"You're a cherry sucker, you are," Drusilla said. Her eyes were glowing with pleasure and she couldn't stop grinning. "So sweet between the teeth. I've waited so long to have you, and you thought I'd never catch you. But I've got you now, I do. Crunch." At this, she snapped her jaws.
Buffy was quite tired of it and pretty much hoped that the crazy vampire would go ahead and kill her already. They had been at it several hours now. Drusilla seemed to have some grudge against her regarding Spike, and she wanted to settle it by scalding portions of Buffy body, cutting off slices of her skin, and otherwise torturing her. She had started sticking skewers into her, which didn't look very good. The one in her leg would probably kill her if it were removed, so Buffy pretty much figured it was the end.
She should never have come to Cleveland, especially not without consulting Giles or someone more reasonable. She also should have told Angel not to leave, even if things were over between them. And she shouldn't have raised all those potentials to full slayerhood, because otherwise she could have drubbed Drusilla easily.
On the other hand, Giles probably wouldn't have returned her calls, and Angel was making things awkward, and who knew that the amulet would kill all the uber-vamps anyway? The one thing she never should have done was steal Spike. Because as Drusilla kept telling her, if she hadn't stolen Spike, she wouldn't be hanging there half-naked with skewers sticking out of her, about to die.
"He was mine for a hundred years," she said again, her voice shaking. "He was a perfect evil thing before you stole him," and with that she poured hot oil on Buffy's left breast, "but you couldn't just leave him be. You had to have it all. It wasn't enough you had to ruin Angel. No, you had to take Spike, my firstborn. You nasty little girl..."
It had been going on like that for eons, Buffy was sure. She felt herself losing touch. There were black spots all over her vision, and she couldn't tell what was real and what was not. For example, for all she knew that red-haired hallucination was actually there. She was actually being rescued by a tall, good-looking redhead who had appeared out of nowhere to get her.
"You've come home," Drusilla said to the hallucination. "What have you done to your hair?"
"I can't let you do this, Dru," the hallucination replied sternly. "I haven't come all the way back to earth to be with a shish kabob."
"She'll never love you," Dru said. "Not like I did."
"Right then," he said. "She'll never run off with a chaos demon. I can deal with that."
Drusilla lunged at the redhead, who dodged with superhuman speed and then returned with a thundering right hook. Drusilla took it in stride, sliding into vamp face. "You're weaker than I remember." To which he replied, "Yeah, well, you've gotten thicker."
They tussled for a while, but even though Drusilla was stronger than he was, he seemed to know her weaknesses and he stayed one step ahead of her. It was also clear that Drusilla was pulling her punches. At the opportune moment, he grabbed a log of wood out of the fire and wolloped her over the head with it. She fell flat on her back and lay still.
"Quickly, then," he said, turning to Buffy. "She won't be out long."
"No sir. I know what you are," she said, her voice cracking. "You're a hopeless dream of escape concocted by my imagination."
"We don't have time for this, Buffy," he said, carefully untying her. "Can you walk?"
For a hallucination, his hands were soft and reassuring. She looked at him with watery eyes and said, "No."
He sighed, and then grabbing her around the waist, he hoisted her gently over his shoulder. It hurt, but Buffy couldn't scream any more. "Dru's out cold," he said, "but there are six other vampires in this joint, and they all seem pretty deadly. Stay quiet."
Luckily her hallucination knew the way out, which was interesting because Buffy herself didn't remember any of it. It was dark and wet and terrifying. Buffy began to cry. Loudly.
"Shhh, Buffy. For Christ's sake..."
But it was too late. Buffy heard them coming before she saw them, their footsteps echoing on the cold stone. Three of Dru's vampires appeared, growling and eager to recapture them.
"Any bright ideas?"
"No," Buffy sobbed. "This is the worst hallucination ever."
Her rescuer was about to put her down and fight them all himself when a ball of white fire snaked out of the darkness and turned all three of them to ash. In seconds Willow ran up to them triumphantly.
