Oh 'I'm so bloody mad at Spike can he get any more stupider ....Buffy lays her heart on the line and he throws it back at her ..Now I'm a great Spike lover but he's just acting like a bleeding wanker....Sorry if it upsets anyone but he is...Loved the angst Honey looking forward to seeing if Spike pulls his head out of his arse in the next chapter?

Author's Response: LMAO, its good to see though that you can get riled up over him. I really did write him as acting the ass part. But of course, it will help him to see things in the correct light towards the end. As for next chapter, yes, Spike will most definetely pull his head out, though he may have to spend some time cleaning the shite from his face.. hee hee. Thanks for the review darling, you're the best. Smooches.

Thanks so much for putting the effort to write something this difficult. I loved it. It's so sad though. I hope Spike doesn't give up on himself and Buffy. Can't wait for more!!!!

Author's Response: You're very, very welcome darling. Even though I don't care for writing angst, I still try to put my all into it, or else it wouldn't be worth it and I wouldn't want to cheat the readers by breezing through scenes such as this. Thank you so much for the review hon, it made my day. Smoohes.

Always found the door scene in Buffy really moving and this was no different. I was holding my breath and willing it to open - but no. Loved the part about the whiskey mixing - very nice. Just love this in a gut wrenching, heart breaking kind of way. Please more soon. It's fab.

Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed the door scene - it's always been a fav of mine as well, and it just seemed to 'fit' the chapter. Good to see you enjoyed this chapter and even the heartbreak in it. SOmetimes, it really is necessary to write things like this, so the end can be sweeter. Thank you for such a lovely review. Hugs.

This chapter was painful and hopeful in turns. They're both still so in love it hurts, but William's pride is keeping him from just giving in and their past missteps keep rearing their ugly heads. The door scene was emotional and gripping, and having Buffy slip away quietly just when William is willing to face her worked beautifully. At least he opened the door...

I'm sure there's a reconciliation coming up, but the journey there is an emotional roller coaster I thoroughly enjoying.



Author's Response: YESSSSS, you said what I was looking for... that the chapter had its pain and hope in cycles/turns. This may sound horrible, but the muse wanted to create a sense of false hope, interjecting bits and peices here and their for SPike that suggested he was going to take her back, and then of course it doesn't happen. But he is moving forward... if only slightly. Next chappy won't be angsty, mostly reflective. It won't be long now til the spuffy luvin, I promise. I'm thrilled you enjoyed the read sweety and thanks for the awesome review. Hugs you tight.

Well as u can c Im_bloody_english u've got me here screaming at my computer which can only mean another great chapter. More soon please like Friday soon.

Author's Response: LMAO, well I'm glad you enjoyed it and I hope you like next chapter as well. THanks sweety... smoochies to you.

What's it gonna take 4 Spike or Willaim to stop acting like a gigantic ass, is buffy going 2 have 2 get seriously hurt for him 2 realise this?

Author's Response: Oh no, no getting hurt or hospitals or such. Just a bit of time. He needs to see and realize things when he's ready to. It won't be long, I promise. Thanks for the review darling. Huggles.

man i love this story:) one the best ones ive read so far:) hehe

cant wait for your next chapter update:)

Author's Response: Awwww, thank you sweety, glad you're enjoying it and I hope you like the ending which will be coming soon. Hugs you tight.

