Chapter 4
Buffy knocked on his door. Not hearing any noise from inside, she started banging. After a minute, the door flung open, and he stood there in his boxer shorts looking quite disheveled and pissed off.
“What?” Xander growled at her.
She tried to make her voice sound as soft as possible. “I’m really sorry, Xander. I need to talk to you.”
“It’s 3 o’clock in the morning, Buffy. This can’t wait until a more day time part of the day?”
“Not really.”
He shook his sleep off the best he could, “Is somebody in trouble? Is somebody hurt?”
“No. Everybody’s fine. I just need to talk.”
Xander put on his concerned face and stepped away from the door to let her in. Buffy walked to the edge of the bed and sat down. Xander picked a t-shirt up off the floor, sniffed it, and put it on. He sat next her.
Buffy took a deep breath and looked at him straight in the eyes. She grasped both of his hands in both of hers.
“Xander. I’m going to tell you something that you are not going to like. You are going to get pissy and all judgmental-like, and that’s ok. But I need you to let me finish before you lay into me about it. Ok?”
“Okay…” he answered cautiously.
“I’ve been having sex with Spike.” Xander tensed up quickly and tried to pull his hands away from Buffy. She tightened her grip. “Stay with me. I’m still talking.
“It’s been going on for a couple of months. Ever since Willow’s spell. I knew that you wanted to know what happened that night. I’ll tell you now. Will broke the spell a little too late. We had started to make love and were in the middle of it when it was broken. I could have stopped it at that point, but something in me didn’t want it to stop.
“Now, there is something very important that you have to understand. Not once, during this whole affair, did Spike ever take advantage of me. I never did anything that I didn’t want to do. In fact, I have been in complete control of the entire situation. The control I have is what makes me keep going back to him.” Buffy closed her eyes for a moment. When she opened them again, Xander was just staring at her. She tried to read the expression on his face, but couldn’t. So she continued.
“This control I have over him is an amazing thing. It lets me be a different person than I am with you guys. I love being your friend. And if I ever lost any of you, I wouldn’t be able to live. And the Slayer part of me, even though it can be overwhelming at times, is the reason I’m the person I am. I will always be the Slayer. But Spike has brought out this third person in me. It’s not Slayer power. It’s my power. It’s this heat in me that boils over when I see him. And he’s such a puppy around me. I can get him to do anything I want. It’s good, Xander. And I don’t want it to stop.
“I’m telling you this for two reasons. One - I’m tired of lying. It makes me sad whenever I see all of you that you don’t know who I am. Spike has changed me. And I hope in a good way. And I wanted to tell you first, because I knew you would take it the hardest, and it’s important that you understand what’s happening.
“Are you with me, Xander? Are you freaking out?” Xander blinked a couple of times.
“Yes, I’m with you. Yes, I’m freaking out. What’s the second reason you’re telling me this?”
“Because I need your advice. And this advice falls under the heading of guysville. I know you think of Spike as just a vampire, and for the most part, you’re right. But Spike’s got a man in him. A different kind of man that Angel had. Angel needed a soul to find his man. But Spike…Spike is constantly dueling it out with his human side. I can see it. I can feel it. Now that he can’t hurt humans anymore, he’s struggling with his identity. Trying to find his place in the world. He can’t be the demon that he is, and he doesn’t know how to be a man. And he wants me to help him.
“And here in lies the problem. He’s in love with me. I knew it was coming. I knew his feelings were changing. I think that we started out on the same page. It was about sex. That’s all….You know….that’s not true. I did know. I’m just realizing this now. I completely blocked it out. I think he’s been in love with me for years. I’m sure it was a sick kind of love. I mean, he wanted to kill me at the same time, but he had certain feelings that confused him.
“I think I have helped create an odd creature. I don’t know if the vampire is in love with me, or the man, or both. And I don’t know what to do. Help me, Xander, please. What do I do now?”
Xander slowly removed his hands from Buffy’s grip and she let him go. He stood up and walked a few paces away. When he turned to look at her again, she could see the anger in his eyes. She could tell that there was so much he wanted to say. He wanted to scream. He didn’t let the anger fade from his eyes, but he took in a deep breath that told her that he wasn’t going to rip into her right then.
“I have two questions for you,” he started. “I hope that when you truly ask yourself these questions, you’ll find the answer you’re looking for.” He narrowed his eyes a little. “Do you want the situation to change between you two? And do you love him?”
~~~~
Spike sat in his chair and watched the door. He had tried to make the tough decisions since Buffy had left the previous night. He knew that he couldn’t live without his Slayer. He needed her in his life. But how long was he going to be able to go on torturing himself. It’s not like he was expecting her to love him back. Not really. He knew the right thing to do.
End it, he kept telling himself. Don’t let her in. Stop letting her use me. Don’t let her in. Leave town. Don’t let her in.
He even went so far as to lock his door. Although it took every ounce of willpower to stay put in his chair and not unlock it. The sun had just gone down. She would be there soon. Unless she didn’t come. Unless she was so repulsed by his declaration last night, that she would never come back.
But, wait. Isn’t that what I want? No. Not that way. If it ends, then I have to end it.. Spike started to panic. She has to come. I need her so much.
