Title: The Sweetest Thing
Author: Pattyanne
snapkik@yahoo.com
Feedback: Yes, please.
Disclaimer: None of the BtVS
characters belong to me.
Summary: Just a little rewrite of a
certain part of 'Lies My Parents Told
Me.'
~~~~~~~~~~
"When I see you in the morning
That old sleep still in your eyes
I remember all the laughter, and the tears
We shared last night.."
~~~~~~~~~~
Whatever horror show was currently playing in Spike's
brain, Buffy had just about had enough of it.
He strained at the shackles binding him, roaring and
growling like a wounded lion. The sight and sound tore
at her heart, making it ache for her tormented, be-
souled lover.
**God....hasn't he been through enough? How much
more can he take?**
Spike was strong. No one knew that better than she
did. But everyone had their limit...the point where they
absolutely could not take another instant of pain. When
would he reach his?
She clenched her fists tightly as she watched him, her
nails biting painfully into her own flesh. He was lost in it
now. She could see it...sense it.
He was being tortured again. Not physically, as he had
been when 'The First' had hold of him.
No, this torment was taking place in his mind. Whatever
memory Giles had hoped to coax forth with that damn
stone slithering around in Spike's brain, had obviously
brought other agonies along with it.
Any second now, she was going to lose it. This thing
that was happening to him was so awful to watch that
she was about to burst into tears.
**Spike...I'm sorry... God, I'm so sorry**
~~~~~~~~~~
"And as we lie here, just two shadows
In the light before the dawn
The sweetest thing I've ever known
Is loving you..."
~~~~~~~~~~
Lost in the nightmare, Spike sank to his knees. His
muscles tensed and relaxed as he struggled with
his bonds.
It was all tearing through his brain at lightning speed. Every
horrible, unforgivable atrocity he had ever committed against
an innocent. Faces of people he had no names for floated in and out
of focus. Frightened...tear stained...blood splattered faces.
People who had done nothing to him, nothing more than be
in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Other faces...not so innocent this time...laughing at him. Urging
him on.
Drusilla, who had changed him into a murdering animal. An-
gelus, who had refined the changes. Darla, who had
helped to teach him.
The four of them rampaging through Europe, doing
exactly as they pleased. Killing...feeding...stealing; over
and over, for years and years and endless FUCKING YEARS
AND WOULD IT EVER STOP, EVER END...AND WHY WAS
IT NEVER ENOUGH, ENOUGH, ENOUGH!! OH, GOD..ENOUGH!
**No more...please, I don't want to see any more of them. I
know what I've done...I know what I am...please don't make me
look at them...I can't face them...I can't stand it...Can't live
with it...please...enough...enough....**
How high did the body count go? How many lives had he
carelessly torn to shreds?
How many stars are in the sky?
**I'm sorry...I'm sorry for all of it...I want to take it
all back...what I've done...the things...their faces...**
His mother's face, so kind and gentle. A woman who had
never so much as spoken a harsh word to him, and he had
condemned her to damnation. Because of him, she had
died out of God's grace and would never find the eternal
peace she'd deserved.
Her face looked so sad. Not for herself, but for him.
**Mother....mother would forgive anything.**
"I'm sorry, mother. I'm sorry."
Sticky, jam covered fingers clutching at her skirt, staining
the delicate fabric...china plates shattering into so much
dust...clothing torn on wrought iron gates...flower beds
trampled...school books lost forever, and "It's all right,
darling," she would say, "They're just things, not impor-
tant at all. You're what's important.You're mummy's sweetest
boy and I love you very much. My son...my little boy..William.."
She held out her arms, but he couldn't go to her. Some-
thing restrained him. He tore at it violently, but he
couldn't break free, so he turned away, shamed to the
depths of his restored soul.
**I killed my mother. The only person who ever completely
loved me...who would have died for me. I killed her, and
I made her a monster. A monster...like me**
The knowledge was unbearable. Flinging his head back, he
screamed.
~~~~~~~~~~
"And I have never been afraid of losing out
And I have never wanted love to be a chain.."
~~~~~~~~~~
Buffy held her clenched fists against her ears as
she watched Spike lose himself. Tears burned in her
eyes at the tragedy unfolding before her.
He had become completely wild, growling and
screaming in a fit of madness.
The others just stood there, doing nothing to help.
Well, they couldn't help anyway. No one could help
Spike now.
No one, but her.
Forcing herself to break out of the paralysis that was
keeping her from going to him, she began moving closer.
