Ever After.
You came into my life
And you filled me and you filled me
Oh so joyous
By the clear cool crystal streams
Where the roads were quiet and still
And we walked all the way
To Tir Na Nog
How can we not be attached
After all we're only human
The only way then is to never come back
Except I wouldn't want that would you
If we weren't together again
In Tir Na Nog
We've been together before
In a different incarnation
And we loved each other then as well
And we sat down in contemplation
Many many many times you kissed mine eyes
In Tir Na Nog
Van Morrison, Tir Na Nog, from No Guru, No Method, No Teacher (1986)
Have I told you lately that I love you
Have I told you there's no one above you
Fill my heart with gladness
Take away my sadness
Ease my troubles, that's what you do
Oh the morning sun in all its glory
Greets the day with hope and comfort too
And you fill my life with laughter
You can make it better
Ease my troubles that's what you do
There's a love that's divine
And it's yours and it's mine
Like the sun at the end of the day
We should give thanks and pray to the One
Have I told you lately that I love you
Have I told you there's no one above you
Fill my heart with gladness
Take away my sadness
Ease my troubles, that's what you do
Van Morrison, Have I Told You Lately?, Avalon Sunset (1989)
It had been six long years since he’d stepped foot in this town and he looked around, trying to remember the places and things from that time, when he was still in high school. A lot had changed, and yet at the same time, it was all so familiar. The Espresso Pump was still there, though they’d expanded and now it looked like they had added restaurant service and more seating. The streets of downtown were busy, since it was the weekend and more than once he’d had to shoulder his way past a group of people. He’d gone past his old house, and the high school and now he was making his way toward her house. In the six years he’d been gone, he’d pretty much severed every tie he had with this town, and he’d heard nothing from anyone in at least five of those years. But he remembered. He remembered her house number, her cell phone number and hell, he remembered the look on her face when he’d nearly hit her.
He’d like to think, in the time he’d been gone, that he’d changed and grown up from that stupid teenager he’d been, concerned only with himself, not once thinking about how her pregnancy was going to affect her. Riley Finn knew he’d been a fool. Four long years in West Point, followed by stints in war-torn Bosnia and Iraq, he’d had time to look back on his actions from that last year in Sunnydale. He’d treated her badly, discarded her because of his dreams and never once had anything more than a fleeting thought for her or the baby they created.
And that was why he was here now. To try and make amends for his behavior, for allowing his parents to capitalize on his desire to be a soldier and . . . . Riley stopped walking half a block away from her house, and shook his head. He was doing it again. Making excuses for his actions and inactions at that time. Time to be a man and go apologize.
With renewed purpose, Riley headed for Revello Drive.
Buffy was in the kitchen, watching from the back window while Will and the kids were playing in the pool, a smile on her face. She kept glancing out, while she was fixing dinner, listening to the sounds of their happy laughter. Tomorrow was Amy’s birthday, and they were having a quiet celebration, just for them, before they were invaded by all her friends for the party.
The stereo was thumping away, the infectious beat of Dancing in Heaven making her feet itch and Buffy found herself bopping away with Q-Feel, singing along softly.
Dancing in Heaven I never thought I'd ever get my feet this far.
“Mommy! Moooommmmyyyy!” Amy’s lilting shriek brought her to the back door, and Buffy had to smile at the vision. Amy was sitting on the pool’s edge, waving her arm wildly. “Watch me jump, Mom!”
“Okay, sweetie, I’m watching.” She leaned against the door jamb, her hazel eyes settled on the form of her oldest child. Amy was tall for her age, all long legs and arms, dark blond hair bleached from the sun and chlorine and her blue-hazel eyes were always sparkling with mischief. She jumped to her feet, then headed for the deeper end of the in-ground pool, swim-bands around her arms. Will was standing at the drop off point to the deep end, watching her and trying to keep the other eye on their madly splashing son in the shallower portion of the pool. Their eyes caught and held for a minute and Buffy’s belly flip-flopped, the way it always did when he looked at her with that look in his eye.
