“Things are gonna get hectic, kid.” Whistler said. Krissy was beginning to wonder if he liked to wait until she was at the Expresso Pump to come bother her. Right now really wasn’t the time.
Buffy and Xander were trying to be there for Willow as she grieved for Tara the right way, without all the black magic stuff…courtesy of the little ball in Krissy’s pocket that held all of it. Willow was innocent, once again. If any magic came out of her, it would be full of light and goodness. Just a little bit of Tara in Willow.
Dawn was handling it as best as a person could handle one of their favorite people dying. Anya was dealing with death the only way she could at the moment. By keeping the store going, counting the money, and trying to understand why people died; once again no one would answer her.
Spike…who the hell knew where Spike was? Krissy thought miserably, giving Whistler a look that clearly indicated she wasn’t in the talking mood. It showed in her face as it registered that he’d, once again, called her a kid.
“Don’t call me that.” He sat across from her. “What are you doing?”
“We’re gonna talk.”
“With you dressed like that?” She couldn’t help the jibe.
“Ha…ha. Nice to know you still got your sense of humor.” He replied sarcastically. Then, he got a bit more serious. “Fate has this way of sneaking up on you.”
Krissy sighed. “Tell me about it. Even after I shoved that prat Warren into that portal, even after I gave those people in Los Angeles a clue about the demon that was on its way here, had them kill it before it could kill her…and yet, here we are. Again. I worked out every bloody alternative and still-” she cut herself off. A nice side effect to where she was from. Overly emotional. She laughed bitterly at her own thought, and at a new one.
“At least Willow didn’t go psycho revenge.”
“History repeats itself. Keep an eye on the vampire.” He left her alone then and she dropped her head into her forearms. It never ended.
She sat there for a moment and then she left. She was thinking of a drunk, but then she saw Spike. On the bench where she first met him. She took a seat beside him. She’d had this feeling that something was bugging him. And it wasn’t giving her a good gut feeling either-stupid missions and the empathy that came with them.
“I saw it.” He said after a moment.
She looked at him, truly confused as to what the hell he was talking about. “Huh?”
“I saw what was going to happen.” He elaborated, giving Krissy a side glance.
“Might’ve been Drusilla.” Krissy replied. Surprisingly, Buffy had brought her up to speed on what was keeping Spike distant. Told her about Drusilla and Kita, how he’d disappeared for about two months, complete with the memory games and what Drusilla did.
Spike looked at her strangely and she continued. “I can’t rightly tell you what it’s called. Mainly because I don’t know. It’s in an ancient dialect I’ve never seen before, so any hopes of me translating it? Not really. The point? When she killed herself, she did a spell…to give you her…assets-the sight, magic. If she had it, and you named it, it’s now yours.”
Then she frowned and turned to face him.
“Well, except the insanity. Talk to any dolls lately?”
I see you smiling every day
Looking back at me like nothing ever changed
I swear I heard you call my name
But in all reality
It’s just your picture frame
It really wasn’t a pretty day. It was overcast, clouds blocking out all the direct sunlight. Xander and Anya were already there when Willow and Buffy came, the blonde slayer guiding the redhead to the front of the small group of mourners.
Why am I here
Without you
When there was so much for us left to do
How could the angels have come so soon?
Dawn had decided to come with Spike. Krissy stood off to the side, leaning on a tree and separating herself from the others. She watched as college students walked up to Willow, hugged her, cried with her, and told her how much they’d loved Tara. She stayed away from the group; this wasn’t her world.
If I could make heaven wait
I’d find a way to ask God if he had
Made some mistake
If he’d save your wings
For another day
If only I could make heaven wait
The priest had spoken on life, love and being righteous. He’d talked about fulfilling destinies and life plans. That Tara had fulfilled hers, had brought joy to our lives-she’d completed her purpose. And that now it was time to say goodbye.
All you clothes are hanging up
Not a thing’s been touched
I left it all the same
I wish I could rewind
And go back in time
Just to see your face again
Then Willow spoke, giving her entire heart into those words. She didn’t back down, saying with perfect clarity, in front of the priest, this man of God, friends that didn’t know Willow personally, everyone, what she and Tara had been. She’d described how they first met, how they just had this connection, and that Tara was the second person she loved all her life, maybe the only she’d loved this much.
Dawn had taken a turn; her speech hadn’t been as long and elaborate as Willow’s, but her love for the blonde had been conveyed, and that was enough.
And the only thing Buffy could think about was that she needed to find out who did this. She had to find out who killed Tara. She also had to make sure she got to work on time after an hour, because it was just too much to let her have the day off, and that Dawn had something healthy for dinner. Then she and Spike were going to really talk and she had to send in the last bill of payment for Xander and Anya’s wedding present before the post office closed.
