered over to the other group of girls, who should have been training, but were busy chattering away instead.
Spike sighed, and glanced around trying to spot him…
“I hope he’s not- ahh, there he is…” he mumbled to himself. Giles had just hung up the phone, and Spike thought this would probably be his best chance.
‘Alright, Spike, just like you practiced…’ he thought to himself. He was dreading this conversation already, but everytime he tried to ignore it, William just kept convincing him it was the right thing to do. So off he headed in that direction.
“Oh Spike,” Giles exclaimed when he saw the vampire walking towards him. “I wanted to talk to you.”
“Oh really…”Spike said, a bunch of nerves suddenly attacking him. “Uhhh, well, I um, I wanted to do the same. With you. Talk to you that is.”
“Oh well, do you want to-“
“No!” Spike said just a little louder than he intended. “Uh, that is, no. You go first….”
“Right,” Giles said. “Well, I just wanted to say how great you’ve been with the Slayers. Already today they’ve learnt and improved tremendously.” He paused. “I never thought I’d ever say this to you Spike… but thank you.” He said sincerely. “I’m sure you’ve helped increase the lifetime of these slayers by decades. I mean you’ve already done it once…Buffy’s lived a lot longer than any other slayer… I… I’ve never thanked you for all the times you were there for her, there for everyone when they needed saving, and I know we’ve had our differences, but… thank you.”
“’S’alright… I guess any good vamp would,” he said, cocking his head to the side to give him a small smile.
A moment passed.
“You had something to say?” Giles asked.
“Oh right, yes… uhh…see, it’s about Buffy...”
“Yes?”
“Well, I mean, you know I love her, wouldn’t’ve done half the things I done if I didn’. And I mean… and now we’ve kinda moved in together… and I love her… so much, and you’re kinda like her father in a way... I just thought I should ask- oh bollocks, this is so stupid, I sound so stupid-" he broke off angrily, turning his back to Giles.
“Spike-“
“Why, why am I doing this, I’m such a stupid, stutterin’ old ponce who can’t even-“
“Spike!” Giles interrupted again a little louder this time, and he managed to catch his attention. “It’s alright, you’re not stupid, or any of those other things…” the older man assured him. “I know what you’re trying to say… and yes. I think that would be perfect.” He smiled and gave Spike a friendly pat on the back.
Just then they heard the front door slam, and Spike’s enhanced hearing picked Buffy’s voice drifting in from the front hall. He then heard two sets of feet start ascending up the stairs.
“Buffy and Dawn must be back from their shop-a-thon,” Spike smiled grimly. “If I were you, I never would’ve shown that girl what a credit card was… bloody things are quite dangerous if you ask me…”
“Yes, and yet somehow she always manages to convince me to give her mine…” Giles smiled wryly.
“Ahh… mate, I don’t blame you… Summers women and their invincible thrall… gets you every time…” Spike said good naturedly.
“Well, I better finish off this training session, you go on up to Buffy,” Giles said as he turned towards the young slayers.
“Uhh… thanks Giles. It means a lot to me…”
“Well, if there’s one thing Buffy needs it’s love, and well, I know you’ve got a lot to offer her…”
“Yeah… I do. Well, I better go see my girl,” Spike said cheerfully as he made his way to the door.
As he headed out and started up the stairs though, Giles’ words started to come back to him… ’What have I got to offer her…’ he thought. ‘I love her, that’s for sure, and I’d do anything physically possible for her, but… there’s so many things that aren’t physically possible for me to do for her that she might really want… maybe… maybe this isn’t the right thing for me to do… I know she loves me, and I know I love her an’ I couldn’t live without her… but what if she can’t live with me… what if what she wants is more than what I’ve got…’ Doubt started to worry his face, and he was concentrating so much that he didn’t even hear her coming.
“Spike!” Buffy said excitedly. She could feel his presence tingling all over her body, she turned around, and saw him with his head down, walking like he was lost in thought, or on a mission or something. She ran down the stairs she had just walked up and threw her arms around him.
“I missed you… I haven’t seen you all day…” She looked into his eyes, tilting her head forward to lean in to give him a kiss.
