“You just do what you need to do, pet, and I’ll wait until you’re finished.”
She turned back to face the mat and put her hands where they were supposed to be. She could feel him lingering above her. He was being sure to not put his body on hers and she wondered if that was for his benefit or her own. She knew she probably shouldn’t tease him but she very rarely had the upper hand when it came to these sorts of situations with him.
When she announced that she was all set, Spike didn’t move or say anything. They stayed in their positions for a good minute before Spike moved closer to her. She felt too aware of him suddenly. Too aware of his breath tickling her ear, his chest against her back, the erection that was lightly pressing into her backside. She could feel the light sweat break out on her forehead and she was beginning to wonder just how long she could pretend to do this. It was one thing when she was on top but in this current position, they were far more intimate then she had planned on being during the game.
“Where’s the dial?” he asked, his voice so husky and low that she had to physically stop herself from moaning when the rumble of his chest vibrated into her body.
She cleared her throat. “I think it’s…it’s behind us.”
“Why’d you put it there? I can’t reach it.”
“I guess,” she began, feeling more winded as the conversation went on, “you’ll have to move to get it.”
“Cheeky little bird,” he mumbled.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Spike.” Even though she knew exactly what he was talking about.
She took a few deep breaths and she knew Spike was very perceptive to what was going on with her. She was surprised he wasn’t making fun of her already but he held his tongue and said nothing. He pressed into her a little more and she gulped when she felt just how much this was affecting him. He was a much better actor than she ever thought he could be.
Buffy was starting to think that she was the only one in this little game that was nervous about what was happening. And what was happening? Nothing she told herself. Absolutely nothing. Just ignore him. She had to say it over and over again in her head. She had to just ignore everything that her body was responding to. Everything her body shouldn’t be responding to. The way she didn’t feel at all suffocated by his body pressing into hers like she sometimes could with Riley. The way he seemed to mold right into her and the visions of what that would be like without all the clothes. But most of all what she had to ignore was his breathing. Every time he exhaled, his breath would be a welcome relief of coolness against her overheated skin. And that was dangerous because the feeling it evoked in her and through her body was making her crazy with want.
“You feeling all right, Slayer?” he asked and it took her a minute to realize he actually said it out loud, that it wasn’t in her head. It was merely that his lips were right against her ear and his voice was just right there and she found herself having trouble breathing again. Her arms were beginning to shake and she tried to convince herself that it was because she had been in the same position for too long but she knew better than that.
“I think I’m getting tired.”
Spike smiled, knowing he could without being caught and being accused of – who knows what she would accuse him of but he knew without her ever having to say a word that Twister was over.
“Let’s take breather, then, eh?”
“You want to stop?” she asked, her surprise evident.
“Yeah, I can’t reach the bloody thing and you look completely knackered.”
She thought for a minute. “So we’ll just stop and nobody wins nor loses? It’s just over?”
“I’m a little Twistered out myself. We’ll call it a draw.”
“We’re at a Twister impasse?”
“That’s one way of putting it,” Spike said with a laugh. He pushed himself up using the floor. He made sure to get a good look at her the way she was because he didn’t know if he would have the good fortune again.
“Thank god,” she said, with a huge sigh of relief. She collapsed onto the mat and rolled over. “I think I’ll barely be able to walk tomorrow. I should incorporate Twister into my training.”
She smiled at him and he returned it, continuing to stare at her. She felt her stomach flip and flop and she looked away.
“So what about the bet, then? Is that on hold, too?” she asked.
“Unless you want to admit defeat – “
“No, it was a mutual decision.”
“Right, so no, I have no doubt that there will be more opportunities in the future to continue with the bet.”
“You’re really going to let me just stop playing without any consequences?”
“Yes. Why is that so hard to believe?”
She laughed out loud and shook her head. “Have you met you? You don’t just let things go, Spike, especially when it comes to anything where I lose and you win.”
His eyebrow went up at that and he opened his mouth to speak when she cut him off. “Not that I’m saying that’s what happened. You’re the one who suggested we stop so, really…”
“I did, indeed.”
“Huh.”
“What?” he asked.
“I just can’t believe that you’re just going to let it go without saying anything.”
“Well, I figured saying that you seemed to have a lot of trouble concentrating once you were under me probably wouldn’t go over too well.”
“No, it wouldn’t,” she agreed, tightly.
“And I thought that if I mentioned the fact that your body is practically screaming some pretty dirty things right about now, that also wouldn’t go over too well.”
“You’ve got that right.” She could feel her blood rising to a boil. It was one thing to know she felt it but to think he knew…that was acknowledgement of her body betraying her.
“No, you’ve got that wrong.”
“No, wait, you’ve got that wrong. I don’t know what you think is going on but my body is perfectly fine.”
“No argument with that but…vampire, luv.”
“And?”
“And I know.”
“Know what?”
“Know exactly what’s going on with you. Just how much you were loving that game of ours.”
She smiled thinly and said, “You’re wearing my boyfriend’s clothes. It’s a natural reaction.”
Take that, Mr. Know-It-All, she thought and when she saw the look on his face, she instantly decided that was probably not the best thing to say to him. His mouth hardened and his jaw twitched which she knew meant bad news. The worst, though, was the look in his eyes. Now hardened against her but there was a fleeting moment where there was so much hurt in them that she actually wanted to apologize immediately after saying what she had.