Nothing had changed in the six years they’d been married, except life just kept getting better. She was still madly in love with him, and it was obvious, from the look on his face that his feelings matched hers completely. Amy’s voice broke into their distraction, and Buffy shook her head as Will tucked his tongue against his teeth and raised his scarred eyebrow at her.
She mouthed at him, “Later” and his look morphed into a leer and he nodded his head.
Her mother was coming over for dinner and so was his uncle and Jenny, and hopefully it wouldn’t be a long night, since they had a busy day coming up tomorrow.
“Watch me, Mom. . . . Daddy, you ready?”
“Go ahead sweet bit, I’m ready.”
Amy took a huge breath and with one last look at her parents, leaped into the pool, splashing water all over. She came up spluttering, then dog-paddled over to her father, who lifted her up in his arms. Buffy clapped her hands, smiling at the three of them in the pool. Not to be outdone by his older sister, William kicked over to the edge of the pool and did the same, all the while shouting for her.
William was almost five, sturdy and strong, almost as tall as Amy, but with big blue eyes and curly dark blond hair. He looked so much like his father that Buffy sometimes wondered if she’d had anything to do with him at all, other than carry him for nine months. Her husband hadn’t been kidding, all those years ago when he’d said he wanted her pregnant again right after Amy was born, and before the following November, she had been.
Her baby boy jumped out of the pool, racing toward her, arms wide for a hug. “Mommy. . .. Today is the bestest day. Come swim with me?”
“I can’t right now, sweetie, dinner’s cooking, but after dinner for sure, okay?” His lower lip protruded and Buffy couldn’t resist scooping him up in her arms. “I promise.”
He smelled of sun-block and chlorine as he nestled into her arms, water dripping and Buffy felt her heart constrict. Contrary to the problems surrounding Amy’s pregnancy, William’s had been a breeze, no complications or frustrations marring that time. He struggled to get down after raising his face to hers for kisses.
“Its time to get out of the pool anyway, so you can all be ready for dinner. Uncle Rupert and Aunt Jenny should be here soon.”
A chorus of high-pitched grumbles reached her ears, but Buffy ignored them, turning back into the kitchen. Dinner was simple tonight, chicken cutlets and rice, Amy’s favorite, with a small birthday cake for dessert. Buffy turned away from the stove when the doorbell rang, calling out to the others to get out of the pool now.
Joyce was nervous and she was doing her best to hide it, yet she still stalled, putting off leaving until the last minute. This was the only the second family function Buffy and Will had invited her too since their reconciliation and she wasn’t quite sure how to take it. The invitation had come via email, which was pretty much the only way she and her daughter communicated but she figured it was better than not communicating. Their relationship had been fraught with problems, and even her going through rehab and sticking with AA hadn’t repaired it as much as she’d hoped. At least it was in better shape than Buffy’s relationship with her father, which was completely non-existent.
Moving around the house, Joyce put the finishing touches on Amy’s birthday present and with a bit more resolve than she truly felt, headed for the front door.
Riley was nearly at the house when he saw Buffy’s mother locking the front door. She had a huge box, covered in bright wrapping paper and a bunch of balloons in her hand and after a struggle to understand, he realized what, and more importantly, why she had the gift.
It could be some other reason, but Riley suddenly had the insight to guess why her mother might be carrying a child’s birthday present. Mental calculations firing in his head, he tried to remember when it was that Buffy’s baby would have been born.
He tensed as Joyce loaded up her car, ducking quickly behind the neighbor’s tree. Hopefully her anger and Buffy’s had cooled in the intervening years, but Riley wasn’t going to take any chances. The Jeep backed down the short driveway and he stepped out, preparing himself to do the impossible and chase after her. Riley could only hope she wasn’t heading out of town, and that she was going where his sudden burst of intuition was telling him she was.
Breaking out into a run, Riley followed behind the Jeep, realizing he was being somewhat foolish.
