Patricia Bogan wrote:
Title: What I Did For Love
Author: Pattyanne
snapkik@yahoo.com
Disclaimer: None of the BtVS
characters belong to me
~~~~~~~~~~
"Kiss today goodbye
The sweetness and the sorrow
Wish me luck, the same to you
But I can't regret what I did for love
What I did for love"
~~~~~~~~~~
She shifted restlessly in her bed, stretching one
arm out for the man she wanted beside her.
Her fingers moved over the smooth expanse of the
cotton sheet and the yielding swell of the pillow,
but did not find the solid muscle of his body.
Rolling over, she stared out the window, wondering
if he'd return tonight. She was aching for his
strength, for the comfort of his presence.
The moon was fat and bright, lighting the room
with a glow she could read by.
"Lover's moon," she whispered, wanting nothing
more than to reach out and catch it in her
hands, to take it to HER lover and show him how
beautiful it was.
The red numbers of the clock on the bedside
table read half past midnight. Angel had been
gone for over two hours now, and she was still
alone.
They'd fought earlier. He'd been patient at
first, trying to make her face the mistake she
was making, using every argument he had to
force her to listen to him.
Finally, in the face of her stubborn refusal to
accept what he was saying and move on with
her life, he'd become angry. The volume of their
voices had risen, until they were shouting at each
other.
She'd heard the words before, too many times. He
might hurt her..might kill her..she trusted too easily..
had she learned nothing from their turbulent past?
Her arguments had been flung back into his face. She
knew the risks she ran. Who knew them better? This
had not been an impulsive decision, but one she'd
agonized over.
~~~~~~~~~~
"Look my eyes are dry
The gift was ours to borrow
It's as if we always knew
And I won't forget what I did for love
What I did for love.."
~~~~~~~~~~
At first, she'd tried to stay away from him. Dangerous
man. Demon lover.
But she couldn't do it. One taste of him, and she'd
become addicted. His lure to her was too seductive
and she'd run any risk she had to hold on to him.
Even now, her need for him was almost physically
painful. He had left her tonight, although she'd
clung to his hand and begged him not to. She had
made this decision long ago..and nothing was going
to change it.
Yes, he'd been cruel to her, she'd acknowledged
it. And she'd not forgotten the horrors he'd glee-
fully put her through.
They'd played a deadly game with each other, with
fierce battles being fought between them.
He'd wanted to kill her once, had made elaborate
plans for it, tried to raise demonic armies to take
her down.
He hadn't been able to help it. It was his nature.
Just as it was her nature to stop him. To kill him,
if she had to.
It had gone on for an unbearably long time, the hate
and the anger, and the brutality, then had ended just as
suddenly as it had begun...with no warning.
She had looked into his eyes, expecting to see the
familiar glare of a demon, his hate for her marring
his beautiful face. Instead, she had found herself
looking into the eyes of love.
Love for her. Unending and complete.
~~~~~~~~~~
"Gone,
Love is never gone.."
~~~~~~~~~~
She sighed deeply, sitting up in bed.
"Where are you?" she asked outloud, folding her
hands together, as though she was praying.
"Come back..just come back to me and I'll
prove how much I love you. Let me convince
you that I know what I'm doing. Then we'll
close the shutters and we can make love all
day."
There was no answer, of course. Nothing stirred
but the night breeze that brought the scent of
white star jasmine into her room.
He had helped her plant those flowers, had nailed
up the trellis they climbed to her bedroom window.
She had teased him about their nightime garden-
ing, making him laugh when she suggested that
the neighbors probably thought they were burying
a body.
Kicking the sheet off, she ran one hand through
her hair. She felt sticky and sweaty, for the
day had been overly warm, and the room still
held the heat.
She decided to bathe. She wanted to be fresh and
sweet smelling when he returned.
The bath she ran was cool, and she lingered in the
tub, giving him time, keeping herself occupied with
mundane activities; washing and conditioning her
hair; shaving her legs to a creamy smoothness;
and using a soft sponge to spread fragrant lather
all over her body.
After drying off, she wrapped a towel around her and
went back to her room, hoping...
No. Not yet.
She searched her drawers for her prettiest night-
gown. Crafted of ivory lace and satin, it set off the
light tan that was beginning to fade.
"You should try and get a little sun now and
then," she told the reflection in her mirror.
No, thanks.
Drying her hair and curling it took up a little more
time. Shining waves tumbled down to frame
her face, giving her a wild and untamed look that
he would respond to with a wildness of his own.
She made up her eyes, using a shimmery brown
shadow that accented their hazel coloring. A few
strokes of mascara lengthened her lashes.
Standing in front of her mirror, she studied the
results.
"Let's see you resist this." she said.
After climbing back into bed to wait, she leaned
over and switched off the lamp.
He would come back soon. Not because she wish-
ed for it, but because he'd be unable to stay away.
She glanced at the clock again, wishing that
time would stop and stand very still for them.
If he waited too long, the sun would rise and keep
him away from her, and she couldn't bear that.
Not tonight, when she needed him so desperately.
Her arms ached to hold him, and she knew he must
be feeling the same.
He was such a tactile being, a physical creature.
Whenever they were together, he was always
touching her in some way..holding her hand..tra-
cing her features with his fingertips..playing with
her hair. If she walked too close to a chair he
was sitting in, his hands would reach for her and
pull her down into his lap.
She went to the window again, staring down into
the empty street, willing him to be there.
Five minutes she stood there, waiting, and then
went back to bed.
She wrapped her arms around a pillow, wish-
ing it was him that she held.
The moon hung lower in the sky now, and she
knew he didn't have much longer before the
horizon would turn multiple hues of pink and
orange, and the sun would keep him from coming
back.
