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Summary: An injury takes Buffy out of action. can she still be the slayer? How can she cope and who will help her deal with it? Spike, of course.
*****
Wounded
Prologue
Buffy slowly opened her eyes. It wasn’t her ceiling she was looking at, where was she? She looked around at the monitors and IV next to her bed. The hospital, she was in the hospital. Right, she new where she was, now, why was she in here?
She thought back to the last thing she remembered was the big spiked demon she saw as she was patrolling with Spike. She had started to joke with him about it being more worthy of his name than he was when she saw just how big it really was.
She remembered them trying to come at the thing from both sides but it was huge and it had a long tail with even more spikes on it. She remembered Spike shouting for her to run and just as she was turning, the tail coming strait for her.
She remembered being pushed to the side by Spike while he took the full force of the swing. He seemed to get hit by the side of the tail. That only had a few small spikes on it. He would probably be OK. She was surprised to be greatly relieved at this.
It was then that she remembered that the end of the tail that had a ball of large spikes attached had managed to catch the back of her right calf. She remembered feeling a large chunk of her muscle being sliced through and she thought she remembered hearing the bone crack. It was after that she had passed out.
That was it! The demon had hurt her leg, she passed out and Spike had brought her to hospital. She really would have to thank him for that. But, it must be serious for him to take a slayer in hospital, right? She stopped herself, it was probably just Spike being overly concerned. He was so afraid of losing her especially after last summer. She would talk to him about it later, after she had thanked him. First she wanted to see the damage for herself.
She raised herself up slightly on her elbows, still feeling a little dizzy, although if that was from blood loss or medication that she had been given, she didn’t know. She looked down at the length of the bed and frowned. Something didn’t look right. Bracing herself she took hold of the sheet covering her and pulled it away.
She didn’t move, didn’t breathe. This couldn't be right, it must be a mistake.
She looked down at her left leg, followed the line of her hip, down her thigh, her knee, then calf eventually reaching her foot. That was fine, her leg was unmarked. Why would it be? It was the right one the demon had injured.
Then she did the same with her right leg, from her hip, down her thigh, a bloodstained bandage where he knee should have been, then....nothing.
She screamed.
Chapter 1
“YOU HAD TO WHAT?!” Spike bellowed at the surgeon who had just told him about how the operation on Buffy’s leg had gone.
“We had to perform a full amputation just above the knee.”
“Bloody hell man! Are you a doctor or a butcher?!”
“Her veins and arteries were shredded, there was no way we could have fixed them, she would have bled to death. Not to mention the fact that her bones were splintered like matchsticks and the muscles looked like something they’d serve at the Doublemeat!” The surgeon had grown annoyed at the British man standing in front of him. He had just spent four hours saving the girl’s life and now he was getting abuse for it.
This was one of the times when Spike wished he didn’t have the chip, then he would wiped that pissed off look off the surgeon’s face. He was about to launch into another string of curses that involved accusations of the man’s parentage being of questionable origin when he heard the scream coming from Buffy’s room.
He quickly pushed past the nurses who were rushing towards Buffy’s room and opened the door himself. What he saw tore his heart to shreds and set fire to the pieces.
Buffy was propped up on her elbows staring down at her legs, or leg as the case may be. She had stopped screaming but tears ran down her face and sobs wracked her body.
At that moment Spike didn’t care whether or not she had broken up with him as he sat down on the bed next to her and pulled Buffy into a tight embrace. He had no idea what he could say to comfort her.
Just then the surgeon and two nurses came in to see if Buffy was all right. When they tried to make Spike leave he shifted into his vampire face and growled at them. They quickly left.
After twenty minutes Buffy’s tears finally stopped and she looked up at Spike.
“Spike? What happened?” She asked him in a childlike voice, like she needed him to say it to make it real.
“Oh Buffy luv, the demon did a number on you, banged up your leg. The arteries were damaged, you were going to bleed to death, they had to...had to...” He couldn't bring himself to say it.
“They took my leg.” Buffy whispered.
“Yeah luv, they did.”
They both cried for along time after that.
*****
After they had stopped crying Spike looked down at the woman in his arms. She was so strong, she had coped with so much in her life. Would she be able to get through this? He vowed that he would do anything to help her do just that. He was startled out of his thoughts when she spoke.
“Spike? Why did they do this?”
“Buffy luv, you were going to die, they had to.”
“They may as well have let me die, I can’t be they slayer like this, I’m useless.” Spike turned her face so that she was looking at him.
“Buffy, it doesn’t matter if you can’t be the slayer for now. You need to be you, Buffy. It’s going to be hard and you will need some help. I’ll help you, if you let me.” She looked at him with pleading eyes.
“Help me, please.”
“Always luv.”
Chapter 2
“Did you kill it?” Spike looked at Buffy questioningly. She was still in his arms and had made no protests about being there.
“Kill what luv?”
“The thing that did this to me.”
“No pet, I didn’t. You were bleeding badly so I picked you up and ran. Don’t know if I could have killed it even if I stayed, was a big nasty bugger.” Fresh tears started to fall down Buffy’s cheeks.
“What am I going to do Spike? I’m going to be stuck in a wheelchair for the rest of my life.”
“No you bloody well won’t!” Spike growled. Buffy looked shocked at his anger. “I was in one of those things remember? You may be in one for awhile to begin with but I’m going to make sure you get out of it soon!”
“What’s it like Spike? What am I going to feel like being stuck in a chair? Even if it is only for a while.”
“It was bad for me Buffy,” he saw the look of fear on her face and continued. “But remember I had Angelus there trying to make things as bad as they could be for me. You’ve got me and I will help you make the best of this.” She looked slightly relieved at this.
He wasn’t sure why she was letting him help her, sure she needed the help but why him? Not too long ago she was telling him that being with him was killing her, now she was accepting his help? He decided to ask her.
“Buffy luv, why do you want me to help? I mean, you’ve not been happy to see me lately.”