The door opened to reveal Giles and Jenny, with presents and their own little one trailing behind them. Serena was just a bit younger than little Will, graced with her father’s light eyes and her mother’s coloring, but she was a shy little thing, sometimes overwhelmed by her own outgoing and boisterous hooligans. “Hey guys, dinner’s almost ready. C’mon on in.”
Exchanging hugs and kisses with the two people who’d given them the most support when Snyder pressured Will, Buffy fought sudden tears. Shortly after the news came about his publishing deal, Will had gotten an offer from Redlands, followed by another offer at UC Sunnydale and he’d immediately resigned from Sunnydale High School. Snyder, in a weird twist, had tried to pressure Will into staying, only to change his mind when he discovered Buffy living in his house. The man had attempted to bring the issue to the school board and the police department, but when he approached Buffy’s mother, she’d balked at pressing charges and then the two members of the school board he’d approached had dismissed his concerns. Citing the fact Buffy had dropped out of school and Will had resigned, they had declined to prosecute. Snyder had then gone to Giles, only to discover he’d gone to the school board on Will’s behalf on the sly, and furthermore, wasn’t about to help Snyder prosecute his nephew. Thwarted, Snyder hadn’t been able to do anything more than bottle his frustration, which backfired horrifically when the man dropped dead of a heart-attack in the middle of graduation.
Giles was now the principal of the high school, while Jenny stayed home with Serena and worked on her performance art. She was expecting their second child, though they had no plans to marry, and Jenny still kept her place, which she now used exclusively as her workshop. They trooped in the door, and as Buffy was about to close it, she spied her mother’s Jeep making the turn onto Crawford Street.
Will and the kids were coming in the back door, and she could hear the various voices raised in cheery hellos, squeals and giggles from the children and she decided to keep the door open, waiting for her mother to arrive.
It was hard, talking with her mother, even after all this time, though Buffy figured it could have been worse. Her mother was trying, which made a difference, but there were years of hurt, neglect and anger she had to deal with. It helped that she’d taken Will’s advice and found herself a good therapist. Tara McClay was a god-send and Buffy left each session feeling like the weight of the world had been lifted from her shoulders. The quiet, gentile woman made her feel so comfortable and protected it was hard to remain in just a patient-therapist relationship.
“Hi Mom.” Buffy’s expression was carefully neutral, something she had to work hard at sometimes.
“Hello Buffy. How are you?” Joyce paused on the doorstep, her eyes watching the chaotic scene behind her daughter.
“I’m good. How’re you doing?” She stepped aside, inviting her in with a smile. “C’mon in, Mom. Amy’s gonna love the balloons.”
“Thanks.”
Buffy closed the door behind her, shooing everyone into the living room, with admonishments to the kids to put on their shorts and tee-shirts for dinner.
He lost sight of the Jeep when she rounded the corner onto. . . . Riley checked the street sign, Crawford Street, and then followed after her. Halfway down the second block, he saw the Jeep parked on the street, in front of a really nice Spanish hacienda type house, with an incongruous English garden on the side, complete with what looked like wisteria and heather. Riley shook his head and stopped, taking deep breaths and thinking.
Is this where she’s living? Or did I follow her mother on some weird wild goose chase? A deep sigh broke from him and he stared at the Jeep before stealing a glance at the house. The street was quiet, very little traffic and almost no other noise to mask the sudden sounds of laughter coming from behind the garden. No time like the present, soldier. You came back here to see her, might as well take the chance this is her place.
Gathering the remnants of his courage, Riley headed for the front door.
The doorbell rang one more time and Buffy yelled for Amy, who was in the living room with the other two children to get the door while she moved the chicken from the oven to platters. Buffy hurried, not comfortable with leaving Amy at the front door by herself for long.
With a towel in hand, Buffy moved into the hallway, stepping over the aging Clem, who was growling softly, while calling out to the other two to go wash their hands.
“Amy, who is it?”
Her daughter looked away from the partially opened door, stepped back a bit, and said, “It‘s a stranger Mommy, asking for you.”
Buffy reached the door, placed her hand on Amy’s shoulder and stared up into a pair of grey blue eyes she thought she’d never in her life see again.
