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Author's Chapter Notes:
Thanks to Coolestchick for the excellent beta work she's done for me!
The days passed.

Spike and Buffy spent every moment they could together, first patrolling and then shagging each other's brains out or sometimes just holding one another for hours. And though it was a strange sensation, neither of them had been so happy or had a relationship that felt so 'right'.

Spike had managed to avoid Xander all week. He still wasn't ready to talk to his best friend with the memory of his emotionally loaded taunts still fresh in his mind.

Spike was working out after classes one day in the training room at the Magic Box when Giles came in, pretending to inspect some weapons.

Spike sighed.

Somehow, he had avoided having 'the talk' with Giles all week too. The Watcher had been acting awkward all day as well, and it was time to see what was ensnared in the gray matter of his surrogate father, no matter how unpleasant it might be to talk about.

"Giles, what is it?" Spike asked, hitting the heavy bag before him.

"Hmm?" Giles asked.

Spike stepped back from the bag and steadied it. "You've been acting strange all day. You've got something you want to talk about, right?"

"Erm, yes. I wanted to... talk to you about the Buffy... situation." Giles took off his glasses and polished them.

"The Buffy situation? Okay, Giles... I'm with her. I'm not taking a poll to see if everyone thinks I should be with her. It's my decision."

"I know that, Spike. It is ultimately your decision. But have you really thought this through? The potential for... I don't want you to get hurt," Giles said the last part quietly.

Spike's stance relaxed a bit. "I won't get hurt. She loves me, I can see it in her eyes, and in the things she does for me and my family. I believe in her, Giles. I think that's all she needed all along. A little kindness and someone to encourage her to do good. She's special."

"Do you love her?" Giles asked, and the blonde Slayer flashed back to when his mom asked him the same thing.

"I love her as much as I'm capable of loving her."

"What does that mean?" Giles said, wrinkling his brow in confusion.

"It means that I'm 'damaged goods'. I... have trouble opening myself up to people. In case you hadn't noticed. After everything with Dru... the part of my brain able to fall in love got fried or something. Like with Sam. She's a great woman. Smart, beautiful, loving, she had it all. But I couldn't love her. Something's missing inside of me."

"And Buffy somehow fills this void?"

Spike smiled. "Yeah. It's about 3/4 full now," he said with semi-sarcastic humor before becoming serious once more, "I still can't tell her, honestly, that I'm in love with her... but I think that someday I will."

"Buffy's a vampire. There are going to be... rough spots. She doesn't have a soul, Spike. She has no moral compass."

"She's capable of more love and affection than most humans I've met or even heard of. She loves me and I know she's crazy about Dawnie and Mom. You should see Buffy when she's around them... I think it's because they both always treated her like a person, not a thing. I never gave her the benefit of the doubt before, not like they did. Can you guys try to treat her like... one of us? I know she'd be chuffed to bits to feel accepted by the gang."

"Chuffed to bits?" Giles couldn't help smiling at Spike's use of British slang.

Spike smiled and laughed. "I guess she's rubbing off on me a little. It just slipped out."

"What about your future?" Giles mentioned thoughtfully, "Are you saying that you don't want to raise a family?"

"Giles, get real. Do many Slayers get old enough to bounce their chubby grandchildren on their knee, telling them tales of demons they've slayed? I'm not going to live that long... you know that."

Giles took a deep breath. He didn't like this relationship at all. There was too much potential for heartbreak and hellraising. But Spike seemed so happy since they've been together, and it was true that he fought better when he was angry.

"I don't approve, Spike."

Spike hung his head despondently, pushing lightly on the punching bag, swinging it back and forth.

"But... I don't want to alienate you by trying to talk you out of it at every turn. You're... important to me, very important, as is your happiness. It's not the exact same situation of course, but in my younger days I dated a few girls that my parents absolutely hated. I know how their bad-mouthing of my dates affected me. I was even more determined to see the ladies in question, just to spite them. So, I'll not lecture you about her or try to stand in your way.... if that's what you really want."

Spike smiled at Giles. "Thanks. I really appreciate that you're trying." Spike fought the impulse to give Giles a big hug.

Giles was so conflicted. It was a terrible idea for the Slayer and a vampire to be involved. A union against nature itself. It was one thing with Drusilla, at least she had a soul. But this...

"Spike... if she hurts you..."

