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~How much can a heart and a troubled mind take
Where is that fine line before it all breaks
Can one end their sorrow just cross over it
and into that relm of insantive bliss
There's snow in the tropics
There's ice on the sun
It's hot in the Artic and crying is fun
and I'm happy now and I'm glad we're through
The sky is green and The grass is blue~



"Spike..."

Buffy thrashed in her sleep, knocking a book off the bedside table.

"Please don't..."

The door opened and Dawn came through making her way to her sister. She sat on the bed and softly shook Buffy's shoulder, dodging when her arm flew out.

"Please don't leave me!"

Instant tears came to Dawn's eyes and she tried even harder to wake her up.

"Buffy!" She shook her hard and nearly fell off the bed when Buffy shot up with a scream.

"Spike!"

Buffy looked wildy around the room, panting and searching for him, and Dawn knew the exact moment reality hit her. Her face crumbled and tears flowed like a faucet.

Dawn wrapped her arms around her and held her while sobs wracked her tiny body. She felt sorry for her sister, knowing how much love she held for Spike.

And she could only hope that one day someone loved her that much.

Buffy finally pulled away even though the tears still coursed down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry, Dawnie."

Dawn shook her head and wiped at the tears on Buffy's face.

"No. There's nothing to be sorry for."

"I hate this. I hate it because I can't hate him."

Dawn laid back against the pillows and Buffy rested her head on her shoulder.

"Why? Why can't I hate him, Dawnie? If I hated him it wouldn't matter. I wouldn't feel like this."

Dawn sighed and stroked Buffy's hair.

"I don't know what to tell you. But I do know one thing. There is someone out there for you, Buffy. I know you thought it was Spike, but--"

Buffy raised her head and regarded her sister with steely determination in her eyes.

"No. There is no one out there for me."

"Buff-"

"No. I don't want anyone else." Her voice broke, "But I don't want him either."

"What?"

Buffy smiled a teary smile at her and shook her head.

"I can't do it again, Dawn. I'm barely making it now, I can't risk my heart again."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"So Buffy, Connor's brother is back from Harvard." Dawn straightened the painting she was hanging, shooting a glance to where Buffy was opening a new shipment.

"So?"

"Harvard Law. He's already made partner at some big law firm in L.A."

Buffy sighed and pushed the hair out of her eyes.

"Dawn, what just exactly is your point?"

Dawn shrugged her shoulders and turned back to the painting.

"I just thought you might be interested."

Buffy through the hammer down on top of the crate and put her hands on her hips.

"Dawn, I told you last night. I am not interested in anyone. Ever. Again. Got it?"

"Geez, calm down."

The bell above the front door jingled and Buffy looked over at Dawn standing on the ladder. Dawn pointed to the ladder and gave Buffy a sweet smile.

"Fine. This damn crate wasn't gonna open anyway."

She walked through the doorway, brushing her hands off on her jeans.

"Hi. Can I help--"

She looked up and stopped mid-stride, her breath quickening and a small tremble in her lips.

"You."

"Hello, Love."





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