‘Cause I miss you
I need you
I’m so alone without you here with me
You are the reason that I breathe
Anya and Xander had taken their turns, expressing that Tara had willingly spent as much time helping plan the wedding and calm the tension, as she spent studying for school, or talking to Dawn these past few months.
Buffy took her turn, telling that she was able to confide in Tara, when there was no one else. That she’d known the truth, even if Buffy hadn’t wanted it, and didn’t force her to see it. The entire time, she thought of when Tara had said that it was okay to love Spike. Spike didn’t say anything, and maybe that was okay, because it was obvious that this was actually affecting him, even if he attempted to remain stoic.
If I could make heaven wait
I’d find a way to ask God if he had
Made some mistake
If he’d save your wings
For another day
If only I could make heaven wait
Just seconds before they were ready to lower the coffin, Krissy pushed herself from the tree as if she were making a decision. Not too much of a wise decision, getting emotionally involved with her mission-Buffy could see that. Krissy had stood there, looked Willow in the eyes, and told her that within ten minutes, she had felt the good rolling off Tara in waves, appropriately making Willow cry. But, it was in a good way…seeing the shock register on Krissy’s face when Willow hugged her for the compliment.
And every night I search for you star
In the sky
(Asking myself why oh why)
Lord knows I would trade in my life for
A chance to say goodbye
Tara’s family didn’t show up. Which had pissed Willow off to no end. The sound of the dial tone after Mr. Maclay told her in no uncertain terms that he wasn’t coming still rang in her ears hours after. She had ranted for hours, using words Buffy had once thought Willow didn’t know. How could they not come? She was their family, flesh and blood, lived with them for nearly two decades…and now she was gone.
If I could make heaven wait
I’d find a way to ask God if he had
Made some mistake
If he’d save your wings
For another day
If only I could make heaven wait
“So, I’m thinking, nix the good side thing and you’d be beyond sexy.”
Spike turned to face what looked to him like Buffy. Except…it couldn’t be. Buffy wouldn’t have ever said that to him.
“What are you?”
“What’s wrong, baby? Don’t recognize me?” She batted her eyelashes coyly and seemed to glide across the room.
The problem was Buffy didn’t glide. She walked purposely. Determined. Another clue to the wrongness of this situation. The wrongness of this poser that was supposed to be Buffy.
“You know the world’s going to end, right?” She asked. Suddenly she was Drusilla. “You can see it all in your head…everything I saw all…day…long.”
Drusilla faded and he was staring into lavender eyes. Kita. “Think maybe you caught a bit of the wacko’s insanity? Kinda possible…after all…” a thin, predator’s smile grace her face, “it could be an asset.”
Spike stepped back, the words hitting him. The same words he’d been thinking of. He’d been questioning himself, thinking that maybe-just maybe- he was going a little crazy, going a little bit out his mind with everyday that he had to sit and think.
It made no sense. Seeing those things. Seeing the future. And not stopping them. Not being able to. He’d always thought that if Drusilla hadn’t been a nutter, they could see the future. So, why couldn’t he stop it?
“Be funny if you were, though,” Kita continued. She then turned back into Buffy. “But...back on topic.”
She moved close to Spike, looking as if she wanted to touch him. “I had it all planned out, you know? Come to Sunnydale, kill the slayer line, and rule the world. But, Dru’s made me change it a bit. Now, it’s get you, kill the slayer line, rule the world.”
She turned away suddenly, long blonde hair becoming dark brown again. “You don’t see it yet, do you? But you will. The moon and the stars will sing a beautiful song. A song of darkness and death and blood…all because of you. You try to hide it behind the slayer and her puppies, but you must remember, William. You’re. Just. Like. Me.”
When Buffy came home that night, Spike was sitting in the dining room. In the dark. “Spike?” She questioned. Ever since Krissy had told her that Spike blamed himself for Tara, for not being able to stop it, she’d noticed that he kind of stayed away from the action, withdrew.
“Dru did something.”
Buffy paused. She’d thought it was weird, but…”What did she do?”
“A spell. Leave it to Dru for it to be a crappy one.”
“Spike, what did she do?” Her voice held a bit more force as she neared Spike. Her “boyfriend.” Not that she could tell; they hadn’t talked, hadn’t touched, kissed, done anything couple-like in weeks.
“The visions. Gave me ‘em. Every single thing she saw, I see. And…maybe…” Spike stood and turned to face her. He was inches away. “I saw you today. You talked to me.”
“I was-“
“At work. Yeah. I know. I saw Drusilla and Kita too.” He turned his face away and let out a short bark of laughter, looking back at her with his head titled to the right. “Think I’m going insane? That she gave me that too?”
