Chapter 5
After stuffing themselves stupid with ribs, chicken, burgers and steaks at the all-you-can-eat barbecue shack, they all retired to the ‘Golden Mile’ Motel for the rest of the night.
Spike was too tired to object when the girls all stayed in one room, and he was forced to roomie with Xander, as tradition had it that it was supposed to be bad luck for the bride to spend the evening before her wedding with the groom.
The following morning, the plan was for Xander and Anya to go out, find a place where they wanted to marry that evening, and get it arranged.
By dusk that evening they both came back, Anya really excited, Xander still looked like a condemned man!
“It’s perfect, it’s called ‘House of Aphrodite’ AND –listen to this, there’s a chance we might be their millionth couple if we get married there tonight, they know that they are very close to that number of couples having been married there since they opened in 1984! The prize they are giving away is fantastic!” Anya enthused
“Go on!” Buffy said grinning
“Well, if you’re the millionth couple, you get, after the ceremony of course, a champagne and smoked salmon wedding reception, then a stretch limo to take you to the casino, where you get a voucher for $1000 dollars to play on what you like – anything you win, you get to keep, tax free! THEN after that, the limo takes you to the airport, where they’ll fly you first class to Club Tropicana, it’s an exclusive resort in Hawaii, the ‘Pineapple Grove Hotel’ it’s beach front, you get the honeymoon suite - it’s got five star luxury, private beach, every whim catered for – midnight beach barbecues and dancing, pool, proper masseurs, beauticians, sunken hot-tub in the room, food 24 hrs a day, you can jet-ski, it would be brilliant – 10 nights – it’s worth $15,000!”
“Wow, that would be fantastic!” Willow said
Spike looked at Xander………and he knew things weren’t right.
They all got ready, Spike even put on proper black pants and a blue shirt for the occasion, after Buffy had promised him some special treats if he did………
When Spike walked into the wedding house after parking the car, he saw Xander nervously fingering his wing-collared shirt.
“Stop it! You’ll get it all dirty, now relax!” Buffy said, lightly smacking his fingers away.
“But it’s strangling me!”
“I’ll strangle you in a minute if you don’t stop messing with it! Ah, Spike, good, look after him will you, and don’t let him take the bow-tie off…I’m going to find Will and Anya!”
Buffy went off and Spike felt a little pity for the whelp. Not much mind, but enough to say,
“Come on mate…here, have a swig of this for fuck’s sake, looks like you need it!”
Xander eyed the hipflask suspiciously
“What is it?”
“Dutch courage!”
“I gathered that, no what I meant was, she’ll smell it and-“
“Vodka, okay, don’t go on”
Xander took the flask swigged deep, coughed and his eyes watered.
“Didn’t you (cough) mix (choke) any-thing (cough, cough) with it! Oh god!”
“Don’t be such a wuss…now, have you got the ring?”
“Yeah – no! Oh god! Where did I………” Xander frantically patted his pockets, then he remembered it was in his inside pocket.
“Give it here, it’s ME that’s supposed to pretend to loose it!”
Spike pocketed the little box.
************
“What do you mean, ‘gone for a walk’?” Buffy asked frowning
“Just that, I helped her on with her dress, and she said she wanted some fresh air” Willow said
Buffy looked at her watch
“Well she better be back in five…”
“Is Xander okay, he was moaning about that tie strangling him!”
“He’ll be okay, I practically told him I’D strangle him if he didn’t stop touching it! I’ve left Spike with him”
“I like your lipstick, could I borrow it?”
**************
There were people milling about, staff of the House of Aphrodite, it was VERY close for the millionth couple to be announced.
“Spike, can we go and sit down, I feel a bit faint” Xander said meekly.
Spike took in his greenish tinge with a frown and said.
“Bleedin’ ‘ell whelp, where’s yer backbone gone huh?” Spike turned, grabbed Xander by the arm and opened a door. It was a room with just some chairs and a table. Just then a woman entered and put a punchbowl full of red liquid on the table.
“What’s that pet?”
“Fruit punch, for after the ceremony”
The woman left, and Spike went over, poured the contents of his hipflask into it and dipped in a cup, took it over to Xander and he said,
“Here, drink this, sit there and DON’T MOVE, coz I don’t wanna have to go look for you, okay”
Xander nodded weakly and said,
“I’m not going anywhere!” he began to sip at the ‘spiked’ fruit cup.