"Willow!" Buffy cried. "I thought you lost your powers."
"Oh, I was shielded, but not stilled," Willow explained. "That little hack couldn't hold me forever. Do you know the way out?"
Buffy's rescuer nodded and said, "This way." They began to move quickly, and Buffy's whole body ached with every step. She blacked out. When she woke up, she was in a bright room, and she smelled bleach. Hospital, she thought.
"What happened?" she asked nobody in particular.
"Don't draw attention to yourself," the red-haired man from her dream said. He was standing at her bedside, looking around nervously. "Soon they're going to start asking questions about why your skull was busted and you had skewers stuck in you, and I don't really want to have to answer those questions."
Buffy looked down at her leg, and saw that the skewer was gone. "Am I still dreaming?" she asked.
"No, it's all real," said another voice. Willow had entered the room. She looked tired and drawn, but otherwise no worse for the wear. No skewer wounds.
"I guess Amy wasn't as cruel as Dru, huh?" Buffy asked.
Willow shook her head. "She tortured me in other ways," she said quietly.
Then Buffy remembered. "Oh, God, Will," she said, "is it... is she... ?"
"Dead?" Willow asked. "Yes, yes, she killed her. Kennedy's dead. I... I don't know, Buffy, this is really bad. I don't know where Xander is. Maybe we should have looked for him."
"They didn't take him," the red-haired man said. "I looked but he wasn't there. I guess they had no quarrel with him."
Buffy looked at him closely. After some inspection, she was sure she had never seen him before. "Who are you?" she asked. "I'm thankful, and everything, but how do you know us all, and why are you helping us?"
He smiled. "I was wondering when you were going to ask me that," he said. "Consider me your guardian angel."
"Angel...?" Buffy murmured.
"Do you have a name?" Willow asked.
"A name?" he said, smiling broader. "Of course. Everyone has a name."
"And what is yours?"
"My name," he said, "is Malachi."
* * *
Angel walked around Cleveland for a while, taking in the gloom. It was a miserable city, as far as he could tell, and it was honest with him about how miserable it was. It was not his misery, but it had not been the answer he was looking for. He had wanted Buffy to be the answer. There was a hole inside him where Cordelia had been, where Connor had been, and he could not put anything inside it.
He would be alright. He had suffered for a hundred years, and even more in Hell. He was stronger than the pain. It didn't matter. He would go on.
He got in his car. The leather felt good against him back as he sat down, and he looked forward to the drive home. There would be plenty of time for brooding when he got back, but for now, he would drive fast and play the music loud.
He put the key in the ignition, and turned it. Nothing. He waited a moment, then turned it again. The engine hummed and then died.
What were the chances? This brand new caddy that purred like a kitten was dead in the water. He turned the key again. Still nothing. He would have to look at the engine. He got out of the car and lifted the hood. It was a mess of wires and pipes he didn't understand.
He sighed, and then realized something. Maybe this was a sign. With Cordelia gone, maybe the Powers were talking to him in other ways. He dropped the hood. Angel was no mechanic; he decided to stay.
* * *
Buffy, Willow, and their new friend Malachi had stolen out of the hospital as soon as Buffy could move. It was clear that Drusilla would keep coming for them, and they couldn't afford to waste time healing. Malachi had supported her as they slipped out into the night, one arm gently around her shoulders. She didn't know where he had come from but she was grateful.
Once they were clear of the hospital, Willow turned to them. "Buffy, this has all happened so fast." Buffy nodded. Willow's eyes flashed black. She closed them, tears falling slowly. "Oh, God, I... need to be alone." She opened her eyes. They were normal again, and sad. "Can you manage with Malachi for a little while?"
"We'll be fine," Malachi said, almost too quickly.
Buffy shook her head firmly. "I don't think so, Will. We barely know this guy, no offense."
