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~*It doesn't matter what I want
It doesn't matter what I need
It doesn't matter if I cry
Don't matter if I plead
You've been on a road
Don't know where it goes or where it leads*~


Two years earlier


"Why are you doing this?" Buffy cried as she watched him walk down the drive toward his car.

"I have to Buffy." He didn't turn around as he spoke, knowing if he looked at her face he would crumble.

She jumped off the porch and ran down the driveway, grabbing his arm and turning him to face her. He looked straight ahead, not looking at her face.

"Spike. Spike, look at me! Please! Please..."

She jerked on his arm as she sobbed, shaking and pleading with him.

He finally looked down at her his tears hitting the pavement along with hers.

"Why? Please, just tell me why?"

He could barely make out what she said, her voice was heavy and thick with tears.

"I'm not ready for this, Buffy."

She shook her head and gripped his arms tighter, trying to understand what he was saying.

"What? What are you not ready for?"

"I'm almost twenty years old, Buffy and you're still in high school. It's not gonna work."

She shoved and pulled on him, thinking that maybe she could shake it into him.

"Yes it can! It can work!! I love you, Spike." She pulled his face down to hers and looked into his eyes. "I love you."

He screwed his eyes shut and pulled her to him.

The kiss was hard and angry, but it was full of love.

He pulled his face away and clutched her to him, burying his face in her hair.

"I love you, Buffy. Don't ever forget it."

"If you love me, why are you leaving?"

Her lips were trembling and she clutched him tighter never wanting to let go.

~*It doesn't matter what I want
It doesn't matter what I need
If you've made up your mind to go
I won't beg you to stay
You've been in a cage
Throw you to the wind you fly away*~


"If I don't, I'll regret it the rest of my life."

She shoved him away from her, his words like a slap in the face.

"But you won't regret leaving me."

The anger she felt dried her tears and she stared at him with disgust.

"I might. I probably will. But I have to know, I have to see for myself."

Her eyes narrowed and her words were poison.

"You selfish, bastard."

He hung his head and took her words, knowing there was truth to them.

"Leave."

His head shot up and he was frozen in the ice from her glare.

"Leave! Get out of my sight."

He reached for her and she jerked away from him.

"Buffy, please don--"

"I said leave! I don't ever want to see you again!!"

Spike knew she would soon attract the attention of the neighbors, so he took one last look at her.

Her whole body was trembling, her hands and her lips. Her hair was golden in the sunlight and her beautiful green eyes were drowned in tears.

She was the most beautful sight he would ever see.

"I do love you, Buffy."

The words were whispered and he didn't know if she heard them or not. He turned and walked to his car, climbing in and slinging it into gear, squealing tires hitting Revello Drive for the last time.

When she watched him back out of the drive way, she knew it was real.

"No! No, I didn't-- Spike, No!!!"

She ran down the driveway and into the street.

"Spike, Please!! I'm sorry!! " she yelled as she ran down the street, her bare feet slapping against the hot pavement.

Through her tears she could just barely make out his tail lights and she ran until she couldn't see them anymore, uncaring of the rocks and glass that cut into the soles of her feet.

She hit a bigger rock and turned her ankle, falling to the pavement without even trying to catch herself, the pain in her body welcome against the pain in her heart.

"Please come back to me. I'm so sorry. Please, please, please..."

~*It doesn't matter what I want
It doesn't matter what I need
It doesn't matter if I cry
Don't matter if I plead
Feel the sting of tears
Falling on this face you've loved for years*~


Two sets of feet pounded against the road even harder when she fell and they finally reached her, each grabbing an arm to pull her out of the street.

Dawn looked at her sister, fear and tears mingling in her eyes.

"Mommy, is she gonna be okay?"

Joyce clutched Buffy closer to her, trying to take some of the weight off of her shredded feet.

"She's strong, Dawn."

They finally got Buffy into the house and layed her on the couch. Dawn stayed at her side, while Joyce went to get the medical kit.

She stroked her hair and wiped the tears from her face.

"It's gonna be okay, Sissy."

They patched her feet and covered her with a blanket when she fell asleep.

"Why did he leave?"

Joyce looked at Buffy and then back to Dawn, giving her a small smile.

"He'll be back."




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: song is "It Doesn't Matter" by Alison Krauss





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