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Spike walked into his old bedroom and looked around, the past engulfing him.

He looked at his mirror, the pictures of Buffy there starting to curl around the edges. He plucked one from its slot and brought it up for a closer look.

God, she was beautiful.

He had traveled across the world and never did he see anyone who compared to her beauty.

Her hair was shoulder length in the picture, so different from now. He didn't get to see her as long as he would have liked, but just a glimpse was all he needed. Her hair was nearly to her waist, shining like the sun through the clouds. She was no longer the girl that sat on the hood of his car in the photo.

She was so different, he knew it and she had hardly talked to him except to say "Get Out." And he knew it was his fault she was different.

What might have happened if he never left her?

But he knew that if he had never left, he wouldn't have realized how much he truly loved and needed her.

He knew she would never see it that way and he couldn't blame her.

And sometimes he thought that he was no better than his mother. He was worried that Buffy would destroy him, so he destroyed her.

He had dreamt of coming in and sweeping Buffy off her feet, but now he knew he would sooner sweep The Statue of Liberty off her feet before he would Buffy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


"I left everything just as you had it."

Spike turned to see his father standing in the doorway. He gave him a small smile, slipping the picture of Buffy into the pocket of his duster.

"Yeah, thanks."

He turned back, gazing at the pictures. He felt Giles walk up beside him and looked over at him. Giles picked up a picture of Spike and Buffy.

Dawn had snapped the picture when they weren't paying attention. Buffy's hands were on his chest and Spike's arms were around her waist, they were staring into the others eyes, lost to anything but each other.

"It's going to be hard, son. You know that."

He looked over and Giles was staring back with soft eyes. He couldn't help the tears that spilled down his cheeks.

"I know."

"Oh, Will. Come here."

Giles pulled Spike to him and held him tightly as he cried.

"Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think she'll take me back?"

Giles pulled back and looked at his son, his eyes filled with hope and fear. He led them over to the bed and urged Spike to sit.

"Here, sit down. I want to tell you something."

Spike held his breath, the fear he felt nearly crippling.

"When your mother left me, everyday was a struggle. Everyday that I woke up and she wasn't beside me, I started-- I started hating her." He looked at Spike and watched his lips tremble. "I hated her because she wasn't there and I hated her because I couldn't hate her at all. If I hated her it wouldn't have mattered. But, I love her and even though she was your mother and she left you too, you can't understand the way I feel. She was my wife, my mate, the mother of my child. I devoted my life to her and she left me. And everyday the rejection and the hurt, it turns a little harder. I'll never love another woman, Will. I'll never want another woman, but I can't guarantee that if your mother walked back in wanting me to take her back, that I would."

"Because she hurt me, son. It's a hurt you'll never know unless it happens to you. And even though my situation is different, I think I know how Buffy feels. Because I saw her. I saw her after you left and I wanted to cry along with her. "

Spike dropped his head and Giles pulled him close as he cried yet again.

"I know she loves you. I can see it." Giles gave a small laugh. "People who don't even know her, knows that she loves you. It flows from her. But there's a hurt there, a pain that you're going to have to work through. And if it's meant to be and she's the one for you, then yes. She'll take you back."

Spike nodded against his father's shoulder, knowing in his heart that Buffy was the one for him.





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