Twenty-third. Madness in love
Oh how quiet, quiet the world can be
when it's just you and little me
everything is clear, everything is new
so you won't be leaving will you
and if you're cold, I'll keep you warm
if you're low, just hold on
cos I will be your safety
oh don't leave home
Dido, Don’t Leave Home, from the album Life for Rent
For it was not into my ear you whispered,
but into my heart.
It was not my lips you kissed,
but my soul.
Judy Garland
There is always some madness in love.
But there is also always some reason in madness.
Friedrich Nietzsche, On Reading and Writing
When love is not madness, it is not love.
Pedro Calderon de la Barca
She barely stirred when he lifted her into his shaking arms, murmuring his name, falling into a deeper sleep. Didn’t wake when he laid her down on his bed. Not when he took off her boots, her coat, not even when he kissed her forehead. But he honestly didn’t care. She was here with him. That was the only thing that mattered.
Buffy. . . . Will stared down at her sleeping peacefully in his bed and made a promise to himself – he was going to sleep beside her every night from that night until he breathed his last. He was never ever going to go through this again. It would kill him.
Placing another kiss on her forehead, Will unbuckled and took off his boots, shrugged off his duster and climbed into bed beside her. His arms went around her, pulling her into his embrace and Will closed his eyes, a litany of thanks filling his head.
It wasn’t long before he too slipped into sleep.
Warm. . . safe. Buffy shifted in her sleep unconsciously responding to his nearness. Sleepily she settled in, her hands burrowing closer to the source of that delicious warmth. Whatever she was sleeping on was hard and not so comfy, but it was warm, warmer than she’d been in days. She shifted again and the warmth shifted with her and a deep rumble sounded under her ear.
The last thing she remembered was leaving the diner and slowly walking toward Will’s house, trying to figure out what to tell him, what to say to him, how to explain what had happened. Why she was leaving. . . when leaving him was the very last thing she wanted to do. But she couldn’t stay if he was going to jail because of her. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t live with herself knowing that she was the cause of his misery and pain. The last thing she wanted was to do that to him. He’d had enough of that in his life. She could sense it, could read between the lines when he talked about his parents and Drusilla. It didn’t matter that being without him would be the end of her, that she’d never love anyone ever again. He’d be safe.
That would have to be enough.
Buffy had stopped in front of his house, all at once afraid to go knock on his door. Afraid to see him, in case he hated her now, didn’t want anything to do with her. Or worse, that he was still in jail and unable to see her. She didn’t register the loud music coming from his stereo, or the lights or anything else. Her fear blinded her to the fact that he was home, safe, and all she had to do was go knock. Buffy slumped down in front of his big black car, the one that was older than both of them, and she stuffed her fist into her mouth to stop the sobs from echoing in the later afternoon quiet. Resting her head against the solid steel, Buffy closed her eyes, saying a prayer for his safety.
She was dreaming again. Dreaming the same dream, her favorite, that she was curled up in Will’s arms, in his bed, her body meshed with his. His hands holding her, his lips against her. Buffy fought opening her eyes when she felt those lips move and the rumbling begin again. A small smile crossed her features, wistful and sad, when a strong hand cupped her cheek.
“Not dreamin’ kitten. This is real.”
Her eyes opened to find him looking at her steadily, his warm hand brushing across her skin. “I’m so sorry. . . I just . . . I’m sorry about your job and everything and . . . “ her voice broke on a sob and she buried her face against his strong chest, weeping out her sorrow and despair.
It was long minutes before he could calm her enough to listen, but finally his quiet tones broke through her tears.
“Wasn’t us sweetheart. Wasn’t. . . I swear it. Was someone in LA. No one caught us, baby. Shhhhh. Wasn’t us. We’re safe. You’re safe. ‘ve got you, baby.”
Buffy listened, drained and unable to function beyond wrapping her arms around him. “I’m so stupid. Just heard about it and. . . “
Before the tears could start again, Will shushed her by brushing his thumb over her lips. “Kitten, listen to me. Please? No tears.” He kissed her closed eyes, his voice soft, rumbling between them. “Know what happened that morning, or close enough. Lemme guess, okay? Sshhhh.”
