“Tell Soldier-boy to bugger off, Red. The Slayer is currently unavailable to accompany him anywhere, especially alone…without supervision ‘n all that rot. ‘e’s a bloody poofter.” Spike smirked, slouching back into the couch as he studied the blonde next to him for a moment, ignoring the grinning Watcher and fidgeting witch. “Did you jus’ say you loved me?”
Buffy couldn’t have blushed a deeper red before stammering, “Don’t read into it. It just…slipped out. Residual effect from the spell, really I’m sure I’ll be back to hating you in no time…and don’t call Riley a poofter, whatever that is. I can still stake you.”
“’s the same as your precious Angel. Both poofters.” Spike added incredulously as he shifted the girl under his arm closer towards him.
“Having a soul makes someone a ‘poofter’ then?” Buffy replied using air quotes. “Is Giles a poofter?”
Giles grunted in response, muttering about vampires and staking them on the spot rather than taking them in and feeding them because like dogs they always came back for more. Spike laughed at the Watcher’s response and the slayer’s lack of knowledge on British slang words. “’s not what poofter means, luv.”
“Uh, Buffy, what are you going to do about Riley?” Willow finally looked from the front door Xander had walked through back to the blonde couple on the couch.
Buffy shrugged, “I guess I can tell him tomorrow night that I’m married and hope he’s ok with it.”
“Like hell you will! No wife of mine is going to cavort around town.” Spike growled at the young woman beside him. “Tell the wanker you’re married over the telephone. Handy little invention, you may have ‘eard of it, talk in one end ‘n they hear you on the other. No touching involved.”
If he was expecting any specific type of response from her, laughter certainly wasn’t it. Not just her typical girly giggles but full-out roll-on-the-floor-can’t-breathe laughter.
“Y-you’re j-jea-l-lous! Big bad Spikey is jealous that the slayer is going out on a date and he’s stuck at home.”
“If you don’t stop chucklin’ over there, I’ll be going with you ‘n the cub scout on your little date.” She stopped laughing and it was his turn to chuckle. “Knew you wouldn’t like that.”
“Actually it’s a really good idea. If I show up with you, he’ll be convinced I’m not just trying to blow him off…”
“There’ll be no blowin’ of the Cub Scout!” Spike scowled.
“Easy there, tiger. I have absolutely no interest in blowing anything at the moment.” Catching his eye, she mumbled, “except maybe you.”
“Capitol plan, Buffy…and to you as well,” Giles merely motioned towards the vampire. “I do say that I rather prefer you and…him than to another civilian.”
Willow raised her hand politely, “Little problem, Spike can’t go out with you until it’s dark. You’re supposed to meet Riley at four.”
The trio thought about the problem for a moment before Spike snapped his fingers and grinned. “Give me back the Gem ‘f Amara. I’ll look completely human ‘n it’ll keep the soldier boys off my back. Buffy can attest that my ‘eart beats ‘n ‘m not cold with it on.”
Giles swung his head in Buffy’s direction, “Is he correct? I’ve heard that the ring makes its wearer nearly invincible but does it allow him to regain a heartbeat?” At her barely discernible nod, he added. “That’s astonishing.”
“Uh, I really hate to be the bearer of bad news…again but have you told your mom?” Willow blushed nearly as brightly as her hair when the fearsome vampire spared a glance at her.
Buffy blanched. In all her worries about telling Giles and the rest of the Scooby gang, her mother had been the least of her worries.
Spike chortled, “Doesn’t still ‘ave an axe, does she? Maybe we should stick to the story that we met in a band. Still hell on the skins, pet?”
“Still planning on singing for her, Spikey?” Buffy retorted, leaving the other two occupants in the room bewildered.
“Bloody well forgot about that part.” He paused for a moment, “She doesn’t still ‘ave access to an axe, does she? That soddin’ ‘urt the first time.”
“She knows about demons, vampires and the fact that her daughter is the slayer- what do you think?” Buffy raised an eyebrow, carefully awaiting the vampire’s response and nearly giggling off the couch when he threw his head back against the couch and murmured, “Guess I’ll be pickin’ up flowers for the lady ‘n makin’ sure there are plenty of witness’. She was bloody pissed when she thought I was tryin’ to kill you ‘n now she’ll find out I married you instead. ‘ave fun on the honeymoon pet. It’ll be jus’ what we planned- Mr. ‘n Mrs. Big Pile ’f Dust.”
“I’m not exactly worried about mom. She already knows you’re a blood-sucking fiend but dad doesn’t. I mean I know he doesn’t call that much but I don’t think he’s going to like that his eighteen year old daughter is married, without informing him.” Buffy cringed at the thought of telling Hank Summers about anything.
Willow glanced between the blonde couple unable to fathom how relaxed they were in each other’s presence when, by all accounts, they should have been at each others throats. “You really don’t look that old, Spike. Mr. Summers would probably believe you’re a college student with the right paperwork. I mean you do have a birth certificate, right?”
“Course I do, Red. Wouldn’t let me get hitched to the Slayer without it. Right then, so instead of being an evil vampire who wanted to kill her daughter, I’m the suave University chap who wooed ‘is daughter into bed and then the nearest drive-thru chapel. ‘e’s not as handy with an axe as your mum, is ‘e?.”
“No, but he does own a shotgun.”
“Bloody hell! Let’s not tell him ‘n say we did, goldilocks.” Spike pleaded, burrowing his head against her shoulder.
“Please tell me I’m hearing things wrong. Buffy, tell me you didn’t run off and get married this weekend!” Joyce Summers stood in the doorway to Giles’ apartment fuming at overhearing her daughter had married, apparently, the blonde vampire whose head was resting near her neck.
“Uh…hi mom. It’s great to see you too.”
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Two reviews reminded me I hadn't updated this in awhile so it does pay to review. Otherwise I probably would have forgotten all about it so thank you to those that did review.