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~The rivers flow backwards and my tears are dry
Swans hate the water and Eagles can't fly
but I'm alright now that I'm over you
and The sky is green and The grass is blue~

~I don't love you and The grass is blue~




She couldn't breath. She had drowned.

All those emotions, those feelings had come flooding back.

His beautiful face, the one that haunted her dreams, was only a couple of feet away from her. He looked exactly the same as he had the day he had stolen her heart. His hair was the same, eyes still as blue as the stormy ocean, and his lips were still full. Lips that had kissed her and spoke of his love for her.

The same lips that had said goodbye.

And then, she didn't see him anymore.

She saw tail lights.

"Buffy?"

He took a step closer to her, unable to resist. He had to touch her again, it had been too long.

She was even more beautiful than before, but there was something different about her.

"Love?" He reached a hand toward her and flinched when she jerked away like it was fire.

And when she brought the green eyes he dreamed about for two years up to stare into his, he sucked in a shuddery breath.

"Get Out."

The words were whispered, but they slammed into him like a Mac truck.

Her breathing was erratic and her teeth were bared, her hands shaking as the clenched into fists.

"Get Out!"

His lip trembled and tears came to his eyes. He reached out for her again.

"Buffy, plea--"

She ran forward and shoved him with all her might, pushing him toward the door. She was sobbing hysterically and her once whispered words were now screams.

"Get the fuck out!! Get out!!"

She shoved him out the door and onto the sidewalk, where he justed stared at her crying tears of his own.

"Stay the fuck away from me, you son of a bitch."

She slammed the door and locked it, turning the lights off so he wouldn't see her hit the floor.

But he heard her sobs.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dawn stood in the darkness watching the man squalling on the pavement and listening to her sisters cries.

He had come back.

But then, a part of her always knew he would. She didn't tell Buffy that, not wanting to get her hopes up in case she was wrong. But somewhere along the line, it seemed as though Buffy had changed her mind.

She didn't want him back anymore, and it was her burden to be in love with him.

She had shunned other men, she didn't want anyone but Spike and then she didn't even want him.

She watched him crawl to the window, pressing his hands and cheek at the exact spot Buffy was resting against it on the other side. Of course, he couldn't see her, the window had a mirror tint on it.

But it was almost like he could feel her there.

Dawn walked over and sat down beside Buffy, pulling her into a gentle embrace.

She wasn't sure but she thought she could hear Spike saying something against the glass.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry...."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Dawn turned around Spike was gone.

She didn't know how long they had sat there, but Buffy had cried herself into a fitful sleep.

"Buffy. Wakey, wakey."

Her eyes snapped open and Dawn watched the pain invade them.

"Tell me I was dreaming."

Dawn shook her head and helped her to stand.

"No. No dream."

Buffy looked toward the window before letting her gaze fall to her shoes.

"Where'd he go?"

Dawn made sure everything was locked before leading Buffy to the car that was parked at the side door in the alley.

"I don't know."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Barkeep! Another."

Spike pointed to his empty glass and watched as the rich, amber liquid spilled into it.

"Thanks, mate."

Spike downed it in one swallow, fighting back the urge to gag.

He threw some bills on the bar and made his way toward the door, his step a bit slower since it felt like he was walking on water.

Why was he so stupid?

It was a question he had asked himself for almost two years. Why did he leave her?

The only thing he could think of was he was scared.

Scared of what loving her meant.

His dad had loved his mum and that didn't stop her from leaving. And his dad told him to let nothing interfere with his dreams, to trust him, he knew what he was talking about.

So he left her in search of his dreams, only realizing a year later that SHE was his dream.

He had worked as hard as hell to get to graduate early, planning on finishing his studies at Sunnydale, so he could get back to her.

Everyday he cursed himself for leaving.

But he saw the pain his dad was in and it scared him. He knew Buffy could do that to him, so he had left, breaking their relationship and her heart.

He loved her, it was amazing how he grew in love with her when he hadn't seen her in two years.

He knew he had made a mistake when he left her, he was just to young and stubborn to realize it at the time.

And he was paying for it.

And when he stopped at the tree in her yard, gazing up to her dark window, he knew it was only the beginning.





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