Noises sounded from inside the house and Riley held his breath waiting for someone to answer the door. His hands were clasped behind his back and he rocked a little on his feet, needing some way to release the anxiety coursing through him. He was trying to prepare some sort of speech for whoever opened the door, fully prepared to see another adult. He was caught off guard, then, when the door was opened by a little girl, no older than seven.
Unable to form words he smiled for a moment, then crouched down to her level so as not to scare the child. “Hi. Is your Mom or Dad home?”
The little girl nodded, taking a step back further into the house. “Both of them are home. Do you want my Mom or my Dad?”
A voice called out, “Amy, who is it?”
Taking another step back, then turning around to look at the disembodied voice, she said, “It’s a stranger Mommy, asking for you.”
Riley struggled back to his feet in time for the little girl’s mother to reach the door and he nearly fell over when his eyes met hers.
“Buffy?”
His voice was deeper than she remembered and he was taller and broader. There was a still healing scar on his cheek and he looked tired, like he’d been traveling for a while without much rest. She couldn’t believe what she was seeing though and her brain struggled for something to say.
“Hello Riley.”
They stared at each other for long minutes in silence, until Amy tugged at her arm, gaining Buffy’s attention. “Mommy?“
Realizing suddenly what was going on, Buffy shooed her away. “Amy, go get your father.“
Shooting the stranger a look, Amy headed through the house calling for her father.
The two adults stood there, neither one of them certain of what to say, both of them at a loss for words. Buffy had dreaded this day, hoping to never have to face this, at least not this soon. For his part, Riley had been composing long speeches in his head for days, ever since he’d decided on this course of action, all of them centering on an apology. He realized, staring at her now, taking in her long blond hair and bronzed skin, he’d had a vision in his head of her, still living at home, needing to be rescued from her life. Which was so far from the picture of prosperity and happiness in front of him that he was currently at a loss, unable to get his head around that change.
Fumbling about for something to say, Riley said the first thing that popped into his head. “You look good.”
Buffy stared up at him, nodded once then said, somewhat hesitantly, “Thanks. You’ve. . . . ah, changed a bit.”
She motioned toward the scar and he gave her a self-deprecating look. “Got this in Iraq, during some of the street fighting in Basra.”
“You’re still in the Army?” She wasn’t all that curious about what he was doing with his life, she was more concerned with why he was here, and why now – and she wasn’t going to get into this conversation without Will being around.
“Yeah, I am. I’m between . . . . I’m going into Special Forces training and I’ve got some leave time before that, so I . . . . “
His voice trailed off and he went mute, unable to fill the sudden awkward silence surrounding them.
The patter of little feet sounded out behind the door, and Buffy turned to look around to see who was approaching. It was William, with Serena tagging along behind him, and he simply said, “Daddy’s coming.”
Her answer was soft as she kissed him on the forehead. “Okay baby, go back inside and see what Uncle Rupert has.”
“Kay.” William leaned into her for a hug, then with a glance at the stranger, he tugged on Serena’s hair and ran off.
Amy came flying out the back door, yelling “Daddy, somebody’s at the door and Mommy said to come get you!”
Her face was flush and there was a strange look in her eyes, and Will could barely make out what she was saying until she stopped running and repeated herself. “Daddy! Mommy needs you at the front door.”
“What’s wrong, bit?” She was pulling on his hand, tugging him toward the house.
Will shrugged, excusing himself from the conversation to talk to her. “Amy, you shouldn’t interrupt like that. Now, what’s going on?”
“The door. Mommy’s standing at the door and she said to come get you and I heard her talking to the scary man.” Will glanced up, pushing Amy behind him and calling for William and Serena to come outside.
“Who is it Amy?”
“Mommy called him Riley.”
He froze, staring down at his daughter, unable to think clearly for a moment. “Okay sweetheart, you stay here with Aunt Jenny and Gram.”
Sharing a look with his uncle, Will moved into the kitchen, turned off the oven and grabbed William and said, “Go tell your Mother I’ll be right there.”