It was soft, tender, but passionate all the same.
“Have I told you I love you yet today?” She asked, smiling innocently.
As soon as their lips touched, all his worry, doubts and problems faded as though they had never existed.
“Hmm… probably… but you can always say it again…” He said, pulling away so their foreheads were touching.
“I love you…” Buffy whispered.
“Oh Buffy, I love you too,” he whispered back just as tenderly.
“Buffy! Come try on this new outfit, I wanna see it on you again,” Dawn called out from upstairs, effectively ruining the moment.
“I’ll be up in a minute Dawn,” Buffy yelled back.
“New outfit, huh?” Spike said, pulling away slightly, his hands still resting around his waist. “Anything uh… naughty that I’d like?” He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.
“Well, you’ll just have to wait and see, won’t you. Depends on if you’ve been a bad boy or not…” she whispered seductively, running a finger down his chest.
“Slayer, you know I’m bad,” he whispered again, leaning in to kiss her. He broke away after only a second though.
“So, did you have a good day?”
“Yep! Had the best day, there’s so many good shops around here! I found a new outfit for our date tonight, and I bought you something new to wear as well…” she said mischievously.
“A present… for me?” he asked a smile appearing on his handsome features.
“Uh huh! Nothing spectacular, just something new… thought you might want to change your clothes…”
“Good thinking, luv. Well, right, sun’s down,” he said, looking outside through the window. “There’s somethin’ I want to pick up, won’t take long, I’ll be back in about 30 minutes. You go on up an’ make yourself beautiful. I don’t know what you’re gonna do for the rest of the 29 minutes and 55 seconds that I’ll be gone though…”
Buffy smiled up at him.
“You are such a charmer, you know,” she said tenderly running her fingertips down his irresistible cheekbone. “I used to think I could never love you… now… I don’t know what I’d do without you…” she said, suddenly taking the conversation to a more serious place.
“Oh God, Buffy do I know… when I first met you… if someone had told me in 5 years time I’d be moving into the same bedroom as the Slayer and was head over heels in love with the her, I probably would’ve laughed at ‘em ‘til I turned to dust, then sent ‘em to the nearest Insane Asylum…” He paused, resting his hand over hers which was still caressing his face. “But now I know I’ve never loved anyone else more… and I couldn’ live without you by my side…”
He leant down for another kiss. The powerful emotions running through them both nearly turned the kiss into something more, but Spike reluctantly pulled away.
“I’ll be back soon, pet,” he said, placing another chaste kiss to her lips.
“Promise?” She whispered.
“Of course sweetheart…wouldn’t wanna be late for our first date, after all…”
He winked and gave her another peck on the lips, then strode down the stairs confidently towards the front door with a grin stuck firmly on his face.
He knew exactly where he was going and what he was doing, and as he reached his destination, he knew he’d know exactly which one the second he saw it. Not too big, not too small, just… ‘Perfect,’ he thought to himself as he caught sight of exactly what he was looking for.
As Spike paid for his purchase and left the store, the cashier smiled to herself. ‘Damn, there’s one lucky girl out there tonight…’
Sitting on a picnic blanket, with a few snacks and biscuits and a bottle of lemonade, Spike sat comfortably, leaning his back against a tree, while Buffy was sitting in the v-shape of his legs with her head tilted back to rest against his chest. He smiled as he looked at his hands, both gently holding onto her much tinier ones, resting on her flat tummy, with both arms wrapped around her. He loved the fact that there seemed to be this spot, this Buffy-shaped spot in his arms that only she could fill just right.
The sun had disappeared below the horizon, but there was still that last bit of light glowing before darkness completely overtook the day. He smiled again as he listened to her continuing babble about her day, shopping and having lunch with Dawn, spending some good quality sister time with her, and re-establishing their close bond they once had.
