Buffy awoke with a groan. Her head was throbbing and her mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton. She smiled despite her physical discomfort when she felt a body next to hers.
'Spike must've come over in the middle of the night and gotten into bed with me... Shoulda woken me up, the bad boy...' She rolled over and put her arm over his chest.
"Mornin', luv," Buffy said with her eyes still closed, rubbing her cheek against a solid, male chest.
"Mmm... mornin', Blondie Bear." Riley kissed the tip of her nose.
Buffy's eyes shot open. Riley's big, smiling, roast beef of a face was looking down on her.
"Gah!" Buffy propelled herself backwards, falling off the bed and onto the floor on her butt.
She sat there stunned for a moment. Then her mind went into hyperdrive, trying to think back to last night, frantically trying to recall how this THING could have happened.
"What's the matter, Buffy? Did you drink too much again?" Riley asked peering over the edge of the bed at her. "You've really got to be cutting down on the booze, Nummy."
"What the bloody, sodding..." Buffy grabbed a discarded bed sheet, and wrapped it around her nude body. "How the fuck did this happen?! I never would have -- Oh God!" she panicked, getting up and pacing back and forth.
"I came over to --" Riley paused, trying to recall what it was that he had said he was looking for. "Over to find my... CD, and... well... you made it clear that you wanted me. Don't tell me you don't remember."
"I bloody don't! I... The last thing I remember is -- you coming in the crypt... and 'Melrose Place'... Oh God, what have I done?!" Buffy put her head in her hands.
She knew that if Spike found out about this... it would all be over. She couldn't fathom how she could have gotten drunk enough to -- do what she did. And with Riley of all people. Spike couldn't find out. What if he came in, right now? She looked at her clock for the time, it was 4:30 in the afternoon.
"Get dressed and get out of here! Now!" Buffy shouted.
Spike usually came over after school, he could be here any second.
"But -- Blondie Bear -- the sun's up. I can't --" Riley felt tears stinging his eyes. She was rejecting him, again.
"Leave through the bloody tunnels! Just hurry up and get out!"
Buffy felt a little sympathy for Riley, even though he was a pain in the ass. She knew what it was like to care about someone significantly more than they cared about you.
"Look, I'm sorry, Riley... It was a mistake, last night. If I wasn't ass over tits drunk, I never would have slept with you or anyone else... I'm in love with someone."
"That stupid Slayer!" Riley jumped up and starting putting on his clothes. "It's always him, isn't it!? It'd be a real shame if he found out --"
Buffy cut him off, "He will never hear about this. If you say one bloody word to him, or anyone else, about this..." Buffy said dangerously, leaving the threat hanging in the air.
Riley smiled, inwardly. He knew that he wouldn't have to. He'd felt the Slayer's presence in the room with them at one point while they were fucking. Buffy must have been too drugged up to notice. Riley had been frightened for a minute or two, worrying that the Slayer might get violent, but Spike had just left without saying or doing anything. He probably ran off somewhere, crying like a little girl again. Riley mentally guffawed, wishing he could have seen that.
"I promise, he won't hear it from me... I won't say a word to anyone," Riley said, stone-faced.
"See that he doesn't. I'm going to take a shower. Be gone when I get back." She started to turn away, then paused. Then she said in a softer, kinder tone, "Go to your precious, sodding France, leave Sunnydale. Get on with your unlife, Riley. You're just settin' yourself up to be hurt, hangin' around me, hoping we can be together... I'm in love with Spike. He's the only one who will ever be in my heart."
Buffy hurried to wash the sweat and smell of sex from her body.
'We'll see who gets hurt, Buffy. Yes, we will...'
Riley finished dressing and made his way through the tunnels, heading for Willy's for a few drinks before going to Sam's apartment to let her know that everything went according to her plan. She was so smart.
The crushed rose laid on the floor in the shadows by the stairs. Buffy wouldn't notice it until much later.
The next day, the Scoobies gathered at the Summers' home.
Xander called the rest of them to tell them about 'the incident' and they had come right over to see Spike for themselves. They all had been horrified at his physical state. Xander had whispered what happened to each of them as they arrived, what had happened with Buffy and Spike's utter despair about it. But Xander left out the suicidal Spike part of the story, only telling that bit to Giles. He figured that the Watcher had a right to know what his Slayer's mental state had been. Even though Xander was getting confident that Spike wouldn't go there again, he didn't want to remain silent, just on the off-chance that Spike decided that life wasn't worth living again. Xander wouldn't be able to handle the burden if something happened to Spike because he didn't tell anyone.