She opened her mouth to say exactly that when he held out his hand to her. She looked at him in surprise and he just looked at her, no emotion on his face at all. Her mind automatically went to last week and she was reminded yet again that despite everything, Spike was there to lend a helping hand. And just like last week, that feeling of comfort swept through her but she didn’t feel uncomfortable like she had before. She accepted it because, really, what else could she do?
Buffy put her hand in his and before she could even get used to the feeling of his hand wrapped around hers, he yanked her up so hard she fell into him. His other hand immediately went to the small of her back and pressed her against him even tighter. She looked up at him and she shivered when she saw his eyes staring hard into hers.
“You thinking about that ponce now?” he asked through gritted teeth.
“Yes.”
“Liar.”
Yes, she thought but didn’t say.
He let go of her hand and moved his hand to her neck and under her hair. She could barely catch her breath. Her heart was pounding in her ears and he was looking at her like he knew every little thing her body was doing. He pulled on her hair just enough to have her face lifted to his. She tried not to make any sound. She tried to calm herself down. She was trying everything and she had a feeling that she was just failing miserably.
“Still?” he asked and his voice was so low and she wanted to just tell him the truth.
“Yes,” she said instead.
“Bitch.”
“Asshole.”
“One of these days, Slayer, you and me are going to have a go and – “
“One of these days? Why delay the inevitable, Spike?” She paused for effect and said, “I’m sorry I forgot. You have to delay.”
“You’re just begging for it.”
“Never.”
His eyebrow shot up and licked his lips before saying, “I have ways, pet. I’d have you – “
“Oh, for Christ’s sake, Spike! Shut up and show me already.”
She wasn’t sure who was more shocked. They both just looked at each other, wide-eyed and before she could back out of it or move away from him, his lips were on hers. It was a good thing that he was holding onto her so tightly or she may have fallen from the force. Her arms wrapped around him and pressed herself into him even more. She opened her mouth and let her tongue slip out to trace along his lips. He made a noise that made Buffy’s entire body turn to soup.
Buffy moved her mouth down to his neck, kissing him lightly on the way. His fingers dug into her back and she could feel the soft growl in his throat vibrate against her lips. She licked his skin slowly and smiled when she heard a soft humming come from him. She expected certain things but humming was not one of them. She took a deep breath and stopped what she was doing immediately. She pulled away from him and when she looked at him, she could see the disappointment all over his face.
“Take this off,” she demanded, pulling at the t-shirt.
He smiled and said, “I told you that you liked me naked.”
“Yup,” she agreed and thought it best to leave out the fact that it actually did smell like Riley. She felt like she should feel worse than she did but if tonight was about being honest with herself, she had to admit that she felt guiltier that she didn’t feel guilty enough. Riley was a good guy. A decent boyfriend. Caring. The All-American Boy. Alive.
But there was something missing. She knew it and she suspected he knew it if the Initiative coming to her house the other week was any indication. She needed someone that understood her situation. That accepted her for who – and what – she was. He needed someone to take care of and protect. She didn’t need or want either of those things and she knew he didn’t get what she needed.
Maybe someone that had been in her life this whole time that did. Maybe that someone was doing something wicked to her fingers with his mouth.
Maybe that someone made her feel more fire in her belly in five minutes than she had for the last year.
His hands went to the buttons on her pajama top. When she put her hands over his, he looked at her and said, “Let me.”
And she felt dizzy all over again and she wished she could explain it. She wished that she could justify letting Spike undress her in her living room but she couldn’t. And she didn’t want to. She just wanted him to do it.
She wanted to feel everything he was willing to give her; everything that she knew had been missing from her life lately.
When she felt the top slide off her shoulders and come rest at her bent elbows, she looked down to watch his finger move along the swell of her breast and dip into the cup of her bra.
“Not what I expected,” Spike commented.
“What? My bra?” she asked and she couldn’t believe she was having a conversation about her bra with Spike like this was a normal conversation she would have.
“I thought you’d be wearing something a little more frilly.”
“Well, I wasn’t exactly expecting – “
“Yeah, you were,” he interrupted. “Difference is, you know I don’t need it. It’s not about the bra, luv. And any wanker that needs more than just you, doesn’t deserve to have you.”
She placed both of her hands on the sides of his face and pulled him down to her. She kissed him as hard as he had kissed her, hoping that she was saying something without having to say it. When he pulled away and looked at her with confusion that she didn’t expect to see, she pointed to the floor and told him to lie down.
“Excuse me?” he asked, trying to hide the smile that was forming on his lips.
“You heard me. Lie down. On your stomach.”
Whatever confusion that had been lingering quickly went away and he suddenly looked like a kid in a candy store. He did as he was told and as he made himself comfortable his ears picked up the very distinct sound of cotton swishing. He didn’t dare look behind him for fear that she would put the kibosh on whatever game she was playing. He, thankfully, didn’t have to wait long as he felt her pajama bottoms hit him squarely on the head. He grabbed them, rolled them into a ball and put his head on it.
She walked over to him and placed a foot on each side of his body and sat down on his bum. He turned to look at her, eyebrow quirked as she expected it would be. She smiled and twirled her finger, telling him to turn back around.