“You don’t leave.”
*****
Once Buffy had fallen asleep Spike quietly made his way out of the room. He needed tell Dawn, God, how was he going to tell her? How could he possibly explain this to her? The Scoobies, they would need to know too. He decided to phone Willow and Tara and get them to go stay with Dawn. He’d wait till he actually saw Dawn before he told her, this wasn’t the type of thing that should be told over the phone.
Spike found the pay phones and used the bit of change he had from buying his blood to call Tara and Willow. He told them to go stay with Dawn and that everyone should come to the hospital the next afternoon. He would explain everything then.
As soon as he was done he returned to the room to find Buffy twitching and whimpering as she slept. ‘Nightmare,’ he thought as he sat beside her bed and gently stroked her hair. This seemed to calm her as the whimpering died down. Soon he was also asleep.
*****
Spike was woken a few hours later by Buffy’s cries. She was obviously having another nightmare. Spike couldn’t blame here, he felt like he wanted to wake up sometime soon too. The whole situation seemed to be slightly less than real. He knew that once he was alone and didn’t have to be strong for Buffy then reality would probably hit him in the face, but for now Buffy needed him.
“Shh Buffy, wake up luv. Come on, come back to me.” Buffy slowly opened her eyes and looked at him. Her face crumpled as fresh tears started to fall. Spike held her as she leaned into him as she wept.
As she listened to Spike’s soothing words Buffy thought about how her life had drastically changed over the last day. The thought of the question she had asked Spike earlier, could she still be the slayer? Spike had said she needed to be Buffy. That worried her, being the slayer was easy, it was being Buffy that was hard.
Chapter 3
Spike was alerted to the presence of the Scooby Gang in the waiting room of the ward by means of his vampiric hearing. he looked over at the clock on the wall, 4 AM. Damn them, why couldn't the wait until tomorrow like he told them to? Give Buffy some time to start to overcome the shock and injuries. Well, he realised that he couldn’t actually blame them on that point, having only told Willow and Tara that Buffy was in the hospital and that her life was not in danger. Maybe he should have told them, they may have given her some time.
‘Yeah mate, right sensitive bunch they are,” he thought sarcastically as he made his way quietly towards the door. Buffy had only gone to sleep an hour before and he sure as hell wouldn’t let them wake her up.
Bracing himself for the inevitable questions that were to come, he pushed open the door and went out into the waiting room.
*****
Everyone stood as they saw Spike leave Buffy’s room. The barrage of questions didn’t faze Spike, although one thing did catch his attention, most of the questions were about Buffy’s condition, while one was questioning why Spike was there.
‘Leave it up to the Whelp to get his priorities cocked up,’ Spike thought. ‘Buffy’s laying in a hospital bed, he doesn’t know how she is and he questions why I’m here.’ Spike was bitter at the thought that people like this got all of Buffy’s respect while he got none.
“Shut the hell up!” His outburst caught the attention of everyone, including a doctor and two nurses. they saw it was the man who had stayed with Ms Summers and when they realised that these people must be her friends they decided not to say anything about the noise, even so early in the morning.
“Now I’ll explain what’s going on but Bit deserves to hear it first. When we get back I’ll tell you everything.” Dawn looked worried as Spike lead her away from the group. As they were going Xander stepped in front of Spike.
“No way Deadboy, now I want to know what’s going on and I’m going in there to see Buffy.” Xander had only just finished the sentence when Spike grabbed him by the shirt and slammed him against the wall.
“Listen to me wanker, Buffy only just got to sleep and if you disturb her I will kill you myself. Remember where we are, there’s plenty of painkillers to get rid of a headache.” The look in Spike’s eyes made Xander want to run and hide under the bed. The Boogey Man wasn’t only real, he was here and he was pissed off.
Xander stood there watching Spike lead Dawn away to explain whatever was wrong.
*****
Dawn was crying when she walked back with Spike. the two couples waiting for news shared a look, whatever was wrong, it was serious. Anya held into Xander’s arm as Tara and Willow held onto each other’s hand. Willow voiced their questions.
“Dawnie, what’s wrong? Is Buffy going to be OK?” Dawn looked up at pike. he took a deep breath.
*****
Buffy watched as Spike re-entered her room. Spike could see tears in her eyes and he pulled her into his arms.
“Where were you? I woke up, I thought it was a nightmare before I saw where I was.”
“Sorry luv, the gang were outside. They wanted to come in, I had to explain to them pet. They’re going to come back later to see you.”
“You told them?” Her tone wasn’t confrontational, she was just surprised.
“They had to find out sometime luv.” When they didn’t talk for awhile, Spike thought Buffy was going to sleep, he wasn’t expecting her next questions.
“Spike? Are you going to stay? Will you help me?”
“Course I am luv, I’ll be here for as long as you want me.”
Chapter 4
The next few days took their toll on Buffy’s mental state. While her physical injuries were nearly healed thanks to her slayer powers, Spike had watched her become more and more depressed.
Spike knew that one of the problems was that she only had the walls to look at all day. It’s difficult to feel anything but depressed when you were basically locked in a cell.
He realised for that her it was like being in prison with the added pain of having an injury. He decided to give her a change of scenery.
*****
Buffy was staring at the ceiling. She had got to know that particular patch of foam tiles well over the three days she had been stuck in the same bed. She guessed that she could draw every single crack in the paint from memory by now.
She was so busy looking at the ceiling that she almost screamed when Spike picked her up. She hadn’t noticed him move at all.
“Spike! What the hell are you doing?”
“Gonna take you for a little trip luv, been in here long enough.”
“And how exactly will you do that?” Spike nodded his head towards the wheelchair he had acquired from the ward. “Oh.” Spike saw the slight look of fear pass over Buffy’s face when she looked at the chair.
“Remember what I said luv, it’ll only be for a little while, I promise you that.” Buffy nodded and let him put her down in the chair.
