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Author's Chapter Notes:
Disclaimer: Yep once again, I don't own Buffy.


A/N: Some of the dialogue in here is taken from "Chosen", but it is mostly my own. Oh, and also, let's just preend that Angel didn't show up until after Buffy finally killed Caleb. Hope you enjoy! And thanks so much for all the nice reviews!! :) Please keep em coming!! :)
“And all my life
I’ve prayed for someone like you
And I thank God that I, that I finally found you
All my life
I’ve prayed for someone like you
And I hope that you feel the same way too
Yes, I pray that you do love me too”

‘All my life’ by “KC & JoJo


It was only after they’d taken a few steps out the back door when Spike realized he didn’t have a weapon. ‘That’d be right. Bloody goin’ out on a secret mission and I don’ even have a weapon.’ He shook his head. ‘Hmmm… maybe this is a sign… but, if she runs into the Preacher she might need me as backup, and I’m not jus’ gonna sit at home if she needs me!’

“Bollocks,” he said slightly frustrated. “Pet, I’ve forgotten a weapon, do you mind holdin’ up a sec while I run inside an’ grab somethin’. A nice big sword should do the trick.”

He turned around to walk back through the door, when...

“Spike," Buffy said in a somewhat timid voice. She didn’t want to upset him after all and hurt his ‘big bad’ ego but…

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but… I think that maybe…” she paused, not knowing how to say it…

“I don’t know how, but I kinda feel that this…

“…is your mission?” He finished.

“Yeah…” Buffy said awkwardly.

“It’s alrigh’, Pet,” he said with a small smile. “I felt it too.” Stepping closer to her. “Kinda felt like I was steppin’ in on something’ you had to find out by yourself,” he admitted taking her hand. “Thought you jus’ mighta wanted me as backup or somethin’ in case Preacher man showed up, but it’s alrigh’ luv, I understand, got other things to do besides. Figure I might go down to the basement, get in a bit of a workout while I can,” he said smiling gently.


“Okay,” she said, relieved that he understood. “Spike…thanks for… you know, being so understanding, it’s not that I don’t want you around...” she said nervously.


“Hey,” he said, trying to calm her. “You’re The Slayer, this is your thing… so go do it. An’ I’ll be waitin’ right here for you when you get back.”


She smiled and started to walk away but didn’t get very far before she felt Spike’s arms around her. She let out a small yelp of surprise and dropped her Scythe, giggling as he turned her around in his arms so that she was facing him.


“I think you’re forgetting somethin’ luv,” he said in a teasing tone.


“Hmm… no… I think I’ve got everything,” she said innocently with wide eyes gazing up at him, the smile barely contained on her face.


“Mmmmm… not bloody likely,” he said gently, leaning down to kiss her.


As her arms wrapped around his neck she felt his tongue gently meeting and tangling with hers, and she wished she could stay here like this forever. But reality soon hit and she pulled away slowly.


“Hmmm… you’re right… I was missing something,” she said slowly.


She placed another light kiss to his lips, lingering for a moment before pulling back to hug him.

“I love you, Buffy,” Spike whispered. “Be careful.”

“I know… and I will.” She stayed in his arms for a moment longer, before picking up her Scythe and heading out.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


And with a final swing of her Scythe she sliced Caleb in half.

“Well...at least you could tell me you're glad to see me?” Said Angel with a big grin, holding his arms up.

She didn’t see, hear, or sense him appear from the shadows, but then again she never had. She dropped the Scythe and accepted his embrace warmly, pressing herself close enough to show him that she still cared for him, but only giving off friendly vibes.

After a few moments they pulled apart and she saw the crease in his oh-so-large-and-prominent brow.

“Angel, what’s wrong?” She asked.

“Ohh… I… I just thought you know, we haven’t seen each other in…oh I don’t know how long, I just thought you’d be showing me a little more affection, a little hello kiss or something wouldn’t hurt” He said with a frown, getting that familiar, depressed, self pitying look across his face.

"Angel, I’m sorry. But, I’m just not the same girl all those years ago that you loved. I’ve changed so much. I’m different now. I’ve grown up.” She said, putting so much emotion into those words. “And you’re right Angel, a ‘little hello kiss’ probably wouldn’t hurt you. But I can’t imagine the effect it would have on someone else,” she said quietly.