He was just about to get out of his chair to unlock the door, when he sensed her on the other side of it. The door moved slightly as she pushed against it. Spike froze. He suddenly forgot which decision he was on, he had flip-flopped so much. There was a loud bang from the door. The banging happened two more times before it was flung open. Buffy walked in.
“Not the first time I had to kick that door in. What are you playing at, vampire?”
When he saw her, William and his demon began to battle it out. He stood up and backed himself up to one of the pillars behind him, needing to somehow delay this confrontation as long as possible. He knew he had to say something to her, and the half of him to speak up first was William.
“I can’t go on not loving you, Buffy.”
She walked up to him quickly. “Oh, yeah?” She reached up, grabbed his hair, and pushed his head violently against the pillar. He blacked out.
~~~~
When he awoke, he was inside of her. That was the first thing he noticed before he even opened his eyes. He knew her warmth instantly, and he made a move to wrap his arms around her. When he realized that he couldn’t move his arms, he became fully conscious and aware of his surroundings.
He was downstairs on his bed. His wrists and ankles were shackled to the four corners. Both he and Buffy were naked and she was on top of him, slowly gliding himself in and out of her. He wanted desperately to grab her hips and help guide her. They had played this game before. He had a pair of handcuffs that they had both used on each other. But this was the first time that she had bound his legs. And never before with shackles and chains. Where did these come from?
Buffy was watching him closely. She seemed to be able to read every expression he made while he was figuring out the situation. Without him asking out loud, she answered his question.
“I got the shackles from Angel’s old mansion. Recognize them?”
Spike was discovering that he was the most helpless that he had ever been. “I don’t like this game,” he told her.
“Is that right?” she answered cooly. “Well, what game do you want to play.” She made a few twists and turns with her body, which caused Spike to gasp and roll his head back. Buffy smiled.
He regained his composure as quickly as he could. “No more games. No more your way. I love you and you can’t shut me out any more.”
“Big talk from a helpless vampire.”
Spike knew that she was trying to bait his demon. William shoved it down. He focused on her green eyes and made sure she was looking directly back into his blue ones.
“Let me make love to you, Buffy. I can show you. It doesn’t always have to be like this. We can change it. It can be even better. Please, baby. Unchain me and let me love you.”
Buffy stopped moving. She leaned toward him a little bit and tightened her Slayer-muscles around his cock. He let out a quick whimper.
“You’re right, Spike. We can make it better. We can change it. I’ll untie you and you can hold me and love me. It will be beautiful. It’ll be magic.” She leaned down on him all the way and flinched around his cock again, gripping even harder. She licked his earlobe then sucked on her mark a couple times. She brought her face to his until their noses were almost touching.
“And if we did that, it would happen one time. Just one time. Because after that, it would be over. We would have one night where I would give myself over to you completely. You could love me in every way you have ever wanted to. But I won’t come back. Ever. Just one night, Spike.”
She sat back up and every muscle in her lower body clenched. He thighs were hard and tight and pressing his hips down into the mattress. She began massaging his dick again with her inner muscles. He wanted more than anything to thrust up into her, but he couldn’t move at all. She had started moving herself around his cock in quick bursts. If she continued moving that way, he was going to come and she knew it. Suddenly, she stopped all movement and stayed clenched around him.
“Which is it, vampire? Do I unchain you? Yes or no?”
The demon was gone. William was staring at her. He loved her so much. His future ran through his mind. Would he ever be happy? This extraordinary woman, so close, but never his. Never in the way he wanted. Would it make him too miserable to go on? How long would he be able to make one night last? And would it be enough?
Buffy twitched. “Unchain? Yes or no?” she asked again.
William turned away from her. He felt a tear escape his eye and roll down his cheek. “No,” he answered quietly.
Buffy loosened her grip on him so that he was no longer pinned to the mattress. She started moving her entire body up and down on him and pump him faster until he involuntarily thrust his hips up to match hers.
I lost her, William was telling his demon. You never had her, his demon responded.
Spike knew his climax was coming and felt Buffy begin to join him. He let William feel the entire orgasm and the man let out a primal scream when he came. At the same time, the Slayer fell on top of him and tore into his neck. (Both Buffy and Spike were unsure of it when they thought back on it later, but they felt an odd thump in his chest when she sucked his blood. She was able to drink from him for a full minute before it stopped flowing.)
When she had licked his neck clean of all liquid, she climbed down off the bed. She got dressed, removed a key from her pocket, and walked to where Spike’s feet were chained. She unlocked the shackle around one of his ankles.
“I’m sorry, Spike,” she told him while unlocking his other ankle. “But I really don’t want things to change. This whole situation…” she moved to the head of the bed and unlocked one wrist, “…it works for me. If you have issues with the way things are going…” she walked around the bed, “…you can end it at any time.” She unlocked his other wrist. “Thank you for loving me, Spike. But I don’t love you.” She walked out.
Spike laid on the bed for several minutes before shaking his limbs free of the shackles. He turned to his side, curled his legs up to his chest and wrapped his arms around his knees. He began to sob. He knew that, tomorrow, he would let her in.
The End.
Hope you liked it! I beg you to review. I live for it - like Spike, I wear my heart on my sleeve.
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