“One illegal Twister move for one back rub,” she told him as she placed her palms on the small of his back and moved them up his spine to his neck.
He groaned at the feeling of her fingers working their magic. This was definitely something he could get used to. This was definitely a Buffy he could get used to, as well. He guessed that it had been nearly a full half an hour since her last insult and he considered that a victory. So was having a half-naked Slayer giving him a rub down. That certainly wasn’t an unpleasant experience. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt this good. Definitely not since they stuck that chip in his head and since he spent most of that year miserable, with Harmony, or both, tonight was like Christmas. And she seemed to agree. It took a bit of coaxing but she seemed onboard with what was happening between them. Hell, it was her idea to give him the massage – and to take off her pants. Yeah, he was feeling more than okay right about now.
“A bloke could get used to this.”
“I bet,” she answered and applied more pressure. “Weird night, right?”
“Understatement of the bloody century, luv.”
“Yeah,” Buffy agreed under her breath and continued to move her hands all over his back, occasionally scratching his skin lightly.
He sighed contentedly and closed his eyes, just basking in all this great Buffy attention. Who knew when it would happen again –
His eyes flew open and one word came to his mind over and over again: Bugger.
Sure, he felt fine. He was acting completely normal. But Buffy was not. And if there was one thing he knew it was that Buffy wasn’t the type to fling off her pants, as much as he wished she was. She also wouldn’t make sure to keep her side of a bet or an agreement between them if it didn’t benefit her directly so her straddling him in her panties wasn’t exactly Buffy-like. In fact, the only time she had acted like herself was when they were fighting the demon. After it exploded, it all got very weird and he should have known. He should have thought something was up when she caved and let him come to her house to shower. He should have known better when she told him that they were aware of the breaking and entering and using their shower and she did nothing to him. No punch in the nose, no kicking him out – nothing.
And if he were to sit down with a pad of paper and a pen and think of pros and cons on a Has the Slayer Gone Completely Off Her Rocker? list, the pros would far outweigh the cons.
God damn bloody Hellmouth, he thought. Why couldn’t one thing go the way he wanted it to? Why did everything have to be the bleeding underbelly and spells and all that rot?
Maybe he had been wrong. Maybe there was something in the demon blood and he just didn’t know about it. Maybe because he already knew how he felt about her, it didn’t affect him. No, that couldn’t be right because that would imply that Buffy had buried feelings for him and it brought it out of her which couldn’t be true.
Could it?
No, it couldn’t, he decided. He had to remember not to get his hopes up when trying to figure this out. Maybe it was another spell. He remembered all too well what that was like. He knew it was all kinds of wrong but he could do nothing to stop it. He was inside himself watching him and Buffy kiss and make wedding plans and fight about Angel and Dru. Inside, he knew it was off but the spell had made him believe that it was right.
“Slayer?” he asked, tentatively.
“Yes, Spike?” Her fingers went into his hair and she rubbed the back of his scalp and he didn’t want to continue speaking. He just wanted her to continue doing what she was doing. He felt her other hand poke him. “Did you want to say something or were you just moaning my name because I’m like the best back rubber in the world?”
That sobered Spike because that wasn’t Buffy.
“How are you feeling?” he asked as casually as he could.
“Um, I’m fine. Thanks for asking. How are you feeling?”
He heard it in her voice and he didn’t appreciate it. He was trying to be responsible and clear-headed for once and she was teasing.
“Fine.” He paused again and when she poked him for the second time, he turned to look at her. She lifted her body to move and he quickly flipped onto his back, grabbing her by the waist and made her sit. Her eyes widened at the feel of his erection against her but she said nothing. And she didn’t move.
Another check in the pro column, he thought.
“Look, Slayer, I think there’s something we need to talk about.”
Buffy rolled her eyes which confused Spike because that was very much a bitchy little thing for her to do. She didn’t say anything and looked at him, obviously waiting for him to continue.
“You remember last year when Red put us under that spell?”
“Yeah and?”
“And,” he continued, “do you remember what that was like?”
“How do you mean?”
“That you wanted to stop it but you couldn’t.”
“Sure,” she answered. “That’s sort of the deal with spells, isn’t it?”
He nodded and again said nothing. He heard her sigh and when he looked at her, he could see that she was about two seconds away from being extremely annoyed.
The only option he had was just to ask. And hope that she didn’t freak out.
“You…you don’t feel like that now, do you?” he asked, quietly.
She tilted her head and looked at him, her forehead creasing. He looked at her again and saw the realization of what he asked as soon as it came to her.
“You think because of this, that there’s something wrong with me?”
“Well, this isn’t exactly you.”
“Right because God forbid Buffy just forgets her troubles and tries to have some fun.”
“I am trying to be thoughtful and aware and whatever other bullocks you people think I don’t possess. I’m trying to make sure that there isn’t something else at work here so if anything happens, I can still be among the walking tomorrow.”
Buffy moved off of him and took the spot next to him on the rug. She moved onto her stomach and propped herself up on her forearms.
“I understand, Spike.”
“See, that’s weird! You’re not hitting me, you’re not insulting me …it’s like you were last year!”
“And I remember last year. I do. I remember everything that happened and how it was like I was trapped in myself, seeing us do all these things that just boggle the mind to this day and I can see from your perspective how this must all seem like that but I’m telling you, it’s not.” She took a deep breath and smiled. “How’s that for a run-on sentence, huh?”
