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Regaining Memories -- Part 5



Regaining Memories -- Part 5
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon, Marti Noxon, Twentieth Century Fox Productions, UPN, Sandollar Television, and Mutant Enemy own BtVS. No copyright infringements were intended. This is my story and not meant to copy the show.
Note: Thanks for the feedback everyone! Most of this part you'll recognize, but I had to put it in the story for it to all make sense.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Nice work, love," Spike said, walking out from behind the shadows. He was clapping his hands, and there was a smirk on his face.
"Who are you?" Anne asked him. Wait...this wasn't Anne; this had to be Buffy.
"You'll find out on Saturday."
"What happens on Saturday?" she asked him.
"I kill you."
*****
"Hello, cutie," Spike said, taking a step toward Buffy. She immediately decked him twice in the face. He grabbed her by the shoulders to restrain her, but she brought her knee up into his gut. "Now, you hold on a second!" He gave her a good shove away from himself. Buffy reached into her coat and pulled out a stake. Spike jumped back and held up his hands in surrender. "Hey! White flag here. I quit."
"Let me clear this up for you," she stated boldly. "We're mortal enemies. We don't get time-outs."
"You want to go a round, pet; I'll have a gay old time of it. You want to stop Angel... we're gonna have to play this a bit differently," he told her, lowering his arms.
"What are you talking about?" she asked him.
"I'm talking about your ex, pet. I'm talking about putting him in the bloody ground," Spike explained.
Buffy started chuckling to herself, not believing what he was saying. "This has gotta be the *lamest* trick you guys have ever thought up!"
"He's got your Watcher. Right now, he's probably torturing him," Spike said.
"What do you want?"
"I told you. I want to stop Angel." He smirked. "I want to save the world."
"Okay. You do remember that you're a vampire, right?" she asked.
"We like to talk big. Vampires do," he clarified, patting his chest to say that he was one of those types of vampires. "'I'm going to destroy the world.' That's just tough guy talk. Strutting around with your friends over a pint of blood. The truth is, I like this world. You've got... dog racing, Manchester United. And you've got people. Billions of people walking around like Happy Meals with legs. It's all right here. But then someone comes along with a vision. With a real... passion for destruction. Angel could pull it off. Goodbye, Piccadilly. Farewell, Leicester Bloody Square. You know what I'm saying?"
*****
"That I'll have to agree with. You're pathetic, you know that?" Buffy asked him harshly. "You're not even a loser anymore; you're a shell of a loser."
"Yeah. You're one to talk," Spike muttered.
"Meaning?"
"The last time I looked in on you two, you were fighting to the death. Now you're back making googly-eyes at each other like nothing happened," he explained. "Makes me want to heave."
"I don't know what you're talking about," Buffy said coldly.
"Oh, yeah. You're just friends"
"That's right," Angel said, agreeing with Buffy.
"You're *not* friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love till it kills you both," Spike said. "You'll fight, and you'll shag, and you'll hate each other till it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends." Spike paused to point up at his temple. "Love isn't brains, children; it's blood... blood screaming inside you to work its will. *I* may be love's bitch, but at least *I'm* man enough to admit it."
It was very clear that this was not what Buffy and Angel wanted to hear, least of all coming from Spike.
~~~~~
Thoughts, images, words, battles, and relationships raced throughout Anne's head as she slept. She saw Spike when he helped her stop Angel from awakening Acathla. She saw Spike when he tired to kill her dozens of times and never could. She watched the two of them bicker in Giles' armchair during their marriage spell. Anne saw Spike betray Buffy and her friends in order to help Adam and get the chip out of his head.
Finally, the images were too much to take at once. When Anne thought that she couldn't see anymore without her head exploding, she forced herself to wake up.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
 
When the next night came, Anne settled down under the covers of her bed and lay on her back, thinking about the past 48 hours. Those dreams that she had; there was no way that they could simply be her wild imagination from reading the journal. She had dreams of events that she couldn't possibly know about. No, there was something more to this. She was now becoming increasingly determined to find out what.
All day she had felt uneasy, as if she didn't know what she was doing. Things were unclear, and the dreams only added to her confusion. Was she Buffy? Was Buffy somewhere inside of her screaming to get out? She'd seen so much in her dreams of Spike throughout Buffy's life.
Giles' journal had ended after the fight with Glory, a hell god from another universe, who had opened a portal into hell, and Buffy stopped it. Anne assumed that's when Buffy had died. During the last few months, Giles rarely wrote in the journal anymore, so there wasn't too much evidence that this actually was Buffy's last battle; after all, she had died once before that. Ever since he had been fired in 1999, the journal was used less and less.
As Anne settled back in bed, she hoped that the dreams would find her once again and maybe help her answer some of the questions racing throughout her mind.
 