Giles witnessed Spike talking about Buffy? Then he knows a bit more how he is feeling than Jenny does. It was good for Buffy that he talked to her when she came home and was about to break down.
What Spike did to get Grisanti's will always be there and not change. (Cutting his hair won't change that either.) That's a past he has to live with now. I hope for them Spike loving her will be enough to help them to get together. At last it's important.
Spike is afraid to get hurt again (his heart broken)? Same could happen to Buffy. He just has to do a 'leap of faith' and do it / open his heart (yeah I know, he's not ready yet; we'll see what talking to Buffy will do now he's a bit more sober). I hope Giles gave him something to think.
Not enough... Spike isn't willing to do this 'leap' now even after Buffy hearing it even if he is regretting it I guess. He never expected Buffy to give up (but she only said she wouldn't bother him, she said too she still loved him).
At the moment it makes indeed no sense for Buffy to stay. She can be unlucky at home too (with the distraction of her work).
At last Spike got thinking. The whiskey and the ice, huh? Like William and Spike, now becoming a new mixture of both persons?
Loved the scene with the door; very touching the way you used it. Spike thinks Buffy has giving up on him? That's wrong; she did only what he demanded, she's still in love with him but he gave her no reason to stay, he send her away. Now it's his turn.
~ Angst can be good; can't say I love it a lot but sometimes it's necessary (makes the happy end much sweeter). It's all about balance, huh? Glad to hear you're working on the next chapter; looking forward to it. Hopefully things will get better. Bittersweet (sad) chapter but good.

Author's Response: Oh yes, it will be important that they have enough love there for eachother. As long as they have that and the desire to make things work, they'll be fine. Of course right now it will take Spike some time to see things that way, but he will. Buffy really can't do anything more at this point, not without aggravating the situation. So going home is actually in both their best interests. Thanks so much for the review sweety. Hugs you tight.

I just managed to read to the last few chapters in one hit. I'm glad I did cause it was more intense that way. You did such a wonderful job with them. Buffy and William have hurt each other so much and you've portrayed that really well. I'll be desperately waiting for more.

Author's Response: Oh cool, glad you got to do it that way. I know it's tough having to wait for updates sometimes, particularly when things aren't looking good for our couple. Thanks so much for the review darling, hugs and kisses. I'll be hard at work on the next chappy.

Nope, not too much. (I've read stories that were, trust me.) Ah, you're Method! :)

No more Buffy could have done. Anything else would be begging, and it's just unnecessary, as well as unhealthy. It was his volley, and he let it drop.

Very in character. Once again, William waited to long to do the *best* thing, and she walked away. Of course, he doesn't know that she's there until the early morning, but still......If he won't change his tune of giving up, then she has nothing else to dance to.

I'd even find it realistic that these two don't end up running into each other again for months, if not years. Real life is like that. It's not unheard of for people to take a second chance after a long time........and these two definitely had some growing up to do over the course of their relationship!!

Author's Response: Good, cuz I really am not trying to drag it out or make it so bad that it appears hopeless for our couple. Buffy really did do the right thing by choosing to leave. It definetely would have only aggravated the situation if she'd stayed and nagged/harassed him. I like your analogies, he let the volley drop and then she has nothing left to dance to. Very fitting and well put. As for when they get together, you're right that it will take some time. William has some thinking to do and he won't do it until he's ready. I'm so glad you enjoyed the chapter sweety. Thanks so much for the review, smooches.

For a "good" man he's got one helluva mean streak and a very healthy line in self-pity. No, I'm not Spike-bashing - well I am in a way - this is just how he is. The predicament he has got himself into is that his Spike-induced personna, that has given him sexual confidence and money to enact his restaurant dream, has also given him a misplaced sense of rotten power and justification. But underneath, underneath there is William who suffers by comparison; he has made himself into two such diverse personality halves that he cannot reconcile one with the other, and ironically his alter-ego is making his original ego feel even more diminished. He took on Spike to gain strength and confidence and get the job done; now Spike is sapping William and put together, there is just one, unhappy mess. Hence, the pity-party. Even now, when Buffy FINALLY concedes defeat in the face of another barrage of derision even though she has just laid bare her heart and soul, he then decides that she ".... had given up on him." But what is more unforgiveable is that he admits to himself that he knows that she loves him, that despite his snarking to the contrary to her face, within him, he knows she speaks the truth.

And so full circle to his predicament. Where once it used to be keeping his "job" a secret, now it is, how does he stop being this cruel Spike, when he is so bloody good at it? He's got to the stage where his pride is so well-fortified that it's going to take a big, big
leap of heart and faith, to put things right, now.

Your cue, William.

Fantastic chappie. If music spurs you on, so be it. It certainly produces the goods. Well done!

