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Buffy returned to Revello Drive that night to an empty house. She began making plans. looking at places she wanted to go, things she wanted to do. The problem was when she realized she didn't have even the money to do these things. This realization brought on the thought that even if she had the money to take this time away, she would need to use it to pay the outstanding and upcoming bills on the house. It was a dead end. False hope was created once more.

She headed to the bathroom with her map. She sat it infront of her. Laid on the floor were dreams she had harboured for years. Ones she knew would never be realized. Buffy had been denied her happiness once again. She took out the dagger she had received years ago, this is what it was used for. Deep cuts opened up the scars that were never going to heal if she didn't stop this ritual soon.

*Drip*Drip*Drip* Buffy watched three drops of her crimson blood fall to the map before being slowly absorbed. The cut began to scab over. "Arrrrgggggghhhhh." She screamed, throwing her dagger against the mirror, causing a spider web of cracks.

"Buffy, are you okay?" Dawn burst into the room. She had arrive home just ten minutes ago and her sister had once again shut herself into the bathroom. Her sister stood there with red wrists. Dawn knew it was blood. "What did you do?" She was scared. Buffy had just been brought back, she wasn't happy, but Dawn needed her. The teenager looked at the blood, the knife, the mirror and the map. She looked at her sister, trying to understand what was going on.

"I'm sorry Dawnie." Buffy actually looked contrite. She knew Spike knew. She didn't mind that he knew. But now Dawn knew, and that seemed bad.

"Were you..." Dawn didn't... she couldn't finish the sentence. No one wanted to stay with her. Everyone she cared about left her. She'd just gotten her sister back and she was wanting leaving again. Both Summers girls knew the ending of the sentence anyway.

"Yeah." Buffy nodded. "It hasn't worked yet."

"You're a coward." Dawn stated before running out of the room. She nearly fell down the stairs in her haste to leave the house. She just ran. She couldn't stop. Stopping would mean she would have to face her sister. Stopping would let the tears have time to form.

Her lungs were burning and her muscles were protesting the constant strain. She was in front of Spike's crypt when she collapsed against the door. It was opened quickly pulling her inside.

"What are you doing here? It's past sunset, any number of baddies could have gotten you."

"She.... She...." Dawn gasped, trying to get what she saw out. She needed to tell him. Spike would help her figure out what to do. He had to.

***

Dawn was currently sitting in Spike's easy chair, drinking some hot cocoa. "I found her there, with a knife. She doesn't want to be here Spike. She doesn't want to be here for me. What's wrong with me?"

"Bit, that's not it." Spike sat in front of her. "She's been through something traumatic."

The door opened and Buffy came into the crypt in a panic. She needed to find Dawn. Spike would help her, he had to. She stopped as Dawn asked Spike those questions. He was answering her as honestly as he would be able to. He had one sister's confidence and he couldn't betray that.

"It's not the first time Dawnie." Buffy spoke for the first time since entering the crypt. "And it's not you." She took a seat next to Spike.

Buffy pulled her sleeves up and showed Dawn the cuts that she had been making. She was done lying to her sister and if she was going to do what Spike had suggested, she would need the support.

"Why?" Dawn asked in such a small voice. She knew that right now she had to put her own feelings aside, but she still needed to know what was going through Buffy's head.

"I was in heaven. They pulled me out of there and abandoned me here. I didn't mean to hurt you. That's not what I wanted." There were tears streaming down both girls' cheeks. Spike stood, leaving them to talk. He would begin this part of his new job tonight. Tomorrow he'd put the next stages into the works.

***

Buffy smiled slightly as Spike returned. Dawn was asleep, resting on her shoulder.

"Know where you're going to go?" He asked softly hanging his duster on the makeshift coatrack.

"I can't." Buffy shook her head. "There's Dawn and the house and the bills and I need money to go if that's what I do." Buffy wiped the single, lingering tear. "I can't Spike."

"Sell the house." Dawn spoke, startling her sister who thought she was asleep.

"What?"

"It would cover the expenses here, and get you at least started on your journey, you may have to work some depending on where you go, but that could be half the fun."

"What about you?" Buffy asked.

"Spike'll take care of me." Dawn stated confidently.

"Yeah Bit." Spike nodded. He knew Buffy wouldn't want that situation to occur, so he looked to see her reaction.

She was shocked he would do that for them, for her. She knew she shouldn't be, but was. "You would do that? How? She needs food and a real place to live and..."

"Buffy, it's fine, I'll take care of her." Spike reassured her, telling her he would make sure Dawn had as normal a life as he would be able to give her.

***

The house was put up for sale, the remaining Scoobies still out of the loop didn't understand how Buffy could do this. She refused to explain anything. Dawn was similarly tight lipped about the decision.

Willow and Xander were appauled that Buffy would do what she was doing. Neither could see why she needed to do this. Anya didn't seem to have much of an opinion one way or another other than wondering who would be taking care of the slaying while she went off on her little vacation.

Spike was critisized for offering to take over. The comments involved how could a vampire replace a slayer. How did he make Buffy think he could be trusted with this. They never really bothered to consider why Buffy needed to leave. Nor did they consider what would happen to Dawn.

Willow packed her things the day after Buffy had made her announcement. Her already strained relationship with Tara was further affected by the quiet woman refusing to leave so quickly, to support her girlfriend. They broke up that night.

***

An amazing offer was placed on the house a week after it was put up for sale. The girls took it, knowing it was so much more than the property was worth, but knew that nothing better would be offered on the house.

Tara helped the girls pack up their mother's house. She was sad everything was ending on such a harsh note between the group of friends. She had noticed in the past week being here without the others that the slayer was changing already. She wasn't completely back to normal, but Tara didn't believe Buffy would be normal ever again.

"Buffy, what's going to happen to Dawn?" Tara asked as the two women prepared dinner. Tara was really the one preparing the meal, Buffy was helping where she could.

"Oh, um..." She was nervous, no one had asked her, and in truth, all she knew was that Spike was taking care of it.

"I'm taking care of it." Spike replied as he entered the kitchen. He had promised Dawn he would be over to help with her school work that night. He must be early if they hadn't eaten yet.

"Well, I'm here if you need any help." Tara smiled. The offer was genuine and free of any judgements, Spike knew that and he was greatful.





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