~~~
 
This time Anne dreamed of something that Giles hadn't even written about in his journal.
She saw Spike standing at the bottom of a flight of stairs. She watched as his face changed from anger, confusion, to utter shock. "I'm... what did you do?" he asked in amazement.
"Me? Nothing!" a voice insisted. Anne looked forward and saw a slim brunette standing on a stair. Anne thought. She looked down at herself and saw that she was standing in Buffy's place. Now, she was acting out what Buffy had gone through.
"Her hands," Spike said, nodding towards them.
"I was gonna fix 'em. I don't know how they got like that."
"I do," Spike said softly. "Clawed her way out of a coffin, that's how. Isn't that right?"
"I ... Yes. I had to do that," she replied in a whisper.
"Done it myself. We'll take care of you. C'mere..." He reached out an arm to lead her down the rest of the stairs, pulling back slightly when he saw her actually start to walk down the stairs. "Get me some stuff, Mercurochrome, bandages," he told Dawn.
Spike led Buffy to the sofa where they slowly sat down, facing one another. Spike reached for her hands, holding them carefully, as if she would break if he handled her too roughly. Instead, he looked up and into her eyes, hoping to get a sign of emotion from her.
"How long was I gone?" Buffy asked. Anne thought.
"Hundred forty-seven days yesterday... um, one-forty-eight today. 'Cept today doesn't count, does it?" He forced a smile before continuing. "How long was it for you...where you were?"
"Longer," was all she could say.
*****
And then something weird happened. Anne felt herself flash forward to...singing? She was no longer acting out Buffy's role but watching as Buffy sang a song by herself as she patrolled in the graveyard. The next day, everyone was singing in the Magic Box. Xander was accusing witches of casting a spell to make them sing, and then, Anya was singing about bunnies as flames and fireworks went off. And finally, Spike sang to Buffy, anger clear in his tone.
Let me rest in peace
let me get some sleep
Let me take my love and bury it
In a hole 6 foot deep.
I lay my body down
But I can't find my sweet release...
Let me rest in peace.
Why won't you let me rest in peace?
As if she was watching one of those old-timey musicals, Anne felt herself being transported to the Golden Stake. she thought to herself.
She watched in awe as Buffy sang about where she had been -- heaven and how her friends had brought her back against her wishes. Then, she felt herself being transported out to the alley as Buffy pulled Spike in for a passionate kiss before running off into the night.
*****
"I wasn't planning on hurting you..." He smirked before continuing. "Much."
"You haven't even come close to hurting me," Buffy replied.
"Afraid to give me the chance?" Buffy and Spike punched and pulled at each other before Buffy pushed Spike up against a wall. "You afraid I'm gonna-" Spike was cut off when Buffy pressed her lips against his, her hand slamming into the wall. The two continued kissing, pushing each other against this wall and that before Buffy jumped up, wrapping her legs around Spike's waist and raining kisses around his face.
Anne thought, taken aback that this was how their fight scene ended and completely embarrassed that she was here to watch it all..
 