“Don’t get cute with me. I’m trying to suss out some things here and you’re not making it very easy.”
“Suss this out, then, Spike. I just wanted to be, you know? I just wanted to have a good time. To not think about anything or wonder what the ramifications were going to be. I wanted to just do it and not think about it.”
He smirked and said, “And by ‘it’ you mean…?”
He wiggled his eyebrows at her. She couldn’t help but laugh.
“I have no plan,” she told him shaking her head. “I do know that I’m in my living room with you, half naked and not feeling too strange about it. I wish I could explain it but I’m telling you, I am thinking clearly and I am in control of my will.”
“And you’re sure?”
“You are this close from me smacking you. Stop annoying me.” She looked at him. “Is that better? Can we stop talking about spells and kissing last year and maybe start with kissing this year?”
His eyes went wide and he didn’t want to smile because he didn’t want to give away too much at once but he didn’t know how to not smile at that.
She leaned towards him and he backed away. Buffy sighed. “I thought we were good.”
“We are.”
“Good,” she said and moved toward him again. He sat up and rested his back against the couch. Buffy turned onto her side and put her head in her hand.
“You are something,” he said quietly as his eyes roamed over her body. She felt her skin grow hotter as each silent second went by. She didn’t understand what was going on. She thought he wanted this to happen. She thought he wanted the smoochies but apparently…
All she knew was that she couldn’t just lay there anymore, waiting for nothing to happen. She grabbed her pants where he had left them and stood up. She went to where they had thrown their shirts and picked those up, as well.
“Are you cleaning?” Spike asked, and she smiled a little at the confusion that tinted his voice. Good, she thought, now he knows how that feels.
“Well, you obviously don’t want to kiss me…or be near me in any way so I might as well. All I need is for any of them to come in here and see the Twister game out and wonder who I was twisting with and I know you don’t care about that but I – “
He was spinning her around and kissing her before she could even finish the thought to finish the sentence. She was becoming more and more impressed with this quiet stealth, although she had to admit that it did worry her. If he ever got the chip out, she would never see – or hear – him coming.
But she didn’t want to think about that. Hadn’t she just made a big deal of not thinking about any of this crap that exists in her life? She just wanted to be in the moment and the way his lips moved on hers and how his fingers massaged the small of her back made her never want to leave it.
“What do you want, Buffy?” Spike asked and her spine tingled at the hushed desperation in his voice.
“I…” she began and stopped. She moved her lips back to his and he kissed her for a too short second before moving away from her.
“What do you want?”
“I told you.”
“What do you want from me, Slayer? I’m not here to be your afternoon delight.”
“It’s night time.”
“The problem with you is you think you’re so fucking cute all the time.” He pushed her away. “I don’t need to be your distraction. You’ve got Captain Dozey for that.”
“So, what? You want to be my boyfriend, Spike? You want to hold hands and walk in the sunshine together and have a picnic?”
“I don’t need you mocking me, either.” He shook his head. “Why I thought for one minute that you weren’t a Lady Muck – “
“A what?” she asked, laughing.
He took the few steps back to her and stood within an inch of her body. “An uppity, conceited bitch.”
“Fuck you.”
His hands went to her shoulders and he backed her up against the wall. His right hand slid down her body, over her covered breast and then to the middle of her chest, continuing straight down until he rested on her stomach.
He leaned forward and licked where her neck and shoulder met and he inhaled deeply, knowing by the way her body tensed that he was succeeding in doing exactly what he wanted.
“You have never been in control here,” he told her. “You have never been in control of me.”
“I didn’t say – “
“But you think it. You think it every single day and every time we see each other. And you did tell me, Slayer. ‘You’re beneath me’, right?”
“I meant – “
“Oh, don’t change your story now because the page has turned. That’s not going to work.”
“You can’t do anything to me, Spike. Not with the chip.”
He smiled and shook his head. He raised his head and met her eyes. “You really shouldn’t be so worried about the chip.”
“If you think I care what you think or say to me, you’re so – “
“Right,” he finished for her, his voice a whisper on her skin. He let her go and said, “My clothes are dry by now. I’ll be going.”
“I think that would be a good thing.”
He smirked but didn’t say anything. He just nodded his head and walked out of the room. When she heard him going down the stairs, she slid down the wall to the floor.
How dare he say that she wasn’t in control? Of course she was in control. She was the Slayer. She was all about control. Especially this year. She’d been doing all that training!
She groaned. That really wasn’t going to win her any arguments. She rubbed her temples, trying to ward off the killer headache she could feel forming behind her eyes. No one person should be this on edge. She was annoyed, confused, and most definitely sexually frustrated. And the thing that aggravated her the most was that he knew she was all of those things and he was the cause of it.
But he raised a good question – one that she had been trying not to think about. What did she want from him? At first, he was a welcomed distraction from everything that had been happening. And she could lie to herself and say that it could be anyone with her right now and she’d feel better but she knew that wouldn’t be true. Spike was helping her, whether he knew it or not. Her friends, Riley, Dawn…they all wanted to talk about what was going on and they all wanted her to assure them that everything would be fine. She just didn’t have it in her anymore. They needed her take care of them when all she wanted was to have someone be there for her. To take her mind off of her troubles and not pressure her to do anything. And if that was selfish of her, well, so be it.