*****
“So where are we going?” Buffy was curious and exited to finally be out of that room. She didn’t think of it as *her* room, *her* room was waiting for her at home.
“Thought you’d like a trip to the roof, good view, fresh air and all.” He really hoped that this would cheer her up, if only for a little while. He continued to push the wheelchair until they came to an elevator. Once they got in Buffy thought of something.
“That’s great but wont you burn?”
“It’s dusk luv, just can’t tell in these emotionless buildings.” She had to agree with his assessment of the hospital. She had never liked them, every corridor was exactly the same, it was like being in a labyrinth, if you didn’t watch out it was easy to get lost.
Soon the elevator doors opened and Spike pushed Buffy out into another corridor. when the came to a door marked ‘Roof Access - No Admittance' Spike stopped the chair and walked around until he was facing Buffy.
“Sorry luv, there’s a few stairs now, I’ll have to carry you.” When she nodded her agreement he gently leaned down and took her into his arms.
Buffy marvelled at the way he was able to pick her up with seemingly no effort at all. ‘Of course he can, there’s less to carry now!’ Buffy pushed the sneering thought away from her mind. Now was not the time for self pity, Spike was doing this for her.
It didn’t take long for Spike to climb the flight of stairs that lead to the roof. Once there he placed Buffy onto the Roof so that she was sat up. He sat next to her and she leaned into him.
They both looked up at the stars that were now clearly visible. Buffy was thankful to have something other than white to look at and also to be able to breathe air that didn’t taste of antiseptic was a blessing. She almost didn’t hear Spike’s whisper.
“Beautiful.”
“Yeah, they are.” He turned to face her.
“Not them luv, you.” This sparked something in Buffy, something she had spent way too much time thinking about, she needed to know. When she spoke her voice was quiet and unsure.
“Spike, I don’t want to start anything with you, I need you as a friend and I don’t love you like you want me to.” She nearly stopped when her words caused pain to flash over Spike’s face but she carried on. “But I need to know something, do you, I mean, could you love me? Like this? Like I am now?”
Spike was shocked, she thought that this would make difference with his feelings towards her. He leaned over and gently brushed his lips over her cheek before whispering in her ear.
“Until the end of the world.”
Chapter 5
They had spent hours on the roof, just watching the stars and moon. Very little had been said after Spike’s proclamation, very little needed to be said.
Buffy could honestly say that she felt happy for the first time since she lost the leg. Up on the roof her problems seemed to be less real, like everything would just get better on its own. It was when Spike took her back to her room because she was cold that the depression that had only just lifted came back full force.
"Why Spike?" She really had meant to go to sleep, she especially didn’t want to spoil what had been for her the best night in a long time.
Spike wasn’t sure what she meant. Why did the demon attack? Why did its tail catch her in just the wrong way? Instead of trying to work it out he decided to just ask her.
"What do you mean luv? What are you asking me?" If he had spent the rest of his unlife guessing what she meant, he wouldn’t have come close to what she said next.
"Why did you take me to the hospital? I’m the slayer, it would have healed up. The doctors don’t know what I am, they don’t know why the wound they left has nearly healed. They didn’t know so they......" She trailed off, never finishing the sentence.
Spike was close to vomiting. Buffy blamed him? All the insults that she had ever spat at him, all the times she had told him she was a thing, or beneath her didn’t come close to causing the level of pain Spike felt at the thought that she blamed him for this.
Just like when she died, he had replayed the night over and over, thinking of ways he could have prevented this from happening, but to think that Buffy also thought that he should have done more, not failed her, was devastating. He tried to free all emotion from his voice when he next spoke.
"Slayer healing wouldn’t have done shit if you’d already bled to death Buffy." she sounded defeated when she answered him.
"I know, you had no other choice." Spike was so relieved to hear that she didn’t blame him, he wanted to shout and laugh and scream. But what she said finally fully registered to him. He knew this could destroy everything they had built up, but she needed to know.
"That’s not true pet. When I saw you laying there with all that blood I had another idea on how to save you. I honestly thought it would be the only thing to save you." He paused and she looked at him questioningly. "I wanted to give you my blood Buffy, to save you my way. To turn you." He couldn’t look her in the eyes as he said this.
Buffy was shocked at his words. Not at the fact that he thought about turning her, after all that was what he was. She was shocked that even though he felt it would be the only way to save her, to make her truly his for all eternity, he didn’t do it. He took her to hospital instead. She truly saw the man pushing back the monster.
"Do you hate me luv? Do you blame me for this?" Spike’s voice was hesitant, wary of the possible answers to his question.
"I don’t blame you Spike. And I don’t hate you. If you had done that, if you had turned me then I would have hated you. And Spike, I haven't hated you for along time."
Chapter 6
"Well Miss Summers, it seems I’ve got some good news for you." The doctor reading her charts seemed to be in a good mood.
"What? You can give me back my leg?" Buffy snapped. She couldn’t really see anything as good news right now. Spike reached over and placed a hand on her shoulder, both to let her know she should listen to the doctor and to offer her comfort.
The doctor’s smile never wavered, he was used to dealing with patents and their less than pleasant moods. He really couldn’t blame the girl, she had had to deal with a difficult situation over the last few days.
"Miss Summers, it appears that your wounds are fully healed. I don’t know how, but you appear to have very good healing abilities. Tomorrow we will start your physical therapy, hopefully you won’t be stuck in this bed for very long now." He was glad to see that his words seemed to cheer the girl up, the best part of his job was giving people good news. He said his goodbyes and left the room.
"You hear that luv? You’ll be back home before you know it." Buffy didn’t say anything, she just looked up at Spike with a smile on her face and tears in her eyes.
Things suddenly didn’t look as bad as they had just moments before.
*****
Not long after the doctor’s visit the Scoobies made a return. Buffy, still in a happy mood was glad to see them . She made conversations with all of them, talking about what was going on in their lives.
Apparently Anya and Xander were still not talking to each other and Willow was moving in with Tara. The witches were giving their relationship another go and had decided that Buffy would need some space when she came out of hospital.