*****
 
"I just don't see why you have to run off so quick," Spike started. He was lying on the floor as Buffy ran around frantically. Anne gazed at him, back up to Buffy, and then back at Spike with amazement in her face. "Thought we could-"
"Not gonna happen. Last night was the end of this freak show," Buffy explained.
"Don't say that," Spike said, pulling her down and into his lap.
"What did you think was gonna happen? What, we're gonna read the newspaper together, play footsie under the rubble?"
"Not exactly what I had in mind...," Spike said slowly, his hand creeping inside her skirt...
"Stop!" Buffy said, pushing him away.
"Make me."
"No! No!" She said before giving into him. She pressed herself against him, ran her hands through his hair, and spread kisses along his lips. "No, no, I-I have to-"
"Stay. I'm stuck here. Sun's up," Spike commanded. The two met again, this time falling over onto their sides as they kissed. "I knew it," Spike said when he pulled back, leaving Buffy gasping for breath. "I knew the only thing better than killing a slayer would be fu-"
"What?!" Buffy cried out, pushing him away from her. She quickly pulled herself to her feet and stepped away from him. "Is that what this is about? Doing a slayer?"
"Well, I wouldn't throw stones, pet. You seem to be quite the groupie yourself."
"Shut up," Buffy said, wiping off her mouth in disgust.
"I'm just sayin' ... vampires get you hot."
"*A* vampire got me hot. One," Buffy clarified. "But he's gone. You're just... You're just convenient."
"So, what now?" Spike asked as he pulled on his pants. "You go back to treating me like dirt till the next time you get an itch you can't scratch? Well, forget it. Last night changed things. I'm done being your whipping boy."
"Nothing's changed. It was a mistake."
"Bollocks! It was a bloody revelation." Spike strode toward her, saying, "You can act as high and mighty as you like, ... but I know where you live now, Slayer. I've tasted it."
"Get a grip," Buffy spoke softly. "Like you're god's gift."
"Hardly. Wouldn't be nearly as interesting, would it?" He leaned forward, as if to kiss her, but Buffy pushed him away. "I may be dirt, ... but you're the one who likes to roll in it, Slayer. You never had it so good as me. Never."
"Uhh, you're bent," Buffy said forcefully.
"Yeah, and it made you scream, didn't it?" Spike asked back with edginess in his tone.
*****
Anne felt her surroundings change. She was outside in an alley and watching as Buffy walked towards the opening of the alley to the street. She didn't really know what was going on; all she knew was that she had to watch this scene.
"You're not going in there," Spike said from behind her.
"I have to do this. Just let me go," Buffy said. Anne thought to herself.
"I can't. I love you."
"No, you don't," Buffy stated flatly.
"You think I haven't tried not to?"
"Try harder," she said in a stern tone.
"You are not throwing your life away over this," Spike commanded.
"It's not your choice," she countered.
Spike looked at her as if he couldn't even believe that she was acting like this. "Why are you doing this to yourself?"
"A girl is dead because of me," Buffy said with tears threatening to fall from her eyes.
"And how many people are alive because of you?" Spike asked, as if the situation was simple. "How many have you saved? One dead girl doesn't tip the scale."
"That's all it is to you, isn't it? Just another body!" the slayer cried out. "You can't understand why this is killing me, can you?"
"Why don't you explain it?" The two began trading blows, Buffy throwing her fists left and right, colliding into Spike's face and body. "Come on, that's it, put it on me. Put it all on me." Buffy kicked him and set Spike backwards. "That's my girl."
"I am not your girl! You don't ... have a soul!" She said, leaning down and beginning to endlessly punch Spike in the face while he lay there, taking it all. "There is nothing good or clean in you. You are dead inside! You can't feel anything real! I could never ... be your girl!" she cried out. Anne winced when she saw Buffy beating Spike...
Spike squinted up, his eye bruised and swollen. "You always hurt ... the one you love, pet," he managed to say through his swollen mouth.
*****
"Oh. This is worse, isn't it? This is you telling me --" Spike said, approaching Buffy. Anne looked around and saw that Buffy and Spike were standing in a crypt.
"Yeah. It's over," Buffy said.
"I've memorized this tune, love," Spike said, obviously not believing what she was telling him. "I think I have the sheet music. Doesn't change what you want."
"I know that. I do want you," she finally admitted. "Being with you... makes things simpler. For a little while," she added.
I don't call five hours straight a little while," Spike said, his voice becoming less cold, and more caring.
"I'm using you," Buffy said, her tone also becoming less hard. "I can't love you. I'm just being weak, and selfish --"
Spike stared at her, sadness filling his eyes. "Really not complaining here --"
"-- And it's killing me," Buffy finished. "I have to be strong about this... I'm sorry, William."
*****
And just when Anne thought that she had seen everything, she watched as Buffy walked up to him and kissed him. This time there was no anger behind that kiss. This kiss was filled with innocence and a hope for a new beginning between the two of them. They were out in the open and sharing their love for each other. Buffy leaned forward and kissed him on the lips. She pressed her warm body into his cooler one, dragging her hands down his arms before latching onto the sides of his leather jacket. Spike mimicked her motions as the two kissed in the dark.
Buffy slowly pulled back and looked at him. "Wow, uh..." Spike stuttered.
"Happy Valentine’s Day, Spike." Buffy said, turning back and walking into the house.
"Best present ever, love." Spike whispered into the air around him.
*****
The settings changed once more and Anne gasped when she saw the scene before her. Spike dropped the stake he was holding and ran over to Buffy's side. He bent down on his knees and cradled her head. "Oh god," he muttered, running his other hand down across her chest. The vampire had staked her heart...God, he had killed her.
"Spike...I- I slipped up," Buffy stammered.
"It's okay, love. It's okay," Spike said, trying not to look too worried. His hand brushed over her chest and was covered in blood.
Anne watched Spike cradle Buffy, holding back his tears until she was dead….She watched him cry out to the night-time sky, tears running down his cheeks, and she felt her own heart immediately go out to him. Not once, but twice, Spike had lost the woman he loved.
 
TBC...
Yeah, I know...not much of a chapter, but I really needed to get that out there.
 





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