You must login (register) to review.
Reviewer: cordykitten Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 05/24/2008 - 08:28 am Title: Prologue

I don't know if something happened to the story when you posted them but you don't use " for the direct speech.
Makes it way harder to read. Especially because it (one conversation) is all in one paragraph so I don't know where one stops speaking and the other one starts.

This story doesn't make a lot sense to me I must say (but maybe that is just me): why there is still a war in 2008; or is the war over? ~ See, I don't know the book you're taking of therefore I don't understand the background of it. Maybe you could add more back-story here. Or maybe you have already planned to do that and I'm just running ahead :)

You story sounds interesting; I'll try to follow it. It would me nice if you could do something about the formatting.

Reviewer: Obsidian Anonymous Liked [Report This]
Date: 05/23/2008 - 02:10 pm Title: Prologue

An excellent original story with lots of promise. Please continue, but search for a beta because without the proper format it gets hard to read, trying to distinguish who's saying what and to whom. I'd really love to see where this will go.

Reviewer: Zaira Anonymous Liked [Report This]
Date: 05/23/2008 - 01:25 pm Title: Prologue

Hi. I never read the book by Betty Green, so I don't know the story, but I was a little surprised, that you shifted WWII over sixty years to the future, it might be more believable to stay in the actual timeline - I don't know if it's important for your story. Anyway, I think it would try to put the direct speech into quotation marks, it would make your text a lot easier to read and help understand who's saying what.

You must login (register) to review.