Absently running his thumb over her cheek, Will said, “must’ve woken up feeling poorly again, maybe running late on a count of that. And your mum decided to talk about the money, yeah? Only it wasn’t talking was it?”
She started to speak, but his strong deep voice washed over her, not allowing her to interrupt. “Giles saw your face that morning and your wrist. Things got a bit rough, yeah. . . an’ then there was Snyder. Bleedin’ wanker making a joke of your problems. So it was already a fucked up morning for you.”
Tears started flowing from her eyes, but she wasn’t sobbing, which Will took as a good sign. “Did you overhear a news bulletin or was someone yapping about the arrest?”
He waited a heartbeat and when she struggled to answer, he shook his head. “Doesn’t matter sweetheart. What matters is you thought it was all over, everything.”
“Will. . . “ Buffy curled into his arms, once more burying her face into his chest.
“Buffy. Sssshhhh. C’mon baby. Everything’s okay now. You’re home. . . . safe.” He rocked her into his arms, holding her tight against him. “You’re home baby.”
She was quiet for so long, he thought she’d almost gone back to sleep, but she surprised him when she started talking. “I’m sorry. I just. . . it was so crazy that morning. And when I heard that I just. . . . I panicked.”
They were lying on his bed, her head resting on his chest and Buffy’s voice sounded so lost that Will couldn’t stop his reaction. His arms tightened around her, the hand that was resting on her back flexed and he growled.
“No one knows, kitten. Well not who you think anyway. Willow guessed and somehow Rupert sussed it out, but that’s it. Hell, your mother thinks you’ve been hiding at Willow’s in a snit.”
“Wouldn’t be the first time. My mom’s kind of . . . volatile.” That last came out in a whisper and Will brushed a kiss against her temple.
“Eeeww. No. I’m gross.” Buffy moved away from him, shaking her head. “I so need to shower. . . can I?”
“Sure.” He got up from the bed, opening a drawer. “I . . . ah. . . snuck in through your window and got some stuff.” Will motioned to it, but Buffy wasn’t paying attention.
“My stuff – my backpack – there’s stuff in there that could be washed.” Buffy looked around frantically for it.
“Didn’t see it. Was only worried ‘bout you kitten. It should still be out there.” Pushing her toward the bathroom, Will said, “go on I’ll find it.”
On shaky feet Buffy headed for the bathroom, her mind blank. The room was warm and she stared at the taps for a moment before realizing it wasn’t a dream. There was no way she could be dreaming something this good.
The water heated up the room, steaming the mirror and she stripped out of her clothes, looking for a garbage pail to throw them in. She couldn’t find one and not feeling like looking, she left them on the floor, then practically dove under the shower spray. The hot water was both soothing and invigorating, her groan of bliss echoed in the quiet room, and Buffy felt like she’d gotten a bit of a second wind.
Finding shampoo and soap was simple, though she wrinkled her nose at the selection. Buffy was about to dump the shampoo into her hair when Will’s voice startled her into a soft yelp.
“Got some girly stuff for you sweetheart.” He said as he rummaged in a closet.
“What?”
His voice sounded sheepish. “Asked Red what you like.”
As he pushed his hand through the shower curtain, presenting the offered items, she squeaked. “For me? You bought this?”
There was a long pause, then Will said, “yeah.”
He sounded like there was more to the explanation so, emboldened by his openness so far and the curtain between them, she asked, “why?”
Waiting a moment before answering, Will finally said, “b’cause I want you to stay. With me.”
“Oh.” She could hear him moving around behind the curtain, but she couldn’t tell what he was doing through the material. “Will?” How long. . . do you want. . . “
Her words died away when the shower curtain opened and he stared at her. “Till I get over this.”
Trying to cover herself a bit, Buffy stared back at him over her shoulder, shampoo suds dripping down her back. “How long is that gonna take?”
“Five or six. . . hundred years, at least.” He said it with such a straight face that Buffy wasn’t sure what he said at first, but then she giggled. “Not bloody joking, sweetheart. You scared me. ‘M not letting you go.”
She turned to face him, forgetting she was in the shower and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. “You mean that?”
“Course I do kitten. Never gonna let you go.” His arms pulled her closer and she slipped against the slick bottom, teetering backwards. Will hauled her forward, fingers digging into her hips, but he stopped her from getting hurt.