“Good, see as you don’t, now I won’t be long, I’m just gonna look for Buffy, okay?” Xander finished the drink, and was now leaning forward, his forearms along his thighs, hands clasped as in silent prayer, head bowed. Spike rolled his eyes and closed the door.
Buffy turned the corner and saw Spike coming towards her.
“Where’s Xander?”
“In there, he’s gone a really funny colour, so he’s sitting down, what time’s kick-off?”
“You tell me - Anya’s gone walk-about”
“What – oh fuck, I thought it would be him to do a bunk!” Spike jerked his thumb towards the room where Xander was sitting.
Willow came round the corner full pelt and nearly crashed into a registrar.
“Buffy – oof – sorry, ow – um, Buffy - BUFFY!”
“What, what is it – have you found her?”
“Where’s Xander?”
“In there, sitting, why?”
“Anya’s only talking to Sharkman outside, I just saw her through the window!”
Both Buffy and Spike went round-eyed and said,
“WHAT?”
“I know, what is she thinking, she’s acting all coy and giggling…I thought if you could go get her Spike, I’ll look after Xander!”
“Me, why me?”
“Coz remember when were in LA a few months ago, all that trouble for Angel, and we went up to Sharkman’s room, and we found her there, Sharkman was scared to death of you, he couldn’t leave the room quick enough!”
“But what if she…oh bleeding hell!” Spike ran a hand through his hair.
“Spike, you go get her, we’ll bring Xander okay?”
Spike gave an un-necessary sigh, he didn’t have much choice, did he?”
Willow and Buffy went into the room where Xander was, he’d just helped himself to another glass of fruit cup.
“Xander, are you alright?”
“Fine…this stuff is really rather good…are we nearly ready?”
“Um, yeah…what’s that?” Willow asked
“Fruit cup – wanna try some, it’s very nice”
“Um, yeah, okay…you sit with Buffy, I’ll get it!”
Willow immediately saw her chance to administer the ‘love philtre’ she’d made, but first she got them three glasses of the punch, then without them seeing she poured the contents of the little vial into the punchbowl.
She began to chant quietly:
“Hecate, Hecate, hear my plea,
My quest is for peace and harmony,
Grant the lovers a happy life,
Away from trouble and from strife
To live their lives wild and free,
Hecate, Hecate, so mote it be”
It bubbled wildly like it was boiling and then a little cloud rose and dispersed. She took the cups over to her two friends and they sipped. Happy now that Anya and Xander would drink the stuff with the philtre in it after the ceremony.
“Wow, this is lovely!”
Spike was just going to go outside, when he saw Anya lift her skirts to come up the steps, she was alone.
“Anya! There you are pet, I was just coming to fetch you!”
“Spike! Oh Spike…I just saw…well, an old boyfriend!”
Spike pretended he didn’t know who
“Oh, and?” Anya hooked her arm through Spike’s and said
“Do you think I’m doing the right thing marrying Xander?”
“Do I wha-well pet, only you can decide that…”
As they slowly walked, Anya spied the posters advertising the Hawaiian honeymoon, and decided that yes, she was doing the right thing.
“Right, you go down to your ceremony room, I’ll get the others”
Anya nodded and carried on down
Spike opened the door and announced
“Okay Red, you get lover-boy down there, Buffy and I’ll follow, okay?”
Willow smiled and helped Xander to stand, and gave Buffy Anya’s bouquet and the ring for Xander to hold
“Here, you take these, I’ll take Xander…come on then, lets get this show on the road!”
Xander felt slightly tipsy…
When Willow and Xander left, Spike grabbed Buffy’s glass and went over to the fruit cup, thinking it was only fruit cup + the vodka he’d added, not knowing anything about the ‘love philtre’ Willow had added.
He gulped down half the contents.
“Hey, save me a drop!” Buffy slunk over and finished the other half of the glass.
“Hmm, it’s lovely, hardly any left, we might as well finish it, and they can make some more…!” so they drained the bowl between them. Spike looked into Buffy’s eyes, and there was a sort of mini explosion in his head and he grinned
“Just like you then pet…gods you look gorgeous!”
Buffy also experienced the mini explosion, smiled coyly and then kissed him with great fervour!
“Wow, steady on babe!”
“Sorry, but you look so…!”
They opened the door and went to follow Willow and Xander, they held hands coz it felt right!
“What room are they in?” Spike asked
“I can’t remember if it’s six, or seven”
Spike opened the door of number six, but it was empty.
“Must be this – “
All of a sudden, it seemed like all hell had been let loose!
