Chapter 9

"You told her?" Giles asked Spike later that night.

"I didn't have a choice; she was starting to dream about demons. What was I supposed to do? She needs to know the truth." Giles sighed.

"Yes, I know that. I just think it was too soon, now she's probably too scared to deal with anything. It won't be long before the demon world finds out about the Slayer. We need her back out there." Spike glared at Giles.

"I don't care about the sodden Slayer, I care about Buffy. I need her back. You seem to forget that she's more than just the Slayer. She's a person and right now she's a scared girl that needs our help and all you seem to care about is her getting back to work." Giles was surprised at Spike's outburst and realized that he was right.

"What do you suppose we do?" Spike calmed down a little and shrugged.

"I don't know, but I'll be the one to talk to her. She's gotten used to me." Giles nodded as Spike headed up the stairs. He didn't let Giles know that Buffy was listening to their conversation from the top of the stairs. He could sense her there and try to rush up to her room, so she wouldn't get caught. He forgot that she didn't know he was a vampire. He worried about what she would think about that. He knocked on her door and when he didn't hear anything, he walked in to find her sitting up in bed looking at a book. He recognized it as her diary. She didn't look at him when he came in.

"I just found this and I decided to read up on my life. It looks like I started writing it when I first moved here. My life really wasn't boring. I only managed to read about my high school experience so far. It doesn't look like I wrote much after high school." Spike smiled as he sat down next to her on the bed. "Okay, I have a question. I'm the Slayer, right? Why would a Slayer date a vampire, isn't she supposed to kill them?" She asked him.

"I see you read about Angel." Buffy nodded.

"Yeah, there's a lot about him in here. I must have really loved him." Spike nodded a little hurt.

"Yeah, that you did." If Buffy noticed the hurt look on his face she didn't say anything.

"He had a soul though. How is that even possible, are there others that have souls?" Spike shook his head.

"No, he would be the only one. He was cursed by gypsies, pissed off the wrong people." Buffy nodded.

"Yeah, it seems most of the stuff I wrote when I was younger was about him and not a lot of it was good. He left me so I could have a normal life. A lot of good that did, but I think it was the right decision now that I think about it." She explained.

"You really did write a lot about him, didn't you?" He asked her again a little hurt.

"Yeah, but for some reason I didn't say anything about why he left. I only said that he decided to leave town. I guess at the time it probably hurt too much and I didn't feel like writing about it." Spike wondered about that.

"How did you know why he left then?" Buffy gave him a smile.

"I remembered it. I remember standing there at graduation and watching him walk away. It's funny, besides all the demons that I saw in my dreams the first thing I remembered was Angel." Spike nodded.

"That's great, looks like you're starting to get some of your memory back." He said with a hurt expression. Of course the first thing she would remember would be Peaches. Just his bloody luck. Buffy noticed the look on his face this time and decided to ask what she has been thinking.

"We're more than just friends, aren't we?" Spike looked at her wondering where that question came from, but he had to be honest with her.

"Yeah, we are." Buffy actually felt relieved by that.

"Are we...together?" She asked and Spike nodded.

"For about five months now." He told her.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Spike shrugged.

"Don't know, it just didn't come out." He looked at her and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "I wanted to tell you. I wanted to tell you how much I love you, how much I have always loved you. I just thought it would have been something you wouldn't want to deal with." Buffy took his hand in hers.

"You know you could have told me. I need to know everything, Spike." He nodded.

"Yeah, I know." She smiled at him.

"Are you a vampire, too?" She said jokingly, but when she saw the look on his face her smile faded. "Oh my god, you are? I was only kidding." Spike shrugged.

"Guilty," he replied.

"Okay, do I slay any vampires at all or do I just date them?" Spike had to smile at that.

"There's only been me and Angel. You're good at what you do." He told her and she felt a little more relieved.

"Do you have a soul, too?" Spike was afraid that she would ask that.

"No, I don't. I only have this chip in my head that the government put in my skull to prevent me from killing or hurting anyone. You deserve to know the truth, love. When I first came to Sunnydale I was a monster. I came here to kill you, but as you can see that never happened. We never could manage to kill each other." Buffy took that in and nodded.

"So, what changed? Was it the chip?" Spike shook his head.

"No, it wasn't just the chip. I decided to change when I fell in love with you. Loving you made me want to be a better man." Buffy leaned closer to him and gave him a soft kiss on the lips.

"I think you are a good man, Spike. I know I don't remember everything about what happened with us, but I know that I'm proud of you." Spike smiled at her.

"That means a lot. You sure you still don't want to remember your life?" Buffy sighed.

"I guess I just panicked, finding out that vampires and demons are real. It's still a lot to take in, but I want to help. If I'm going to get my memory back then I have to do what I normally would and that would be to slay demons. I just wish I remembered how to do that. I don't even think I know how to fight." Spike nodded.

"That's where I come in, pet. We'll have you back to your old self in no time." Buffy looked at him and smiled.

"Can I see it?" Spike didn't have to ask her what she meant because he knew. He then changed to his vamp features and she had a shocked look on her face. "So, this is what one looks like up close. Way cool!" She claimed as she then traced her fingers over the ridges on his face, she wanted to feel every inch of him. She cupped his face and pulled him toward her and kissed his lips. Spike was surprised since she's never kissed him when he was vamped out before. He kissed her back trying not to cut her with his fangs. She pulled away and smiled at him as she traced the scar on his eyebrow. "You're very beautiful. I know that’s not something guys usually like to hear, but you really are." She whispered to him and Spike had to try and keep his tears in. She wouldn't know how much this meant to him. To him it meant that she was finally starting to accept all of him. The demon and the man and if it was possible, he fell even more in love with her.





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