[A/N: I’m not making Riley Finn the bad guy because I need one, I’m making him the bad guy because he is one. Xander on the other hand, Xander. . . could have gone either way, at any point in the show. He could have been a lot of things (and a contender wasn’t one of them), because his character wasn’t always a bigot. He’s going to have his moments, though, but not nearly as bad as I could’ve made him. Title is from Stone Temple Pilots’ song Big Empty and the quotes are as attributed. Disclaimers in full force and effect.]
Tenth. Conversations kill
Kind words can warm for three winters,
while harsh words can chill even in the heat of summer.
Chinese proverb
The most loving parents and relatives commit
murder with smiles on their faces.
They force us to destroy the person we really are:
a subtle kind of murder.
Jim Morrison, In Their Own Words: The Doors
Buffy found out later that both Xander and Riley got suspended for three days each. It was hours later, after she got home and Willow called her to talk and she’d dished all the gossip about what had happened after Buffy was sent home. It wasn’t hard to guess though, because they had been fighting and the school had a strict policy about fights. But what surprised her about the whole thing was what happened after.
Mr. Stevenson had held her for a long time, letting her cry on his shoulder, neither one of them saying a word. When the bell rang signaling class change, Mr. Stevenson had kissed the top of her head, letting her go. Just like that. And he’d never said a word.
Her mind had been blissfully blank for the rest of the day, afraid to think about what had happened that afternoon between the two of them. She was home now, lying on the couch watching Oprah gush to some celebrity, but her thoughts were miles away.
It was so sweet – oh god baby, he just let me cry and he held me. Took care of mommy. He was . . . god he smells sooo good. Really good. I could have stayed like that for hours.
A deep sigh shook her. Oh well. He doesn’t – okay Buffy, just stop it. He does – he cared enough to just stay and hold you so he cares. Just a little, which is really nice. Her mind drifted off into daydreams, imagining the baby in her belly wasn’t unwanted, that baby had a mommy and a daddy that wanted her.
The phone ringing broke into her reverie and Buffy finally picked it up. “Hey Buffster, feeling any better?”
She laughed a little bit. “Really should be asking you that question Xand. How’s your eye?”
“Looks like a great big purple mountain on my head. Can’t see out of it.” His tone was flip, shrugging off her concern.
“Xand, what you did for me. Thanks.” Buffy really didn’t know what else to say to him.
“He needed his ass kicked. He needs more than that. I just wish I could have really gotten him good.” Xander’s tone of voice grew hard, thinking about how callous and unfeeling Riley was being.
“I know.” There was nothing else she could say about it.
“Buffy? What do you think of Cordelia?”
Well that was an unexpected change of subject. Buffy didn’t know what to say. “Cordelia of the super rich Chases? That Cordelia?”
“Yeah. That one. You know many other Cordelias?”
She laughed again at his sarcasm and Xander smiled. It was good to hear Buffy laugh, because lately there hadn’t been much at all for Buffy to be lauhing about. “She’s not so bad. At least she hasn’t been mean to me. So that’s good.”
Taking the plunge and getting to the real reason why he called, Xander asked, “do you know if she likes me?”
“Xander? Cordy?” It had never occurred to her that Xander and Cordy might be a couple, but that kind of explained some things. “I dunno, Xander, but I guess I could find out.”
Making plans to do that, Buffy hung up the phone and settled down into the couch, falling into a light sleep, dreams of Cordelia and Xander and icy blue eyes.
**********************************************************************************
His phone rang and Will looked up from the truly horrendous papers he was grading, grateful for the interruption.
“‘Lo.” His uncle’s voice filled his ears, and Will laughed when the first word out of the old man’s mouth was “thanks.”
Knowing full well what he was talking about, Will teased him by asking, “for what?”
“You know damned well what I’m thanking you for – don’t play stupid with me.” There was an answering chuckle in his uncle’s tone.
“I know? Really? Gee Rupes, is that gratitude I hear in your voice?” Will was enjoying this, he’d known halfway into their meal that Jenny wasn’t the one for him. Smart, chic, witty and admittedly attractive, Jenny was the kind of woman any man would be happy to have – but, her eyes were brown – not green shot with gold and her hair was dark, not sun-kissed blond. . . and William knew she wasn’t the girl for him.
It had hit him that night on his one and only date with Jenny – in the middle of dinner no less – that the woman he really wanted was still a girl. Still in high school and had sad beautiful green eyes, that pulled him in, kept him prisoner.
Lost in his own thoughts, William completely missed what his uncle was saying. “What’s that?”
“Never mind Will, just wanted to let you know that I’m grateful.” There was real happiness in Rupert’s voice, something Will hadn’t heard in years, not since years before, when his wife Daisy was still around.
“Anytime, Rupes.” And he meant it.
Rupert Giles hung up the phone, and looking at the woman next to him, smiling broadly. “I am grateful.”
“I know. Me too.”
They leaned into each other, their lips meeting in a deep kiss.
