Whisper
A/N: Hey all! I just wanted to say that this is my first Buffy fic, so be nice. This may be Spuffy, or it could just be angsty. And to tell the truth, When I started writing this, I had NO idea where it was going. FYI: Unless otherwise stated, all of my fics (Buffy or Not) are completely AU.
Summary: What if Buffy gave in during ‘Normal Again’?
Timeline: Up to ‘Normal Again’
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Vampires. A stupid concept, really. I mean, honestly. Me, a superhero? Please! I’m only 5'1! But what if this was the dream. After all, my mind did trick me into believing in Sunnydale. How do I know it isn’t the other way around?
During the day I feel normal. I think I’m the oldest person in my school, but I did miss six years. Didn’t I? I don’t have many friends...real ones, anyways. I think it’s because of what happened to my ‘friends’ in my delusion.
But what if it wasn’t a delusion?
This is what is driving me crazy all over again. The second guessing. And then there’s the dreams. With him.
I hear lots of voices in my dreams, calling my name. But there’s always the one that stands out. Vividly. His voice...it makes me remember my delusion, or rather, parts of it.
I remember singing with him. I remember the building falling in around us. I remember a night at the club-The Bronze, was it? It’s all so vivid. I hear the whispers of sweet nothings in my ear.
“Do you trust me?”
“I love you, you know I do.”
“I always want you.”
“No. Don’t close your eyes.”
All of it. I remember all of it. And then I wake up, face another day. But secretly, deep down in the pit of my soul, I can’t wait until my dreams to see him again. To hear his voice, his lilting accent. I can almost feel his cool fingers on my skin if I concentrate hard enough.
Which is ironic, considering I’m technically a virgin. I guess that happens when you’re in a psych ward instead of at senior prom. I can’t remember, did Xander and Cordy-wait, they’re not real.
But I could swear he is. These feelings, they can’t be manufactured, can they? I mean, I can’t love someone who never really was alive. Dead. Whatever. Crap, again, with the vampire thing. It’s not real, Buffy! Great. Now I’m talking to myself in third person.
I can’t help it, though. I mean, how could being here, with no friends be better than my twisted fantasy, that’s full of people who love me?
He was in my dreams again. Flitting around, rarely appearing, but always whispering to me. Unearthing old “memories.”
“What can I tell you, baby? I’ve always been bad.”
Maybe being bad isn’t such a bad idea. I did it once with Faith, after all. Wait, scratch that. There is no Faith. No Slayer. No reformed demons. No Sunnydale. Not in this reality, anyway.
I’ve got to go back. They’re the only ones who understand me. LA isn’t where I belong. I belong in Sunnydale, guarding the Hellmouth.
Before I go, this is for mom...
Mom,
I’m sorry. I couldn’t do it. Dawn needs me. Sunnydale needs me. The world needs its Slayer, and that’s me. This life...isn’t right. It’s like I’m that one reject puzzle piece that accidentally gets thrown into the mix. No matter how hard you try, it just doesn’t fit. Every time I come close, another part of me disconnects. I love you and dad, but I have to go. I’m sorry
Buffy
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Buffy’s eyes snapped open, and Spike turned, worry etched on his face. After a moment, he smiled.
“Welcome back, pet.”
The End
A/N2: So, how was it? Did the ending suck? Should I have left it with the letter? Added more? Had Buffy say ‘I love you,’ to Spike? Gimme feedback, people, or my muse shall be angry with you. Mess not with the Flying Esophagus Monkeys. Oh, and Flames will only cause me to laugh at you. A lot. And now, the end is near....I just thought I should say that any further chapters are by Allison now. Thank you to all who reviewed, and please continue reading!!!