“Oops. You’re all wet now.” Buffy pulled at his tee-shirt, giggling helplessly.
Will leered down at her naked soapy body. “All part of my plan kitten.” Letting her go, Will stripped out of his jeans while she tugged at his sopping shirt.
He stepped into the shower behind her, nudging her forward, under the hot water. Her back to him, he threaded his fingers into her soapy hair, massaging her scalp. Buffy sighed, unconsciously leaning back against him, the fatigue stealing through her. “It’s all right, baby, ‘ve got you.”
“I’m soo tired.” He positioned her so that the water rinsed the shampoo, then added a healthy amount of conditioner to her hair. She mumbled something sleepily at him, and Will let her head rest against his shoulder while he washed her arms. His hands cupped her breasts from behind, his thumbs and forefingers rolling the heat-softened nipples between them. Her arms lifted up, curling around his head, resting against the nape of his neck. His soapy hands washed over her, running up and down her torso, and she could feel his breathing start to labor, matching her own. “Will?”
“Shhh. . . not gonna. . . just wanna touch you, kitten. Need to.” Deep and low, his voice washed over her as his hands did the same. Leaving his right at her breasts, Will let his left hand drift down over her slightly rounded belly, toward the curls covering her sex. His thumb brushed past her navel, his fingers curling around her. Buffy tensed a little, but his soft rumble calmed her, even as his hands roused her body.
His erection was cradled between them, hard and wanting against her flesh, but Will did nothing to pressure her. This was enough for him, for the moment. Just holding her had been enough, now he was touching her, running his big hands over her tiny form. Will leaned down and kissed her shoulder, nibbling a little as he did. She ran one hand over his arm, tightening herself against him as flashes of need pulsed through her, responding to his touch.
Open-mouthed kisses interspersed with gentle bites rained across her shoulders and the back of her neck. Buffy shivered despite the heat of the water, her body awakening under his subtle touch. She gasped, feeling the muscles beneath her skin bunch and thrum, her hand slide along his wet forearm, entwining their fingers together as he fondled her breasts. His other fingers were just as engaged, kneading the soft folds of her pussy, his thumb circling her clit. Buffy arched into his hand, her head bowed back against his upper chest, little gasps escaping from her open mouth. Will’s voice rasped out as he tasted her skin, “is what you do when we’re on the phone. . . do you touch yourself here?
Pressing his thumb hard into her clit, Will ground out, “or like this?”
Using his middle finger, Will thrust into her, feeling her core surround him in silken wetness. “Do you pretend its me doing this?” He quickened the pace, adding another finger, “its me now, though baby, me holding you. . . me touching you.“
Buffy convulsed around him, reacting as much to his words as his touch and he could feel the tremors coursing through her. She turned her head, nipping his chin, pulling at the skin with her teeth, licking the water from his face. He turned to kiss her, his lips and tongue playing with hers. She whispered his name, angling in his arms and he pulled back, even as his hand slid over her hip, fingers slipping into her pussy from behind. “Kitten. . . . wanna be inside you. . . wanna feel you around me. . . . “
“Will. Oh god, Will. . . need you.” He placed gentle kisses over her wet face, groaning when her warm hand circled his erection.
“Fuck. . . Buffy. . . . “ he jerked hard, nearly cuming at the first up and down slide of her hand, his grip on her leaving fingertip sized marks. He struggled to lift her soap slicked body in his arms, pressing hard to get purchase. “Need you baby. . . . so . . . “
Unable to grab a steady hold of her, Will pushed aside the shower curtain, spraying water all over the bathroom in his haste. Grabbing the first towels he could find, he wrapped one around her and let the other drop to the floor. Stepping out of the tub and turning off the water in the same motion, Will turned back to her and lifted Buffy into his arms. His mouth licked the water from her collarbone as he murmured softly, “gonna do you right, baby. . . gonna make you mine. . . . god I need you. . . “
“Need you too.” Buffy wrapped her arm around his neck as he cradled her in his arms. “Will, I missed you so much.”
He lurched into the hallway, into his bedroom, struggling to hold onto her and his desire. “Baby. . . . I missed you. So worried ‘bout you. . . . damn near lost m’mind.”