Dawn didn’t really say much, she just walked up and hugged her sister. They stayed like that until a nurse came and told everyone that they would have to leave, Buffy wasn’t to be overexcited. She didn’t bother asking Spike to leave, she still remembered seeing his face the first night Buffy was brought in. They may not talk about it but the hospital staff knew a lot more about the true workings of Sunnydale than they let on.
After they left Spike hugged Buffy and asked of she liked seeing all her friends. She nodded but looked away from him, trying hard not to cry at the memory of the looks of pity they all had directed at her.
After a few moments she turned back to him and smiled. She had been given good news and wouldn’t let herself be depressed, not again.
*****
Spike and Buffy spent the rest of the day talking and joking with each other. Spike was overjoyed that Buffy seemed to be starting to come around from the depression she had been feeling since the attack.
The sadness was still there, he could see glimpses of it in her eyes, but she wasn’t letting it take over as she had been doing for the past few days.
Buffy was happy to be able to spend so much time with Spike. She honestly had missed him since she had ended their relationship. Now she got to know Spike, not the vampire trying to do good or the ‘thing’ she had used to feel, but the man behind the bleach and leather. She realised that she liked what she saw.
When night fell sleep came easily to Buffy and she had her first nightmare-free night since she was injured.
*****
Buffy was woken in the morning by a nurse.
"Miss Summers? It’s time for your physio therapy. Do you need me to give to a hand getting into your wheelchair?" Buffy didn’t get a chance to answer as Spike stepped up to the bed.
"No need, I’ll do that." He lifted Buffy up and placed her in the wheelchair, much the same as he did the night he took her to the roof. He waved the nurse aside, saying that he would push the chair. The nurse agreed and lead the way to the physio therapy department.
*****
After an hour of exorcises the nurse seemed shocked with Buffy’s progress.
"Well Miss Summers, keep this up and you won’t be in that chair for very long."
When they got back to Buffy’s room Spike went to help her back into bed. Buffy was so happy at the news that not only would she be able to go home soon but that she may not have to spend much time an a wheelchair that she threw her arms around Spike and kissed him.
Quickly Spike pulled back, searching her face for an explanation.
"Buffy? What was that? You said that you didn’t want to be involved anymore."
Buffy blushed and looked away from his eyes.
"Yeah, sorry. I-I-I was just happy, sorry." Buffy stammered an explanation out. She hoped that he would believe her, it was all she could think of to say.
"That’s all right luv, you've had quite a bit of good news lately." Spike leaned over and hugged her. It wasn’t what he wanted to hear but he could wait. He had seen the look in her eyes and would wait until she was ready to admit her feelings for him.
He had all the time in the world.
Chapter 7
Buffy spent two more days in the hospital. The Scoobies visited her, although they came by separately, not in a large group.
She was given more exorcises to regain strength in her leg and the doctors were very impressed at her progress. When Buffy wasn’t doing exorcises she spent her time talking with Spike. They were becoming closer than they ever had before.
Buffy was thrilled at being let out of the hospital. Being stuck in there was driving her mad. Spike was just as glad that Buffy was being let out. He had spent just as much time there as she had, not even needing to leave the hospital to get food, all he did was sneak down to the blood bank to steal a bag or two of O neg.
Not soon enough for both of them, a doctor came into Buffy’s room and told her that if she had some help at home then the hospital was happy to discharge her. Spike told the doctor that he was staying with Buffy and that Dawn would be there to help. This seemed to please the doctor as he arranged for Buffy to be discharged the next morning.
*****
"So Spike, you now live with me do you?" Spike looked up at Buffy. She was getting ready to spend her last night in the hospital and he was sat on the chair he had been sleeping on for the last few days. He was just about to try and defend himself when he saw the flicker of humour in Buffy’s eyes. He smiled at her.
"Told you I’d help you luv, not gonna stop just because you’re at home. Anyway, didn’t hear you contradicting me."
"I need to get home Spike, at this point I would let Glory live with me if I got to go home!"
Spike laughed, hard. Not because he thought the joke was that funny, but because he was happy that Buffy was back to making jokes.
"Are you really going to move in?"
"Told you I was pet, now get to sleep, big morning tomorrow."
*****
"Yay! Home!"
Spike had to smile at Buffy’s childlike enthusiasm, though in truth he was just as happy to be here as she was. Dawn was also excited to have here sister home.
"Welcome back Buffy! You must be happy to be home, no more hospital food!" Her sister’s words caused a look of absolute joy on Buffy’s face.
"Real food! And no more evil nurses making me do those exorcises when I’m really tired." She winked at Dawn to let her know she was trying to wind Spike up. Of course he fell for it.
"Oh no you don’t Slayer! You know what they said, do those exorcises and you’ll get out of that chair." Buffy and Dawn burst into giggles.
"Relax Spike, I’m just making with the funny. I want to get out of this thing as soon as I can. Anyway, I know you wouldn’t let me slack off."
"Bloody right I won’t! You’ll get the best care you could ask for!" Dawn saw an opportunity to tease the vampire.
"Does that mean that you’re her nurse? Maybe we can get you a uniform!" She could hardly stand she was laughing so much. Spike growled at his girls but then realised Buffy wasn’t laughing. She had a strange look on her face and he didn’t know what she was thinking, it was almost the way she used to look at him during their relationship, a look of...desire?
Dawn’s words had caused Buffy to imagine Spike in a nurses uniform and her mind had run away with the thought. Currently she was imagining a scenario where they were playing doctors and nurses. Her thoughts were shattered by Spike himself.
"Buffy? You in there? Not going back to zoning out on us are you?"
"What? No, no. I’m fine, just glad to be home."
Spike didn’t believe her but let the subject drop. She had had to deal with a lot, she was allowed to be a bit preoccupied.