Malachi smiled, and shrugged. Willow regarded him, and her eyes flashed black again. "I think he can be trusted as much as any of us," she said.
"Wait, Will... I want to be with you," Buffy said. "I can't let you deal with this on your own. I can help. I've lost someone, too."
Willow's eyes widened, and Malachi caught his breath. "You're finally admitting that you lost Spike?" Willow gasped.
"What? No, of course not," Buffy said quickly, laughing. "I meant, like, Angel, my mom, you know, everyone I've lost in my life. I know about loss, Willow, I can help."
"Thanks, Buffy, but I need to come to terms with this on my own," she said. "There are forces in me that no one understands." Willow looked very small and alone, but she stood stiff and separate. Buffy sighed and agreed, and with that, a pillar of light surrounded Willow, and in an instant she was gone.
Buffy stared, sad-eyed, at the place where Willow had been.
"She used to trust me," Buffy said weakly.
Malachi shook his head. "I don't think it's like that, Buffy. I don't think she trusts herself."
This earned him a hard look. He coughed. Eventually she sighed, and nodded. They stood there silently.
"So..." Malachi said.
"We need to get into hiding," Buffy said quickly. "Do you know your way around Cleveland at all?"
"Um... no."
First, Buffy went into a Gap and bought new clothes, so that people would stop staring at her bloody mess of rags. She picked a red baby tee and a short khaki skirt, refusing to acknowledge Malachi's suggestion that it wasn't fighting attire. She also bought some makeup to cover her bruises, and Malachi was shocked by how much healthier she looked. He had forgotten how beautiful she was.
Buffy then went around asking where the sunnyest place in Cleveland was, until Malachi informed her that Drusilla was no longer vulnerable to sunlight. Sighing, she tried to find the most out-of-the-way part of Cleveland, but it turned out all of Cleveland was out-of-the-way. Resignedly, they settled in to hide in a large park on the west bank of the Flats, which seemed pretty deserted. They found a large rock and camped out under it.
"At least here we can see them coming," Buffy said.
"Unless that witch puts an invisibility hex on them," Malachi said, shivering.
"You're mister sunshine, aren't you?"
He shrugged. "It's a sunny day. Lovely. See?"
They sat next to each other, silent and still. The day turned into afternoon.
"So you said in the hospital that you're some sort of guardian angel," Buffy said. "Can you elaborate?"
"I'd rather not," he said. "So please don't push it. I was sent to earth.... recently... and I'm on your side."
"So you're from, what, Heaven? Is that where you get your strength from? Or your powers? What are they, exactly?"
"The powers I got myself. I don't know exactly what all they do... it all happened so fast," he said, then added, beaming, "Do you like them? I got them in Africa."
She laughed. "Those crazy African demons are just giving everything away. Souls, superpowers, what's next?"
"Oh, they'll throw in a free webcam if you ask," he said lightly.
She smiled and relaxed against the rock, wincing a little as she moved. "What are those powers, exactly?"
"I don't really know...
"First of all," he said, "what I have doesn't even compare to slayer powers. That much I do know. It's like your power is cream, and I've got skim milk. And I think you know why. You're always pretending like you hate your powers but you'd never have it any other way. You can do so much good with what you have. I just wanted to be a part of it."
"In case you haven't heard, I started all this mess. It was my idea to raise the potentials, and that's why Drusilla's so strong."
He looked at her, his eyes bright and alive. "You made the right decision. You can't second guess yourself just because it didn't work out, you know that. There's nothing to regret."
"Still, all we needed was the amulet. That's what stopped the First, not all the slayers."
"Maybe," he said. "But maybe if there hadn't been all the slayers protecting the amulet, you never could have used it. You can't know. The problem now is not you, it's Drusilla."
"How can you be so sure?"
He grabbed her hand and looked her in the eye. He looked like he was going to burst open, and she could feel the blood pulsing in his thumb. "Because I know you. You do what's right. That's your thing."
