The next day Xander went to see Buffy. He walks up to the door and knocks. Dawn opens the door, “Hey, what’s up? It’s Saturday, don’t need a ride to school.”
“Oh, I’m here to see big sis… is she up yet?” Stepping inside as Dawn backed up to let him in.
“No, and don’t wake her yet either. Not till I’m gone. I had to beg her to let me go out with Janice. And I’m not giving her the chance to change her mind!” Just then a car horn sounded out front. “That’s her! If you want to hang around, the coffee is set up you just have to set it to brew and I think there is left over donuts in the cupboard… Bye!” The girl ran out the door shoving her arms in to her coat. The door slammed behind her.
“Well, that should wake Buffy…” Xander said as he headed in to the kitchen. Best meet her bearing caffeine.
Sure enough Buffy came down stairs just as the coffee was fishing. She looked surprised to see Xander in her kitchen. Then looked guilty, “Hey, Xander… Look about last night…”
Xander held up his hand, “No, wait. Last night I did something I don‘t do too often.” he spoke as he poured them both some coffee. “I left Egypt for a short time and really thought about things. And you are right.”
Buffy looked unsure, “I am?” Here she’d been feeling guilty all night for lashing out, now Xander was here telling her she was right?
Xander nodded looking apologetic, “I would never tell Willow how she could date, and not that she would let me either. But that’s not the point, I would trust her judgment.”
“But you don’t trust mine?” Buffy sounded hurt.
“No, I don’t. Not since Angel…” his face grew stormy just thinking of the vampire. “You kept telling us you knew him. He was safe he would never hurt us. Yeah well you were wrong on all counts and someone close to the group paid the price. I mean I admit I hate vampires on principle alone. They killed Jessie. There is no making up for that! But the anger I felt was nothing compared to the loathing I felt after Angel turned on us. He got us to let our defenses down. But the worst part was the anger I felt at you.”
“But…”
“No! Let me finish! I put a lot of thought in to this. I was mad and I stopped trusting you. So when you asked us to let another one in. I felt that it was my job to make sure you weren’t just being deceived again. But last night I reminded my self how you were after sending Angel to hell.I have to admit I doubt you would want to do that again. Ok, this one doesn’t have a soul. Ok, so without a soul to loose we know he’s not going to do a 180 on us. Well, as long as he’s chipped. And he’s become more helpful then annoying lately. I will never trust him completely.” he sighed, “The thing is even with all this, I still have no right to tell you who you can be with. All I can do is tell you how I feel and what I can live with.”
Buffy looked so small now as she struggled to hold back the tears. Xander ran his hands threw his hair, “Damn it, I’m not saying this right. Ok, Let me just lay it out. If he is what you want. Go be with him, I trust you. If I push my stupid insecurities aside I can be honest in saying I do trust you not to put us threw that again. Maybe you’re seeing things a little more rationally. If you tell me you will put him down if he ever slips his leash and becomes bitey again I will believe you. I’ve come to realize I have to trust in my best friends otherwise what’s the point?”
Buffy quickly moved around the counter and hugged Xander, “I promise. I know he won’t hurt you any of you. I will dust him first. I love you Xander and Willow and all of you… But he makes me stop feeling dead inside.”
Xander hugged Buffy back, “Well, I guess you better go tell him. Just one more request?”
Buffy pulled away and smiled. “What?”
“If I ever start getting controlling again you’ll tell me before I cause you to explode at me in public? Kinda an ego killer you walk in with three lovely ladies and one storms out followed by the other two. Leaving yours truly sitting alone…”
“Poor Xander, oh how you have suffered… deal” and the shook on it.
After a few moments of silence Xander spoke, “So how are you going to go after pale, bleached, and fangy?”
Buffy scrunched her face in thought, “I don’t know, the things I told him… I wish I could let him know I do want to start over. Not like before.”
Xander raised an eye brow, “Why does that sound like you guys have gotten farther then his begging and you denying?” then things started to click in to place, Xander’s eyes got huge, “Naked exercising my fanny!” Then he turned green, “you were… and he was… and…” He clutched his head as if he were trying to rip the images out.
“Xander?” Buffy looked unsure whether their little talk just blew up again.
Xander straightened up, looking completely serious, “Xander’s not here right now he just jumped on the first flight back to the Nile, he will get back to you on this subject NEVER!”
“Ok, no talks about… that… We still ok?” relived he was joking. Joking was good. Joking meant he was still listening.
Xander smiled, “You and me are ok.” He hugged her. “Hey! Why don’t you sing a song back to him! You would have a whole week to practice, and maybe come to your senses… Hey good all around!”
Buffy looked thoughtful, normally it would take an army of Faryl demons to drag her on stage to humiliate herself. But, then again what better way to prove she was serious and she wanted this time to be different? It would be publicly putting herself out there. Buffy turned white at the thought of exposing herself that way. But then shook it off, he’s already done that and more for her.
“Buffy?”
Buffy tuned back in, “Sorry I was just doing a quick pros and cons thing, Yeah, your idea sounds good. Just a few details like how do we get him there? What do I sing…More importantly what do I wear?!” she runs up the stairs to scour her closet.
Xander sighs as he watches her go. Funny, he doesn’t feel as much impending doom as he thought he would.
~*~*~*~
Xander made sure to get to Spike’s crypt just before sunset to make sure he was there. Taking a deep breath he pushed open the door, “Hello?”
Annoyed, Spike had just gotten up the ladder from below, “Wasn’t any of your damn Scooby gang ever taught to knock on a person’s door before entering?”
Xander rolled his eyes, “A person’s home yes. This, is a crypt.”
