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“We need to get to them!” Giles exclaimed, hurrying out of the temple to the street.

“Right! We need wheels!” Spike replied. Flagging down a car, he hunkered down to the drivers side window, game face in place.

“Hi! I need your car,” he said cheerily. Inside, an old Jewish woman screeched in fear and shrieking in Hebrew she tore a strange ornament hanging from the rearview mirror and shouting at the top of her lungs pressed it to Spike’s deformed forehead. There was a hiss of sizzling flesh and a scream of pain from Spike as the holy symbol seared his flesh. The car screeched away in a blast of scorched rubber as Spike hopped up and down in pain cradling his brow, spitting out a steady stream of obscenities. He straightened to confront a concerned Giles.

The Star of David had been seared into his forehead. Giles snickered,

“Mazel Tov!” Giles quipped.

“I hate ethnic neighborhoods! I hate ‘em! I hate ‘em! I hate ‘em!” He ranted, “Bloody sodding Hell!!” Nursing his wounds and his pride, he glared darkly at Giles who casually walked over to a parked car and picking up a rock from the street dashed it into the driver-side window, showering the street with glass.

“Subtle,” Spike commented bitterly. Opening the door, Giles crouched down by the steering column and peered intently at it.

“Spike. Come here and rip this off,” Giles instructed.

“With pleasure,” the vampire snarled and stalking over to the car, knelt and plunged his fingers into the steering column, savagely tearing it apart in an explosion of plastic shards and sparks. Giles took his glasses off and pinched the skin of his nose sighing,

“Just the steering column covering, Spike not all of the bloody ignition circuitry!” Giles sighed.

Spike nodded, “Yes well…tell a bloke these things, they are important,” he replied. Giles sighed again and dug his hands into the ignition circuitry, twisting a few together in rapid succession. There was a grinding sound followed by a roar of life as the engine turned over and caught.

Spike whistled, impressed, “Where in the Watcher curriculum do they teach that?”

“I served 18 months for first offense grand theft auto,” Giles turned to regard Spike, “That and playing the computer game a lot,” Giles leveled a deadly look at Spike as he got into the car, “You tell anyone, I promise you you’ll be harmed,”

Spike held up his hands in defense, “No worries mate. A man’s time in the bin is his own business,”

“No. I meant about the computer game,” Giles corrected, shaking his head.

“Oh.”

Spike closed the door behind him as Giles brought the phone up to his ear,

“Xander where are you now?”

There was a crackle of static then,

“Oh, we’re around,”

The golem, a huge stone creature that moved more like a gorilla, propelling itself on its massive stone hands, moved far too fast for something that huge but it continued to head right up first avenue, knocking cars aside like they were toys, sending them (and their occupants) screaming into buildings to blast through storefronts, reducing whole buildings to rubble,

“Someone call Rand McNally, I think their tour guide is going to need a quick rewrite,” Xander quipped, stunned by the devastation the creature was able to wreak.

“Hear hear,” Alec quipped from the backseat of the van. Alec looked down at his useless legs, they had had to carry him into the van, and he cursed his inability to be out there to fight the golem.

“So, do we have something resembling a plan?” Buffy asked, having nearly healed all of her wounds and eager to get back in the game.

“We need to get it away from all these people!” Alec yelled so he could be heard over the sounds of destruction outside.

The group had been resting in the gypsy lair when they got word of the golem’s rampage via a panicked newscaster they heard over Dawn’s portable radio. Eager to be out doing something, ANYTHING, other than sitting around waiting, the group, sans Anya, Dawn, Faith and a still recovering Angel, decided to head out and see if it was really as bad as it all sounded.

It was, in fact, worse.

“We need a distraction!” Buffy replied

“BRAKES!” The entire group howled. Xander slammed on the brakes just in time as the golem had picked up a car and flung it away carelessly where it collided with another car and both ruined vehicles had passed across not two feet from the front of the van to collide into a building and burst into flames.

“Go! Go! Go!” Willow screamed. Xander floored it and the van lurched away from the ruined cars just as their gas tanks ignited and erupted in a ball of flame. Alec turned around to see weakly struggling forms within the burning cars and had to look away, feeling sick.

“This thing has to be stopped,”

“Great, as soon as someone can figure out how to get its attention, I’m all ears,” Xander countered.

Without warning Willow lunged from the backseat and stuck her head and arms out the window.

“Willow!” Alec cried out, trying to get to her, his partially crippled form getting in the way.

“Askteriath Malar!” she cried out and a green bolt of light shot from her hand, catching the golem square in the forehead. It roared, a cold, hollow sound and stumbled backwards a massive hand over its forehead.

“Did that do it?” Xander asked. The creature lowered its hands from its face and turned its massive stone head to regard the van. Its eyes flashed red.