Spike was a pain in her ass, no doubt, but he also let her do her thing. He may talk about things that made her uncomfortable and he may have the uncanny knack of making her see truth that she didn’t want to see but she never felt pressure from him to be more or to be less. He took her as is and that was something that was a little foreign to her. That alone made her more uneasy than anything else.
Could she like him? Could she actually allow herself to fall for another vampire? It seemed like a monumentally stupid idea but she had the gut turning feeling that she already did like him.
He was beautiful; there was never any question of that. Even when he walked out clapping that first night they met, she remembered quite distinctly that she was a little let down that he turned out to be evil. But, really, the way he looked had nothing to do with what was going on with her feelings.
Sure, she was still angry with him after that so-called lesson the other week but he was only doing what she asked. Just because it wasn’t what she had expected didn’t mean it wasn’t what she wanted. He got her to think about things, to see certain things in a different light and tonight was no exception. The night may have turned into one where there was kissing and groping but it hadn’t started out that way. She wanted to relax, to take her mind off of things and she chose him to stay with her, to help her with that endeavor. The kisses were sort of just an added bonus.
Buffy was startled when she heard his voice from the hallway. She looked at him and he was wearing his own clothes again. Her stomach definitely approved so lying to herself that it was because he was wearing Riley’s clothes wasn’t going to work anytime soon.
“I’m leaving. See you around the ‘stones, yeah?”
She didn’t answer him. She pushed herself up off the ground and walked to him. She took his hand and led him to the stairs and stopped when she felt resistance as she started to climb. Buffy stood on the first step and looked at him looking at her in the most bewildered way. She gently kissed his lips and turned back around, not having to tug on his hand. He followed her willingly.
***********************************
Buffy opened the door to her room. She still hadn’t said a word to him and he didn’t say anything, either. Normally, that would worry her but this wasn’t a normal circumstance. She threw the clothes she had in her hand onto the floor. Now that she was up here, she didn’t know what to do. It wasn’t exactly a thought out plan on her part. She had simply been trying to stop him from leaving.
Spike noticed that she had cleaned since the last time he’d been here. The day Riley caught him sniffing her sweaters. And he definitely wouldn’t be telling her that story. Even the bed was made and there was the noticeable absence of her boyfriend’s scent. Fine by him but it did get him curious.
“Slayer?”
“Yeah?” she answered and her voice had a little tremble in it.
“We up here for a reason?”
“I thought…I thought if I brought you up here, you would stay.”
“You could’ve just asked.”
“You seemed mad at me downstairs and I – “
“I’m not mad, pet. I’m just not in the business of being used.”
“I wasn’t going to – “
“Look, I told you in the bathroom that I understood why you kissed me. And at that moment, that excuse was fine but now, it doesn’t fly. You want to go down this road with me, you’ll be honest with yourself.”
“I am.”
He shook his head and made a ticking sound with his tongue that disagreed with that statement.
“I am,” she said, more forcefully. “You want answers to questions that a) you haven’t asked and b) I’m not really sure that there are answers to. You say you want me and I want you but every time I try to initiate anything, you reject me. You’re starting to give me a complex!”
“I’m not rejecting you. I’m protecting myself. You might try it for a change.”
She slapped him. She didn’t even mean to and yet it happened before she could stop it. Her mouth dropped open in surprise and he rubbed his cheek.
“Ooh, did I strike a nerve?”
“Why are you being mean?”
“You just hit me, luv. I have every right to be mean.”
“I shouldn’t have hit you,” she said in way of an apology.
He shrugged. “It doesn’t smell like that idiot in here.”
Buffy’s brow wrinkled in confusion. “Should it?”
“If he’d been around at all, it would.”
“The last time he was here was the night of the Queller.”
“And the bed?”
“Maybe in your illustrious crypt apartment you don’t change the sheets but in this house, we do. It’s called not being disgusting.”
He walked to the bed and sat on it. All he could smell was Tide and her. It was a delicious combination.
“What are you fishing for, Spike? Do you want me to say that it’s falling apart? That he isn’t really around anymore? That you’ve been more of a comfort to me than he has?”
“Actually…yeah, that’s exactly what I want you say.”
“We’re still together.”
“Yeah,” he huffed, “for now.”
“I care about him, despite what you think.”
“That’s why you led me up to your room and why you haven’t bothered to put any clothes on since you took them off? I’m convinced.”
She bent down and grabbed her robe, blushing. She quickly put it on and tied it. “Happy?”
“Not in the slightest.”
“You’re playing with me. God, I am so stupid!” Her fists clenched in aggravation and she growled a little which he had to admit was an incredible turn on.
“You know what I want from you, Spike?”
“This should be good.”
“I wanted a night to remember what it was like to be happy. To smile. And maybe the night didn’t start out that way, with hunting demons and all that but when you made me that cup of hot chocolate and then when we kissed in the bathroom, I knew everything was taking a turn. And not for the worse, either. And I was curious and thought you were curious, too. Then we play Twister and for a good half an hour, I don’t think about how my mom almost died, that my sister is a key to who knows what, that there isn’t some girl and or hell beast thing that could probably kill me with no problem what-so-ever and that my boyfriend isn’t off doing who knows what and bringing the military into my house. I just wanted to relax and I picked you, dummy! I wanted you here!”
