Date: 08/26/2006 - 03:48 am Title: Mom's Intuition
I think you have a good story going here. I would just like to offer some constructive critisim. The verb tenses are not very consistent. I think you are aiming for a standard narrator voice, with most of the story told in the past tense. But it seems like every other sentence is in present tense, instead. This is just a grammar issue, but it is distracting me, making it more difficult to follow the action in the story. A beta reader could probably help you smooth things out.
Again, I am enjoying the plot and the characters. I hope you keep working on this.
Date: 07/19/2006 - 01:05 pm Title: Mom's Intuition
Loved Joyce's part ! So glad Spike left Dru. Needless to say I am now officially hooked to this story. Great Chapter!
Author's Response: So glad you're enjoying the story.
Date: 07/18/2006 - 09:31 pm Title: Mom's Intuition
Don't you just love Joyce? What a nice birthday cake and now Buffy can share it with Spike. Great chapter.
Author's Response: I love joyce so much. Glad you like her part in this story!
Date: 07/18/2006 - 09:00 pm Title: Mom's Intuition
so thrilled buffy didnt go with riley..now if spike could just sort out his feelings and maybe muster some guts...i have faith..it'll work out, right? loved the chapter and will be eagerly checking for updates.
Author's Response: Thanks! Reviews will definitely help me write faster :-)
Date: 07/18/2006 - 07:38 pm Title: Mom's Intuition
Glad he left Dru with all her evil plans! Great chapter!
Author's Response: I have enjoyed writing this chapter. thanks for always reading.
Date: 07/18/2006 - 06:50 pm Title: Mom's Intuition
OMG! Run Spike and whatever you do, don't look back! I don't trust Drusilla. Not one bit.
Author's Response: So glad you're getting into the story. Thanks. Every single review means so much to me.