“I’m thinking ‘no’,” Buffy replied.

And with a roar, the golem smashed aside a car and charged them, lurching like a crazed gorilla.

“Go! go! go! go! go! go!” Alec screamed as the massive stone golem attacked them. Xander threw the car into reverse and peeled out as fast as he could as the golem kept advancing.

“Good news! It’s distracted!” Willow commented.

“Bad news! It’s distracted by an overwhelming urge to kill us all!” Alec countered.

“Heads down please!” Xander yelled. Willow grabbed Alec’s head and pulled it down and out of the way into her lap so Xander could continue to drive frantically backwards.

“Gee honey, is this really the time?” Alec quipped lightly, his cheek resting against her thigh.

“Drive now, be a pervert later!” Buffy yelled.

“There, go around that corner!” Willow gestured frantically.

Xander cut the wheel hard and the van lurched around the corner, up onto the sidewalk, backing up into a store window.

“Sorry!” Xander called out before he floored the pedal causing the van to lurch out and away from the storefront, around a building and barreling up Eighth Avenue. Just in time to see a car soar over their van and collide like a bomb into the storefront they had just backed into, annihilating it.

“Nevermind!” Xander added then frowned, “Should I leave a note?” the boy asked.

“Xander, if you for any reason, slow down this car, you won’t have to worry about the golem tearing you apart, I’ll do it!” Buffy screamed at him.

“Do you think we lost him?” Willow asked. They all turned to peer behind them. The golem had yet to come around the corner of the building which served as the entrance to Eighth Street.

“I don’t know,” Buffy squinted peering down the street.

Just in time to see the golem smash THROUGH the building entirely and charge after them.

“Uh-uh,” Alec answered. Xander grimaced and floored the accelerator, pushing it down even further to the floor and weaving through the obstacles in the road, thanking whatever gods would listen that it was a late night and very few people were out.

Of course, the rampaging engine of death directly behind them may have had something to do with that too.

“Hey, this is St. Mark’s place. I wanted to come here for a tattoo,” Alec commented.

“Great, you’ll make a beautiful corpse,” Willow replied. Alec grinned.

“You think so?”

“Down, boy.”

Xander spared a glance into the rear view mirror. The saying ‘Objects may be closer than they appear’ was taking a very grim meaning. The golem behind them opened its stone maw, roared and lurched and suddenly in a squeal of shattered glass and twisted metal, the rear view mirror was torn from the car.

“Well that’s not good,” Alec commented. Suddenly the whole car lurched up and everyone in the car was nearly brained by the van roof.

What the hell was that?” Buffy asked before turning around to face front, “Oh.”

“Good news everyone! We’ve run out of road here at 8th street and Fourth Avenue, we are currently on sidewalk. If you’ll look left you’ll see a piece of modern art commissioned by I Have No Idea, entitled “Big giant metal cube,” Xander gave a running commentary.

“How is that good news, Farnsworth?” Alec asked.

“This is called Astor Place, skateboarders hang out around here, we must be near Lafayette,” Willow added.

“Incoming!” Buffy cried out. Xander accelerated and lurched forward just in time to avoid being crushed by the aforementioned gigantic metal cube which the enraged golem had turned into a missile.

“He’s trashing precious landmarks of the East Village!” Willow cried out.

“I’ll send an angry letter to my congressman!” Alec retorted just as the golem charged after them swatting the massive steel cube away where it flew in the air and annihilated the third floor of an apartment complex.

“We need a plan,” Buffy commented, looking a little ill at how relentlessly the monstrosity behind pursued them.

“We could introduce him to a really attractive pile of rubble?” Xander quipped.

“Xander if we don’t come up with a better plan, we are going to BE a pile of rubble!” Buffy yelled then cringed as she looked behind her to see the creature throw a bus at them.

“Brakes!” Everyone yelled. Xander slammed the brakes on as the bus sailed overhead and smashed directly in front of them, lengthwise, blocking the way.

“Detour!” Xander cried out and cut the wheel hard to the right. The van leapt off the sidewalk and barreled through the large window of a Barnes and Noble bookstore.

“Hey, you’re trashing my favorite store!” Willow lamented.

“The bookworms of the east village will truly rue this day,” Alec commented dryly.

“We have company!” Buffy yelled. The golem had followed them through the bookstore and was currently annihilating the place in its frenzied pursuit.

“Hang on!” Xander smashed through the book store, in and out of the coffee bar section and out the other side barreling down Broadway.

“Trashed a coffee bar and destroyed a piece of art, I know I’ve heard that some place before,” Alec mused.

“Two birds with one stone…sir,” Buffy quipped, “The first rule of Project Mayhem is-”

“Stop quipping!” Willow yelled, clearly the act of being pursued by a killer statue was wearing on her.