Anya had come by earlier, but being the conscientious sales clerk that she was, she left to run the Magic Box leaving Giles free to spend time at the Summers'.
Joyce had been adamant about staying home from work to look after him, but the others were able to convince her to go in. They would tend to him until she got back in the evening. She had reluctantly gone to the gallery, but called home every hour or so to check on him.
Dawn stayed home from school. She had been unable to go back to sleep after Xander brought Spike home. She could have lost her brother last night. She nearly had and it shook her badly. Dawn had never seen him look like that before. She knew that Spike's slaying duties were dangerous, but he was so good at his job that the baddies never got the best of him, not like this. It hit home again just how easily her bossy, sometimes pig-headed, but overall sweet and loving brother could be taken away from her. Dawn didn't know what she would do without him.
She bustled about the house, doing anything and everything she could think of to keep busy. She made food for the others, brought Spike drinks and some soup, fluffed up and brought Spike more pillows and put Grandma Summers' quilt on Spike's bed. She also made herself busy by dusting and cleaning the windows.
Willow and Tara sat at the dining room table with some spell books and components, fixing herbal remedies and preparing a few spells to help accelerate Spike's healing. They too, had been worried sick when they'd seen what happened to Spike.
Giles went to Spike's bedroom to talk to him about what happened. He had to make sure Spike was really in his right mind again.
"Spike?" Giles stuck his head into the bedroom.
"I'm bored," Spike said, looking restless.
His wounds were healing more slowly than usual, but there had been some improvement. Spike's eye wasn't quite as swollen; the bruises on his face were bright yellow with some dark spots, instead of just dark and purple.
"Can't I get out of bed?" Spike asked.
Giles came into the room, shutting the door behind him then went over to stand by the bed.
"Out of the question. You have a lot more healing to do first."
"What about a TV? I got nothing to do. I'm going stir-crazy just laying here."
"I'll see about getting a TV brought in for you..." Giles said, staring at Spike.
"What?" Spike had a hunch he knew what was on the Watcher's mind.
"Xander told me," Giles said simply.
Spike looked away, feeling embarrassed and guilty. He hadn't wanted anyone else to know how low he had sunk last night. Especially not Giles. His Watcher was probably ashamed and disappointed in him, even more so than he was of himself.
"I asked him not to..." Spike whispered.
"He did the right thing by telling me. I'm your Watcher, Spike. I think I should be privy to the fact that my Slayer was suicidal. And...more than anything, I'm your friend. I care about you." Giles struggled to keep the volume and tone of his voice steady.
"I... went mental for a little while... I did some stupid things... but I'm better now. You don't have to worry about me going off the deep end like that again."
"I do worry about you, Spike. Are you certain that you won't...regress?"
"Yes. Xander helped me get my head screwed back on straight. My brain kicked in again when he reminded me about you guys... and Dawn. I saw how much it was hurting him to see me... It's scary, I really was out of my mind..." Spike ran a bandaged hand through his hair, letting out a ragged breath. "I can't believe I lost my shit like that..." he trailed off.
"Buffy was unfaithful to you..." Giles said gently. "I'm truly sorry, Spike. I know you were very... fond of her."
Spike tried unsuccessfully to push down the tears that started to build anew in his eyes. "I'm in love with her, Giles... Great time to realize it, eh? I have terrific timing. I-I don't know what to do... How could she... do this to me? It hurts so fucking much."
"I... don't know why..." Giles closed his eyes, trying to retain his composure.
The pain evident on Spike's face and in his voice were gut-wrenching. Buffy almost destroyed him. It was ironic, she had failed so many times in the past when she had been actively trying to kill him and last night she had almost succeeded, without even trying. If she had, and Spike had been killed, nothing would have been able to save Buffy from Giles' wrath.
"You have a perfect right to, but...please, don't say 'I told you so'. You were right, all of you were right..." Spike turned his face away, his jaw clenching and unclenching. "I trusted her..."
"It will... take time. Heartbreak is never easy..." Giles tried to comfort him. "Does she know... that you know?"
"Don't think so," Spike snorted and screwed up his battered face. "She was pretty busy at the time." He swallowed the bile that rose in his throat when he replayed the disgusting scene in his mind. "But... I don't want anyone to go after her... Just leave her be. I don't want her dead... or deader, whatever... I just want her out of my life."
Giles nodded his head slowly. "Very well." As much as he wanted to make Buffy pay, he had to respect Spike's wishes on the matter. A harmless creature was unfortunately off the Slayer's list.
"The same goes for everyone else. No going after her," Spike said seriously. "Make sure they understand that."
"I will. Spike, what would you like me to do when she comes looking for you... she's bound to, eventually."