“…she’s so grown up now… I forgot how old she’s getting… still as immature as ever, especially when it comes to the topic of our relationship, but she has grown up a lot over the past few years… after I came back…I kinda forgot about everyone else’s pain, you know…just kinda concentrated on my own and didn’t notice anything else that went on… just struggling to be me…” she said while absently stroking his fingers. “Then last year, I was kind of better, but still not in touch with everyone…” she said, her voice growing quieter with each word. “I’ve known Xander forever but… I still don’t really know him… you know…Willow used to be my best friend… and Anya… I never really took the time to get to know her… now I never can…”
“Hey, luv shh… no…” Spike said trying to reassure her. “Don’t think like that. You had a lot of important things on your mind-“
“What, like having wild sexcapades with you?” She asked doubtfully.
“Not quite, luv,” he said firmly. “More like saving the world. Being the slayer… not an easy thing to do while trying to be best friend and big sis to the Nibblit, working late every night an’ just fightin’ to stay alive… I think you’ve played the best game you could with the cards you’ve been dealt… there wasn’t a lot of time for socialisin’ while there’s an impending apocalypse from three nerds just waiting to strike. You had a job that needed to be done, so you did it. There wasn’t really much time for anythin’ else. But now you’ve got the time luv. Buffy, you’ve got as much time as you could ever want now. You’ve saved the world for the last time, you’ve changed the world! If you don’t wanna be the Slayer at the next apocalypse, you don’t have to, you’ve got a dozen slayers, and probably a dozen more when Giles finds the rest of them, to take your place and fight for you...”
“You mean I’m the boss who sits back in their expensive leather chair and orders the others to do all the work now?”
“Yep, that’s you. You just got promoted to the top floor where anything you desire can come true.”
“Really?”
“Absolutely, Pet,” Spike said calmly.
“You always know exactly what to say to make me feel better…” Buffy said softly. “Thankyou…” She twisted around so she could see him better and lifted her head to give him a gentle kiss on his lips.
Swiveling around a little bit more, she moved her legs so she was sitting across Spike’s lap, with her head against his chest. She snuggled closer when she felt Spike’s arms wrap tighter around her, sighing peacefully at how good she felt.
“Tell me a story, Spike,” Buffy said softly.
“A story?” Spike asked a little skeptically, raising one eyebrow.
“Yeah… you know… a story, a secret, something about you… something that nobody else knows…” she said getting excited. “Like… for example, I don’t even know when your birthday is, or how old you are…”
“Well, you know, after your hundredth birthday you begin to lose count, pet…” he said, but at the pout he predictably saw cross her face, he couldn’t help but continue. “Alright,” he sighed. “Lemme think… umm… well, I’ve been dead for about 124 years, and I was turned when I was 25, so I guess that makes me…149.”
“And your birthday?”
“Ahh… my birthday…” Spike said, reminiscing. “I used to love those…me mum used to always make me a cake, and set up a little surprise party every year… of course it was only just me an’ mum… didn’t really have many friends… or any actually… but she tried…” Spike smiled wistfully.
“So you never had a good birthday when you were a kid…” she said sadly. “Knew we had something in common after all…” Buffy joked, trying to lighten the mood. “I can’t say that I can go back in time and change it… but I can make your future birthdays special… if you tell me when?” She pressed gently.
“It’s on the 20th of August… and Buffy… as long as you’re with me, it’ll be the best birthday I could ever dream of… you don’t have to do anythin’ special, luv, just… be with me… and I’m happy…”
Buffy felt her heart melt, and tears start glistening in her eyes.
“Everytime I think you’ve run out of charming things to say, you surprise me again…” she said, smiling through her watery eyes. “How could I have let myself miss out on this for so long!” She said ruefully. “Tell me more about your mum… what was she like?”
“It was a long time ago, but… she was a lot like your mum. That’s partially why I liked Joyce so much, kinda reminded me a bit of her… kind, generous, trusting, full of unconditional love… plus they both made the best hot chocolates….they were both great women and I loved them a lot,” he said matter-of-factly. “My mum always looked out for me, stupid ponce I was, couldn’t look out for meself… never even moved out of home… not til I became the scourge of Europe.” He paused for an un-needed breath.