"Giles, she won't. Trust me. She's like a whole different person now. She still has her edge, but she's also so thoughtful and kind and loving."

Giles nodded, even though he had strong reservations. But you couldn't talk Spike out of something once he'd put his heart into it.

Spike looked at the clock.

"Shit. I have to get home," he said, unwinding the athletic tape from his knuckles. "It's another fabulous Summers' family fun night."

"What's the movie tonight?" Giles asked.

Spike grimaced. ‘Sleepless in Seattle‘. I'm outnumbered by women. My suggestions for what videos to rent are met by 'Ewww!'s or 'That's too violent, sweetiepie!' Well frankly, I think watching ‘Kate & Leopold’ is cruel and unusual punishment," Spike finished in a high-pitched voice.

Giles smirked. "You have my pity, sir."

Spike discarded the tape in the trash and picked up his gym bag. "See ya, Giles. Thanks again, for the... for what you said."

Giles nodded. "Have a good evening, Spike."

Spike went out the back door.

Giles looked after him. He really did hope that Buffy was everything that Spike claimed. Lord knows what would happen if this was some kind of game to her. Giles knew one thing for sure, if Buffy dared to toy with Spike's heart or hurt him in any way, Ripper would pay her a visit.





Buffy moped around the crypt.

Tonight was the Summers' family night, the one night she couldn't spend time with Spike. She was greedy, she knew it. But she wanted him with her, making love to her, touching her, holding her.

Spike had suggested that she use this night to do 'her own thing'. Go shoot some pool, have a few drinks at Willy's, play some poker. She had been a bit of a homebody since she and Spike got together. Only going out to get blood and smokes (she'd had to cut down to half a pack a day due to spending so much time with the non-smoking Slayer). She could also use a good brawl or two. It wasn't a bad idea.

Buffy put on her duster and left for Willy's as soon as the sun set, intending to have a good time, maybe get in on a poker game in the back room. She lit up a smoke as she strutted through the cemetery.

Riley watched her leave from his hiding place.

He gulped. It was time to put the next part of Sam's plan into action. He was scared shitless that Buffy would catch him. As soon as she was gone, he raced for the crypt, moving inside and closing the door swiftly. He walked to the refrigerator, remembering his conversation with Samantha last night...


Last night...

Sam handed Riley a small bottle of clear liquid.

"What's this for?" Riley said, looking at it.

"Your job is to put that in something that you know Buffy will want to drink. A bag of blood in her refrigerator, a whiskey bottle... But it has to be something already in her crypt. I don't want her getting suspicious, like she would if you just came up to her and gave her a drink. She can't know where it came from."

"What's it do? And where did you get it?" Riley said nervously, his hand shaking a little. He didn't want to hurt Buffy. Not much, anyway.

"I got it from some... friends of mine in the government. It's a sex drug. It'll get her in the mood real quick. That's where you come in again. You just happen to stop by when she's getting amorous. The two of you rut like weasels, Spike finds out, and it's 'game over'." Sam smiled, pleased with her cunning plan.

"But Spike and Buffy don't see each other on Thursdays. The whole stupid family night thing, remember?"

"Pffft! Those two can't keep their hands off each other for one minute, let alone the whole night. It's disgusting... He'll show up eventually. You make sure you're showing her a 'good time' when he does," Sam waved away his question and tossed her long, wavy brown hair over her shoulder.

"How am I going to get this in the crypt? What if she catches me?!" Riley shuddered to think what Buffy would do to him.

"Hello? Riley! Hellooo?!", Sam said, knocking Riley's head in an agitated and unwilling parody of Back to the Future's Biff Tannenbaum, "You've been monitoring her movements for a week. You know when she typically goes out and how long she's gone. Just wait until she leaves the crypt tomorrow night. Then move in, complete the mission, then get back out. Then, you wait until she comes back, give her about 15 minutes or so to ingest the laced drink and move in. Say -- you left something that belongs to you there and you came back for it."

"What if she doesn't believe me? What if --"

"Will you shut up?!" Sam took a deep breath. She still needed Riley's help and needed to watch her temper with him, for now. "Look, it will be okay. I'll... be hanging around the cemetery. Just in case you need me to help if she catches you and gets violent. I'll incapacitate her."

Sam had no intention of doing any such thing, but she figured that that would calm his nerves.

Riley smiled tentatively. "Okay... You promise? You'll come if she catches me?"

"Absolutely," Sam lied with a smile.


