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Thanks mom. I really need to be away from him. It hurts too much.” She gave a watery smile to her mother, desperately trying to hold back the tears.

“Its ok honey, always wanted to move some time soon any way” She gave her daughter an affectionate hug and headed upstairs to pack the rest of her stuff.

Beep…Beep….Beep

Buffy sighed and looked at the 17th text spike had sent her

Where are you? Are you ok I haven’t seen you 4 2 weeks. Are you avoiding me? I need to talk 2 you

And so on, she wasn’t meaning to get him worried but she couldn’t face talking to him or look at anything that reminded her of him for that matter. It hurt too much and she had enough pain for this month.

Ring!Ring!Ring

Buffy distractedly picked up the phone, still looking at the recent text Spike had sent her.

“Hello, Summers residence, this is Buffy speaking” Buffy automatically answered

“WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN YOU STUPID BINT!!” Spike yelled down the phone, causing Buffy to yelp and hold the phone away from her ear.

“Spike?” Buffy questioned fearfully, hoping beyond hope it wasn’t him.

“No its Mary Poppins, who the bloody hell do you think it is?” Spike growled

~I ssoooooo cant deal with this right now~

“Spike can we do this later, I’m not in the mood?” She replied rubbing her hand over her face

“Of course, when it is convenient for you your majesty” Spike replied sarcastically

Buffy couldn’t handle his sarcasm today and just hung up the phone

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~SPIKES HOUSE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“BITCH!” Spike growled.

He couldn’t believe she had the cheek to just hang up on him. He had been worried sick about her, rang her and text her constantly.



He decided to go to the Summers house and confront her. He wasn’t letting her off that easily he wasn’t going to lose her because he was a stupid git


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


He ran downstairs and across the lawn to the house. Knocked on the door and entered straight away without an invitation.

“And just what do you think your doing” Joyce said blocking his path up the stairs to Buffy’s room.

“Joyce, shes been avoiding me for the past 2 weeks, I just want to sort this out” He pleaded

“I don’t think that would be a good idea, she doesn’t want to talk to you at the moment” She gritted out, trying not to slug him one for hurting her daughter.

“You don’t understand Joyce,” Spike said getting impatient. When it was clear that Joyce wasn’t going to move without a better explanation he sighed and relented “I need to make sure she knows I don’t love her, to make sure we know where we both stand”

Joyce’s anger flared up and she couldn’t resist any more

“OW!!!WHAT THE BLOODY HELL WAS THAT FOR!?” He yelled cupping his rapidly swelling jaw.

Joyce went to hit him again but was stopped by Buffy

“MOM! What did you just hit him for?” Buffy shouted from the top of the stairs

“You know perfectly well why I did it Buffy Anne Summers, and don’t use that tone of voice with me young lady. Your not too old to have over my knee you know”

“What do you expect? You just hit the man that I lo….um …is my best friend” She finished lamely. She looked at the man that rejected her and gave a little smile at the pout he was wearing for being hit.. He looked as gorgeous as ever and she didn’t notice the dark shadows of sleepless nights under his eyes.

Spike just stood there nursing his injury and looking completely confused.


“ Spike come upstairs will you” Buffy said turning her back to him.

“Buffy he is not going anywhere near you on your own and that’s final. I worry what will happen” Joyce said worry clearly in her eyes.

“ I’ll be fine mum, trust me”



“Only if you never use that line ever again, got it?” Joyce said trying to lighten things up.

“Fine, but not forever” She replied with a hint of a smile

Spike headed up the stairs only to turn back when Joyce called him.

“Hurt her and I will hunt you down and chop you into so little pieces that no one will know who you are” She threatened.

Spikes only response was a nod of the head, as he turned around and followed Buffy he tried to figure out what had just happened.

“So” Buffy said turning to him when she entered her room.

“So” Spike repeated not knowing how to start.

“Is there something you’d like to tell me or are you just gonna stand there all day, cuz I’ve got other things to do” Buffy said.

She didn’t know why she was being such a bitch to him, it wasn’t his fault he didn’t love her. But as soon as she saw him her insides boiled and froze all at once, and it hurt all the more knowing the same wasn’t happening to him.

She didn’t know why but she immediately felt like the tiniest person in the world when Spike towered over her, and wanted so badly for him to wrap her in a protective hug and hide her from the world. For some reason she felt unworthy of anyone’s love, there must be something wrong with her if all the men that had been in her life left her.

Buffy folded her arms having the need to drive him away from her heart, to put a wedge up between them before he hurt her any more and destroyed her completely.