And with a crack and roar, the whole building came down on the golem. The Scoobies hit the brakes and turned to look as the dust cloud rose from the ruins of the Barnes and Noble.

“Did that do it?” Willow asked, a little shakily.

In answer, the rubble began to shift and a huge hand burst from the gravel,

“No…” Willow whispered brokenly.

“I think we’re going to need a bigger boat, chief,” Alec commented dryly.

“Of course!” Xander cried out. Flooring the accelerator, cutting the wheel, everyone was thrown to the side as Xander pulled a 180 and headed towards the emerging golem,

“Hey you! Your mother was a tapped out quarry…and your father smelled of elderberries!” Xander taunted the beast as he drove past its remerging form. Buffy sighed in resignation and turned to Alec.

“Remind me that I owe Spike money.”

Alec frowned, puzzled “What do you mean?”

The golem roared and clawed its way out of the rubble and took off after them.

“Because I always thought you were going to be the first one out of all of us here to lose your mind,” she finished.

Alec actually laughed, “Thanks for the vote of confidence, sis.”

“I got myself a plan!” Xander cried out joyfully.

“This better be one heck of a plan,” Willow commented darkly. Xander grabbed the phone.

“G-Man, you there?”




Giles and Spike drove slowly up the ruined avenue, completely agog.

“Figures that Buffy would have all the fun the one time I’m not around,” Spike commented forlornly.

“The city is going to be rebuilding for years,” Giles observed grimly.

“New York, what a town!” Spike grinned. The cell phone crackled to life.

“G-Man, you there?” Xander’s voice blasted through. Spike took the phone.

“We’re here, just admiring your friend’s handiwork,” Spike commented grinning.

“Well, he’s behind us, he’s pissed and we’re running out of gas, we need you guys to run interference and lure him away while I get something set up and then lure him back to somewhere else.

“Oh well, is that all?” Spike commented dryly.

“Put Giles on the phone,” Xander directed. Spike shrugged and handed it over to Giles. Giles took it and sighed.

“You know I’ve always hated people who drove while talking on their cell phone.”

“War makes beasts of us all,” Spike commented completely straight-faced. Giles shot him a look as he brought the phone to his ear.

“Xander, what is it you have in mind?”

“Giles call Anya and ask her about someone she knows in the demon realm who can help with this thing, then find the fastest thing you can and get on it. Oh! And make sure she brings that black bag we got from the cops. Tell her that’s crucial!” Xander added.

“Acknowledged,” Giles hung up the phone and began dialing Anya.

“What’s the plan?” Spike asked.

“I’m not sure yet,” Giles put his ear to the receiver and listened to it ring.

“What?” A terse voice replied.

“Anya, this is Giles. We have a rampaging-“

“-Stone golem, yeah I heard about it on the radio. Now, why are you calling me?” she demanded.

“We need to know how to lure it away and how to kill it,”

“No problem. On its forehead is the world “Emet” which means ‘truth. Destroy the first letter in it and it becomes ‘met’ meaning ‘death’, which will kill it,” Anya explained.

“And how are we supposed to do that?” Giles asked impatiently.

“My suggestion? Crush the head,” Anya answered.

“Yes, well, that should be terribly simple. Which reminds me, Xander wants you to come meet us and bring the black bag from the police station, says he needs something from it.”

A sigh over the phone then, “Fine! Fine! Where can I meet you?”

“Just follow the trail of devastation,” Giles replied and hung up.




Anya hung up the phone and glanced at Angel, Faith and Dawn.

“Well, come on, we have to go help out. Apparently without me, there are totally helpless, as I thought.”

“Loving the humility there, A,” Faith commented dryly, getting up.

“What’s the situation?” Angel asked quietly, getting up slowly. Faith placed a hand on his chest, steadying up.

“Whoa hold up there, babe. Are you sure you should be going anywhere?”

“Don’t have much of a choice, we’re needed,” Angel replied. Dawn got to her feet.

“I’m going too.” Angel turned to face her.

“I don’t think that’s a very good idea Dawn-” he began.

Dawn brushed him off, “Three things: one, a lot of people I love are out there and I need to help them, two: leaving me here when we’re not certain whether or not gypsy boy will kill us all falls under the ‘blindingly stupid’ section of thoughts…” Dawn squared off against the tall vampire.

“…And three, if those reasons aren’t good enough for you, then I don’t give a damn WHAT you think,” she turned to Anya and Faith, “Let’s go!”

Dawn left behind three very stunned adults.

“She’s B’s sister all right,” Faith observed.

“No kidding,” Angel replied before heading off after her. Faith and Anya followed, Anya snatching the black bag before leaving.





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