Will placed her gently down on his bed, smiling a little bit when her hands pulled him down after her. “Don’t leave me Will.”
“Never baby.” He kissed her, his tongue begging entry into her depths as his body settled atop hers. The towel separated them and Will pushed it up and away, his fingers sliding into her wet pussy. Her gasp of surprise stilled his urgent movements and Will broke off their kiss, letting his mouth rain kisses over her still wet skin. “Need you Buffy. . . . so fucking much.”
Nudging the towel down past her breasts, Will sucked a nipple into his mouth and Buffy nearly bucked him off her. “Oh god. . . Will!”
Silver light pulsed behind her closed eyes and nonsensical babblings spewed from her lips as he suckled her hyper-sensitive nipples. Two fingers surged inside her and Buffy’s inner walls clamped down, fluttering around his thrusting digits. His name peeled from her, high-pitched and quavering. Switching breasts, Will nudged her into prolonged orgasm, reveling in her responses.
Buffy writhed beneath him, unable to think, only conscious of waves of intense pleasure engulfing her. Every lick, every pull of his mouth on her breasts sent shock waves straight to her womb, tightening her around his thrusting fingers, blinding her to everything but him. She was frantic, nearly overcome.
Her body shook, trembling uncontrollably, her hands holding him to her, fingers digging into his skin. “Will. . . please. . . . Will.”
Teeth closed around her nipple and she screamed. Will slid his arms underneath her, his mouth seeking hers, hips sliding between hers. “Let me in. . . baby. . . . need inside.”
Cool lips covered her feverish ones and Will’s cock nudged against her clit, her nails digging into his hips. “Please, Will . . . please.”
Slipping one hand between them, Will positioned himself then paused, the head of his cock just resting inside her pussy. “Mine. . . Buffy. From this moment. . . . not letting you go.”
Her eyes were opened, staring up into his and she smiled up at him, her hand sliding down to where his was between them, where they were almost joined together. Buffy nodded, acknowledging his possession, her other hand wrapped around his neck. Her eyes widened as he pushed his way in, feeling the stretch and burn of her body struggling to accommodate his true size. Panting, she whispered, “yours. . . Will .. . always.”
Tears slid from her eyes and he braced himself on his elbows, slowly sliding inside her tight silky wetness. “Fuck. . . god. . . kitten. . . . so tight.”
“Will . . . oh. . .yours. . . only yours. . . wanna stay. . . “ her fingers dug into his ass, holding him against her. “Big. . . unnnhhhhh. . . Will . . . so big.”
She was tiny, inside and out, and her pussy was strangling his cock and he wasn’t going to last long because of it. He thrust inside her, a grunted gasp escaping from both of them. Sweat was dripping from him onto her and he slid one arm beneath her leg, changing the angle of his penetration and Will felt every centimeter of her surrounding him as he finally slid all the way inside her. “Fuck.”
Buffy shrieked as his cock bumped her cervix and hit the spongy mass inside her and Will lost all semblance of control. With short hard thrusts he pounded into her and they were both gasping desperately for air.
She nipped his chin and he grinned, diving in, his mouth capturing hers in a searing kiss, his hips not ceasing their movement. Sliding his other arm under her leg, Will’s eyes nearly rolled back as he slid even more fully into her and Buffy gripped his shoulders, drawing blood. “Will . . . . Will!”
Her pussy tightened, fluttering around his cock and his control finally, truly shattered. Growling out her name as her orgasm triggered his, Will dropped her legs, collapsing atop her.
Buffy wrapped her shaking legs around him, even as he continued to thrust inside her. Gulping in heaving breaths, Will tried to get his body to move, but his muscles were mush, completely useless. Buffy gasped, arching up into him, her pussy clamping tightly around his soft cock. Every muscle was shaking and she couldn’t stop the tremors. Gathering her into his arms, Will rolled so they were lying face to face, her leg thrown over his hip. “Sshhhh. . . baby, ‘ve got you.”
“Will? Oh god, Will. . . can’t stop shaking.” Breathy and quavering, her voice bypassed his brain and went right to his cock, waking the insatiable beast.
“Aftershocks, kitten. Its okay.” Her tiny hand held onto his hip, the other cradled between them.