“I need to make sure that you know that I don’t love you and never will in that way” He said trying to make eye contact with her.

Buffy’s heart broke that little bit more when hearing his words.

She definitely knew it was the right decision to move away from him now. She was in agony every time he looked at her with those piercing blue puppy dog eyes and the pouty lips that just begged to be kissed.

She couldn’t face being next door to him and resist the temptation to pour out all her feelings and beg him to feel the same. No …she wasn’t going to go that low, she still had some dignity and pride, no matter how little it was worth in the real world.

“You made that perfectly clear when we last spoke,” Buffy spoke through gritted teeth, desperately trying to hold her tears back.

“Then why are you avoiding me all of a sudden? I don’t want to lose you over a little misunderstanding” Spike pleaded.

“Fine, I know you don’t love me so can we just leave it at that” Buffy said hoping this would end the painful discussion.

Spike suddenly noticed all the boxes packed with Buffy’s stuff and the bare room that remained.

“Going somewhere pet?” Spke said afraid of the answer.

“Yeah….good news, we’re moving” Buffy said in the cheeriest voice she could muster.

“When has the fact that you leaving me ever been good news” He choked, tears welling up in his eyes.

“Spike, don’t make this harder than it already is. Please don’t” Buffy begged through tears.

“Harder Buffy? Don’t make it harder for you to leave me? Now why would I do that” Spike gritted out sarcastically, his voice growing colder with each word spoke.

“Spike please don’t be mad. I just need to get away from this place, it’s killing me, I can’t be here, cant bear to be….” Buffy trailed off looking at Spike as salty tears slid down her face.

“Why are you leaving me?” Spike whimpered sounding like a little child. “Have I done something, because I told you what you wanted to hear, I told you I didn’t love you. What else can I do, just name it, just as long as you stay with me?”

“Spike I need to be away from you for a little while, just to sort my head out” Buffy said softly.

She reached out to touch his face, longing for the smooth warm skin to disperse her distress and soothe her fears like it often did. He hit her hand away and shoved her against the door, his hands griping her arms preventing her from moving. She gasped at the strength he had and looked him directly into his face defiantly.

“Why are you doing this to me Buffy. Are you trying to hurt me?” Spike questioned.

“No! God No! I would never hurt you on purpose, you of all people should know I love you” Buffy cried, trying desperately to stop herself whimpering from the pain.

“Do you?” Spike cried disbelieving “ you love me and leave me, taking my heart in pieces with you.”

“No Spike, stop, I cant listen to this” Buffy shook her head trying to stop Spike’s pained voice from haunting her mind.

“Your not meant to be like the others Buffy. You’re meant to be different, but you leave me like all the others did!” He gave a humourless laugh and let go of her.

Her eyes suddenly flared red, she gritted her teeth and her fists clenched, her nails biting into her palm drawing blood from the half moon prints to the surface.

“I am NOTHING like the women you compared me to. I am not the crazy bitch Drusilla. And I am NOT FAITH, and I’m DEFINITLY NOT HARMONY.” She screamed ignoring the anger flare up in Spike’s eyes for mentioning his past girlfriends that ripped him to shreds leaving Buffy to care for the pieces.

Suddenly Spike crashed on his knees and crawled towards his love, he wrapped his arms around her waist to stop her from moving and sobbed into her stomach, chanting over and over, begging her not to leave him.


She leaned into him and thread her fingers in the soft curly hair mussing it the way she always liked

“I’m sorry, I’m going.” She managed through her gut wrenching sobs as she collapsed on the floor facing Spike.

Spike held her face softly between his hands, raining kisses along her face and wiping her tears away. “No Buffy, you don’t want to do this, you want to stay with me” He cried trying to convince her.

“No I don’t,” She said in a convincing voice that made Spike reel back away from her.

Spike stood up and pulled himself together, he looked down at her and said “ Right then luv, hope you have a happy life without me weighing you down, Ill just not come near you when school starts and you can get on with your life.”

Hollow words flowed like music from his expressionless face, not allowing any emotions to reveal the broken man behind the mask.

“No wait! Spike I didn’t mean it like that!!” She sobbed.

She had never felt this way before, what was the point in living if there was nothing to live for. She had lost the person dearest to her heart, tears prickled at the corners of her eyes again at the realisation that it was her fault.

“I didn’t mean it. I love you” She whispered to Spike’s back as he walked out of her house, her friendship, and her life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~END FLASHBACK~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TBC…..

I’m not sure what to put on the next chapter so help would be appreciated, reviews would be too (hint…hint) lol hope you liked it!!





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