Author's Response: LOL, indeed he does have a mean streak in him. You're dead on when you say that he's hurting so bad he's allowing his Spike persona to do his worst to Buffy in order to protect himself, get revenge, etc... It won't take an act of god to wake him up though. Just as with anyone, when he's ready to see things, he will. A cool down period is what he'll need and Buffy could stand a break herself as well. I love your review hon, you understand things with perfect clarity. Thanks so much darling, huggles.

Okay, I'm reviewing again cause I was doing some thinking about this chapter (whilst listening to the Dresden Dolls, which is angsty music to the max), and I just can not help but be pissed at Spike right now. Cause, okay, he's hurt-- TOTALLY get that, he shouldn't have to prove himself SO SO much when he's done nothing but be as honest with Buffy as possible. BUT-- oh, and here is where I start to get so pissed. Spike was so hurt because Buffy never gave him a chance, didn't believe him, always had doubt-- but she had given him a lot of faith, all things considered, when she chose to wait to hear the truth about why he was working for Lorne.

Okay, and of those "things considered"-- BUFFY HAS HUGE ISSUES. It's not a bad thing, it's a part of who she is, but relationship issues are so so so so SO hard to deal with-- and I guess Spike can claim this excuse for himself, but he really now needs to try, just TRY to be sensitive to Buffy's OWN issues. I still don't think he realizes the extent of her own hurt. She has terrible self-esteem, she never feels special, she can barely accept her sexuality herself-- and the one person who she truly opened up to spat those horrible words at her (yes, he was drunk, but still-- words hurt, regardless of their circumstances).

Okay, that was kind of off topic. The thing I'm REALLY pissed about is that there is no right answer for Buffy-- which I'm totally familiar with, when you're pissed at someone there really IS no right answer for them, no magic words that will melt away all the anger. But I, as a TEENAGER, can claim the relative immaturity it takes to put someone against a brick wall like that. But Spike-- no, WILLIAM, uber-sensitive poetic romantic William? He should be better than that. I trusted him to be open and at least FAIR to Buffy, if he truly wants love in his life-- but he just keeps slamming the door in her face.

And then when he finally decides to open the door, and she left-- JUST LIKE HE WANTED HER TO-- he still claims that she "walked away from him... and given up on him."

WHEN HE TOLD HER TO.

Ugh I'm sorry. At least Buffy didn't get pissed at him for not calling when she asked him not to. She didn't blame him. She tried to be glad, even though she wasn't, but she didn't start getting all pissy about it.

Okay, and don't take this completely disjointed and ranty review as any semblance of mature thought-- this is the romantic in me wanting a happy ending, since they are so scarce nowadays. :( And the Dresden Dolls are seriously getting to me, haha. I recommend for more angsty chapters!

Oh, and more compliments to you-- for someone who hates writing the angst, you are doing an amazing job. Seriously incredible. I appreciate it so much.

Love this fic! Looking forward to more!

Author's Response: You're absolutely right, Buffy did show some faith despite her doubts and mistrust. She may have been uber bitch at times, but she wasn't completely evil about everything either, I'm glad you see that. You bet she has issues, but then again, so does Spike. It's going to take a bit of time for them to cool down and see things clearer, more so Spike than her. There really wasn't any one right answer for Buffy, you're correct. She was damned if she did or didn't say something or leave, or whatever. There was no pleasing Spike (in his own mind) because he didn't want to be pleased. He wanted too many things that conflicted with each other - her love and her suffering, her leaving, her staying... he's messed up right now, no two ways about it. Its good that the chapter got you riled up because thats what the muse intended for readers to do... to 'feel' for the characters, whether they side with one or the other doesn't matter. The objective was to pull readers in and feel for our couple... trust me, it will make the ending sweeter, *winks*. LOL, but you are mature, it shows beyond the fact you're upset with Spike right now. *blushes*, thanks for the compliment on the angst-writing. IJust because I don't care for writing it, doesn't mean I won't give it my all, it wouldn't be fair to the readers. Thank you so much sweety, I really enjoyed your review. Smoochies to you.