The present...

Riley opened the refrigerator and took out the lone bottle of vodka. Buffy always liked to have a few swigs of this when she came home.

He took a calming breath, trying to steady his hands, as he poured the contents of the bottle Sam gave him into the vodka bottle. He put the empty drug bottle into his jacket pocket, screwed the cap back onto the vodka and placed it back in the mini-fridge, exactly how he had found it.

Once it was done, Riley let out shaky laugh. He did it! He didn't spill it or anything! Samantha would be proud of him. He raced out of the crypt and back to his hiding place to wait in anticipation for Buffy to return.





Buffy hummed a tune as she walked in the door of the crypt.

It had been a good night. She'd thrown back more than a few pints with some fellow demons, played a few hands of poker, winning 50 shillings. And best of all, she forgot how much she missed Spike. But now she just reminded herself of it.

"Bollocks! I was doing so bloody good..."

Buffy strolled over to her fridge to get a little more liquid refreshment. Spike didn't like her to drink too much. It was hard, being in love. You had to compromise and change little things that annoyed the other person. But he was worth it. No amount of booze or cigarettes could make her feel as high or feel as satisfied as being with him did.

She smiled, musing that she was helping him to loosen up a bit more and be more spontaneous. He was getting quite creative with their kinky sex games as well. She twisted the cap off and took a long draught as she walked over to her chair.

Buffy was grateful that Spike had, unasked, helped her buy a new TV after she busted up the last one in a fit of jealous rage -- she didn't know what she'd do if she missed ‘Passions‘. Buffy flipped through the channels stopping when she came to reruns of 'Melrose Place'.

"Oooh! I love that Michael bloke! Now, he's evil!" Buffy settled in to watch, pulling steadily on her bottle.





Riley was scared. But after 15 minutes, he was standing in front of Buffy's crypt, screwing up his courage to enter.

'You can do it! You can do it! She'll be your very own Platinum Baby again after this...'

He opened the door and entered. When Buffy heard the door open, a huge smile lit up her features.

'He came!' Buffy whipped around in her chair, thinking perhaps the Slayer had ducked out of family night early and come to her. Her smile fell when she saw Riley standing there.

"What the fuck are you doin' here?" Buffy stood up, scowling at him.

"Hi, Buffy! I, uh... I'm sorry to interrupt, but I left my... Best of Shania Twain CD here... somewhere. Can I look around for it?"

Buffy grumbled. "I s'pose. But you find it an' get out."

"Sure! Um... I won't be long..." Riley's eyes darted to the half empty bottle in Buffy's hand then back to her face.

'She's drinking it. I wonder how long it will take to work?'

He made a show of looking around the crypt.

Buffy sat back down to watch TV. "I din't see your soddin' CD. I don't think it's here."

"Really? Just... let me look around a little longer."

"Whatever." Buffy waved her hand at him. "Just keep it down. This is the 'Melrose' where Kimberly steals Joe's baby. Bloody good episode... That Kimberly's one barmy bitch."

Riley was running out of places to look after a few minutes. "Buffy?"

"What?" Buffy growled.

"Can I look downstairs? Maybe I left it there."

"NO. You may not go down there." She stood up and faced him. "Just leave, will ya? I'll give you the bloody money to buy a new CD for --"

A wave of dizziness passed over Buffy, she started swaying on her feet. She put her hand to her forehead, the vodka bottle slipped from her fingers and bounced off the floor before rolling away a few feet.

"Buffy!" Riley ran over and put his arms around her to keep her from falling. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah.... I'm... fine. Bit too much o' the grape tonight..." Buffy sniffed Riley's neck, a drunk smile on her lips. "Mmmm, pet, you smell so good..."

Riley's eyes widened. He had almost forgotten about the drug.

"Yeah?" he squeaked as she nuzzled him.

"Oh yeah... Is it hot? Are you hot?" Buffy asked with a puzzled frown, pulling at her clothes.

She knew something was wrong, but couldn't think hard enough to figure it out. Her skull felt like it was packed with gauze.

"A little bit..." Riley stared and licked his lips as Buffy pulled her shirt over her head and threw it on the floor.

She bent over and unlaced her boots, kicking them off. She almost lost her balance, but Riley was there again, grabbing her around the waist.

"Ooooh! Luv! You're so strong." Buffy felt his biceps and giggled. "I still have my pants on..." She looked at him, batting her eyelashes. "You still want to get in my pants, mon petit crème brulle?"