There was a fanfare of trumpets, golden confetti showered down on them there was flash photography. They saw several people coming towards them smiling holding their arms out to them…
“Here they are, right we can start, okay Ladies and Gentlemen, please be seated!”
“What’s this?” Spike whispered, he felt slightly light headed
“Don’t know…let’s just listen, we’ll find out” Buffy suggested, and Spike nodded and they stood where they were led to.
“Right, you stand…there, and you stand there, facing him, have you got the rings?”
“Oh yes, here you are” Spike took the box out of his pocket, and Buffy handed over the one Willow had given her.
Buffy looked round for Anya, Willow and Xander, but decided this must be their bit of the run-through.
“Right, your name is?”
“Spike”
“Spike?”
“Uh huh”
“Okay, and you are?”
“I’m Buffy” Buffy felt dreamy…and when she looked into the bluest of blue eyes of Spike! Her heart gave a little flitter-flutter!
“Buffy, right – and you are from”
“Sunnydale”
“I see, you got that?” a woman smiled and nodded and left
“Okay then folks, we can begin”
Spike felt mesmerised by the beauty in front of him, he wanted to just stand and look at her forever, it was like they were the only two people in the room…
They were both vaguely aware of somebody droning on………
“Ahem, I said do you?”
“Do I what?”
“Take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?”
“Um, yeah”
A man coughed discreetly beside Spike and whispered,
“You mean, I do”
“What- oh, I do…isn’t she just beautiful!”
“And do you, Buffy take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?”
“Hmm? Oh er, yes of course – I mean, who wouldn’t, he’s a hottie!”
The registrar leant forward and said,
“You say, I do”
“Oh I do – I do, I do, I do, I do, I do!”
“One will be sufficient!”
“Now where are the rings, here you go, this is the smaller one so this you put on her third finger, left hand… I believe you have written your own words”
“Hmm, no…” Spike said
“Well what do you want to say then?”
“I love you Buffy, you are the most precious thing in the world to me, and I’ll always love you!” Spike then put the ring on her finger.
Buffy was nearly overcome with emotion
“Now Buffy, say your words while you put this on his finger…”
“What – oh right…um, Spike, Spike! My little widdle Spikey…I love you – so much – and only you!”
“Oh say it again, sexy minx!” Spike asked her, giving her a sexy smirk
“I love, love, love you!” Buffy repeated dreamily
The registrar gave them a slightly exasperated look thought he best get on with it and said,
By the powers vested in me I now pronounce you man and wife you may…oh, you already are……………
“Right, when you’ve finished…I said, when you’ve finished…………AHEM! WHEN you’ve – good, right now, if you’d like to come this way, you have to sign the register for your wedding certificate, and then it’s the photos before the limo comes”
Buffy and Spike eventually broke the kiss and just grinned at each other.
Buffy suddenly looked at the registrar.
“Limo?”
“Yes, limo, you’ve won the prize, you’re our millionth couple!”
“Oh – hear that babe, we’re the millionth couple!”
“That’s nice…god I love you!” Spike went to kiss her again but they were swept away in a sea of staff to the outside terrace.
****************
“Where are they – they only had to follow us down the corridor!”
Willow opened the door and looked left and right down the corridor, to no avail
“We need to start this ceremony!” the registrar said. Another five minutes went by and he said,
“I’m sorry madam, sir, but we’ll just have to start without them, all the staff are needed for a photo-call – the millionth couple have just been wed here!”
“We can’t without the best man and the other bridesmaid, besides which, they have the rings and her bouquet!”
“What the holiday is gone? – Oh bollocks – the weddings off!” Anya stamped her foot, and gathering up her skirts, she stomped off towards the door.
Willow had her deer-caught-in-the-headlights look and Xander felt relief, twice over. Once when Anya walked away, and the second time when he took off the bowtie and popped the top button of his shirt.
“Xander…are you alright?” Willow asked gently
“Me – in a word, relieved!”
“Sure?”
Xander blew out his cheeks and nodded his head.
************
“Over here, over here please, sir, look over – that’s it, lovely, and again, that’s it…now look into each other’s eyes, beautiful, um, could we have one with you sitting and you standing behind………lovely………now, hold hands………and again, now turn round and look over your shoulder………”
The photographer clicked away, and Buffy and Spike complied with his commands. Just then a huge shriek rent the air and everybody looked up.
Anya stormed over to the couple ranting and waving her arms about.
“JUST WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING!”