Spike told Buffy his plans to have a stair lift fitted so she could get up- and downstairs without him having to carry her. When Buffy insisted that they could never afford such a thing Spike reassured her that he had some money stashed away and that he would pay for it. After some convincing Buffy had agreed and Spike said they would look for one the next day.
*****
Buffy, Dawn and Spike spent the rest of the day together, mainly watching TV and talking. Buffy wanted to go outside but with Spike not being able to come with her she hadn’t said anything. She wasn’t going to let him go to all this trouble over her just to leave him inside on his own.
This struck Buffy as odd, that she would care if Spike’s feelings were hurt. Before the attack she wouldn’t have. But then, this wasn’t the same Spike. Before the accident she had only allowed herself to see his failures and flaws. Over the last few days she had got to know the real Spike and was confused as to what she felt about him. When she looked over at the vampire she saw that he was joking with Dawn.
‘She accepts him,’ she thought. ‘She knows what he is and it doesn't matter to her. And he would die to protect her. That’s one of the things I lov........HOLY SHIT!!!’ She suddenly realised what she was feeling for Spike. It was love. She was in love with him.
*****
It was only 11PM when Buffy decided she needed to go to sleep. Usually she stayed up much later but coming home from the hospital had really drained her.
Spike carried her upstairs and into her room. He placed her gently down and turned to leave when Buffy spoke up.
"Spike wait." He turned back to look at her. "Come sit down." He didn’t know what was going on so he did as he was told. Buffy took a deep breath, looked at her sheets down and started to speak before she lost her nerve.
"Spike, you’ve always told me the truth, even when I didn’t want to hear it. I’m sorry but I can’t say the same. I’ve misled you."
‘Oh God!’ Spike thought, ‘She really does blame me for this and now she is gonna tell me to piss off!’ Buffy Didn’t seethe look of panic on Spike’s face so she continued with her speech.
"That first night in the hospital when you asked why I wanted you to help I told you it was because you never leave. That was wrong. I didn’t mean to lie to you but that’s not the reason. You are not here and I’m not letting you help be just because you’ve never left me. You’re here because..." She looked him right in the eye, "I love you Spike."
Chapter 8
Spike thought he was going to pass out. It was a good thing he didn’t have to breathe because he didn’t think he could, even if his life depended on it. After a few moments he snapped out of it and leaned over and kissed Buffy.
The kiss was slow, none of the fierceness of their previous kisses, but it contained so much more emotion.
Still not rushing the kiss, Spike reached up to cup Buffy’s breast. She moaned into his mouth.
“Mmm Love you Spike.”
“Love you Buffy.”
As Spike leaned them back onto her bed, Buffy’s eyes shot open.
“No Spike.”
She broke the kiss and pushed Spike off of her, causing him to fall of the bed.
“Buffy?” Spike had no idea what was going on, she just told him she loved him and now she was rejecting him?
“Please go.” Her voice was a whisper and she couldn’t look him in the eye as she spoke.
“Buffy, luv, what’s wrong?”
“Just leave!” Leaving was the last thing Spike wanted to do but at the desperation in her command he forced himself to do as she said. Something was obviously wrong and it sounded as if he was making it worse by being there. He got up off the floor and left the room.
*****
As he descended the stairs Spike had every intention of just walking out the house and staying at his crypt, he was going to make no fuss, just leave and come back tomorrow to help Buffy. He decided that whatever was wrong with Buffy she needed some time to figure it out but he would continue to help no matter what was going on between them.
He just hoped she didn’t regret saying she loved him. He had waited so long to hear it that if she took it back now he thought it would destroy him.
His plan was interrupted as he ran into Dawn at the bottom of the stairs.
“Hey Spike.” When she didn’t get a response she studied his hunched shoulders and sad expression. “What’s wrong?”
“She told me she loves me.” Dawn was confused. This was good, right? She wanted to hug Spike and offer congratulations but something had obviously gone wrong.
“That’s great, isn’t it?”
“Bloody right it is! But right after telling me she pushed me away and told me to leave.”
“Told you to leave like ‘It’s late and I need to sleep’ or ‘Get out of my house’?”
“Get out.” Spike looked confused and defeated at the same time. This was what he had been waiting for and it all seemed to be falling apart already.
Dawn needed him to know that he wasn’t alone so she hugged him. She didn’t have a clue why Buffy was throwing him out but she damn well would find out.
“Don’t worry, I’ll talk to her. So, are you going to spend the night in the basement?”
“Thought I’d head back to my crypt for tonight Bit. Give Buffy some room to sort out what’s wrong. Don’t worry, I’ll be back in the morning.”
Dawn watched as he opened the front door and left. Taking a deep breath she headed up the stairs to see what the hell her sister was doing.
*****
“Buffy?” Dawn pushed her sister’s door open and entered the room. She saw Buffy laying on her bed crying.
“Buffy, what’s wrong? Spike just came downstairs looking like someone had peed in his blood and now he’s gone to spend the night in his crypt.”
“I told him I love him.”
“Yeah, he mentioned that. What happened after?”
“We kissed. Things would have gone further but I thought of something so I stopped him.” She took in Dawn’s puzzled look so she continued. “What if he realises that he doesn’t want me now? What if he wants someone who isn’t broken? What if when he saw me he was disgusted, or pitying? I saw how you and the gang looked at me when I was in the hospital. I couldn’t take Spike looking at me that way.”
Dawn tried to reassure Buffy that Spike still loved her and wouldn’t look at her differently but nothing worked. Eventually she left Buffy to get some rest. She knew what she had to do.
Quietly she slipped out the house. She had to see Spike. If he knew what Buffy was thinking then he could put it right and everything would be OK. Quickly she headed off in the direction of his crypt.
Chapter 9
Spike really wanted to get drunk. That had been his intention since he walked out of the Summers house. Unfortunately when he got back to his crypt he found that it had been completely trashed in his absence. Bloody demons. So instead he just sat down on what was left of his sofa and stared at the blank screen of the broken TV.