**********************************************************************************
Buffy was home alone; Joyce was on another buying trip in New York, and she had just woken up from her later afternoon nap. It was still early, not yet dinner time, but the nap had been so necessary. The emotional turmoil of the day had just gotten to her and after Xander had called, she’d just drifted off into a nice sleep. The phone ringing woke her up fully.
She was used to being alone, didn’t really think anything much about it, in fact it was something she looked forward too. Times like this she was grateful for the reprieve from her mother and never knowing what her parent was going to react negatively too. Some sixth sense told her that she shouldn’t answer this particular phone call. Even as she reached for it, Buffy didn’t want to pick it up.
Maggie Finn’s brusque voice greeted her, with false sincerity warming her tones. Buffy’s radar went on alert, bracing herself for the bad news that was coming.
It didn’t take Riley’s mother long to get to the point. “Buffy, I’d like to ask you a question, actually, a few questions.” The sincerity was gone, replaced with a more business-like timbre.
“I’m sure that’s why you called, so go ahead.” Buffy twirled the phone cord in her fingers, unable to stem the rising agitation.
“My husband and I would like to make you an offer. We’d like to offer you financial support in exchange for something from you.”
Icy hot anger laced with hurt raced through her veins, pooling in her belly. She wants. . . what? I can’t believe this. . . this is ridiculous. Unable to believe this was happening, Buffy stuttered out something that Maggie Finn deliberately misinterpreted the noises Buffy was making as assent and went on talking.
“All you have to do is sign a consent that allows Riley to, well, it would absolve Riley of his parental responsibility” Pausing just a bit, Maggie’s voice just kept going, but Buffy wasn’t listening anymore.
They don’t want us baby – either of us. They wanna give me money so that we won’t . . . oh god, baby. They don’t want either of us. I can’t listen to this. . . I really can’t.
“I can’t. No. Just don’t call me ever again.”
Buffy hung up the phone, tears sliding down her cheeks, her heart broken. Baby girl. . or boy, I’m so sorry. I can’t believe no one but me wants you. But I do. Oh baby, I want you so much. I love you and I’m always going to love you.
The phone rang, interrupting her internal monologue. Without waiting for the person on the other end to start talking, Buffy said, in a voice thick with tears, “No. I’m not going to take your money so Riley can have a clear conscience.”
There was silence on the other end of the phone, then a deep, obviously angry English voice intoned, “please tell me, Buffy, that you didn’t just say what I thought you just said.”
“Mr. S?” Wiping away her tears, Buffy tried to clear her throat.
“Its me. What’s wrong?” He knew there was something wrong, hell you wanker, you calling the girl is wrong, but something else was going on that he didn’t know about, something that would cause her to say what she’d just said.
“Nothing.” If she kept it to one word answers, she could fool him. Maybe. Suddenly, despite wanting deeply to confide in him, Buffy was afraid to say anything. Desperate for some comfort, some one, any one who could just let her rest and protect her, even for just a little while, Buffy let the tears slide down her face.
There was such a long silence on the phone that was so profound that Will swore he could hear the sound of her tears; but Buffy still didn’t speak, she couldn’t. Everything was collapsing, everything was just . . . her breathing hitched and a sob broke from her lips and the damn around her emotions collapsed.
Sobbing uncontrollably, Buffy curled into herself and dropped onto her knees.
**********************************************************************************
Will refused to think about his actions or assign them a value. Couldn’t allow himself to think what he was doing was wrong. All he allowed himself to think of was that Buffy needed him and he’d understood from some of her sobbing that no one was home with her, wouldn’t be home for days.
He couldn’t leave her like that. Refused to leave her in that condition by herself. Driving faster than he should, Will made it to Buffy’s in less than ten minutes.
**********************************************************************************
There was nothing but tears. She was hot and cold at the same time, tremors wracking her thin frame and her nose was streaming. Buffy couldn’t . . . there were only the tears, the salty slickness running down her cheeks.
No one was there to hold her. No one. No one loved her. No one wanted her. The only person was baby. . . baby loves mommy. And mommy loves baby. That was it. It was just the two of them.
**********************************************************************************
The front door was locked, so Will didn’t bother ringing the bell or knocking, he just went around the back to the kitchen door. Peering inside he didn’t see Buffy at first and he fought a bit of panic until he heard her loud sniffling. She was huddled almost in a ball, her head down on her knees, arms curled around her legs.
Prepared to break the glass of the windows, Will turned the knob, surprised when the door opened.
And then he was beside her, gathering her up into his arms, her head cradled against his chest, her tears soaking his dark shirt.
Like I said, I am so not sure about this chapter. I'm not happy with it at all, but I can't figure out -- well, nevermind. Just let me know what you think, okay? Thanks for the kindness and all the loverly reviews. Nia
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Author's Chapter Notes:
I'm posting this now, though I'm not really sure its done, but I'm doing it for a couple of reasons. . . mainly because someone asked.