“She was so sick all the time, and I just wanted to take care of her. She wanted me to be happy, find a nice wife and settle down, but, I didn’t want to leave her. That and the fact that I wasn’t exactly what you’d call a “ladies man”. I told you about Cecily… she and every other female thought I was a ridiculous fool who wrote awful poetry… I was useless… the only woman in my life was my sick mother… I didn’t have a career… I…didn’t have anything…”
She was right, she knew there was a lot more than what was on the outside when it came to Spike… but she never imagined his past being so… sad... she listened to the tone in which he spoke of himself; the worthless way he talked about himself, putting himself down, saying he was useless, and she realized that she needed to take care of him, more importantly, that she wanted to take care of him. Reassure him that she didn’t think he was a worthless ponce, reassure him and let him know that she loved him. ‘He’s so… vulnerable and so sensitive… all that ‘big bad’ talk…. Pfft… he’s just a big bad softie… a big, emotional, sensitive, softie, who has more emotions in him than most humans. He always does everything he can to make me happy… now it’s my turn to do the same for him.’
“Spike,” she said, her voice choking with emotion. “You’ve got me… fully, completely in every way. My heart, my body and my soul. Always. You don’t have to be embarrassed about your past… if you need to say anything, no matter what, you can always talk to me, you know that right? And it won’t change the way I look at you, or the way I feel about you. I don’t think you were a ‘big ponce’, there’s nothing wrong with writing poetry… I think it’s sweet… have you ever written a poem about me?” she asked timidly.
He looked away, thinking about the thousands of poems scribbled on various bits of paper that he used to keep hidden under his bed in his old crypt.
“Spike? You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but… I’d… I’d be really flattered to hear one if you’d let me?” She asked quietly.
“With hair so golden and pure,
Reflecting in the soft moonlight,
Effulgent,
She takes my breath away.
How can this beautiful creature love me so?
I feel unworthy of such devotion,
I feel I have done too much wrong to forgive,
But still she lives to accept me,
She still lives to love me.
She smiles and my unbeating heart speeds up,
Countless hours could be spent listening to her laugh.
She says my name, I am in ecstasy,
I am hers from now until forever.
A kiss on the wind,
From beauty to the beast,
Sets my imagination going wild.
My love knows no bounds for her,
I would do anything it seems,
Because she takes my breath away.”
Buffy sat there in stunned silence.
“I’m sorry, it’s terrible isn’t it… I dunno what I was thinkin’, it jus’ kinda came into my head when I was holding you on the bus trip after Sunnydale... I shouldn’t have told you I – “
“No, Spike… it was beautiful,” Buffy whispered tenderly. “I loved it… and I love you.”
“You really liked it?” Spike asked, his insecurity showing in his voice.
Buffy nodded, moving closer to him she pressed her lips silently to his, a kiss saying everything her words couldn’t begin to express.
After they’d pulled apart, he leaned back against the tree, content to just snuggle with his love. He watched the moonlight twinkle across the nearby lake, rippling gently with the slight breeze. She was so beautiful. He never wanted this moment to end. He just wanted to stay right here with her in his arms forever. ‘Forever… that’s all I want... To spend forever with this girl in my arms. Holding, caring, loving, protecting… to be anything and everything she needed…’
“Buffy… there’s something I have to do,” Spike said suddenly, courage coursing through him. He stood up, and offered her his hand, which she gladly accepted. He led her to a nearby park bench and told her to sit down. He remained standing, but held both her hands in his.
“Spike, what…?” Buffy asked, confusion crossing her face.
“Buffy, I love you. An’ I never dreamed the day would come when someone… you… would love me in return. I’ve been wishing for this for the last 149 years, but I never hoped that it would come true. I know I don’t have much to offer. I can’t give you children, I can’t even go to the beach with you… all I have to offer is my love, unconditional love for the rest of your life… if you’d let me…”
He paused dramatically and dropped down onto one knee as he drew in a shaky breath. He released one of Buffy’s hands to slowly remove a small blue box from his duster pocket.
“Buffy Summers,” he said as he slowly opened the lid. “Will you marry me?”
To be continued....
A/N Mwahahahaha aren't I evil?!?! Update will be very soon! PROMISE!
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Sorry about the extra long super sized delay in posting... that RL stuff can sure be a bitch! Promise next chappy will be up soon...
Please review!!!!! :)
Please review!!!!! :)