He had been there for an hour when the heard the door open. He wasn’t expecting anybody, especially not Dawn.
“What the bloody hell are you doing out here Bit? I said I’d be back in the morning! Anything could be out there wanting a taste of finely brewed Key!” Dawn ignored his rant as she sat down beside him.
“I know why Buffy threw you out.” Spike immediately stopped talking and stared at her.
“And how did you find this out?”
“I went upstairs and asked her. Seems people round here have forgot how to just talk to each other.”
“So what’s wrong?” Spike really wanted her to get to the point.
“She’s scared Spike. She’s scared that you will break her heart.” She held up her hand to stop his protests. “I know you wouldn’t do anything to hurt her, not on purpose. She knows that too. But you could. Do you know what she was scared of tonight? That you would look at her and feel pity, or disgust. She’s scared that you will suddenly decide you don’t want her now she’s been injured.”
Spike was shocked. Now that he thought about it is was obvious that Buffy would feel insecure after what had happened. His first instinct was to run back to the house and tell her she was beautiful, but she may think he was just saying that to please her.
“What can I do Bit? Of course she’s still beautiful, how could she not be. But how do I get her to realise that?”
“Tell her, show her. And keep doing it till she believes it again.”
“Come on, I’ll walk you back. How the hell did you get so smart bit?” Dawn smiled at him as they stood.
“Oprah”
*****
Buffy still hadn’t managed to get to sleep so she knew he was there the moment he opened her door.
“What do you want Spike?”
He didn’t say anything as he walked over to the bed. He still didn’t say anything as he quickly took his shirt and shoes off, leaving only his jeans on. He reached down and pulled the sheet off of Buffy.
“What are you doing Spike? I told you no!” He looked down at her laying there in her pyjamas, he had never seen anyone more beautiful. He leaned down and kissed her passionately and possessively.
“You are beautiful Buffy. In all my years I’ve never seen anything so beautiful.” He leaned in and kissed her again. He slowly slipped into the bed beside her.
“Spike, no, wait…”
“Shh, we’ll not do anything till you’re ready. I’m just going to hold you.” And he did just that. Wrapping his arms around her from behind as she leaned back into him. It didn’t take her long to fall asleep.
Chapter 10
The next week continued to be eventful for Buffy. After the drama of telling Spike she loved him and the subsequent emotional breakdown, their relationship was happier than it had ever been when she was sleeping with him. They hadn’t made love yet, they both knew she wasn’t ready for that and Spike had told her that he wouldn’t push the issue until she was ready. That didn’t mean they hadn’t kissed, in fact they spent most of their time making out, much to the horror of a shocked and appalled Xander. Buffy realised that a major factor as to why her new relationship with Spike felt so right was they she hadn’t tried to hide it from everyone.
Dawn of course had already known, being crucial in getting the couple together after the first night. She was thrilled, not only was Buffy looking happier than she had not just since the attack, but probably since before their mother had taken ill. Not only was she happy for her sister but she was ecstatic for Spike. She had watched him suffer so much in the last year, torture at the hands of Glory, having to bury the woman he loved, and then the emotional pain of what Buffy had put him through. That was the only part Dawn had a problem with. After the initial hugging and congratulating, Buffy had sat Dawn down and explained everything that had happened since she was brought back to life. Dawn had been unable to look at Buffy as her sister explained that the wounds on Spike’s face on her birthday had in fact been caused by her hands, and how she had used Spike and pushed him aside when her feelings became too complicated. After Buffy had finished talking, Dawn had stood up and walked out of the house, unable to trust herself not to loose control with her sister. It had taken a conversation with Spike and six hours before she calmed down enough to even look at Buffy. Dawn had eventually decided that while she was now happy for Buffy and Spike and their new relationship, she was along way from forgiving Buffy for her past deeds.
The Scoobies had been informed of Buffy and Spike’s relationship with Buffy adding “accept it or you won’t be part of my life.” It had been pointed out to her just how much they controlled her life by Spike’s sarcastic comment on how her life was run by committee and his enquiring how he could become a member and get a vote. Instead of just telling him to shut up she had sat down and thought about what he said. She realised she wasn’t in control of her own life and things had to change. She was sick of trying to live according to how her friends wanted her to. Of course, after her ultimatum her friends had accepted her choice without protest.
One of the main highlights of the week for Buffy was that she had been fitted with a prosthetic leg. At the moment she could just about stand on her own and could walk a few steps with the aid of someone. She realised her mobility was still far from what she had before the attack but it gave her a sliver of hope that things could get better.
*****
Spike thought about the woman lying in his arms. They had shared a bed ever since her declaration of love, of course all that had happened in it was sleeping but that wasn’t the point.
Spike knew that she was happy. Their new relationship, her taking control of her life and her new prosthetic limb had all combined to lessen the depression she felt after the attack. But he knew that something else was bothering her. He had a fair idea what it was, but he wanted to hear it from her in case he was wrong, plus he thought that admitting it would do her good.
“Buffy luv?” at his words Buffy looked up at him and gave him a smile that was becoming more frequent as the days wore on. She swathe serious look on Spike’s face and was curious.
“Spike? What is it?”
“Pet, I want to ask you something, and I want you to be honest with me. What’s wrong? Ever since the attack something’s been bothering you. And it’s not the fact that you have been…injured. Not exactly anyway.”
“You’re right. At first it was because I thought I would be in that damn chair for the rest of my life. But I’m starting to learn to walk again, soon I won’t need the chair at all. The demon took something from me that night Spike, and I don’t mean just my leg. It’s taken away the Slayer.
“I used to dream about not being the Slayer, not having to go out and kill monsters. But now that it’s gone I realise that it was a big part of who I am. Without it I feel…incomplete.”
Spike wrapped his arms around the woman he loved as she broke down and cried onto his chest.
Chapter 11
“Buffy, get that lovely arse up so we can start doing these exercises!” Buffy rolled over and snuggled her pillow.
“But I’m sleepy.”
