So, I guess I am looking for any fics where Buffy accepts Spike, as a lover or friend, in season 4...basically no angsty hate before Spuffiness. There can be problems, but nothing where Buffy is cruel before she admits she loves him..

I guess could be earlier than season 4 too

I like these kinds of fics too! So let's see... how about, let's see... any story by dampersandspoons pretty much- try this one- there's some bickering early on but nothing too serious- http://community.livejournal.com/seven_seasons/207500.html . Or these are really fun!- totally S4 too- http://www.fanfiction.net/u/190967/ <----- (mr monkeybottoms= genius!) or- http://www.nautibitz.com/fic/ or http://sleepingjaguars.com/buffy/. these are my favorites.

Buffy accepts Spike quickly in the Unexpected Universe ... it starts at the end of Season 2:

Here is a link to the whole series, the stories are in order here:

http://spikeluver.com/SpuffyRealm/series.php?seriesid=8

They have their ups and downs, but she's never intentionally cruel to him...

I probably rec this one quite often, but I just love it that much! It takes place in Season 4 and (IMO) fits your criteria well.

It All Started With Sex by Kari Mouke
It all started with sex. Riley did it badly. He knew it. They argued. Supposedly about Angel. Buffy said something she shouldn't. Not being who she was. Not being over a Hellmouth. Poof. Sex. Really, really good sex. NC17. Hard Spuffy. Season four. No Chip. Spike never returned to Sunnydale after Lover's Walk.

Also, posted on Elysian Fields are the FluffyFiles series by Hils. These are just some fluffy rewrites of a few episodes (various seasons) where Buffy is accepting of Spike without much angst.