“Still my home.” Spike who at the moment was only wearing a pair of black jeans opened the small fridge in the corner of the room and pulled out a packet of blood.
“Look I don’t have time for you to play Miss Manners.” Xander said trying not to watch the vampire have his breakfast. “Buffy sent me here to ask for your help. Why I don’t know, I think we will be fine without you. And I don’t just mean with this.” Might as well get some good shots in while I still can.
Spike just snarled at him over his cup of blood, and then polished it off, “And what does Miss High n Mighty want my help with?”
Xander shrugged, “Just a stake out sort of thing. Back up so to speak. She’s meeting with someone, she thinks he might bring some dangerous back up and wanted her own. Look why don’t you go slither in to the shadows, I’ll tell her I couldn’t find you. Honestly I think we’re fine on our own.”
“Wait, didn’t say I wouldn’t help. Told her if she needed it…” Spike looked suspicious, “Why you here askin me? If she needed my help…”
“Yeah, well don’t get excited, she sent me to ask you so whatever you did to make her avoid you these few weeks is still going strong, and I for one can not be happier! In fact you‘d be doing me a favor not going so she can finally see all your help was only cause you thought you had a chance with her!” Xander inside was hoping Spike would take the bait, if he screws this up he’ll have either a broken hearted Buffy or a pissed off slayer to deal with, or worse, some combination of both.
“Oh, sure you’d love that Whelp! Forget that. Told her I’d be there and keep my promises. “ He grabbed a black shirt and shoved it over his head. Somehow managing not to mess up his slicked back hair. Pulling on his duster as he shoved his feet into his work boots. He then approached the door where Xander stood, “Where we goin?”
Xander walked out with the vampire following, “You’ll see soon enough”
~*~*~*~
Xander noticed with some satisfaction that Spike looked a little nervous when they approached the club. But to the vampire’s credit he didn’t try and get out of going in. They took the same table the Scoobys had that night the week before.
Spike caught the eye of the bouncer who lifted his eyebrow in question, probably wondering why Spike came threw the front and with out his disguise. Spike gave him a small shake of the head and the bouncer gave him a small nod. Xander turned to Spike, “What was that all about?”
“Uh, friend from kitten poker… letting him know he didn’t know me tonight is all… Undercover remember?” with that Spike sat back in his seat and seemed to melt in to the background. Xander knew he was there but the whole Big Bad look seemed a to loose its attention getting qualities. Xander was about to ask him how he did that when the MC jumped on stage and began the show.
“Welcome ladies and gentleman…” The MC started out
“So where is Buffy?” Spike asked
“She will be here soon. You’ll see, till then just watch the show” Xander hoped Spike did that and didn’t miss the whole point of him being here.
Spike huffed, “Something’s not right” he said under his breath. He tuned in to the MC again.
“Special treat… You loved his songs these last few weeks. Will has shared his heart break over a certain young woman…”
Spike straitened up his eyes wide. He looked ready to bolt but the next words froze him in place.
“She is here tonight with her own words for him to hear… Will, if you’re out there somewhere listen up!”
Xander watched Spike threw his peripheral vision, Spike‘s eyes were glued to the stage. Buffy stepped out she stared at the microphone her face flush with nervousness. Spike stayed stock still as if he was afraid if he moved the whole thing would disappear.
Buffy cleared her throat, “I-I never do this so I’m sorry if I don’t sound good…” She looked at the MC who hit the play button for her background music, and then she closed her eyes and tried to imagine it was just Spike she was singing to.
You ask me if I love you
And I choke on my reply
I'd rather hurt you honestly
Than mislead you with a lie
And who am I to judge you
On what you say or do?
I'm only just beginning to see the real you
And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides
Romance and all its strategy
Leaves me battling with my pride
But through the insecurity
Some tenderness survives
I'm just another young girl
Still trapped within my youth
A hesitant proud fighter
Still trapped within my truth
And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides
At times I'd like to break you
And drive you to your knees
At times I'd like to break through
And hold you endlessly
At times I understand you
And I know how hard you've tried
I've watched while love commands you
And I've watched love pass you by
And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides
Buffy opened her eyes and jumped off the stage. She headed right to Spike, “I’m sorry”
Only Xander seemed to notice everyone in the bar quietly watching them.
Spike stood up but still kept a distance, “I thought you said being with me was killing you.”
Buffy looked down, “It was…” Spike nodded and started top walk away. “Wait! It was killing me because I wanted you. Not just for sex but all of you, and I couldn’t have it. At least I thought so. I was sure having you meant giving up everyone else. I was wrong. I underestimated them and I underestimated us. I was wrong but I…”
She didn’t get to finish as Spike swooped her up in his arms and kissed her soundly. The crowd cheered. Xander tapped them on the shoulder, “Maybe you should take this somewhere else…”
Spike and Buffy parted, “Why aren’t you brassed off?” Spike asked him suspiciously.
Xander shrugged, “It’s her life her choice…” he leaned in on Spike, “But if you hurt her I’ll make Angelus look like a cheery candy striper compared to what I’ll do to you!”
Spike nodded. “As you should.” Spike smiled then frowned, “Gotta say though that left me with a bad visual of the poofer.” Spike shuttered.
Xander smiled, “Good, gotta have my fun some how.”
With that they left the club. Xander went home and Spike and Buffy went to….uh… Make up…
Author's Chapter Notes:
This is a sequel to It’s Not Over. So you may want to read that one first. Some of the lyrics have been changed to better suit the character’s feelings. This song is: Sometime When We Touch by Dan Hill. It was the closest I could get to saying what I wanted to. So here it is…