You have a way to get in people's heads and just let them be who we know them to be.

I love how Spike is fighting with his feelings, fighting with who he has become, and has to constantly remind himself that he doesn't care, that he has no feelings, that it's just memories.

I love how Buffy is fighting with her indifference, realizing that "nothing" matters after getting back from Heaven. It's exactly how we see her on the show, distant, uncaring and it's hard to see her like this.
She's using Spike and trying to convince herself that he doesn't care, that he doesn't feel.
"The thing was, sleeping with Spike didn’t hurt anybody but herself. Not even Spike, though she would be using him. A vampire had no feelings, so couldn’t be hurt."
I don't think she wants to realize what's really going on, what Spike (well, maybe not in this timeline, but "her" Spike) is actually feeling.

"“Here,” she snapped, thrusting a twenty at him. The cab ride couldn’t have cost anywhere close to that much, since the hospital was not that far away. “Keep the change. Call it a tip.”

He came and flicked it out of her fingers.

“Thanks. Tip for what? Satisfying you proper last night?”

Her fingers closed furiously into a fist. He laughed.

“Yeah, hit me, Slayer. I’ll fucking do you right here on the floor. Make you scream again the way you did last night.”"
One of the best parts of this fic. It sums it up perfectly: Buffy fighting against herself, against her will to feel, to live and Spike, 'back to his old self', demanding, evil and way too sexy.

"“He’s not a thing! He’s a person and he’s got feelings just like everybody else! You don’t have to act the way you do. I c-can’t really blame Spike for finally hitting back the only way he can.”"
Go Tara, go Tara!

"“What do pretty words have to do with you or me? We’re way beyond that now. We’re down into the primal stuff. The part that’s all raw animal. The part that’s not brains, but blood.”"
True, so true. Especially now that Buffy and Spike are both convinced that no feelings are involved.

"All violence. Hands tearing each other’s clothing off, mouths devouring each other’s flesh, bodies thrusting and straining against each other. And God! she was alive, alive, pleasure inundating her, wildfire burning across her every nerve, electrifying, inflaming"
I'm tempted to quote every part where you accentuate the fact that he makes her feel alive, because you have a wonderful way of describing that. Like this quote - it's so obvious how desperate she is, how desperate she is to feel anything, doesn't matter what.

"He bit her. With shock, she felt his fangs slide into her neck, tried to shove him away.

“No! How dare you!”

She felt the breath of his laughter around the fangs in her neck. Then the draw started.

“Oh, God!”

Unbearable ecstasy thrilling through every nerve in her body, singing through every vein. A wondrous, unbelievable sensation. He had driven her so high already with his body. This took her to a whole new plane, his cock thrusting her higher and higher, his fangs forcing that glorious, indescribable rapture upon her.

“Spike!”

Her brain splintered and blanked right out."
Not only is your story emotional right and good, the sex is _amazing_

"“Watcher had his own problems though. Council indoctrination for one. But then he lost his job when the high school got trashed and you didn’t need him when you went to college. Hardly paid attention to him, too busy branching out. Your horizons widened while his contracted. He felt useless, started that downward spiral.”

“Is that what I did to him?” she whispered, horrified.

“Yeah, that one was your fault, Slayer. By the time you really needed him after your resurrection, he wasn’t used to being needed. Couldn’t take the responsibility. Cut and ran.”"
I think this is the first time I read someone writing about Giles' leaving that I actually liked. Giles has always been one of my favourite characters and I really think it wasn't weakness or anything like that that drove him to England when he got back. When, at first in this fic, you implied that he deserved to be hated for going away, I cringed, as I always do when that happens. But this explanation is actually quite nice, even though that's maybe a strange word. But still.

Your ending is amazing. I mean, your whole story was amazing, but the ending was so beautiful, so lovely! I love how you got everything coming together, how you made Spike merge with the other Spike and made him _care_ even though he didn't want to.

"“Retail,” muttered Giles as they both looked away awkwardly, embarrassed by the emotion. “One could have books even in a magic shop. Perhaps a...a lending library of demonology consisting of tomes too expensive or rare for the average practitioner to own. Yes. Yes, that has possibilities...”"
Lovely, really Giles.

"“You may be my enemy. But I’m not yours. Want to stake me? Go ahead. I won’t stop you.”

She shook her head helplessly. She couldn’t.

“I’ll always be here,” he said quietly. “Watching your back. Even if you don’t want me to. Not gonna let your light be put out. Neither by death nor by resurrection. Not even by yourself. Not gonna let it happen, Slayer.”"
*sigh* That was a great moment :-)

I'd like to quote your whole last chatper! It's so... intensely wonderful, intensely lovely.

"Heaven? It could wait. They were making their own. Right here."
Truly beautiful :-) Thanks for writing this, it was amazing.

Author's Response: Oh, thank you! I’m so glad you like it! It was something of a departure to me - trying a very dominant, aggressive Spike. Some people hated it, but I hadn’t written one before and wanted to try it. And I hadn’t tried an S6 Buffy before, as I spent most of the season being furious with her, but this story let me get into her head and relate to what she was feeling. It was kind of a voyage of discovery to me: what would an S3 Spike do if Buffy lobbed a candle at him, how would an S6 Buffy react, and then what would he do to provoke her even more, something S3 Spike would be unable to resist? And so on from there. It was fun! Believe it or not, I really do love Giles, even though I so often make him a bad guy - he and Xander make such convincing impediments. But this was exactly the wrong time for him to leave Buffy and go back to England. Giles did it because he truly wanted her to stand on her own feet as he sang in OMWF, and I know Joss did that because Tony Head wanted to spend more time with his family there. But it really felt as if Giles had deserted Buffy in her hour of need. I had Spike say that flat out. But, when I tracked the why of it back, that abandonment did really stem from his feeling useless and Buffy was responsible for that, so I had Spike point that out later. (And I could see Giles getting all caught up with the idea of a lending library. :D And it’s a reason for his having that really dangerous collection sitting around the Magic Box, so ready for misuse by anybody.) Spike - either S3 or S6 - can’t help loving. The difficulty was making S4 Buffy love him. I’m so glad you think I did it right! I do love the two of them and want them to be together. Thank you for enjoying it!