"I don't want to see her... but I have to tell her... that it's over."
"If she comes, I'll send her up to you." Giles patted Spike's leg before standing up again. He cleared his throat. "I'll go get that telly for you."
Sam walked up to the Summers' front porch and knocked on the door. And the veteran Initiative Sergeant fidgeted while she waited. She’d been shaken up when she got a call from Xander earlier, telling her that Spike was hurt badly the night before. Her plan had worked perfectly, but she hadn't counted on him being so distraught that he would get careless with his slaying. Thank God he hadn't been killed. That would have been... unacceptable.
Dawn opened the door. "Hi, Sam." The teenager looked tired, dark circles laid under her eyes.
"Dawn, how is he?"
"He'll be okay. He looked so horrible when Xander first brought him home..." Dawn's lip trembled.
Sam stepped up and hugged the girl. Dawn hugged her back tightly. She wasn't Sam's biggest fan, but she knew that Sam cared about Spike too.
"Can I see him? I was so worried when Xander called..." Sam said.
"Yeah, he's right upstairs. Go ahead." Dawn smiled.
She only hoped that Sam would be gone before Buffy got here once the sun set. It would be really awkward for all of them. Dawn considered going to Buffy's crypt to tell her what happened, but she irrationally feared that Spike would suddenly take a turn for the worst if she left the house for even a second.
Sam greeted everyone quickly before climbing the stairs to Spike's room. Once outside his room, Sam opened the door and peeked in. Spike was laying on the bed watching 'Judge Judy'. Sam gasped. He looked like hell.
Spike looked over at her.
"Sam..."
"Oh, Spike!" She closed the door and rushed over to him, sitting on the edge of the bed beside him. Tears stung her eyes. "Your poor, beautiful face!" Her fingers fluttered just above his face, she was afraid to actually touch him.
"I know I look like shit, but I'm okay. Really. Don't get upset." Spike smiled. "And I prefer the term 'handsome' to the word 'beautiful' when describing myself." Sam was obviously freaked out. He took one of her shaky hands in his and gave it a reassuring squeeze.
She wanted to weep. Seeing him so battered and broken was excruciating. She carefully put her arms around him, he hugged her back lightly.
"Spike... I don't know what I would have done if..." she sniffed.
"Hey, now, none of that, missy." Spike patted her back. He groaned a little. "Don't hug me too tight, my stomach --"
She released him and pulled away. "Oh God, did I hurt you?" she asked.
"No, I'm okay, you didn't hurt me. I got sliced open a little... damn Polgara Demon. It's healing but it hurts like a bitch." He fingered the large white bandage on his stomach.
Spike was touched that Sam was so concerned about him. A lot of women never wanted to talk to the guy who broke up with them again, he was truly lucky. She really was a good person.
"What happened? You're the best fighter I've ever seen. How was something able to hurt you this bad?"
Spike traced patterns on the quilt that covered the lower part of his body. "It's a long story..." He decided to tell her at least some of the truth. "I didn't tell you this because I didn't want to hurt you, but... I was seeing someone."
"Oh?" Sam said, acting surprised.
"Yeah, well... it's over now. I guess I went a little -- make that a lot crazy -- when... I realized that she really didn't care about me. It was just some kind of game..."
"Oh, Spike..." Sam touched his face lightly. "I'm sorry. I have to admit... that the thought of you with someone else... makes me uncomfortable. But I never want you to suffer." A small smile lifted the corners of her mouth. "You want me to kick her ass?" She made a show of rolling up her sleeves then cracked her knuckles before adding, "Just point her out and I'll take care of business."
Spike snorted. "No, there will be no kickings of her ass." Then he said, more serious, "Everyone told me it was stupid, that it was wrong, but I didn't listen."
"Is she... anybody I know?" Sam wanted to see if he'd admit it.
"Uh... yeah, it was... Buffy... I know it was crazy, please don't start on me about it, please..."
"I-I'm really surprised... Wow! But... I can see that you're in no mood to talk about it, so I'll lay off," Sam smiled as she held his sprained hand. She thought that she should get an Oscar for her performance, or at least be nominated for one.
"Thanks, Sam. I think my head would explode if I had to talk about it anymore."
Spike was grateful that they were still friends. Sam was so sweet and kind. She was judgmental, but being a professional warrior demanded that... and anyway, there were lots of worse traits to have. At least she wasn’t a liar.
'I should have been more patient and understanding with Sam. She never would have betrayed me like Buffy did... Yet another good thing that I ruined...'