“Do you think I got out of that chair by lying around doing nothing Slayer? Whenever Angelus or Dru wasn’t looking I was exercising and training. Now, unless you want to be stuck in one, you’ve got to do the same.” Buffy sat up and scowled at him.
“I didn’t say I wasn’t going to do them, I just wanted some more time in bed first!”
Spike helped Buffy get dressed and they made their way down to the training room that had been set up in the basement. Buffy could manage the few steps to the chair lift on the stairs and the short walk to the basement door but Spike had to carry her down the basement stairs.
In the basement there was very little equipment compared to where she normally trained as the Slayer, none of the weapons of her training room behind the Magic Box. What it did have was thick mats on the floor for if she fell down, and sets of parallel bars for her to hold onto while she walked. There was also a running machine, but she was far from being ready to try that out. All of this had been set up by Xander and Giles with Spike footing the bill. They had surprised Buffy with the room the day before and she had been even more thrilled than when she was given the room in the shop.
For two hours they exercised, mostly working on keeping the strength up in her upper leg and also on her balance with the new prosthetic limb. Buffy was frustrated with the amount of times she nearly fell over but Spike was always there to catch her.
When they were finished Spike carried Buffy back up the stairs and they sat down in the living room to watch some TV. After a while Spike switched the TV off and turned to Buffy.
“Buffy luv, I’ve got a couple of ideas. I don’t know if you’ll like them, and you can say no if you want, I mean I was only thinking…” Buffy cut him off by reaching out and taking his hand. He was babbling, something he rarely did, and only when he was nervous.
“What is it? Just ask.” Spike grinned at her.
“Right, well, I was thinking, when you’re a bit surer on your feet, would you…I mean, could I take you out? On a date?” He looked at her with hopeful eyes and Buffy realised what this meant to him.
It would make what they had was real. Not just her needing him to feel or because she was injured, not her making a point against her friends. It would just be the two of them, together, no hiding, no secrecy, the real deal.
Two months ago, hell two weeks ago such a thought would have sent her running. If she opened herself up then she could get hurt worse than any demon attack. And from the way Spike had tensed up she knew he was readying himself for her rejection. She gave him a bright smile.
“Of course you can. Just let me get a bit less wobbly so I can make it to the table and we’ll go the best restaurant in Sunnydale.” Two weeks ago she would have been running by now, and not just in the physical way. But a lot had happened since then. She knew she was giving Spike the opportunity to hurt her but she had realised that he would never intentionally do that.
“Bugger that! I’m taking my girl out to the best place in LA. Proper night out, that’s what it will be. Not bloody staying on the Hellmouth for some nasty to come crashing in and ruin everything! Plus the places are crap round here.” He leaned over and gave her a passionate kiss which Buffy was happy to deepen. When she eventually had to pull back for air a thought struck her.
“Spike? You said you had a couple of ideas. That was just one. What else are you thinking of?”
“Well pet, this one will also have to wait a while, but I was thinking that we could do some training together.” Buffy was confused.
“But we already train, we just spent two hours doing it.”
“No luv, I meant Slayer training. Fighting. You probably won’t be able to do those high kicks you like, or those summersaults, but there’s no reason we can’t work on your punches. Plus you could do with using more weapons now, a sword or that nice axe you have…”
Spike was cut off by Buffy squealing and wrapping her arms around him.
“Steady on luv, I’m not saying we go out on patrols or anything yet, just do a bit of training is all.”
Buffy didn’t care that she wouldn’t be patrolling yet, she knew that with Spike’s help if there was any possibility of her being able to one day she would.
Just as he had been doing since she was attacked he had once again given her hope that her life would get better, and she loved him even more for it.
Chapter 12
Buffy was quickly coming to the conclusion that whoever first said that Angelus was the master of torture obviously hadn’t met Spike.
Or maybe he had, Buffy wondered, he just hadn’t lived to tell anybody about it.
Spike had been helping Buffy with her physical therapy (or torture sessions as she called them) for almost a month. While she complained loudly about how hard Spike was pushing her, she was eternally grateful for the vast improvements in her mobility. She could now walk for virtually any distance unaided, though long distances left her tired. She had also picked up a limp but that had been greatly reduced over the past weeks.
Things were also going well with spike on a personal level. He had moved from his crypt into Buffy’s room, although while they shared a bed, all that was done in it was sleep and the occasional make-out session. Buffy still didn’t feel comfortable with Spike seeing her naked and Spike was willing to give her all the time she needed. He also made a point of complementing her looks regularly although he made sure not to overdo it in case she thought it was forced and not real.
Surprisingly, while they both missed the physical side of their previous relationship, both Buffy and Spike didn’t really mind the period of abstinence as it was allowing them to really get to know one another, making them feel closer than they ever had been when they were having sex and their relationship was all the better for it.
*****
“Buffy luv?” Spike gently nudged the sleeping Slayer lying next to him. She slowly opened her eyes to look at him.
“Early. Sleep good.” Spike had to grin at his slayer’s less than elegant use of words.
“Well, your surprise will just have to wait then.” As expected, this caused Buffy to instantly awaken, a smile on her face.
“Surprise? You’ve got a surprise for me?”
“Well luv, it’s not something you can unwrap,” he saw her shoulders sag slightly, causing him to grin again. “You remember when I said that we’d start with some fighting training? Well, now that you’re up and about I thought we’d give it a go.”
The smile she gave him was so bright he thought he’d either turn to dust or get his first tan in over a hundred years.
“Yay! Can we start now? Today?”
“That’s the idea pet.”
“Well why are we wasting our time lying in bed? Lets go.” Spike just shook his head as he stood and helped Buffy up.
‘Defiantly getting back to normal,’ he thought.
Chapter 13
Buffy let out a cry of frustration as she once again landed on her backside. Spike had been training with her for half an hour and it was the fifth time she had fallen. Spike held his hand out to help her up.