"What are you doing?" Xander asked, looking at her as if
she'd lost her mind. He grabbed her arm and made her face
him. "Look at him," he gestured with a nod of his head.
"He's dangerous now. Stay AWAY from him, Buffy!"
**Go to hell, Xander.**
"He needs me," she said curtly, jerking her arm out of his
grasp.
They all protested loudly, but didn't try to hold her
back.
With no hesitation, quite sure in her purpose, she
knelt beside Spike. The Prokaryote Stone lay on
the floor beside him, like a black teardrop.
The demon controlling him was still howling and
flailing, but she wasn't afraid. This was Spike, and
demon or not...he loved her. He would never hurt
her.
"Spike...Spike look at me. I'm here." She placed
both hands on his cheeks and made him lift his
head.
His eyes darted around the room, both frightened
and enraged as he struggled to pull away from her.
Buffy refused to allow it. She held on tighter, deter-
mined to make him see her.
"Spike...stop it!" she said, raising her voice. "Stop
it and look at me. Look...at...me. I'm right here.
I've got you now."
He stared at her, wild-eyed, a cornered animal.
She was desperate to bring him out of this madness. Re-
membering how he had been before, she was frightened
to her soul that THIS time, he might not be able to
come back.
"Spike!" She leaned closer, looking intently into his
eyes. "You can do this," she said calmly. "You can
fight this thing. Don't let it...don't let it destroy you."
Her throat was tightening with pain, and tears
shimmered in her eyes.
"Do it for me," Buffy begged on a ragged breath. "I
know you can. I believe in you, remember? Now, you
have to believe in yourself." She swallowed hard. "Come
back to me. Please, love. I need you."
~~~~~~~~~~
"I only know that when I'm with you
You're my sunshine, you're my rain
The sweetest thing I've ever known
Is loving you..."
~~~~~~~~~~
Her voice filtered through his insanity.
**She believes in me....she believes in me...she
believes in me...Oh, God, she believes in me...she
believes....**
Her face, now. The girl that he loved. The girl that
believed in him.
And he would do anything...ANYTHING...for her.
Her gentle touch calmed him, soothed his feverish
mind. She was here now. Buffy was here. She
would save him.
He could rest. Finally...he could rest.
"I...I believe...in you," he echoed her words as the
demon retreated back inside of him to lick it's
wounds.
His strength deserted him. He fell forward into her
arms, and began to cry. Harsh, racking sobs that
made his entire body tremble from the force of them.
~~~~~~~~~~
"Now, you and I
We're not children
We have both been loved before.."
~~~~~~~~~~
Buffy felt her own tears trickle down her cheeks.
She cradled his head against her breast, rocking
a little, letting him cry it out.
In between sobs, he babbled out bits of sentences
and incoherent apologies as he burrowed more
deeply into her embrace.
"It's okay," she whispered. "It's all over. I'm here...and
I won't let them hurt you...not ever again."
Her gaze fell upon the others, standing there, watch-
ing them with frozen expressions, intruders in a
very private moment.
Buffy frowned, holding Spike protectively closer,
not wanting any of them to see him this way. "Get
out of here," she said firmly, jerking her head towards
the stairs. "All of you. Leave us alone."
"Buffy....he might..."
"NOW, Xander!" she snapped, cutting his protest off
short.
Slowly, they left, one by one. Giles was the last to go,
and he stopped briefly, looking as though he might
say something, his face a mixture of uncertainty and
pity.
This angered something inside of her. Who were THEY...to
pity HIM? He didn't need their pity, and he wouldn't want
it.
Shifting slightly on the floor, she turned her back on
her watcher. She heard him sigh, then climb the stairs,
closing the basement door behind him.
After he was gone, she took a key out of her shirt
pocket and unlocked the manacles on Spike's wrists,
wincing when she saw that he'd rubbed the skin raw in
his frenzy.
She leaned against the wall, and he slid down until
his head was pillowed in her lap. With his face pressed
to her stomach, she felt his tears dampening her shirt.
The heart in her chest was thudding painfully. Closing
her eyes, she gently rubbed his back, waiting....
When he was calm, then she would tell him.
It was time.
~~~~~~~~~~
"We have given and we have taken
Many rides on troubled shores
But all the heartaches and temptations
Only make me love you more
The sweetest thing
I've ever known
Is loving you..."
~~~~~~~~~~
The End
(So, what do you think?)