“What can I get you? Anything you want. How about some nice hot soup? Chicken Noodle, Minestrone?” Sam was eager to make him comfortable -- and make herself indispensable to him in the process.
She fluffed up a pillow and gently put it behind his head. Spike chuckled at her determination.
"Dawn’s been feeding me so much soup, I might float away. Umm, maybe just some ginger ale... my stomach feels kinda floopy." Spike smiled, lightly rubbing his stomach.
"You got it, beautiful. I mean, handsome. Anything you want, anything you need... all you have to do is say the word. We‘re going to get you back on your feet. I‘ll get you some of those soda crackers too. They‘ll help settle that cute little tummy of yours." Sam smiled brightly, then went to get him a drink and crackers.
Things were going well, despite Spike's unexpected injuries. She'd make sure that he knew he could depend on her, she wanted him to feel he could lean on her in his time of need. Sam would have him back in her arms, and her bed, soon.
Buffy waited impatiently at the front door.
She was worried about seeing Spike after what she'd done, but she missed him terribly. The Riley fiasco had to be kept a secret. Spike would never forgive her for it if he found out. It was only one night, and she hardly remembered any of it. Some flashes of memory came back to her, but everything was hazy; it was like she was seeing it through someone else's eyes. She still didn't know how she'd let herself get that blotto. Tonight, Buffy was certain of two things only -- she could never let it happen again, and Spike could never know.
"Hey, Buffy," Dawn sighed when she opened the door.
"Dawn? What's wrong?" Buffy's stomach dropped.
The Nibblet looked exhausted and bedraggled. Something bad had happened.
Dawn took a deep breath. "It's Spike. He got hurt last night... real bad."
"Where is he? Is he all right?" Buffy panicked.
"He's upstairs --" Dawn didn't finish her sentence, Buffy raced past her and up the stairs to his room.
She threw the door open and ran in, stopping when she took in the scene: Spike was in bed, bandages all over him; his face puffy and bruised; Sam was sitting on the bed, Indian-style; they had been laughing about something when she came in. Their heads turned in her direction. The smile slid off of Spike's face when he saw her.
"Spike... what happened?" Buffy swallowed. He looked terrible. And why was he looking at her like that? "What did this, and tell me where it is, so that I can kill it."
"Sam... can you give me a minute... alone with her?" Spike asked.
"Sure. I have to get going anyway." Sam got up, turning her head to Buffy and giving her what could be described as ‘the evil eye‘.
Then she turned back to Spike, a friendly smile replacing the evil one she’d worn only a moment ago.
"If you need anything, please give me a call. I'll come by tomorrow... that is, if you don't mind."
Spike smiled. "I'd like that. Thanks, Sam."
Sam bent down and pressed a gentle kiss to one of Spike's cheekbones. Making sure that Buffy had a good view.
Then the Initiative Sergeant turned back to the doorway, and said in a soft, emphatic voice that could be described as Christ-like, "You take it easy on Dawn and your mom, now. I don’t want anything to happen to you ever again. Bye, Spike.”
A moment of small-scale nuclear tension stretched taut between the three of them.
Then, just before she closed the door fully behind her, Sam turned her head sideways and called into the room softly in passing, “For now.”
The door shut with an almost imperceptible click. Buffy pushed aside her burning jealousy, for the moment.
"Spike, what the bloody hell happened to you?" She began walking toward him, her hands already reaching out for him.
"Stop!" Spike held up his hand. "Just...stay there."
"What? What's wrong, Spike-pet?"
Spike grit his teeth. "Don't -- call -- me that. Don't ever call me that again."
"What... did I do? Please, luv..."
"What did you do? That's a good question. What did you do last night, Buffy?"
"Wha?"
"I asked you what you did last night. It's a simple question, really."
His voice was so cold, so detached. It terrified her. He couldn't know...could he?
'Oh God, PLEASE don't let him know!' Buffy's mind screamed.
"I... went to Willy's... played some poker..."
"Anything else?"
"That's... about it... Spike, tell me what this is about. I --"
"You left out a little tidbit, didn't you?” Spike spat out.
And despite her horror at the situation, Buffy found herself transiently musing on Spike’s adorable habit of using truly nerdy catchphrases and words with such conviction. She would have laughed, perhaps blocking out the horror of what was occurring. But then, Spike spoke again.
“A visit from your friend Riley."
Buffy felt like she was going to vomit. He knew. Somehow he knew.
"Spike..." she whispered, her face frozen in horror.
"Yeah. I know about it. Do us both a favor and don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about."
"Is...that what he told you? Is that what Riley told you?" Buffy ran through all the painful ways that she intended to eviscerate her former boy-toy.