Giving himself a minute to calm his suddenly overwrought nerves, Will paused at the kitchen sink, watching Amy in the backyard talking to her grandmother. Taking a deep breath, he held onto his nerves, then turned around to see Rupert watching him carefully. “You do know there’s nothing he can do, without major legal action.”
“Yeah, I know. Doesn’t mean . . . . . I was hoping he’d stay away, just leave us alone forever, you know?”
“I know Will.” Giles moved closer, resting a hand on Will’s forearm, lending him support. “I also know that little girl is your daughter, in every sense of the word. He can’t compete with that. She thinks you hung the moon, Will, so hold onto that while you talk to him.”
“Yeah.” He paused, glancing once more out the back window, his eyes on Amy’s slight form. “Yeah. She’s my baby girl.”
“That she is, Will.”
Shaking off Rupert’s arm, Will headed for the front door, passing a laughing William and pouting Serena. He stopped the two youngsters, telling them, “Stay in the backyard with your mother and gram.”
Will reached the door just as silence descended between the two standing on the front porch, his eyes focused only on his wife. He knew she could hear him walking down the hallway and her hand reached out for his, her head turning in his direction.
“What’s up, kitten?”
Just the sound of his footsteps calmed her, and Buffy ignored the man standing in front of her to look in his direction. The sunlight was streaming in through the back of the house, so she couldn’t make out his expression, but she could see the tense lines of his shoulders and Buffy knew one of the children had said something about another man being at the door.
“Hey there. Will. . . . “ And just by the tone of her voice, Will knew she wasn’t comfortable at all.
Will stepped through the front door, holding her small hand in his. Buffy smiled at him, her eyes sparked with light she only shared with him. “Ah, Riley, this is someone I want you to meet. My husband, Will.”
He was dumbfounded, completely taken by surprise at her announcement and who it was standing next to her. Riley knew, when the little boy came hurtling out the door to announce his daddy was on his way, that Buffy had long since moved on, recovering from their failed relationship. What the hell? How. . . . .
Riley stared at the two blonds, unable to form a coherent thought, floored by the sight in front of him. He’d never in his wildest dreams imagined this . . . .
“Uh. . . hi Mr. Stevenson.” And despite his rank and experience at giving orders, Riley was reduced once again to feeling like an inadequate, bumbling jerk in the face of the older man’s assurance and calm strength.
“Finn.” Will wasn’t going to pretend, wasn’t going to play nice or throw the boy a bone by being cordial; nor was he going to gloat. This wasn’t some twisted pissing contest to see who got the girl – or girls, in this case – because he already knew the outcome. Both girls were his, one chosen and the other a gift, and he’d be damned if any long-errant git was going to change that.
He pulled Buffy close, dropping a kiss on her temple. His words, though challenging, were delivered in an almost bored tone of voice. “What brings you here?”
“I. . . . I. . . Had some leave and since I was back on the West Coast, I thought I’d try and see Buffy.” Riley stuttered his way around an explanation, feeling incredibly out of place.
“About that. . . . How did you find out I was here?” Buffy leaned into Will’s side, wrapping her arm around his waist.
“Ah. . . I um. Well, you know that’s kind of a funny story.” He leaned back on his heels, a goofy grin covering up his discomfort. “I was on my way to your house when I saw your mother leaving and I . . . . I followed her here.” He realized, the second the words left his mouth that it was the worst thing he could have said. Or done.
“So you just followed my mother on the off chance she . . . . “ Buffy was floored and she couldn’t believe how colossally stupid he apparently still was.
“Well, I . . . “ He struggled to get himself out of the hole he was digging, but came up with nothing. Guess I’m still stupid around her. Shaking his head, Riley tried to salvage the situation. “It was wrong, I guess, but I just thought maybe she was going to see you. And hey, I guessed right.”
“You did, but it still wasn’t a smart thing to do now, was it?” Buffy stiffened, his actions getting her angrier by the second. “Just what did you expect, Riley? That I was gonna be waiting for you to decide you wanted to grow up and take some responsibility?”
