Never Ever Tell by Lilachigh
Meeting 13 Nicshe Body
“Shumwhere over the rainbow, bluebirdsh fly - hic! No, why should they be blue birds? Don’t like men. Hate Parker. Shumwhere over the rainbow lit’le pinkbirdsh fly - whoops!”
Buffy came crashing off the top the tombstone she’d been balancing on and lay giggling on the grass. “Thash a long way down. Lit’le pinkbird didn’t fly - she fell, over and over and over and over and — ”
A shadowy figure stepped out from behind the stone wall of a nearby crypt and stared in disbelief. “Slayer?”
“Thash me! Hello, Shpike. Have you got any beer? I’m a little pink bird and I drink beer.”
“You’re tipsy, no scrub that, Slayer, you’re bleeding sloshed, drunk, arse-faced blotto.”
The vampire’s voice rose in complete astonishment. Of all the things he’d expected to see tonight, a very drunk Slayer was not even number one thousand on his list.
All his instincts roared into life. She was there in front of him, drunk, incapable and completely harmless. He doubted she could even hold a stake, let alone wield one in his direction.
He prowled forward, his senses alert in case it was some sort of trap and the other idiots were lurking around to jump on him.
Buffy jumped up and danced around, waving her hands in front of her, fists clenched like a boxer. “Ooooh, are we going to fighsht, Shpike? Thish will be fun. Come on, fight like a man, oh, no, you’re not, are you. Whoops, shorry.”
She stopped weaving from one foot to the other and began to giggle. “Thatsh funny. You’re not a man. You’re dead.”
Spike slid swiftly behind her and caught her hands in his. “Shall I show you exactly what sort of man I am, Slayer?”
He jerked her hard against him and going into game face, bent his head through the blonde curls to the soft skin at the side of her neck.
His teeth had hardly grazed the surface when a sound penetrated the kill lust in his brain.
Buffy was giggling. “Shtop it. That tickles! You’re a bad, bad vampire, Shpike. I shall tell Giles.”
Spike hesitated, she was so drunk, this was like taking candy from a baby, but somehow that took some of the fun out of killing her.
Then he hardened his unbeating heart and tried to force his fangs into her skin, but even as the rounded warmth of her arse pushed against him, he felt his game face fading as another part of his anatomy responded.
He shoved her away in horror and she rolled on the grass, still laughing.
Spike turned to go just as Buffy reached out, hooked one ankle round his leg and pulled him down on top of her. Taken by surprise, Spike found himself lying face to face with the tipsy girl, her breasts pushing against his chest, her legs spread under his.
He tried to get off her but the strength in her Slayer legs, even drunken ones, was too much for him as they clasped together round his waist.
“Slayer, what the hell are you doing?” Spike roared, trying his hardest to stop his lips touching hers.
“Nicshe and comfy down here, mmmmm, nicshe body to cuddle, cosshy, shoft grass, lilt’le pink bird going to shleep now...safe at last.....” Her head rolled to one side and she was gone.
Spike eased himself off her prone body and stared around, bewildered. He supposed he could just leave her there for a passing vamp to find. Make someone a nice bedtime snack. But then they’d boast about killing a Slayer and this one was his - sometime soon, but not tonight.
Cursing blackly under his breath, he picked her up, carried her swiftly through the darkened alleyways and left her on her front porch.
‘God, Slayer, bet you have the mother and father of all headaches when you come round,” Spike muttered and backed away into the shadows, heading for Willie’s Bar. It had been a most disturbing evening and he needed a strong drink - fast.
As his footsteps died away, two blurry green eyes opened and a small, secret smile crept across Buffy’s face. “Was safe,” she murmured, “and, wow, nicshe body!”
next meeting follows soon.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Tipsy Buffy always make me smile. And no one will ever convince me that Spike would willingly bite her when she didn’t even know he was there. A vampire has his pride, after all.