There wasn’t much distance between them but she ran to the bed, pushed him back and kissed him. It didn’t take him long at all to reciprocate. His hands went into her hair and he pressed her lips tighter to his. His other hand went to the belt on her robe and untied it. His hand moved under the material and caressed her hip. She moaned at the feeling and automatically swiveled her hips against his leg.
Her hand went to his belt and she started to undo it when his hand stilled her.
“Let me,” she said, echoing his statement from earlier in the evening. And his hand lifted and she quickly undid the belt and the button of his jeans. Her hands went to his zipper but stopped when she heard him call her name.
“Are you sure you want this?”
Buffy was surprised by the naked emotion on his face. It was in those blue eyes that seemed to be begging her for something. Not to hurt him. Not to play with him. Not to be the next Dru. And she felt her heart clench and for the first time since Angel left, she felt certain of a man in her bed. This wasn’t a rebound like Parker. This wasn’t trying to be normal like Riley. And it certainly wasn’t like Angel. No one would ever touch that and she knew Spike wouldn’t even try. Spike would want this to be theirs and not a replica, not a replacement.
“I want you,” she said, stressing the last word, hoping he understood what she was saying because she really couldn’t say it any clearer.
And he must have believed her because he kissed her like she had never been kissed before. It was hard and soft and there was his tongue and his teeth and there was a low moaning that made her lips tingle and she thought that she may pass out from being on sensory overload.
His hands pulled her against him as tightly as he could and he could feel her warmth seeping through the robe and into him and it made him as hard as a rock. He couldn’t let her go; he didn’t want to let her go. He had waited too long, had put up with too much of her bullshit to stop now.
Spike moved his mouth from hers and trailed his lips along her jaw. He moved to her neck, slowly to make sure she was on board. He felt her pulse beat fast and steady beneath his lips but nothing that indicated that she was nervous or uncomfortable about where his mouth was. That made him smile a little until he heard Buffy stifle a giggle.
“Am I tickling you?”
“No, I was…it’s nothing.”
“When a bloke is doing some of his finest work and you laugh, he has every right to know. You wouldn’t want me to get a complex, would you now?”
“You know how when you’re making out with someone and they kiss your neck and there’s a little nibble here and there and it’s like the best thing?”
“Vampire, pet.”
“Exactly,” Buffy responded. “I know you’re being hesitant and, really, I appreciate it but I like the nibble and I just don’t know how to say ‘I like to be bitten’ to a vampire without having him bite me because I don’t like that kind of – “
Buffy shut up the second he took the tiniest bit of skin between his teeth and applied pressure. She couldn’t help the long sound of utter contentment that came from her. Spike moved down further and sucked at her neck.
“How do you not go all grrr?” she asked.
“Lots of concentration,” he told her with a laugh.
“And doing that and not being able to drink…that’s not hard?”
“Course it is but – “
“The chip, right.”
“How many times do I have to tell you tonight that the chip doesn’t matter? It’s there and I deal with it and that’s the end of that. I don’t want to talk about the bloody chip no more.”
“Okay, okay. I didn’t mean to – “
“Slayer, I already am drinking from you. Your scent, your sweat, your…” He trailed off as his hand traveled back over her hip and past her stomach to rest over her mound, his thumb brushing lightly over her clit. “It’s all I need.”
She mumbled a noise that made Spike smile because he liked this. He liked that he could get her to stop talking, he liked that she was turning to jelly in his hands and he liked having his hands in all sorts of places that just four hours ago would have gotten him staked once and for all.
“You know what I need?” she asked him, her breath ragged and hot.
“What’s that, luv?”
She flipped him onto his back and straddled him. Buffy bent down and traced his nipple with her tongue, biting it gently which made him buck against her.
“Tell me how this isn’t something I need?”
She looked up at him, resting her chin on his chest. “I was trying to shut you up.”
Only when she followed that with a wink did he relax. He never knew with her. He never knew if this was the moment that she would revert back to the girl with all the walls and the bitchier than thou attitude.
He stopped thinking and talking as she made her way further down his body, kissing his stomach, her fingers skimming his skin and driving him mad. Her hand moved to the button on his pants and she unbuttoned them swiftly and pulled the zipper. He heard her breath catch and her heart speed up and he peered down at her to see her reaction.
“I guess you don’t wear boxers.”
“Or briefs,” he said.
“Could warn a girl.”
“More fun this way, don’t you think?”
“You obviously think so.”
He saw her begin to move her head down and he touched her face, making her stop. He reached down for her arm and pulled it gently. She looked at him, obviously confused but slid back up his body, resting on top of him with her face inches away from his own.
“Something wrong?” she asked and he frowned at the tone of her voice. There was something there that was very vulnerable and something he suspected many people never got to hear.
Except he had. A few times now.
“Nothing wrong, pet.”
“Okay, then,” she said and went to move back down but he halted her. “This is weird, Spike.”
He kissed her; slow at first until it built up like it seemed to do with them. The more it built, the noisier it got and she found she really liked it. She liked the wetness of their kiss, the smacking of their lips, the sucking in of air. It made her skin hum all over and the robe she had on was becoming too heavy, making her skin too sensitive as it moved over her when she moved over him.