“Oh right, of course,” he said, realization dawning in his eyes. “You’re obviously seeing someone, I mean, you’re an attractive woman, young and single, well, apparently not so single… and why do you smell like Spike?" He said, suddenly catching his strong scent.

“Ohh, I uhh…” She felt herself blushing, but felt relieved when she realized that her cheeks were already red from the fight. “He’s been staying in my basement.” Relief flooding her when Angel accepted her excuse. “And, well the seeing someone thing… yes,” she smiled awkwardly. “I mean, it’s not that simple. Our relationship is…well, it’s complicated, we were sorta seeing each other last year after I came back, but that was all with the non-healthy variety. And then just recently he did something for me that was… unbelievable,” she said unable to help a small smile that crept to her lips. “He believed in me when everyone else was ready to turn their backs on me. Heck, everyone did turn their backs on me, but he was still there-"

“What?” Angel said surprised. “Everyone turned their backs on you?”

“Yeah, but it’s alright now,” she said covering quickly. She didn’t feel like going into everything that happened the other night right then, he was either going to leave and so then it wouldn’t be a problem avoiding it, or if he stayed for a while, I’m sure Andrew would love to fill him in on everything. “Everything’s ok again, or well, as ok as can be when you’re The Slayer, living on the Hellmouth.” She said with a quirky smile. “Anyway, we’ve started to define our relationship more, and the point is, Angel, I need you to let me go. I know you have physically, but emotionally, I can still see you hanging on.”

At his hurt look she took a step closer and held his cheek with one hand. “Angel, look at me.” She said softly. “I’ll always remember you, and you’ll always have a special place in my heart, along with all my other long lost loves. But the hole that you left me with, the big gaping chasm that was my heart after you walked away from me, has been filled. I’ve moved on. It’s a natural part of living; it’s a part of life. I can’t just stop everything and pine over you for the rest of my life.” She paused for a moment before continuing, trying to be as gentle as possible. “You’ll always be a part of me, a part of my life that I look back on fondly, but it wasn’t meant to be, and I’ve let that dream, the dream of ‘us’ go.”

She looked up into his eyes, seeing the hurt and pain in there, and looked away. She hated seeing anyone in such pain, but she knew it was the right thing to do, and she had no regrets of saying everything she just did. She knew it was for the best.
Angel suddenly took a step back, letting her hand drop. She didn’t move to stop him, and it was in that moment that he realized that any fantasy about them getting back together was just that. A fantasy. Somehow he had just realized that all his brooding and waiting, waiting for the right time, the right moment when Buffy would run back to him was useless. Some things were just doomed. Some things were just never meant to be, no matter how hard he tried. And he knew that he could either accept it and move on, or keep denying it, but that wouldn’t make it come true. The best he could hope for was at least Buffy would be happy.

“Angel, I’m sorry if that was harsh, but… I just want to see you happy, well, not too happy, 'cause, we’ve all been there.” They both smiled grimly at the reminder of Angelus. “It seems like forever since last I saw a smile on your face.”

Angel smiled sheepishly.

“I’m sorry Buffy, I know that we can’t be together, and…I’m glad that you’ve found someone else.” He said quietly, unable to meet her eyes.

There was something about his voice, and the way he was standing that made her believe he wasn’t exactly being truthful, but she tried to ignore it.

“Oh good,” Buffy sighed in relief. “I was afraid that you might get all jealous and cavemany-ish on me when you found out.”

But as she said this she felt a sudden rush of panic. ‘Angel hates Spike. No matter what he says, even if he is being truthful about being happy for me, he’s gonna flip out when he finds out it’s Spike!’ But she knew she had to stop with these negative thoughts, and just concentrate on the positive. Hopefully he’d understand, and if he still cared about her, then maybe he would see how happy she was and how much she needed Spike in her life. But even as she thought this, she couldn’t keep her mind from thinking the opposite.

Angel didn’t seem to notice her inner turmoil, and she realized he was talking to her.

“…you are happy aren’t you Buffy? I… uhh… I mean, he’s a good person?”

Buffy thought about her words carefully. “He is. He’s always there for me, he’s got a bit of a “tough guy” thing going,” she said with a small smile. “But below the surface, he’s…gentle… kind… and I know he loves me.”