Spike chuckled mirthlessly. "Plan on shooting the messenger, eh?" His jaw clenched. "Normally, I have really good eye sight, 20/20 vision. I saw you with my own two eyes. I saw you with him -- in bed -- what I thought was our bed."
"Oh God... Oh Spike... please, luv, you have to believe me when I say that I don't remember --"
Spike interrupted her, "Imagine my surprise when I saw the two of you going at it. And you had the nerve to get pissed at me when Dru kissed me... How long has this been going on? Have you been sleeping with him the whole time or is it a recent thing?" Spike's voice shook with anger and humiliation.
"No... No, pet! It's not like that!" Buffy kneeled on the floor by the bed, clutching at his arm. "Please! You have to let me explain!"
Spike shook her hands off of him. "Get away from me! Don't touch me!" he hissed at her. "I'm not listening to anything that you have to say! You'll just tell me more fucking lies. Like that you love me. That was a doozy."
"I do love you, pet! I love you more than anything! You know that I love --"
"Shut up! I heard you say the same fucking thing to him while you were riding him! I never want to see you again, you bitch.” A frightening layer of liquid steel shone in his pupils as Spike said with cutting finality, “If you ever come near me again, I'll kill you."
"No, please!" Buffy cried. "I don't remember what happened with Riley! I don't know what was wrong with me! I'd never hurt you, you're the one I want! Why would I purposely bollocks up --"
"SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!" Spike screamed.
Buffy flinched away.
"I hate you. Get out of my room, my house and my life. Now." He fought back tears for the umpteenth time today. He still loved her, so much that it hurt. But Spike couldn't get over her infidelity, her betrayal. It was killing him to even look at her.
"No!" Buffy sobbed. "I love you, Spike! Please, pet --" She tried to touch one of his bandaged hands.
"I said GET OUT!" Spike yelled, eerily reminiscent of his younger sister, and pushed her away, sending her falling back onto her butt. “I don’t want to see you again, I don’t want to hear from you, I don’t even want to hear rumors about you!”
There was loud knocking at the door.
"Spike? Are you okay?" Xander's anxious voice asked.
Everyone had heard the yelling from downstairs.
"Just a minute, Xander," Spike said more calmly, still looking at Buffy's tear-stained face. "I want you out or I'll ask the others to throw you out. They'd be happy to oblige, I'm sure. Take your pick," his voice wavered and broke slightly.
He was going for cold and detached -- but it came out more pained and emotional than he’d intended. Spike still loved her and didn’t want his friends and family to have to manhandle her. He prayed that Buffy would leave on her own.
Buffy stood up on wobbly legs. The centurian vampyress looked her lover in the eye, knowing there was nothing left to say. Then she walked to the door backwards, facing him the whole time. It was hopeless, but she had to try once more.
"I don't remember what happened last night... I don't know how it happened..."
"So, by your logic, I'm supposed to forgive you because you got -- what? Too drunk to control yourself? You make me sick," Spike said with disgust.
Even as Spike spat the words out, Buffy turned away from them. Her world was falling in around her. It was too bad she didn’t need to breathe, otherwise she could have suffocated and ended the searing pain that assaulted someone who had seen, felt and mostly committed decades of cruelty. She couldn't stand him looking at and yelling at her like this anymore.
She threw the door open and ran into Xander who was waiting on the other side, her chip buzzed. She fell down and instinctively grabbed her throbbing head. Xander looked down on the fallen nosferatu with contempt and barely controlled anger. She hurried past him and down the stairs, everyone was standing below, looking up at her.
"Buffy? What's... going on? Why is Spike mad at you?" Dawn said in a trembling voice.
Buffy could only stare at her, unable to form words.
"Yeah, Buffy. Why don't you tell her?" Xander said from the top of the stairs.
"I-I can't... I didn't mean to --"
Buffy pushed her way between Giles and Willow and ran out the door.
"Buffy!" Dawn started to go after her, but Willow caught her arm, holding her back. "Let me go, Willow! What's going on? Why doesn't anybody ever tell me anything?!"
"Let her go, Dawnie. Come in the living room. I'll tell you... why Spike broke up with her," the red-headed witch said softly.
"Well done, Riley!" Sam smiled triumphantly.
Riley had come over to her apartment after she’d returned home. She was ecstatic at the way things had turned out. But she wasn’t finished. She still had some payback in store for Buffy. Riley didn’t know about that part. As far as he knew, the plan was finished and was a complete success.
"It worked. It really worked! You should have seen Spike. He was devastated, he'll never go near her again!" She laughed.
