WEDDING FASHIONS
(BUFFY and SPIKE are walking across the cemetery in Sunnydale, just talking while they’re on patrol.)
BUFFY: What about pink for the bridesmaids?
(SPIKE gives her a look.)
SPIKE: What abou’ making me puke? Pink’s too girly, except on the Li’l Bit.
BUFFY: Orange?
SPIKE (wincing against an invisible threat): No.
BUFFY (frustrated; staring at him): Okay…what do you want?
SPIKE: Red for the bridesmaids.
(A FEMALE DEMON charges the pair. SPIKE flings her off, then, using a broadsword, jabs the weapon through its throat. The couple walks on, totally not reacting to the fact that a demon charged them. It is very much a regular night for them. Now, BUFFY is staring at him.)
SPIKE: Wha’? (BUFFY shakes her head, then walks a few steps ahead of him.)
BUFFY: I read in a magazine that teal and chocolate brown are good colors.
SPIKE (snorting): In wha’ zip code? (A VAMPIRE wearing a loud shirt with Hawaiian prints on it rises from the coffin, his brown, spike-y hair reflected in the moonlight.)
BUFFY: (shrugging) You have to admit, it would be different.
(SPIKE stops walking and regards her. His look is similar to a look a human male would give a totally different acting pod person.)
SPIKE (sarcastically): Yeah, luv, it’s sure different.
(The VAMPIRE is following them, looking for a way to kill them, but he makes no sudden moves.)
BUFFY: C’mon, hon! Teal and chocolate brown complement each other very well.
VAMPIRE (from behind them): Technically, she’s right, you know. Teal blue and chocolate brown are very good colors, but…not for a wedding.
(SPIKE and BUFFY whirl on him.)
SPIKE: Who in the bleedin’ hell asked you?
VAMPIRE (taking offense): Hey! I know a lot about this! I was a decorator!! Used to work at the Furniture n’ Fashion Boutique on Sunshine Boulevard! (He swings at BUFFY, who easily defects his blows.)
(When she punches him and he lands in SPIKE’s space, the FORMER POET WILLIAM THE BLOODY bangs him against a tree trunk.)
SPIKE: So, (punch) what color’s good for a June weddin’, then?
VAMPIRE (kicks BUFFY as he responds to SPIKE’s question): Well, lavender or deep purple’s always nice. In fact, purple was hot, hot, hot last winter. (BUFFY responds with a jab.)
BUFFY (musing): Purple. I like it! What do you think, Spike?
(The VAMPIRE lands a punch to SPIKE, who kicks him to the ground.)
SPIKE: Purple. (He’s considering.) Yeh, I c’n work with that. (The VAMPIRE is struggling against SPIKE, who slaps him down each time he tries to get up.)
VAMPIRE: You won’t be sorry about that choice.
BUFFY: But I still think we should do one of the rooms in the new house with teal and have a four poster in dark brown.
(SPIKE’s eyes are glittering as he considers the bed.)
SPIKE: Long as we try it out often, pet, I don’ mind.
(The VAMPIRE finally rises from the ground…and runs right into SPIKE’s stake. He evaporates into dust. The SLAYER and the VAMPIRE SPIKE walk on, hand in hand.)
BUFFY: You’re a pig, Spike! But I love you anyway!
SPIKE (looking at BUFFY with love in his eyes): Love you, too, baby!
THE END
Author's Chapter Notes:
A/n: This is a story which isn’t a part of my other BTVS stories. It is just a short AU one set in the fifth season which presupposes that Spike and Buffy are getting married (sans any spells) and are discussing fashions. It is in script form. Stage directions are in parentheses. Just a light story, with sexual innuendo; very mild.
Disclaimer: I don’t own anything in this story (except the unnamed vampire).
Disclaimer: I don’t own anything in this story (except the unnamed vampire).