Nice to see you have finally updated. I felt like it was a little bit all over the place, it was hard to follow at times. I still strongly recommend gettin a beta, they will help you fix up all those things.

I didn't realize you had gotten any bad reviews, Im sorry to hear that. You do really have a great idea here, so don't give up. But don't be afraid to ask for help either, it can only make it better. I had a good laugh at your last line of this chapter though, looks like Buffy has been caught out :D