Once, she'd loved the sunlight. She had played in
it, bathed in it. It had lightened her hair and heated
her skin.
She cared nothing for it now. The sun was his enemy.
It could keep him away, hold him prisoner.
And it wasn't fair. He'd already been imprisoned for
such a long time, caught and caged in his youth by
a demonic bitch with a beautiful face.
He had run wild for years. Always moving from one
place to another..town to town..country to country..
blazing a path of death and destruction all over the
world.
He'd felt no shame for his actions. He was a vam-
pire. It was what he did.
And he'd done it well. Had gloried in it, gorging him-
self on blood and pain, and terror.
It had gone on that way, year following year, decade
following decade. He'd earned himself a frightening
reputation. Deservedly so.
Then, when he was old in vampire ways, he'd changed.
He had regained something he'd lost, something he'd
not known in all his un-dead years.
And, when he'd finally found it again, he had changed.
Had become a man that the slayer could love.
Oh, and she DID love him. He'd been her first real
love and anything that had come before was nothing
but fools gold..schoolgirl crushes..cheap imitations.
She loved him totally, with her whole heart, and he
gave that love back to her. She took it, and held it
to her heart, and kept it safe.
Her eyes were beginning to feel heavy. Sleep was
stalking her, and even though she wanted to be
awake to greet him, she knew it was hopeless.
Taking one last look at the moon, she closed her
eyes.
"I love you," she whispered, hoping he would somehow
hear...and turn his feet towards home.
~~~~~~~~~~
As we travel on
Love's what we'll remember
~~~~~~~~~~
Sunrise was moments away when the bedroom door
opened and a man dressed mostly in black walked
in. He moved silently, closing the door behind him
without a sound.
He stood beside the bed, looking at the sleeping coun-
tenance of the woman he loved. Relief that she was
here almost buckled his knees.
When he'd first returned, the total silence had un-
nerved him. Climbing the stairs, he had begun to
fear that she might be gone.
Looking at her now, he spared a brief prayer of
thanks to a god he hadn't spoken to in a very
long time.
She was so beautiful, sleeping like a child, on her
stomach with one leg pulled up, clutching a pillow
in her arms.
He sat down beside her, brushing a lock of hair
from her face, a gesture that would have been com-
pletely alien to him at one time.
Leaving her behind tonight had been the worst ex-
perience of his life, and he knew he'd never be able
to do it again.
He placed a pink rosebud on the pillow next to her,
then went to the window and locked the shutters.
The sun would be up soon, but it didn't matter any-
more. He was safe in this room.
He stripped down to his briefs and climbed into bed
next to her. She stirred, aware of his presence even
in her sleep. Easing her onto her back, he reached for
the rosebud.
Long stemmed, and fat, and pink...her favorite.
Placing the flower against her hairline, he slowly
pulled it down. It traveled over her smooth forehead,
then down her small nose, coming to rest against
her lips in a lover's kiss.
"Open your eyes, sleeping beauty," he whispered.
The rose moved down her throat, lingering in the
soft hollow at it's base, and she began to wake up.
"Hmm?" Her voice was slurred with sleep.
He watched her become aware of him, pleased
when she held out her arms.
"You're back," she said softly. "You came back."
He smiled and moved into her embrace. "Of course I
did. Could I leave without my heart?"
"No," she said fiercely. "And don't ever try it again."
He shook his head slowly, telling her without words
that he never would.
She tightened her arms around his neck. "I missed,"
she said, clinging to him. "From the second you left
me..."
"You needed time to think." He kissed her lightly,
loving the soft warmth of her body. Moments later,
he pulled reluctantly back. "So...?"
"He's gone. I sent him away."
He swallowed hard. "Where?"
"I don't know," she shrugged. "Back to Los Angeles,
I guess. And he won't be coming back."
~~~~~~~~~~
Kiss today goodbye
And point me towards tomorrow
We did what we had to do
Won't forget, can't regret
What I did for love
~~~~~~~~~~~
Now, he grinned widely. "Can't say I'm sorry to hear
it, luv" Spike settled back into the pillows, feeling
better than he had all night. "So, what did he say?"
"He said..."
"Did he tell you how dangerous I am? That you can
never really trust me or turn your back on me?" He
laughed. "I'll bet I know. He said that I don't really
love you, didn't he? That I'm not capable of it?"
"All of the above," she replied. "But we know that none
of it's true, don't we?"
Cupping his cheek in her hand, Buffy turned his
face to her and kissed him. He responded by pulling
her over until she was stretched out on top of him.
"Your first love, huh? Did your heart stop when you
saw him?" he asked in that cocky tone she knew
so well, already knowing the answer, but wanting
to hear it anyway.
"Didn't even skip a beat," she said promptly. "My
heart only stops for you these days."
"Damn right it does," he replied smugly. "Cause
you're MY girl now."
"I know," she agreed. "I've always known."
He gave her the look she deserved.
"All right," she added. "Maybe not always..but
for a long time now."
Spike kissed her again. "You sleepy?" he asked.
"Not a bit."
He grinned. "Let's go for a walk in the park."
"Very funny."
"Yeah, I thought so too."
Buffy smiled sweetly. "If you want to commit suicide,
I've got a stake under the bed I've hardly ever used."
"You have a STAKE...under our BED?"
"Several," she nodded. "Now shut up and kiss me."
"Anything for the lady with the sharp stick."
~~~~~~~~~~~
What I did for love
~~~~~~~~~~
Miles away, another vampire stood at the window
of a deserted hotel, looking through glass tinted
so darkly that no one with ordinary eye sight
could see through it.
His eyes turned north to where she was.
"Goodbye, Buffy," he said softly, then turned
and left the room, closing the door behind him.
~~~~~~~~~~
"What I did for love..."
~~~~~~~~~~
The End
