The bell of above the door jingled and Buffy looked up, the smile on her lips replaced by a slight tremble.

Spike held his breath and didn't move, giving her a slight smile.

"Hello, Buffy."

Buffy looked back down at the reciepts in her hands before clenching her eyes shut, determined to stop the tears this time.

"Spike."

He took a hesitant step toward the counter, drawn to her like a moth to flame. He stopped in front of the counter and held on to it as he nervously rocked back and forth on his heels.

"How have you been?"

She threw the reciepts down on the table, looking at him with incredulous eyes.

"How do you think I've been?"

Spike sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingertips.

"Buffy, I didn't come here to fight with you."

"What did you come here for, William?"

He looked at her when she used his name and decided there was no use dancing around the truth.

"I want you back."

She sucked in a breath at his words and tried to stomp down the feelings they invoked.

Her heart was pounding and her soul was crying out for him. He was the missing link, he could make her whole.

Or he could destroy her all over again.

She couldn't say anything because she knew if she opened her mouth at that moment, her heart would speak for her.

So she thought of the day he left. His tail lights growing dimmer and each day that passed without him. Each day that left her cold and empty.

She let the pain take over and shook her head, looking at him with lifeless green eyes.

"I'm sorry. It's not gonna happen."

He knew what she was going to say and had tried to prepare himself for it.

But he soon realized nothing could have prepared him for the pain that shot through his body.

It felt like ice had replaced the blood in his veins and was flowing freely through his heart.

This was how she felt everyday.

Hot tears hit his eyes and blurred her face.

She screwed her eyes shut and fisted her hands at her side, steeling herself against the pain radiating from him. Her breathing became as labored as his and she warred with herself, her mind and heart in battle.

Her arms ached for him and her heart was pleading with her mind, just to take him in her arms and heal the pain no medicine could fix.

But she couldn't forget, her memory wouldn't let her, the pain and anguish she had lived through for two long years.

She knew he could heal her, his touch would work miracles on her battered heart.

But another part of her knew that if he held her heart in the palm of his hand, he could smash it.

She was hardly living now, she knew she wouldn't survive if he left her again.

"I'm sorry."

He looked up at her with his heart in his eyes and a plead on his lips, and she had to leave, get away from him.

She couldn't be there with him, it was too risky.

"Goodbye, Spike."

She turned around, heading toward the back when his voice caught her.

"Please. Please, don't say that."

She knew if she looked back she would be lost, so she made her way to the door only stopping long enough to whisper three words.

"I'm sorry, William."

The door closed and Buffy hit the floor, her bravado washed away by her tears.

She pulled her knees to her chest and listened to the sound of his cries on the other side. She put her hand flat against the smooth wood and poured her heart out, the floor wet with her tears.


~~~~~~~~~~


Spike walked over to the door and placed his ear against it, uncaring of the sobs pouring from his own mouth.

He splayed his hand against the wood and slid to the ground, her words echoing in his mind.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


He jumped when a hand fell on his shoulder, not having heard the bell above the door.

He looked up at Dawn, smiling even though his heart was in a million pieces.

"Nibblet."

He wiped the tears away from his cheeks and tried to stand, wobbling when he realized his legs were asleep.

Dawn grasped his arms and led him over to the small desk chair behind the counter.

"Thanks, Bit." He said as he leaned his head back on the chair, trying to ease some of the pressure off his aching head.

"It's Dawn."

His eyes snapped open and his heart broke a little bit more at the look on his surrogate little sister's face.

"You hate me too, huh?"

Dawn crossed her arms over her chest after hopping up on the counter.

"Not as much as I should."

She sighed and leaned back on her arms, looking up at the ceiling.

"I always told myself that when you showed your face around here again, I was gon--"

"When?"

She gave him a smug smile.

"Yeah, I always knew you'd be back. So did mom."

Spike smiled a soft smile at the mention of Joyce.

"She was a smart lady."

"Yeah, she was."

"I wish I could have gotten the chance to talk to her again, before she- you know."

Dawn gave him a soft smile of her own.

"I know."

He twisted his hands together in his lap afraid of what the answer to his next question might be.

"Was she, she wasn't-, when she--"

Dawn cut off his rambling by placing a hand on his arm. She gave him a tender smile, her eyes misting with unshed tears.

"No, Spike. She wasn't mad at you." He let out a breath in relief as a tear rolled down his cheek. "It's like I said, she knew you'd be back sooner or later."

Spike sighed and rested is head in his hands.

"It's beginning to look like I came back for nothing."

"Spike, get real. Did you expect her to just fall in your arms?"

He gave a small humourless laugh and nodded his head.

"Yeah, I guess I did."

"You're out of your damn mind, William."

"Language, Bit."

"Oh, fuck off."


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


"I heard you out there talking to him."

Dawn looked away from the screen and toward her sister.

"Yeah, so?"

"So why were you talking to him, Dawn Elanor Summers?"

Dawn gave her a dirty look at the use of her full name and looked back toward the TV, deliberately ingnoring Buffy.

"Dawn."

She was sick of waiting and starting to get seriously pissed off, so she resorted to fighting dirty.

"Alright then. You asked for it."

Buffy reached over and began tickling Dawn on the collar bones where she was the most ticklish.

"No!! Not the collar bones!! Ahhhh!"

Buffy laughed and tickled her harder, until she finally surrendered.

"Alright! Alright, I'll tell you!"

Buffy pulled back, but kept her hands poised and ready to strike in case Dawn was fibbing.

"Go ahead, I'm listening."

Dawn sighed and leaned back against the couch.

"When I walked in from lunch I heard something. At first I thought it was you, but it was too- masculine."

Buffy looked at Dawn and watched a sad look slip across her face.

"It was heartbreaking. I walked around the counter and there he was. He was on the floor and he was bawling, Buffy. I've never seen a man cry like that." She shook her head, remembering the heart wrenching sobs coming from Spike's mouth.

Dawn looked over when Buffy released a long, shaky breath. She could see the tears welling up in Buffy's eyes.

"He wants you back."

Buffy pursed her lips and swallowed trying to reign in her emotions.

"Well that's just to bad."

"Buffy, maybe you should give him a chan--"

Buffy jumped from the couch, pacing around the room like a caged tiger.

"No. I can't- I won't. Not again."

Dawn jumped up as well and shook her head, walking toward her.

"So you're just gonna live like this the rest of your life? Never going anywhere or doing anything? You're crazy. This is crazy."

Dawn stomped past her and up the stairs, slamming her bedroom door.

Buffy stood in the living room alone, thinking about what Dawn had said. When was the last time she had went out? It was probably before Spike had left.

She stood there a few more minutes, before heading up the stairs to her room. As she pulled an outfit from the closet, she only had one thing in mind.

She would show them.





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