He put his lips to her ear and bit the lobe just a little and said, “Don’t think I don’t want everything there is to have of you, Slayer. But the only thing I want right now is to be inside of you.”
She moved her head away and looked at him with her eyes wide and her heart beating wildly. She nodded, feeling dumb doing so but she didn’t even want to attempt to say anything. She knew that lump in her throat, as well as the flopping of her stomach. And she knew she was definitely in trouble now.
She rolled off of him and wiggled out of her robe. She bowed her back and reached behind her to unclasp her bra. Buffy looked at Spike when he made a noise of satisfaction and smiled at him.
“Told you I was bendy.”
Spike got up from the bed and stood in front of her. He leaned forward and put his hands on her hips. “Lift.”
And she did and he slowly removed her underwear. He threw them behind him, making a mental note to nick them for a souvenir. To have proof that this actually happened. She lifted one foot and hooked her toe into the waistband of his jeans. She tugged lightly and he smirked as he pulled them down and kicked them to the side.
He kept her leg in his hand as he bent down to her. He licked along her inner thigh until he came to where he most wanted to be. He inhaled deeply and had to shake his head to control the urge. There was plenty of time for that, like he had told her. He swept a finger over her which only made the anticipation of being there, in her warmth, even sweeter.
He licked her belly up to the space between her breasts. His hand went to one and pinched her nipple. She bucked against him and he grinned, knowingly.
Spike finally came face to face with her and he leaned down to place his lips on hers. Her hands went to his hair and she pressed him closer to her, opening her mouth and inviting him in. And as much as he loved a good row with her, he thought the dance their tongues were doing was infinitely better. She moved her mouth to his ear and bit on the lobe, moving down his neck until she got to the spot she wanted. She sucked in the skin and bit down, just enough to get his attention.
And he got hers when he adjusted his hips and slid into her. Her mouth released his skin and she gasped. She wasn’t sure what surprised her more, him suddenly being inside her or the way he felt once he got there. He moved in and out of her so slowly that she thought she would go crazy. She wanted to tell him to go faster, to not hold back with her and she was well aware of why he wasn’t.
She knew that he was waiting for her to ask.
What he didn’t know about her was that she could take it as long as he wanted to give it and she’d just lay back and enjoy.
Spike knew she ran hotter than most, he could feel it every time he was around her but to be in her, to experience it all around him, he had to be sure to stay in control. He moved in and out of her, in long, deep strokes that felt like it was hitting every nerve possible. He kept his hips pressed to hers and when they would move, there was a wonderful friction on her clit that made it very difficult not to just break down and beg. And the little noises she was making seemed to go right through his body and straight to his cock, forcing him to fight from doing what he really wanted to do.
“Spike?” she asked, breathless, and he thought his name never sounded so good.
“Yeah?”
“Faster wouldn’t be so bad.”
“Anything else, luv?”
“I’m not against harder…”
“Whatever I can do for you to make this experience as enjoyable as possible.”
“Done,” she said, quickly, not intending to do so at all.
“And we haven’t even started,” he told her and she shivered a little, loving how he spoke softly into her ear.
He lifted his upper body off hers and balanced his weight on his arms. She turned her head and kissed the sensitive skin of his inner wrist. It was such a small thing to do but Spike couldn’t help but be overwhelmed by it. He fell back on top of her, making sure not to crush her and kissed her. His hands went to her hair and his teeth bit her lips and she moaned at the sudden feeling of urgency. Her hands went to his back, her fingernails digging into his skin. He smiled into their kiss and moved his hips faster and faster, deeper and deeper and her heart began to race and he knew it wouldn’t be long.
His pelvic bone bumped her clit every time he reentered her and she wrapped her legs around his, curling her toes, feeling it build inside her. She grabbed his ass and urged him to move harder and faster before making him still completely and taking over. She rolled her hips, rubbing her clit against him with more and more force until she finally felt it begin to wash over her. Her toes dug into his calves, her fingers into his cheeks, pushing him so hard, outside and inside, until he couldn’t go any further. His eyes rolled back in his head at the feeling of all her muscles tightening around him, begging him to come with her. And he allowed himself to feel it, knowing it wouldn’t take him long to recover.
Spike whispered her name into her neck and broke free from her grasp on him, moving his hips quickly. As his own orgasm approached, he felt his face begin to change and he tried to fight it, knowing there was no way he would be able to. Not this time.
“It’s okay,” he heard her tell him softly and he looked down to see her watching him and he came, his face changing. His head bowed, putting his forehead on her shoulder. Her hand went to the back of his head and she ran her fingers through his hair until he stopped moving. He turned his head and rested it on her shoulder. She could feel his face shift back against her skin and she moved her fingers to his face, lightly stroking his cheek.
Buffy felt like her body was humming and there were little after shocks that kept running through her, making her shiver. She continued to stroke the back of his head and his shoulders over and over, needing to keep touching him. He sighed contentedly, kissing her neck softly. He had done a lot of fantasizing about this and he was quite content that it didn’t go any of the ways he had ever imagined.
“That was…” and she let out a deep breath, not finishing her sentence.
He smiled, grateful that she didn’t mention the vamping. “Give me five minutes and there’s that and then some.”
“That sounds really great but…I’m exhausted. I just want to sleep.”