“I know it seems ridiculous, but well, Spike and I just got married!” Buffy said, grinning up at her ‘groom’. Spike gave her a squeeze and cuddled her up from behind, then kissed her.
“It sort of just happened – but we both know it’s what we wanted, isn’t it babe?” Buffy nodded vigorously
“Oh yes, DEFINITLEY!”
“Well you can just make it un-happen! Those are MY flowers, and that’s MY ring – now give it back!” Anya grabbed Buffy’s hand and tried to prise the ring from her finger.
“Oh dear – somebody fetch security…security!” One of the registrars called. Soon two guards came over and one picked up Anya around the waist from behind, where she kicked and was screaming that ‘They stole my wedding – that honeymoon is mine’!”
Willow and Xander wandered out into the floodlit grounds to see what all the fuss was about, what they mercifully didn’t see however, was Anya being carried away and then unceremoniously put into the back of a security van.
“What’s going…on?”
“Where?”
“Down there, look.”
“Where, I can’t see?”
“That…look down there, on the terrace…that’s Buffy and Spike having their photographs taken, isn’t it?”
Xander shrugged and said,
“Why not, I paid for two dozen 12x9 glossy photos – they might as well use…Will – Willow!”
“Hmm?”
“Is that Anya banging her fists on the back of that security van window – quick, look before it leaves the parking lot.”
Willow didn’t get to see because of the huge stretch limo pulling up…and curiouser and curiouser, Buffy and Spike getting into it…Willow suddenly had a feeling of dread come over her…
“Um, I won’t be long!”
Willow dashed to the room that Xander had been sitting in originally, and flung open the door, just in time to see a woman picking up the empty fruit cup bowl and tutting how it had all gone.
Closing the door, Willow saw a group of smiling registrars coming towards her.
“Um, ex-excuse me”
“Yes?”
“The couple that won the um, thingy…the honeymoon”
“What about them?”
“Can you tell me their names?”
“Betty and what was it?”
Willow paled and said,
“Was it Buffy, Buffy and Spike, and um…did they get married?”
“That’s it, yes…did the ceremony myself - very much in love, doubt if they’ll use all the hotels facilities on offer!”
Willow knew it was her spell to blame, and wondered whether to ‘fess up’… on her way back to Xander, she decided just to tell him that Buffy and Spike had just got married…
*****************
“Hmm – oh the bubbles have gone up m nose!” Spike rubbed noses with Buffy in the limo as they sped along to the casino
“It’s all been so sudden, but – no regrets, eh kitten?”
“Oh none whatsoever…………I can’t wait to get to the honeymoon suite!”
“Oh I second that pet, I second that!”
********************
Meanwhile, in a tall office block in LA, bearing the name Wolfram and Hart, Cordelia was briefing her co-workers, Charles Gunn and Wesley Wyndham-Price.
“Now look, he’s in a very good mood, he’s got his favourite coffee, and the newspapers, the profits are up, clientele is moving to more up-market types, and we have an excellent clear-up rate. I’ve given the ditz the day off so she won’t do anything klutzy and spoil his mood”
“Ditz?” Gunn asked
“Harmony”
“Gotcha, right”
“Nothing must spoil this good mood Angel’s in, and we get to pitch for the two places WE want for the Annual General Meetings, okay?”
Gunn and Wes both nodded
Right – Gunn, you’re pitching for Florida, yes?”
“Yes-sir-ee!”
“And Wes, shopping New York here we come”
“You got it!”
Right, it’s only another half hour before we put our idea’s into operation – I’ll hold back with any calls I think might upset him, and I don’t see what can possibly go wrong!” Cordelia grinned.
She spoke too soon, for on seeing the front cover of the Las Vegas News, Angel couldn’t believe his eyes, there standing in front of the ‘House of Aphrodite’ wedding venue, were Spike and Buffy, the headline read:
‘Sunnydale Couple Win Honeymoon of a Lifetime’
Angel’s coffee went everywhere as he spit-sprayed it and he roared out,
“CORD-EL-IA! GET YOURSELF IN HERE, NOW!!!”
“Shit – it’ll be the upstairs conference room again I suppose, what the hell upset him!”
They knew something had just blown it for them. Three pairs of shoulder’s dropped and the smiles went from their faces. Angel tore open his office door
“Forget where you want the AGM’s – Get us on the next flight to Hawaii - TODAY!”
Three pairs of eyebrows rose and the smiles filtered back
“Hawaii huh…SCORE!”
The End (For now!)
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