“We’ve been over this Slayer, you can’t fight like you used to anymore. I know you used to like to kick and flip about in a fight but you’ve got to adapt now, use your fists more. I know you can, you used them on me enough bloody times.”
The words were meant as encouragement but they caused a flood of memories to rush through Buffy. She saw herself sat astride Spike in the alley near the police station, mercilessly beating him, added to that what seemed like hundreds of punches to the face for no real reason. Unable to support herself she once again fell back, tears streaming down her face. Spike was instantly kneeling next to her, arms wrapped around her protectively. She buried her face in his chest as she continued to cry.
“Shh. Hey luv, what’s wrong?”
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”
“You’re sorry? For what?” Spike tilted his head to the side as he looked at her questioningly.
“You’re right, I used them on you. All the time I beat you, just because I felt like it, or I could or for no reason at all.” She looked up at Spike, hoping he could see the truth of what she was about to say in her eyes. “That stops now Spike. I love you, I’m not going to treat you like that anymore. I’m not going to treat you like a thing.” She saw him open his mouth and she knew that he was going to point out that he was indeed a ‘thing’. She knew that she had said and beat it into him so many times that even he believed that now. She placed a finger on his lips, silencing him.
“No. You’re not a thing, you’re a man. You’re a good man William. Nobody else would have put up with the way I’ve been treating you and then helped me when I was injured. You did, and it just proves that you’re not a monster, not anymore.” Her tears were joined by Spike’s as he heard words he had only dreamed he would hear from Buffy.
“I told you once that I was drowning in you, that I couldn’t get enough of you. Well it works both ways Buffy, I love you, that means you get all of me. I can’t help but stay by your side, no matter what. You’re stuck with me Summers.” Buffy moved her hand to the back of his neck and pulled him down for a passionate kiss.
“Good.”
*****
Everyone was gathered in the magic Box. There was no big threat, no meeting about the end of the world, it just seemed natural to be there. Willow and Tara sat side by side holding each other’s hand, Anya and Xander sat as far apart as Anya could manage while Buffy sat on Spike’s lap. Dawn sat beside Spike trying not to grin like mad at the display her sister and best friend were putting on.
The rest of the gang were trying not to stare at Buffy and Spike. While they had said they would support Buffy, it was still too new to see her and Spike being so close without insults or fists being thrown.
Buffy suddenly let out a yawn and stretched her arms out. Spike rubbed her shoulders for her.
“Tired pet?”
“Yeah, the training really took it out of me.” Tara looked at her with one eyebrow raised. “What? We were really training! Spike’s helping me learn how to fight again. I even managed to knock him down,” she said proudly.
“That you did pet. I think it’s about time I made good on the other half of my promise.”
“You mean…”
“Yep, I’m taking you to LA.”
Chapter 14
Angel sighed as he looked over the menu. He rarely ate human food at all and hated to eat out in public but The Powers That Be had sent a vision to Cordelia showing that he needed to be here so, here he was.
‘At least they had sent me to a place I can get a drinkable bottle of red wine and not some stinking garbage pit like last week,’ he thought to himself as he sat back and waited for something to happen.
What interested him about this vision was that unlike most where he was told who was involved and what was going to happen, this time he just had instructions to be at this restaurant tonight. He had no idea what was going to happen.
Just as the waiter was bringing him his second bottle of wine, Angel spotted Buffy walking into the restaurant. He noticed that she was limping slightly and was about to go and ask her why when he saw who she was with.
Spike.
Shock at seeing the woman he loved and the vampire walking arm in arm left Angel unable to move. All he could do was stare at the couple.
He took this time to really look at Buffy. The first thing he saw was that she obviously wanted to be here with Spike, her hand held his as they walked together. He saw the way she looked at Spike, eyes full of love. Angel had seen that look before, when she used to look at him, but what he hadn’t often seen was the smile on her face or the joyous glint to her eyes. She looked truly happy.
As the couple sat down Angel saw Spike pull out a chair for Buffy before sitting himself. Buffy was sat facing away from Angel and this gave the older vampire a chance to study his one time companion.
The young vampires eyes mirrored the love he had seen in Buffy’s but they also held a look of awe, as if he was amazed that Buffy would be there with him.
Angel continued to watch throughout the couple’s meal, seeing them laughing and talking, enjoying each other’s company.
After Buffy and Spike left the restaurant Angel started to walk back to the hotel, deep in thought.
He knew Spike better than anyone on the planet, he knew the monster he had become and had seen the man he was before. He had seen, from afar, the way he doted on Dru for over a hundred years and he had no doubt that he would do just as much for Buffy. He had to admit to himself that he had seen Buffy smile more times tonight than in the entire time he had known her.
As he walked into the Hyperion, angel was surprised to see that Cordelia was still up, reading a magazine. She glanced up and smiled at him.
“Hey, what did the Powers want you to see then?” Angel thought for a moment before answering.
“That it’s time to move on.”
EPILOGUE
Carl was very pleased with himself.
He had spent the entire night drinking at Willy’s and he hadn’t spent a single dollar of his own money.
Again.
This had become the norm when he went out. Hell, he hadn’t spent more than $20 since the night he wounded the Slayer. Even though she hadn’t died, he had caused her to loose a leg so every demon in Sunnydale was now his best friend.
Every time he went out he had people queuing up to buy him drinks as thanks for getting the infamous slayer off their backs.
“Well bugger me, look who it is.”
Carl spun around but barely had time to recognise the very Slayer he was thinking about and the blonde vampire beside her.
Before he had the time to attack the axe the Slayer was carrying had severed his head.
Spike glanced between his slayer and the dead demon, seeing the look of complete hatred on his love’s face.
“Payback’s a bitch eh Slayer? Fancy taking a souvenir down to Willies to show them you’re back? Would wipe the smiles right off their faces.”
Buffy looked down to the dead demon and then back to Spike, realising what she had both lost and gained since she first encountered the beast.
"No, I've got everything I need."
THE END
