Hi, I see that you have great ideas, but your flow is pretty monotonous... It's like, "I went to the dining table, and ate my dinner."

Adding some adverbs and descriptions to your sentences would have made it better. "I watched as Spike dragged himself over to the dining table, slumped in the chair, and picked at bites." "I bounded over to the dining table and tucked into my dinner with fervour while Buffy stared at me with a twinkle in her eyes."

Well... You get the point. I've always enjoyed your fics; They have interesting ideas but they were more or less always rather simple. Maybe you should add in more adverbs and details to spice up your fics. :)

Author's Response: Sadly, I don't think the writing will change anytime soon. I know that I suck with details. I just can't describe things very well, but rarely does anyone tell me that anymore. I think that I have improved a lot since I first started out and really, I'm just glad that I finally finished this fiction. I had writer's block for the longest time, so that's all that really matters to me right now. Anyway, thanks for reading.

Okay, I can already tell that you have an excellent beta for this story. Your tenses and pronouns match and it flows much better than previous stories. I mean, you have good ideas, but your other stories were always lacking in the proper grammar/spelling/sentence structure area. Good job with this. NIce start and I cannot wait to see what else is in store for Buffy...

great start, cant wait to see where this goes! please update soon, tara.

good so far

Seems as if Buffy loves her father here in this story. But she is lying about Lindsey. I wonder if she doesn't want to tell or if she is ashamed of her relationship. Then this is no good one. Mmm first meeting of Spike. If I guess right they'll see one another soonish ;-) Good start, I like it so far.

great chapter