"Oh, Blondie Bear! French!" Riley smashed their lips together. Then lifted her up into his arms. "I missed you so much, baby!"

"Mmm, fuck me, Riley!" Buffy yelled, tossing her head back. "Oh God, I need you to fuck me! Please!" Buffy's body felt like it was on fire, her pussy ached and throbbed.

Her only thought was: MUST FUCK!

Riley grinned like a madman and headed to the lower level with his woman writhing in lust in his arms.





Spike was helping his mom with the dishes after the movie, and he was feeling distracted. He couldn't stop thinking about Buffy, and it wasn't just for lack of stimulating subject matter. The Slayer knew that she was disappointed that the two of them couldn't get together on family night.

"Spike?" Joyce asked.

"Hmm?"

"Honey, would you like to go see Buffy?" Joyce smiled knowingly.

"Huh? Uh... it's okay. I'll stay and help you." Spike blushed a little at being caught thinking about his girlfriend when he was supposed to be helping his mother.

"Nope. You're useless to me like this. Go on, go see her. You've been drying the same dish for 5 minutes." She laughed.

"Oh... sorry. You... really don't mind if I --" He jerked a thumb in the direction of the front door.

"I told you, go on!" Joyce snapped a dish towel at his butt.

He laughed and yelped. "Thanks, Mom." Spike kissed her cheek. "You're the best!"

"And don't you forget it!" Joyce laughed as Spike jogged to the front door.

She had to admit, being with Buffy really seemed to suit her son. He hadn't been nearly as moody as he was before they became an item. In fact, he was happy. He almost always had a smile on his face. Joyce didn't want to contemplate what it was that Buffy did to keep that smile in place, she was just glad to see her son happy. Whether he knew it or not, the boy was in love. Head over heels in love. Joyce smiled and placed a porcelain Shimitsu bowl into the drying bin.





Spike walked into the crypt with a red rose in his hand.

He had clipped the blossom from the bush on the side of the Summers' house just for her. He was thinking about all that mushy, romantic stuff all the time these days. The TV was on, so she had to be here somewhere. He was heading for the trap door when he noticed her clothes laying on the floor. Spike grinned, bending over to pick them up.

'Maybe she had a feeling I'd find a way to come and see her. She could be waiting for me, all spread on the peach duvet... and... the vixen!'

Spike went quickly to the trap door and down the steps, then turned the corner and stopped dead in his tracks.

Buffy and Riley were fucking on the bed, on their bed.

Spike stared at them, his brain not able to grasp what his eyes were seeing. The rose fell from his numb fingers, landing at his feet. Buffy was on top, riding Riley's cock like a pro. The scene appeared to be happening in slow motion before him, and Spike wondered absently why everything was happening so slow.

"OOOOHH! Yeah, Riley! Oh fuck! Oh baby!" Buffy's extended moan writhed through the air.

"Buffy! OH! Blondie--UHHH--Bear! I love you!" Riley shouted, his voice seeming deep and overdrawn.

Spike felt like he was going to be sick. He backed away, feeling the wall beside him to guide him to the stairs; he trampled the rose under the heel of his boot. He couldn't take his eyes off the spectacle on the bed.

"Love you too! OH GOD YES! FUCK ME!!" Buffy growled, bouncing up and down and clawing at Riley's chest.

Spike turned and ran to the upper level and out of the crypt. He kept running for a minute before having to stop, clutching at his stomach. He leaned against a gravestone for support, and his mind was racing faster than his heart.

"How could you do this to me?" Spike whispered. "How could you?!" he said louder. "My God... such a fool... I'm such a FUCKING FOOL!"

He punched the stone monument, cracking it in half and sending stone chips and dust flying everywhere. He was so full of rage and sorrow that he wanted to go back there and tear them apart, piece by piece. His heart felt like it had been fractured. He would never, ever, let himself get close to anyone again.

Spike took a deep, shaky breath. Then he looked around the cemetery, searching for something to kill, something to maim and beat to a bloody pulp. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he hoped that maybe some vamp or demon would have their 'one good day'. Anything to make the immense pain stop. He set off in search of some baddies, rubbing his hand absently over his chest. His knuckles were bleeding from when he punched through the tombstone. But it was nothing compared to the pain in his heart.





Xander walked nervously through the cemetery.