Any other day, Buffy would’ve told him that what he’d said was a load of bull. That there was no way Drusilla could have transferred her insanity. But, seeing the total blankness, the unseeing look in his eyes, she couldn’t help but think…no.
“You think I’m insane, completely bonkers, around the bend…” he looked at her unwavering in his gaze and it killed her to see eyes once so full of life, so dull. “Funny thing? You’re probably right.”
“I-”
“You probably think that any one of these days, I’m going to off on your friends and try to kill them again, don’t you?”
Kita wore a slight smirk on her face as she stood just to Spike’s right. She had to thank this slight change of events. It was all she needed.
“Spike, I don’t think that-”
“You know, for some reason-probably can thank good old Dru for it, I can tell everything coming out your mouth is a lie-or at least, not completely true.” Kita replied, happier as Spike mimicked her words.
“Think you’re right, though. I think I’ve lost all my bloody marbles. And I won’t be getting them back.” Spike backed away. “Krissy was right. For two months, I was me again, living like I’m supposed to, living the way where everything was clear and right. When things were simple.”
“But things aren’t simple-you taught me that.” Buffy countered.
“Maybe I was wrong.” Spike turned away from her and seemed to almost disappear into the shadows of the room. “You know how it’s supposed to go, don’t you, Buffy? Vampire meets slayer. Vampire kills slayer…breaks her bones, drinks her dry…except I can’t do it.”
Spike laughed a bit and it hurt Buffy that she was actually considering the use of her emergency stake.
“I can’t do it, ‘cause I messed up and fell in love. Love’s bitch through and through…but where does it get me? Where does it get me?” Spike began to pace, his voice raising. “I know; it gets me alone, a bloody lap dog for the one person I should still want to kill.”
There were no real words to describe how this one moment felt. Her eyes burned, and not from anger-from hurt, tears. She was hurt. He thought he was wrong for not killing her, for falling in love with her. A bit of her old mentality crept in. See, he can’t change. Soulless demon. All that stuff he said was a bunch of bull to trick you.
“I thought you changed.”
“No, you don’t. It’s what you still expect, even if you won’t admit it. You want me to change, become Brood King Junior, but you don’t think I have yet. You don’t think I will. You don’t trust me, Buffy. And, last I checked, trust rated high.”
“I do trust-”
“So, I figured you can’t not trust me and love me. Don’t try to tell me you do. I’m a little crazy, not stupid.”
“Xander, where are you going with that?” Anya asked, already panicking as she came from the kitchen.
“This is the right thing, man,” Jesse said, watching as Xander searched for his car keys.
Anya froze, seeing the suitcase on the floor. She looked up at him, eyes questioning. “Where are you going?”
“I mean it couldn’t work. Krissy stopped you from seeing that it couldn’t work.” Jesse continued.
“I-” Xander paused. Could he do this? Could he leave Anya after only a month of marriage?
“I know what you’re thinking. But if you don’t, you could hurt her. And this will hurt less. It’ll hurt less ‘cause she won’t be dead, Xander. She won’t be dead. You saw it. Your relationship will kill her.” Jesse said, sounding reassuring, though a bit of evil intent underlined his words.
Jesse was right. He had to go. He had to make her safe. If he lost her like Willow lost Tara. If she died…he’d be miserable. He wouldn’t be able to handle it, if it were his fault.
“I’m leaving.”
“Oh. Where are you going and when are you coming back? Halfrek and D’Hoffryn are supposed to be over for dinner in two hours. “Anya said, sighing in relief.
“I’m not coming back, Ahn.” Xander closed his eyes, wishing he didn’t have to do this. But he had to. And he would.
“W-what?” Anya asked. “Of course you are.”
“No. I can’t. This is for you, Anya. To save you before it’s too late. I don’t want to lose you.”
Anya hurried over to him. “You can’t. You’re not losing me. I’m right here!” she grabbed his hand, looking at him pleadingly, tears in her eyes. “Don’t do this to me, Xander. Don’t…don’t leave me!”
“I have to. If you…if you died, I wouldn’t be able to live.”
“Even if you leave, I could die, just from crossing the street. Xander, people die!”
“And I don’t want to be the one that dies it, that kills you.”
Anya didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know how to answer that. How to convince Xander that it was impossible. Because she saw it in his eyes. He believed he’d hurt her. He believed himself capable of it.
She said nothing, tears streaming down her face, even long after the door shut behind her husband, clicking audibly. The only sound afterwards was her sobbing and, unbeknownst to her, laughter. Jesse laughed, a grin never leaving his face.
A/N: Could thinks get any worse? Was that really Jesse…?
Song used:“Make Heaven Wait” by Guy Sebastian