“Oh,” he replied, his face falling. He moved away from her, hating to leave her heat. He rolled onto the bed and was about to sit up when she placed a hand on his chest, stopping him.
“Where are you going?”
“You’ve said what you had to, Slayer. I get it.”
“You don’t get anything, Spike. It’s been a roller-coaster of a night. I would like to just rest for a little bit.”
“So you said.”
“With you, you idiot. Jeez!”
When Spike looked at her and saw the smile on her lips and a look in her eye that said that she was serious, that she wanted him to stay, he relaxed.
“Good?” she asked and he nodded. “So let’s just rest and then, you know, more.”
“More?” he repeated, allowing a little bit of hope to slip in there.
“Oh, yeah,” she answered with a laugh.
***************************************************
Buffy collapsed on top of him, breathing heavy, her hair covering his face. Her hot breath warmed his skin and he rubbed the small of her back gently as she came down. He looked at the alarm clock on the bedside table and grinned. Time certainly did fly by when one was having a good time.
She rolled off of him and grabbed her robe. He made a noise of protest and she laughed a little as she got up and went to the window and drew the shade and curtains.
“Wouldn’t want you to burn up.”
“That’s certainly a different tune.”
She shrugged. “I can’t afford new sheets.”
He smirked, shaking his head. “It’s almost refreshing how a good lay doesn’t make you less of a bitch.”
“It’s a natural born talent,” she told him as she shrugged out of her robe and climbed into the bed again.
She was surprised by their easy-going jibes but she liked it. She might not have understood a thing that had happened tonight but she wasn’t going to start denying that it happened. She felt him move closer to her and she shivered when he began to run the tips of his fingers up and down her spine.
“Tired, pet?”
“You have officially worn me out. I can honestly say I never thought that would happen.”
“Well, glad to be the bloke that broke the wild horse.”
She elbowed him gently and he laughed. Buffy had decided that she really liked his laugh. Maybe because he never allowed himself to do so in their presence but when he did, it meant something. It conveyed just how happy he was. It made her skin tingle.
“So…” he began.
She smiled. “So…”
“What now?”
“How do you mean?”
Spike rolled his eyes. “You know how I mean. Don’t start pretending like you don’t know what I’m talking about.”
“Who knew you’d be such a girl?”
“It’s not funny, Slayer. I’m not joking around here.”
“Oh-kay,” she said, slowly. “What kind of answers are you looking for?”
“What kind of question is that?” Spike asked, starting to get angry. “I want the truth. I’m not looking for any one thing. I want you to tell me what happens now.”
“We get up in the morning and we start another day. I’m sorry but I’m not seeing the big here.”
“Why am I not surprised by that?”
“Why are you getting so annoyed?”
“Because you won’t give me a bloody answer!”
“Ask the right bloody question!”
“Fine, pet, what are you going to tell your little gang?”
“I have to tell them, why?”
“I suppose you don’t have to tell them. But I just might.”
“And why would you do that, Spike?”
“Because! I won’t let you keep me a dark, dirty secret. You can forget that right now.”
“I’m not saying that’s what I’m going to do. Why do you assume the worst of me?”
Spike faltered, not knowing how to answer that. Before he got the chance to, Buffy started talking again.
“Look, this situation is…strange – “
“Wasn’t strange with Angel,” he mumbled.
Buffy sighed. “Yes, it was. No one was happy about that situation.”
“But they accepted him.”
“Well, yeah, he did a lot of good and…you know what? I don’t want to talk about Angel right now.” Buffy opened her eyes and stared at her bedroom wall. She knew what she wanted to say to him, she just feared that she wouldn’t say it correctly and she knew she only had the one shot. “I don’t consider you a dirty secret nor do I want to keep you as one.” She sighed and he prodded her to continue. “But I don’t want to run out and tell them.”
She heard him give a sigh of his own and she shut her eyes tightly, trying to block out how upset his sad sigh made her.
“If we decide to try this – “
“Try it, pet? We’re already in the thick of it, don’t you think?”
“I meant in a more long-term way, Spike.”
“Long term?”
“Short term if you keep bugging me.” She turned her head to look at him over her shoulder and she smiled at him. “I just want to see how it goes first. I don’t see the point in telling them, getting everyone all over our backs about it, if nothing comes of it.”
Spike thought about that and he nodded. “I see what you’re saying.”
“Really? You’re not just agreeing with me so that you can shag me some more?”
“There’s that, of course, but – “
She laughed and swatted at him playfully before turning back around to face the wall.
“What about Soldier Boy?”
She exhaled a heavy breath. “It’s something I will be dealing with on my own.”
“Don’t get all excited. I wouldn’t go telling him. I might want to but I wouldn’t.”
“Good because he’ll stake first and ask questions later.”
“I’m not afraid of that git.”
“I know you say it’s not about the chip but in this instance? It’s totally about the chip.”
Spike didn’t want to agree so he changed the subject. “Slayer?”
“Mmm?”
“I want – can you turn around? I don’t fancy telling your back.”
Buffy turned to face him. “Happy?”
“Could you at least open your eyes and look at me?”
“I’m tired,” she whined, playfully. “I can still hear you.”
He smirked, shaking his head. She would never change.
“I enjoyed dancing with you, pet.”
Buffy opened her eyes and smiled.
The End
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Thanks to Ali for the beta :)