"Yeah, great," Riley said without enthusiasm.
"Aww, come on! Be happy, we did it. Buck up!" Sam playfully punched his shoulder.
Riley shook his head. "Buffy still doesn't want me. I'm... just going to leave town... she'll never love me."
"Hmm, that's too bad. I was pulling for you two kids," Sam said with false sympathy. "Oh well. Where you off to then?"
He shrugged. "I dunno. France, maybe."
"Then, Bon Voyage, mon ami!" {Have a good trip, my friend.} Sam said. "I can't thank you enough for the fine work you did."
Riley's head snapped up. "You speak...French?"
"Un peu, {A little.}" Sam said.
"That's...cool. I like it. Do... you, um, uh, know any more French words?"
"Uh...." Sam didn't like the little twinkle Riley was getting in his eye, and she promptly changed the subject. "I'm going to spend the immediate future wooing Spike, I'll have him back in no time."
"Aren't you mad at him?" Riley asked, trying to take his mind off his raging libido. "I mean, he and Buffy were together like that", the unwitting vampire snapped his fingers to emphasize the point before continuing, "You guys were barely --"
"I'm well aware of the facts, Riley. I am upset with Spike. But right now, he needs my love and attention. I think he knows what a stupid thing he did by breaking up with me. Thanks to you!" Sam pinched Riley's cheek to emphasize her own point.
Then, spontaneously, Sam threw her arms around his neck and hugged him. He had done so well, that she deigned to allow him to live. Her eyes widened when she felt Riley's hard-on pressing into her hip.
Boy, he really does like that French stuff... Hmm, maybe I could thank him for doing the grunt work. When Spike and I do get together, I want to know how to do the things he wants. Those kinky things. I need to work on losing some of my inhibitions. I could use Riley as a... guinea pig. It's not like he counts. He's just one of them... one of those filthy demons.'
The idea both repulsed and titillated Sam. She went with her gut instinct.
“Oh, Riley?” she said musically.
“Um... yeah?” Riley was hoping she didn’t feel his erection. She’d probably dust him on the spot.
Sam thought back to the French she took in high school. In truth, she didn’t really know all that much. She’d just string a bunch of words together, she doubted if this half-wit actually spoke French.
“Um... J’ai une grenouille dans mon bidet. {I have a frog in my bidet.}” Sam ventured, pulling back to look in his eyes.
Riley’s eyes were already glazing over with lust.
Feeling more confident, Sam continued, “Je pense que la robe est trop petite pour vous. {I think the dress is too small for you.}”
“Oh, Samantha, you sound so... you’d... better stop...” Riley moaned.
“Why? Is it turning you on?” She smiled.
“I can’t help it! Don’t stake me, okay?” He tried pulling away from her, but she held him firmly around the waist then pulled him tighter against her.
“I was hoping that... maybe you could stake me...” Sam licked her lips.
She couldn’t believe how wanton and shameless she was acting. The thought of this big, dumb, good-looking vamp stud, screwing her superior brains out was getting her very hot... She had gotten used to getting it on with Spike on a regular basis, it was harder than she thought to go cold turkey. And maybe she would get some insight into why Spike was a vamp groupie.
“You mean... you want to...?" Riley looked at her disbelievingly.
“That’s right. I want to... have sex you. To show you how much I appreciate everything you did...” Sam kissed along his jaw. “But first, I want you to tell me, and show me, how to give a man... oral sex.” Sam grimaced as she said it, and she still had a hard time thinking about it. But she’d do it for Spike. To make him happy.
“Wow! Really? Cool! It‘s usually super hard to get girls to do that!” Riley swept her up in his beefy arms. “Let’s get started!” He smiled and carried her over to the bed.
Riley still loved Buffy, but he would never turn down sex with an attractive woman (or Brad Pitt, but that wasn't likely to happen). Taking the Slayer’s woman was an extra added thrill. There was nothing like some good, old-fashioned fucking to take your mind off your troubles.
Buffy sat deadly still on the sarcophagus Spike had hidden in, remarked on and used as weaponry against her so many times.
She missed him terribly, and wondered what she could do. She lost him. She lost Spike because she got too drunk and had sex with that git Riley, so drunk that she could hardly remember anything about it.
She got up and started pacing around, trying to think of a way to make things up with her Slayer. She had to get him back, to make him see how sorry she was. It wasn’t her fault. She stopped when she accidentally kicked the empty vodka bottle that had caused all the problems.
Buffy bent over and picked it up.
“This is all your bloody fault!” she yelled at the bottle, then flung it into the wall on the opposite side of the room where it shattered. “I couldn’t have been that drunk!” she yelled/sobbed. “Spike-pet, I’m so sorry... I‘d never hurt you... I never thought I would...”