Joyce had told him Spike went to Buffy's for the evening a few hours ago. The brunette pseudo-hunk couldn't eat or sleep -- he missed his friend. He hated Buffy, but if it meant losing Spike as his friend...he could learn to tolerate her. Spike's friendship meant too much to him to let it end. And Anya had oh-so-delicately pointed out that Xander, himself, was involved with someone who had done their share of mayhem over the last millennium. It would be hypocritical for him not to at least give Buffy a chance.

Xander breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Spike sitting on a bench with his back to him. He approached him cautiously, he didn't want Spike to mistake him for a demon. But then again, maybe Spike would be more inclined to kill if he knew it was Xander after the exchange they'd had in the Magic Box last week.

"Hey, your mom said you'd be around here, so..." Xander walked around the bench to face Spike. "Look man, I'm really sorry about --"

He stopped when he took in Spike's appearance. He was bruised and literally covered in blood (some of it his own) and he had a kind of vacant look on his face, like he wasn't 'all there'.

"Spike?"

Xander moved closer to examine his friend: there was a rip in Spike's shirt around the midsection, revealing a deep cut across his stomach; a large gash was on his forehead above his left eye; his bottom lip was split; blood ran from his nose; one eye was purplish and almost swollen shut.

"Shit! Jesus-God! What did this to you?" Xander panicked looking at his friend and then looking around them at the silent cemetery, afraid that whatever had done it was still running around.

He'd never seen his best friend looking worse than he did right now. The mere thought of what could have done this to this to the strong, resourceful, powerful Slayer shook Xander to the core. Maybe it was Glory...

Spike shrugged disinterestedly.

"Spike? Are you okay?"

Spike looked at him, his eyes seeming to finally focus on Xander's face.

"No," Spike without emotion, his face a blank canvas.

"Come on, let's get you home, buddy." Xander took one of Spike's arms and put it over his shoulder and hefted him off the bench, the Slayer was like dead weight. "You gotta help me here, a little. You been putting on weight lately? Too many milkshakes?" Xander joked nervously.

Spike started moving his feet on his own. They shuffled/stumbled out of the cemetery to Xander's waiting car.





Joyce had screamed and almost fainted when she had seen the condition her eldest child, her only son, was in.

Joyce, Xander and Dawn had fretted over him and patched his wounds as best they could before putting him to bed.

Spike's wounds were bad, but not fatal: His face was a mess, bloodied and bruised; there was a gash across his stomach, something had sliced him open. Bruises and scratches dotted his torso -- ugly, angry looking, purplish-yellow bruises surrounded a few cracked ribs. The Slayer's hands were torn up, and several nails had been ripped off. The Slayer healing mojo had its work cut out for it.

Xander entered Spike's bedroom quietly; he didn't want to wake the beaten Slayer. But Spike's eyes were wide open -- or rather, the one that wasn't swollen shut was open. He was staring at the ceiling.

Joyce had asked Xander to talk to him, to try to get any details about what happened tonight out of him. Spike had barely said a word when they were bandaging him up. He only mumbled something about a lot of vamps. It crossed Xander's mind that maybe Spike and Buffy had been attacked by a group of somethings and Buffy had gotten killed. Maybe that was why Spike was in a state of shock. Xander would be as gentle as possible.

"Hey, man." Xander closed the door behind him and walked over to the bed then sat down on the edge. "How you feelin'?"

The Slayer looked like a prize fighter who'd gone about 10 rounds with Mike Tyson.

Spike's good eye focused on him. "Like shit," he said through his busted lip.

"Yeah, I guess so. Any better yet? Those super fast, super cool Slayer healing abilities kicking in?"

Spike only stared at him, not really seeing him.

"Spike... what happened, man? What did this to you?"

Spike looked away from him and towards the window. "I went looking for trouble. I found some. They kicked my ass, I kicked theirs. I walked away. They didn't."

Xander furrowed his brow. "Huh?"

"I went looking for demons. That's what I do, isn't it? That's all I do... I found a lot of them. I sent them back to Hell where they belong."

Xander got even more worried when Spike started laughing, sounding like a mental patient.

"They couldn't do it, though! I gave them a perfect opportunity, I wasn't even trying that hard... I left myself wide open and they still lost."

"Again, with the Huh?" Xander said.

"One good day...they didn't have it." Spike's eye teared up. "Why couldn't they beat me? I wanted them to fucking beat me... just this once..."