Buffy bent down to pick up her Scythe, while Angel nodded, staying silent.

“Umm, Angel?” Buffy said questioningly as they both started heading towards the stairs towards the exit. “It’s not that I’m not glad to see a friend, but… why are you here?”

“I brought this.” He pulled a fairly small, round looking amulet that was dangling off a long, silver chain out of his pocket and handed it to Buffy.

“It’s… different…” Buffy said meekly.

“I’m not exactly sure what it does, all I know is that it’s very powerful, and probably very dangerous. It has a purifying power, a cleansing power, possibly scrubbing bubbles. The translation is, uh—anyway, it bestows strength to the right person who wears it…”

“And… the right person would be?”

“Someone ensouled, but stronger than human. A champion.”
“Stronger than human, as in me?”

“We don’t know what the consequences might be, Buffy, I don’t want you to wear it,” he said, trying to take it back, but failing when Buffy quickly moved her hand behind her back holding the amulet tightly.

“Angel, that’s not for you to decide,” she said firmly, looking into his eyes.

“Buf-"

“No, Angel,” She said taking a step backwards. “I appreciate your concern, but I’m The Slayer. If I can find someone strong enough willing to wear it, then I’ll hand it over. But if I can’t, then it’s something I’ll have to risk.”

“I could wear it…” Angel said somewhat nervously, looking down.

“No. I need you fighting. And you won’t be at your peak if you’re concentrating on the amulet.”

“So you want me to stay?”

“We’ll need all the warriors we can get,” she smiled grimly.

“Buffy, just promise me you’ll at least try and find someone else to wear it.”

“Alright. I’ll try. I have got my cool Scythe thingy,” she said brightly, twirling it in her hands. “And it seems to work pretty well on preachers… I’ll definitely be wanting to test how it works out on The First’s army…”

“Good. Well, I better be going then. I’ll come by your place tomorrow.”

“Alright, well I’ll see you then.” She looked at him awkwardly, tucking the amulet into her pocket before turning around, preparing to walk home, but she stopped when she heard Angel’s voice.

“Do you love him?”

She sighed, but didn’t turn around. “It’s not that simple Angel. I… I know that I feel for him a lot, and he’s very special to me, and, it’s not that I don’t love him… it’s just that I don’t yet... but I know that I have the potential to fall for him,” she said quietly, turning around to face him. “The once in a lifetime kinda fallingness, I just… haven’t fell yet. You could say that I’ve stumbled, but I haven’t quite tumbled head over heels yet.” She gave him a half smile.

“Buffy, I admit it still hurts a little, but…I really do want you to be happy. It’s good to see you enjoying the nice, normal life for once.” He paused for a moment. “But, I do admit I’m curious to meet him.”

“Oh…uhh…” Buffy smiled nervously. “I’m… uhh… I’m sure you’ll meet him.”

“Good, well, I’ll go find somewhere to stay the night and I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

“Good night, Angel.”

“Good night, Buffy.”


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Buffy walked down the stairs to the basement, stopping when she saw Spike pummeling the punching bag. She gave herself a moment to watch him perform, liking the way his tight black shirt clung to his body and arms.

Spike stopped as soon as he saw her. Stepping away from the punching bag, he walked over to where she stood at the bottom of the stairs.

“Found out what tha’ mystical weapon of death’s for then?” He asked her.

“Yep, and I also found out it slices and dices Preachers pretty good,” she said with a flippant smile.

“Preacher man? He’s gone?” he stared at her in disbelief.

“Sure is,” she replied.

He pulled her into a hug. Just glad that she was in one piece.
“Buffy?” He said, slightly confused. “How come I can smell Angel breath?”

“Oh,” she said, pulling the amulet out of her pocket. “He came by just after I killed Caleb and brought me this.” She held it up for Spike to inspect.

“Pretty trinkets, huh,” he said, trying not to feel jealous. Buffy, after all was his now, and Angel couldn’t come between them no matter what. But he still felt a twinge of jealousy that the other man was there when he wasn’t.

“He said it has some great cleansing power. Meant to be worn but someone ‘ensouled, but stronger than human.’ A champion,” she said, looking up into his eyes.