She sunk to the floor and hugged her knees, not seeing the shadow signifying a new presence in the dark crypt.
“Hey, Buffy! Thought you could --“
Clem walked in the crypt jovially enough. He stopped dead when he saw Buffy huddled on the floor in tears, precariously close to a pile of glass splinters.
He hurried over to her.
“What’s the matter? Are you sick or something? You want me to get Spike?”
“He hates me, Clem. He hates me now.”
Having given voice to her worst fear, Buffy then walked over to her worn, Amsterdam antique chair and dropped down into it dejectedly.
“Aww, that’s crazy talk! He’s nuts over you, kid! I’ve been around long enough to recognize it when I see a guy in love... Did... something happen?” Clem asked.
Buffy nodded, her chin quivering.
He came over and sat on the floor by the chair, looking up at her and taking her hand.
“What was it?”
“I-I cheated on him... he caught me...”
“Oh... But... why, Buffy? I thought you were in love with him?”
“I didn’t bloody mean to! It just -- happened -- I don’t even remember most of last night.”
“Don’t tell me it was... Riley wasn’t it?” Clem said disapprovingly.
“How did you know?” Buffy was surprised.
“I saw him running around outside your place last night. Oh, Buffy... What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know. I... love Spike... I had him... and I blew it. I BLEW IT!” Buffy pounded on the arm of the chair, and Clem silently thanked god that, for her sake, his vampire friend had no memory of the blowing she'd done the previous night.
“Something‘s fucked, Clem. I‘ve never felt quite that way from drinking before and I've gotten plenty pissed drunk in my time... I think there was something else wrong with me...”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know. I started feeling real woozy while I was talkin‘ to Riley. I was fine when I got home, drunk, but manageably so. It was that last bottle of vodka that did me in.”
“Where is it? Maybe we can find out if it was a -- bad batch or something.”
“Uh, I kind of threw it against the wall... over there,” Buffy pointed to where the bottle had shattered against the wall and ducked her head.
“Well... that makes it a little more difficult...” Clem scratched his wrinkly forehead.
Riley and Sam laid in bed on their backs after the lovin’.
“That was great!” Riley had a big grin on his face.
“Yeah... it was good.” Sam was a bit in shock at the things she’d done tonight. Not all of it was so bad. It was actually kind of fun in a perverse way.
“Having sex with a human is a trip! You’re all hot and stuff... Nice change of pace,” Riley said. “Did you like it?” He looked over at her.
“It was... yeah. But you understand that this was a one time only thing, right?”
Riley sighed. “Yeah. I know -- you love Spike.” He stuck out his large tongue and made a face like that of a child when they didn't want to eat liver. “What’s he got that I haven’t?”
“I-I don’t know... Well, a heartbeat comes to mind...”
“Pfft! Is that all?”
“No. There’s lots of things... Riley, just drop it.”
Sam giggled after a few moments.
“What’s funny?”
“I was thinking of Buffy’s face after I gave Spike a kiss in front of her today... very nice. And you should have heard Spike yelling at her! I hung around outside hoping to hear some fireworks, and I did.”
Riley wasn’t feeling as good about everything as he thought he would. Buffy and Spike were broken up, that was good. But he felt... bad for hurting Buffy.
"I could've made her happy, if she let me," Riley said sadly.
"Yeah, that's too bad. Seems like her and Spike had that in common. Not having the good sense to know who they should've been with." Sam got out of bed, putting on her robe. "I'm going to take a shower. You can let yourself out. Thanks again for all the help, Riley. Couldn't have done it without you. And thanks for the sex. I can't wait to try it on Spike!"
She went into the bathroom.
"Yeah... don't mention it."
Later that night, after the Scoobies had gone home, Dawn went into Spike's room with a large, steaming cup of her surprisingly edible version of hot chocolate.
She was disillusioned and hurt -- a little for herself, but mostly for her brother. Willow had told her that Spike found out Buffy was cheating on him. She knew that there was more to the story than that, but that's all they told her. They never treated her like an adult.
Dawn put the mug on his nightstand. Spike was turned away from her.
"Spike? You awake?" she whispered.
"Yeah," he said quietly.
"Why... Why would Buffy... hurt you like that? I don't understand. She was so happy..."
Spike sighed and rolled over on his back. "I really don't know, Dawn. I wish I did..."
"I'm sorry, it's all my fault," Dawn said miserably.
"Huh? What are you talking about?"
"I... pushed for you two to get together. If I hadn't done that --"
"Hey, come here." Spike held his arms open.
