Date: 11/17/2009 - 06:34 pm Title: Chapter 2 - Shattered by Duplicity
This chapter is okay (without scrolling).
Such a sad begin; but good to know that there will be changes (Buffy changing the time line).
I can't remember exactly what the first chapter was like / what changes you've made.
Looking forward to more (well not everything, there was one chapter I didn't like so much when Spike was 'raped').
Author's Response: I know, from your previous review, you didn't like a chapter with Spike and Ember with the issue of 'raped'. That said....I want to say I am cleaning it up or taking it out...But I can't. It's crucial to my story. I think I was trying to make it softer...Yes, I know, a Spike/other-- and in fact very explicit. I needed a scene for Ember and Buffy. Trust me I had to envision Spuffy in that scene...It wasn't easy. But Ember is close to my heart. I may seem like I am putting all stops on her making her out to be evil and cunning...but she's not...She has layers... I will let you know when it comes up and Red Flag it. But, I'm up to Chapter 3 revisions then sending it to a beta...So I have some time. I really love your reviews, and thank you for sticking it out! I promise to forewarn! Thanks again Cordykitten!
Date: 11/17/2009 - 06:17 pm Title: Prologue: Character Breakdown / Chapter 1 - Divine Atonement
PS: Reading the first chapter at EF but commenting here (I have to scroll to read here), no clue why.
A lot of work for you, you had several chapters posted already.
Author's Response: Have no idea why it was scrolling. It was much better at EF. Could have something to do with not completely taking it down, but editing it? I will tell you --Character names changed. Why? Time periods mostly. Also I checked in 1981 for names--and just because I like the name Saranna (pronounced Sa-rah-na) it didn't fit. I'm anal like that? Then my dates weren't jiving...and I had some muse problems. I have these small stories in my head for my characters...So that helped me out better than I was braving it before. I added a bit more detail. I fixed dates and names and revised the chapters. Removing and moving around sentences. Taking things out that were unnecessary. I'm using my program, most likely two beta's, and a back up beta here and there. So, I'm crossing my fingers! I hope it's better. I'm trying to work on the flow... Lot of work, but it certaintly kick started my muse to write again. Thanks for the review Cordykitten!
Date: 04/08/2008 - 04:35 pm Title: Prologue: Character Breakdown / Chapter 1 - Divine Atonement
Can't wait to read more!
Author's Response: As soon as my beta gets back to me I will send the first chapter. I have quite a bit done. Again all those cool characters I don't focus on a lot of them. Like I said in a previous answer they split up and its because of a prophecy. Isn't it always? LOL Thanks!!!! :)
Date: 04/08/2008 - 12:27 am Title: Prologue: Character Breakdown / Chapter 1 - Divine Atonement
I have to agree with another reviewer, this is impossible for me to read. I'm having trouble just tracking from one line to another.
19 new characters with back stories - far too complicated.
Just because I'm struggling with it doesn't mean others won't love it, though.
Author's Response: I have gone in and edited the authors note. Only because I am thinking along the lines of Microsoft Word and not an actual site. Rather dumb of a computer literate person. As far as 19 back stories. It was just that and nothing else. They are the opposite of Sunnydale. I have reasons for so many and its two words. The Council. The story doesn't really focus too much on characters that I made up. Once I get it back from my beta then you will see then I guess. The focus is really just the change because of what Angel did. Struggling? This was to just introduce my characters and their ages. The core will be mainly B/S, S/R, rest of Scoobs, and some of the new but I will hint they will split up because of the Council. Thats all I will say. Sorry it confused you. Those were descriptions I will have a first chapter soon.
Date: 04/07/2008 - 10:49 pm Title: Prologue: Character Breakdown / Chapter 1 - Divine Atonement
i Really wanted to read this, your summary had me hooked, but i can't... the paragraphs are far to long for me to be able to comprehend. The printed word is much easier to understand in shorter, more spaced out paragraphs, will check it regularly to see if I can follow it
Author's Response: I'm going to respond to yours seeing as both are similar. After reading these I kinda feel pretty bad. I have this amazing story in my head. Just because I have so many characters means actually squat. I don't focus on them all. I have a beta who is helping me keep it together. As for posting I can't seem to figure this site or any other site for the matter to post it the way I have it. I tried. I had paragraphs but somehow it still isn't posting right. I am trying to figure it out if someone knows let me know. I am pretty good at figuring sites out but the posting or maybe my firefox explorer went wacky. I am not sure. I will get the first chapter up as soon as my beta gets it back to me. Thanks though even though I felt really bad.