He picked it up to look more closely at it. “So, if this thing’s gotta be worn by a champion, how come peaches isn’t keepin’ it for himself? I’m sure he thinks he’s the righ’ hero,” he said with a snort of disgust.

“Because we don’t know how it’s going to affect the bearer. Angel’s one of strongest people we have, I need him fighting,” she said calmly, trying not to start something between the two vampires.

“Righ’, well then I guess that leaves me,” he said simply.

“Spike,” she said softly. “Didn’t you hear me? I don’t know what it could do to you.”

“Luv, if it’s that powerful, it’s gonna need someone strong to bear it, an’ what, you plannin’ on givin’ it to Andrew?”

“No, Spike,” she said her voice growing even quieter. “I was going to wear it.”

“What?!” He exclaimed loudly. “Buffy, weren’t you listening to yourself? You don’t know what it’s gonna do. You’re The Slayer luv, they need you.”

“But I need you,” she said, her voice beginning to shake.

Here it was again. The heartbreaking choices she had to make. This was what she feared would happen, and she slightly resented Angel for having brought her the amulet in the first place, although she knew it would probably be the thing which ended up tipping the scales for them. She hated having to make these decisions. She knew realistically there were only three choices. Her friend, her lover, or herself. She knew she couldn’t condemn either one of them to the consequences the amulet might have, therefore the only logical choice was herself.

She didn’t know what would happen to the bearer, but she didn’t think it could be good. Things this powerful never ended well.

“Why me?” Buffy said breaking down in Spike’s arms yet again today. “Why is it always Buffy’s turn to make the hard decisions?” She felt Spike’s hands slowly brushing away the tears. “See, Spike. I knew something like this would happen. We didn’t even get to spend a whole day together before… maybe it’s not supposed to be…” she said her voice so quiet Spike could barely hear her.

“Oh Buffy,” Spike said, his unbeating heart breaking when he heard her sobs. “Pet,” he brought her chin up to look him in the eye. “We’re meant to be together,” he said firmly. “This is just a…a challenge along the way, to prove how much we want to be together.”

“Are you sure?” She said softly. “Cause it seems like the moment I gave into what I wanted, the exact moment I stopped keeping us apart, something else jumps in our way… This always happens to me… I feel like someone’s already got my destiny planned for me, and all it includes is me being alone…”

“Well, we’re gonna change your destiny, pet,” he said gently caressing her face with one hand. “You’re not goin’ to be alone, ‘cause I’m here, sweetheart. I’m here.” He held her close again. “The amulet’s probably nothin’ pet, it’ll probably shine a few bright lights, then all the bad guys’ll be dead, an’ you’re getting’ yourself worked up over nothin’,” he said gently.

“But Spike,” she said, her voice betraying how scared she felt.
“No buts, luv,” he said reassuringly. “It’ll all work out, you’ll see.” He looked at the amulet in his hand, how could this tiny thing come between the love he felt for her. No, he wasn’t going to let it.

“Buffy, I’ll wear it,” he said gently, his eyes meeting hers. “But I’m not gonna let it hurt me. You know I wouldn’t.” The smile broke over his face. “I’ve just gotten the girl of my dreams, I’m not letting her get away that easy!”

Buffy felt a small smile tug at the corner of her mouth.

“Promise?” She said, her voice still scared, but getting stronger.

“I promise, luv,” he said tenderly.

He led her over to his small cot.

“I’d go up to my room, but Faith’s still there.”

“’S’alrigh’ luv, I mean, probably not as comfortable as your bed, but…” He paused as he hopped onto the small cot, watching as she lay down next to him, snuggling into his chest. “As long as you’re with me… it’s perfect…” he whispered into her ear.

She felt his strong arms wrap around her, and snuggled closer. Placing a kiss on his cheek, she whispered goodnight to him and heard his soft voice whisper back…

“I love you Buffy…”

This was the last thing she heard before sleep overtook her tired body. In her final moments before sleep though, she couldn’t help but realize something that excited her. ‘I’m beginning to feel it…’ she thought with a smile.

Spike lay there watching her sleep for a few moments, perfectly content, amazed by how the simplest thing, like cuddling someone could make him feel like the happiest man in the world, before he too fell asleep.

TBC...





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