“Um. . . well. . . no?” He was fidgeting now, his hands clenching and unclenching and he tried to stop one leg from shaking with nerves, but he couldn’t.
“Yeah, no. Not so much. I was over you long before you left Sunnydale, Riley. Maybe you didn’t get the message.” She stood at her full height, hands on hips, glaring up at the big soldier and Will had to hide his smile and his body’s reaction to her outraged indignation and fury.
“Message? I didn’t get any message from you.” He looked hopeful for a minute, thinking she was angry at the man standing beside her, but her words quickly disabused him of that notion.
“Dense much? The message was of the kind where I don’t contact you at all because you’re ancient history.” Buffy shook her head, watching the play of emotions across Riley’s face. “You were the one that dumped me, so why should I have wanted anything to do with you? I was so over you by Christmas of that year, Riley, that I got married at the end of January.”
“What? How? Who?” The questions tumbled from his mouth before he had time to think and this time Will didn’t stifle the guffaw of laughter bubbling up in his chest.
“Oh my god. You are like Mr. Density. I got married. To my husband, Will Stevenson, before you even left Sunnydale for West Point.” To his continued spluttering, she threw up her hands and said, “In Vegas, at the Bellaggio. In a really nice ceremony.”
“What happened to the baby?” Riley couldn’t wrap his head around any of this, and he knew it.
“She answered the door. Her name is Amy and she’s going to be six, tomorrow.” Will checked the door, making sure it was securely closed in case little ears were trying to listen. He watched his wife as she started to tap her foot against the tiles. “Not that you would know or care, since this is like the first word I’ve had from you or your family in the last six years. So again, I ask, why now?”
“I. . . . . “ He paused, then blurted out, “Look, my timing is bad, I know that, but. . . . I . . . I had a hard time in Iraq and I had some time afterward to do some thinking. I needed to come and see you and to just apologize for the way I behaved and the things I said.”
His words didn’t soften her at all, and Will watched as a hard look crept into her eyes. “And what, you thought I was gonna be all alone and willing to take you back and . . . . What exactly do you want here, Riley?”
He thought about it for a long moment, trying to come up with something to make her understand what he was doing. Riley couldn’t though, because he suddenly wasn’t so sure what it was he wanted from her. “I don’t know. I thought I did. . . but seeing you again, I‘m
not so sure anymore.”
“Well, you’ve seen me. And Amy for that matter, but she has no clue who you are and its going to stay that way, until she’s a little bit older. So if you were expecting some great wonderful reunion scene, get over it, coz it isn’t happening.” Buffy leaned back into Will, relaxing when his arms stole around her waist, his nose nestling in the back of her hair.
For the first time since Will had emerged from the house, Riley took a really good look at the two of them together and his heart fell. And he realized, that he had come back with the notion, albeit a bit unformed, of saving her from her dreary life, not realizing that it might not be the way he pictured it.
Buffy was happy – so happy she glowed – and very much in love with her husband. Too weird that it was their former English teacher, but it was the truth. He took a step back, nodding his head in acceptance. “I’m sorry. . . . I handled this very badly. I just. . . you’re right, I was coming back to rescue you. Only I should have done it a long time ago. I’m sorry. Sorry for a lot of things I said and for just about everything I did then. You’re right. Its not fair to your daughter that I came here unannounced.” He paused, staring down at his boots for a moment. “I’ll go. I’ll, ah, leave my contact information at the high school, in case you ever need me for anything.”
He turned and walked down the short flight of steps, his back ramrod straight. Halfway down the walk, he pivoted on his heel and looked back at them standing there. “Just one question before I go . . . . Would it have mattered back then, if I hadn’t been such an idiot?”
Buffy looked at Will, not even sparing Riley a glance, and said, “No, Riley, it wouldn’t have made a difference at all.”
There it is, the story of Will and Buffy. . . . I hope you all enjoyed it. Please, if you did, leave one last comment to let me know what you thought of this story.