My heart just went out for your Spike in this (and previous) chapter... you so very thoroughly captured and portrayed the moment of sheer panic that someone with PTSD and/or Panic Disorder has, and even the feelings in the aftermath of those moments in which extreme fight or flight response kicks in; how what seems miniscule to others conveys the essence of whatever the original trauma was to an individual, causing pure panic and even disorientation to ensue.
You managed to convey this amazingly well here.
No matter how long it takes to tell this tale, I'll be right here following along til the end of it! Thanks!
~~Kara
fyreburned


Author's Response: Wow. I'm so glad to hear you think I've succeeded on catching that state. Cause really, I have to just guess how someone in that situation would've reacted. Your words mean so much to me, thank you so very much! :)

Excellent chapter, I'm sensing this is a huge watershed moment for Spike. Really making him confront his issues head on, and actually dare to hope that things could change and get better for him. And, I guess, more importantly, he's ready to face up to the fact that he'll need to do a lot of work in order to make things change.
I'm just so glad that you wrote Buffy's reaction the way you did, I would've not been able to handle it if she wasn't immediately suportive of Spike.
Thanks for the great update :)

Author's Response: Aww, thank you so much! And I'm so glad you liked the update. :)

I knew he'd warm up to the therapist thing in his own time. I'm glad he stopped the "night hurt Buffy" train of thought before it even left the station. To me, that means he's making lots of progress in that aspect, as well as in allowing Buffy to tell her Mom about what happened to him. It's a long process, but he's slowly getting there. Go Spike!

Author's Response: You're right, he's heading in the right direction. Thanks for your review! :)

I think that was an important realization for Spike and exactly what I meant. There's more to the world than Buffy and when he one dax wants to live a 'normal' life he can't keep hiding in the bubble with Buffy. Good update!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! :)

I feel bad for Spike he really needs help and I think that Giles would be the objective party here. Spike has a lot to work through in his life and the only way for him to get through this is if he talks about it with Giles because this is way out of Buffy's league to help him.

Author's Response: You're probably right about that. Thanks for your review! :)

still don't like joyce, but can see where you are taking this and i love it. more soon please

Author's Response: More will be up, thank you!

Suddenly he found himself wishing there was someone he could talk to about all of this, somebody who could give him some kind of advice on how to handle things. And that's exactly what a counselor is there for (and for more).

Was this how things were supposed to be now, for the rest of his life? Him panicking and freaking out whenever someone would come too close? His abuser was long gone, but suddenly he couldn't help but wonder if he would ever be able to feel truly at peace. Spike hasn't understood yet that that (betting better) was the reason that Buffy wanted him to talk to Giles.
So hopefully it will get better - sooner or later.
And it sounds as if he has thought of the same person - calling Giles for advice.

Author's Response: We'll see if you're right. :) Thanks for reviewing!