Interesting start- I wonder what's going on.
Out of interest, what's the season?


Ooh, P.S, Always a bonus for me, seeing Angel and Cordy together. I adore them as a couple :]


More please!

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for the review! I am hoping to put Angel and Cordy together as much as I can! I have to be honest, I haven't seen all of the episodes where they are together, but I am waiting to borrow a season from a friend. I have been way from my computer for about a week but I am writing more and should post another chapter within the week! :)

Author's Response: Oh, and the season is 6 I'm thinking, but pre veiny willow and everyone is aware of their relationship. I deeply apologize for not adding another chapter, I don't have enough, I only have about half of a chapter done, but I'm in school and I have soccer, so I've been tight with time. Sorry, and I hope I'll be able to post soon!

I generally don’t leave bad reviews—why hurt someone’s feeling? But having read the comments others made I feel the need to say something.

First off, I primarily read this as your “Title” and summary (or rather, lack thereof) caught my eye. I can’t figure out exactly what you’re trying to accomplish here. Is this a parody or joke? Some sort of commentary on the incoherence and un-readability of a lot of fanfic? Huh, not sure you made your point.

However if you’re genuinely trying to write a story, it needs some work. You may have a interesting idea here; it’s very hard to say. The story was way too much work to read and I gave up. If you really want to make this readable you need to break up the giant hunk of text into paragraphs; they should be double-spaced. One huge block of text is just more work to dig through than it’s worth.

Also, there should be a paragraph break when ever a new character speaks; otherwise it’s impossible to keep track of who is talking.

Finally, I’d strongly suggest finding a beta reader. There’s a list on the home page. We all need someone to read through our work and keep these kind of mistakes from happening!



Author's Response: There was no point trying to be made with the title and summary and I apologize for that...it was completely accidental. I wanted to get in the story passed by them and my suckie computer booted me off. I couldn't get on for a few days and that sounds like the worst excuse anyone could make but I honestly did not mean for it to happen! I need TONS of work and I desperately need a beta...all of these things are completely correct. I am taking the constructive criticism with VERY open arms. Thank you! As you can probably see, this is my first Spuffy fic...well, my first fanfic period. It's definately not top notch and does seem to be more of a rough draft, rather than a story.I am working on it and will hopefully have a good story someday. :) I am sorry for taking up your time with it, but appreciate the review. The tips were helpful...keep them coming! Thanks again!

Basically what the others say I'm going to repeat, because they're right. The chapters are incredibly short, the title and summary need to be fixed and you are in serious need of a beta. The tenses change throughout the chapters, punctuation isn't at it's best, and the form that it's in isn't easy to read, either. Also, it would be better to read if there was more description of the events going, too.
In the end, I'm thinking that with the help of a beta, and more events to put in the chapters, it can be a better story. Just try again with the constructive critism everybody is giving you! Sorry it this seems rough, but we all can learn something from each other!

Author's Response: Terribly right, I know! I have been working on it. I mentioned in other replies(to reviews) that this is my first fanfic and also that I have all ready posted for a beta, and emailed someone willing to help. Thanks for reviewing...and if you have and ideas or tips for better descriptions, punctuation, etc. I would love the help, especially while I'm waiting to get a beta!