Dawn climbed on the bed beside him and curled into his arms, resting her head in the crook of his neck.
"It's not your fault, not in any way. It's Buffy's fault, and nobody else's." He stroked her smooth, shiny brown hair.
"I really liked her," Dawn said.
"Yeah... me too."
"Is that why you got so beat up last night? Because you were upset?"
"Kind of, yeah." Spike was uncomfortable talking about this with his little sister.
"I hate her. I wish that someone would dust her," Dawn said, her voice trembling.
"I don't want anyone to hurt her..." Spike said, stroking her hair.
Dawn sat up and looked at him. "Why? She's evil and mean and... She lied to you. She lied to all of us."
"Because... I still love her," Spike said simply.
"How can you? After what she did?"
"I don't know. But I do. It doesn't... just go away."
"I never want to fall in love." Dawn laid back down in his arms. "People hurt each other. That's all they do."
"That's not true. You can't just close yourself off like that." Spike felt like a hypocrite. That's exactly what he had done and planned on doing in the future. "You're not me, you actually stand a chance at having a successful, lasting relationship." He tried to lighten the mood. "You're not allowed to date until you're 30, by the way."
"What about Mom and Dad? They hurt each other too," Dawn whispered.
"They had a lot of... good years though. And I know that mom would choose to have... us, if she had it all to do over again..."
It was still hard for Spike to comprehend that Dawn wasn't really his little sister. She was 'The Key', given human form and placed in his family by a group of monks. But she was his sister, in every way that mattered.
"She didn't have me in the first place... I --" Dawn was confused and frightened when she found out she wasn't really who she thought she was.
"Don't start that. You are my sister. Mom and I love you. We couldn't love you more than we already do. We'd be put in jail for it. Okay?"
Dawn kicked Spike semi-playfully and said 'eww!' before laying back down next to Spike. She wasn't really convinced that she was wanted above any other Darwinian possibility, but didn't want to get into that conversation.
"Are you going to get back with Sam?" Dawn asked.
"I... don't know. Maybe... someday. But it's too soon for me to think about that kind of stuff." Spike had thought about it a little. He was too devastated now, but who knew what the future held? Although he doubted Sam would be available when he was finally ready to move on.
"I didn't like her so much... before. You guys were always telling me to get lost so you could make with the smoochies. But I guess she's okay... Oh, I almost forgot. I brought you some hot chocolate."
"Thanks, Sis. But I'm going to drown if I drink anything else tonight," Spike joked.
Joyce came in the room and smiled when she saw her children cuddled up together.
"Hey, you two. It's bedtime, Dawn."
"Aww, Mom! It's Saturday! Why do I have to go to bed?" Dawn whined.
"Because you've been up almost 24 hours and have been running around taking care of your brother all day. You need to rest, honey."
"Mom's right, Baby Jane," Spike said in off-kilter, too-subversive humor as he bent forward and kissed the top of Dawn's head. "Thanks for taking such good care of me today."
Dawn grinned happily. "I'm glad you're my brother. Night, Spike." Dawn kissed his cheek.
She was going to make it a point from now on to tell the people she loved how she felt. What happened to Spike last night had made her see the importance of telling people how you felt, because you may not get another chance.
"Ditto, troll-face," Spike replied warmly.
He felt the all too familiar sting of tears in his eyes. He was mildly astonished that he'd been able to get through the short, but difficult conversation without breaking down. Perverse and bizarre humor had helped, but now he let out what he'd pushed down all day, and Spike sighed in relief when Dawn left the room to get ready for bed.
Joyce came over and sat on the edge of the bed.
"How are you feeling, sweetie?" she asked him, tucking in the edge of the quilt around him.
"Getting better. Dawn and everyone did take good care of me today. Too good," the Slayer gave his mother an admonishing look before adding to ease her responding brow furrow, "the spells and poultice thingies Tara and Willow used on me helped a lot."
Joyce could see that he was trying to put on a happy face for her benefit.
"I heard that... you and Buffy broke up." Willow had filled Joyce in on the basic details.
"Yeah...we did. It was... messy. I told her...not to come around here anymore. Willow did the dis-" Spike paused for a moment, "the disinvitation spell on the house..."
"I know how much you... liked her. I'm sorry." Joyce hugged him lightly. She felt guilty for not resisting the relationship and giving it her tentative approval.
Spike hugged her in return. Joyce pulled back and looked closely at his face.
"Your face does look better. The swelling has gone done a lot. My poor baby, your beautiful, sweet little face."
"Mo-om..." Spike groaned with a smile.
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