"Wha--Spike... Are you saying that you were trying to get yourself killed?" Xander asked in horror.

"It's too hard, Xan. It's too hard...I can't do it anymore... Why can't the pain just go away?"

Tears welled up in Xander's eyes. "Why? Why do you want to die?"

Spike turned away again, his face contorted in pain. "You were right... Oh God, why didn't I listen to you?"

"What was I right about? Come on, Spike! What the fuck happened to you?!"

"Buffy," Spike sobbed her name in barely a whisper.

Xander ground his teeth together. 'I fucking knew it! That bitch! What did she do to him?!'

"What happened?" Xander asked slowly.

"I... caught her... Oh God, I saw them together... fucking... she told him she loved him while they... just like she told me... I'm such a fool! I believed her... I really believed her! How could I have been so wrong? I was so sure about... how much she loved me... How could I not be enough for her?! We had sex ALL the time!"

"Maybe... vamps just... define love differently than we do..." Xander struggled to keep calm and find the right words to comfort his friend. "Maybe they can love someone... but still, uh, want to sleep with other people."

Spike sobbed. "It... hurts so much... I just want it to stop..."

"I'm sorry..." Xander held Spike's hand. "I am so sorry."

"I should have listened to you... you knew... you fucking knew..."

"The heart... wants what it wants... I understand that. You took a chance. You followed your heart."

"Well, you can rip the fucking thing out of my chest! I don't need it anymore... don't want it... Finish the job Buffy started."

Xander took Spike by the shoulders, forcing him to look him in the eye. Spike tried to roll away from him, but he was so weak that Xander held him in place easily.

"Hey! I'm sorry she did this to, I am. But what's this trying to get yourself killed shit?! Did you forget about your friends? Did you forget about your mom and Dawn? What would we do if you got yourself killed? What kind of shit is that?!"

"Leave me alone!" Spike spit out.

"No! I won't."

Xander shook Spike's shoulders firmly, but gently -- he wanted to get his point across but didn't want to aggravate his injuries. The Slayer tried twisting away but Xander's grip was too strong. He bared his teeth like an animal and glared up at Xander.

"What about Dawn? You're supposed to protect her. What's going to happen to her if you're not around to protect her from Glory if she comes a' callin'? You think Giles or Joyce have a shot in hell? Snap out of it, Spike! You don't give up, damn it! You never give up! That's one of the things I've always admired most about you. No matter what life throws at you, no matter how much you get beat down, you get back up, dust yourself off and you KEEP GOING! I admire the hell out of you, and as much as it freaks me out, you're my hero... Please, Spike, please snap out of this!"

Spike watched the progress of a single tear that leaked out of the corner of Xander's eye, following it with his good eye as it ran down his friend's face. Suddenly, everything came back into focus in his mind, the nearly catatonic, reckless/suicidal state he'd been in for the past several hours dissipated. He knew that Xander was right. The fog was finally starting to lift from his brain.

"Xan... I could've died tonight... I wanted to die tonight," Spike said in shock, realizing what he'd almost done. "Oh fuck... I'm so messed up..."

"It'll be okay. You just need to heal. You'll be alright." Xander released Spike's shoulders and sat back on the bed, once again taking Spike's hand in his.

Xander took a shaky breath and wiped at his wet face with his free hand. He was so thankful that Spike appeared to be 'back'. He saw the light come back on behind Spike's eyes, as if a switch had been flipped.

"Oh God, why does it have to hurt so much?" Spike asked miserably. The pain was wrapped around him like a shroud. It was hard to draw in a breath.

"I don't know... Betrayal hurts... especially when it's someone you... trusted. You aren't going to try... you aren't going to hurt yourself are you?"

"No." Spike looked ashamed. "Xan, don't tell my mom or Dawn about what I said. We can just say that I ran into a bunch of demons and they got a few good ones in...okay?"

"Sure...just as long as you will be alright."

"You know what the worst part is?" Spike asked.

Xander shook his head 'no'.

"The worst part is... that I'm sure now. I love her... I love her so much... when I saw them... it hit me like a ton of fucking bricks."

"God Spike, I'm--I'm so sorry..." Xander shut his eyes tightly. Then he continued in a soft voice, "Are we... cool again? I missed you, man."

Spike's mouth twitched up into a weak smile. "Yeah, we're cool. I missed you too."





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