Will pulled her close, brushing strands of drying hair away from her features. A smile crossed his features, igniting a twinkle in his eyes. That smile blossomed into a full blown grin when she looked up at him, whispering, “can we do that for the next five or six hundred years?”
He chuckled, brushing a kiss on her lips. “Can do that forever if you want.”
She grinned back at him, flexing her hips. “Buffy wants. Does Will?”
“Fuck yeah.” He indicated his enthusiasm for the prospect by playfully slapping her ass.
They’d cuddled for a bit, neither one inclined to move, until Buffy’s body made it’s other needs known. Her belly growled, embarrassing her, but Will shushed her, sliding from the bed as he asked her what she wanted to eat.
Without thinking too hard, she answered, “waffles? And bacon.”
Not batting an eye at her request, Will said, “got both if you don’t mind frozen and rashers.”
Her “huh?” prompted him to pull her from the bed. Tossing her one of his shirts, Will slid on a pair of sweats and dragged her into the kitchen.
Standing in front of the open freezer and refrigerator, Will tossed her a package of frozen waffles and grabbed the bacon. “Frozen waffles, pet, an’ rashers. Not bacon like you Yanks have. Looks like this.” Placing it under her nose, Will waited for her to refuse his offer.
Instead Buffy shrugged, asking, “got maple syrup?”
He grinned, pointing at the fridge. “Do you one better. Got that or strawberries an’ cream.”
A dreamy look crept into her eyes. “Oh. . . can I have all that?”
“Sure thing pet.”
And Will proceeded to cook her breakfast at two-thirty in the morning.
Her belly full and body clean for the first time since she’d run away, Buffy burped, ending it in a helpless giggle, covering her mouth. Will raised an eyebrow, causing more giggles and she struggled to say “excuse me” through her laughter.
Will leaned back against the kitchen cabinets, just watching her, his eyes tracking her every movement. She seemed unchanged, although the pain and sadness in her eyes was still present, he knew it wasn’t because of him. Buffy glanced at him, feeling his steady gaze upon her and a blush bloomed across her skin, brightening her features. Shyly ducking her head, Buffy busied herself with picking at the remains of her breakfast, licking the maple syrup from her fingers. “Thank you.”
“For?” He shifted, crossing his arms and widening his stance.
“Everything.” She shrugged, unable to come up with anything more elaborate or eloquent. “For everything.”
“Haven’t done anything, kitten.”
She was shaking her head before the final words left his mouth. “No Will, not anything. You’ve done everything for me. You . . . take care of me. . . you. . “ She turned away from the table, looking up at him. “If I asked you to slay dragons for me, I think you’d find a way.”
His smile was lopsided, and he nodded his head, watching her. “I’d probably try.”
“See, that’s what I mean. You do everything. And I don’t know how to thank you.” Buffy shook her head, fighting sudden tears.
“Hey, shush.” Will pushed away from the counter, heading straight for her. Lifting her up into his arms, he cuddled her close.
“Sorry. I’m waterworks girl.” She laid her head down on his shoulder, toying with the curls at his nape.
His voice was a low rumble against her and it took her more than a minute to understand what he said. “I like you all wet.”
Her hand slapped playfully against his bare chest and Will let out a low yelp. Buffy giggled, saying, “that was bad.”
“Yeah, that’s me, sweetheart. Bad.” The leer in his voice wasn’t hard to miss and Buffy curled closer into his arms.
He felt her yawn and he carried her into his bedroom, saying, “let’s get you back into bed.”
“Mmmmm. Gonna stay with me?” Buffy kissed his jaw, nipping at his earlobe.
“Couldn’t drag me out.”
Her soft breath washed over him, raising goose-flesh on his arms. “Ooohhhhh. . . . Will?”
“Yeah, princess?” His answering rumble was a low murmur that made the bottom of her belly quiver.
“We . . . can we. . . You know?” Her hands were smoothing over his muscles and she pulled him closer, her mouth up against his ear.
“Baby, if you can’t say it. . . . “ Will threaded his hands through her hair, holding her away so that he could look into her eyes.
“I wanna feel you again. . . “
He smirked at her, his tongue poking out between his teeth, melting her insides. “Good enough for government work.”
So, please, despite my delay it getting this out to you, if you liked it, please leave a review.