His words tugged at her, but she didn't know why. He started to drop his hand, but she decided not to let him. "I'd forgotten what it feels like to feel warm flesh," she said. "Are you human?"
He nodded.
"I've been involved with vampires, one way or another, for seven years," she said. "The past few weeks I was sharing a bed with one. Not sex I mean... just holding him, you know, for security I guess."
"You guess?"
"I don't know what I wanted," she said. "I needed to be held, I think. But he's gone now. And I just kissed another one..."
"Did you?" he said. It seemed as though his voice tightened.
"...but it was just like I said. Cold. And now you feel..."
"Warm?" he suggested. He came a little closer to her.
"Alive."
He closed his eyes. "You don't know me," he said, "but I think I know something about you. Your life is what you make it. And when you needed to be with a vampire, that vampire felt warm enough to you. But your life has changed now."
She looked away.
He touched her cheek. "Tell me what you feel."
"I didn't love him," she said. "He's gone now, but that's alright because I didn't love him. But I do miss him. I don't tell people I miss him because that just makes it worse. When I fall asleep at night, I ache all over, wishing he were near me. He would have done anything for me. I want that again. Except, I want to have someone that I would do anything for, too. Two people who would do anything for each other. I miss that."
"Did you have it once?"
"Yes," she said, and she felt the tears welling up again. "I would have done anything for Angel, and he would have done anything for me. But now, when I kiss him... it's cold. My heart has been emptied out, Malachi. I have... nobody."
She felt him closer to him, the smell of him so warm and sweet her head began to swim. She caught his eyes, shining and tender.
"You have me," he said.
It sounded so corny that she almost laughed, except when she looked at him she realized it was true. Her body was still sore from her ordeal, but he reached out and found a place to caress her, under her right breast, so that her head felt light. She lay back on the grass and he came over her and kissed her lightly on the cheek. He felt so warm. Supporting himself on one hand, hovering over her, he brushed her hair back from her face. As he did, he touched a bruise hidden by makeup, making her flinch.
He drew back. "I don't want to hurt you," he said. "You're injured. I don't want to..."
"You're right," she said. They paused. Cautiously she reached out to touch him, caressing his stomach, his hips. Everything about him was familiar. She slid her hands down and started to undo his pants. He trembled, half pleasure but half nerves. He wasn't breathing. She stopped, sat up, asked, "What's wrong?"
He laughed. "Nothing, love, it's just...." She waited. "This is crazy. Please don't be offended Buffy, because God knows there have been times when I would have done anything to be with you. But don't you think this is a little fast?"
She frowned. Her blood was racing. "Maybe," she said. "But to be honest, it's been a really long time for me. Like, the closest thing I've had to play all year was when I jumped a guy wearing a magic jacket." She shrugged. "I feel like I know you. I trust you." She paused, then said, "You saved my life."
"And you probably don't remember much about that, do you?"
This startled Buffy. "Now that you mention it... no, I don't," she said.
"I can't believe I'm saying this," Malachi said, his voice ragged, "but I want to take it slow. Buffy, there are things about me you don't know."
"If I knew those things, would I still like you?"
"I don't know."
"You could try telling me."
Malachi shook his head. "I'm not ready, Buffy. Like I said, I need to take it slow."
She took a deep breath. "You know how to tease a girl," she pouted.
"Or maybe I just respect you, as a person, and I don't want to take advantage of you," he said. She was still pouting. He sighed and put his hand gently on her leg. Then, closing his eyes, he reached up her skirt and touched her, firmly, the way she liked to be touched. She gasped.
He opened his eyes and looked into hers. He still remembered every night they had spent together. It was a terrible thing to admit, but he never stopped missing that passion and abandon. He slid his fingers under her underwear. She didn't pull away. It had been more than a year, but he still remembered what she wanted. It was still easy for him, and she came almost too quickly, breathless and... effulgent.
When he drew back she pounced on him, eyes on fire. "Who are you?" she demanded.
"Give me time," he said quietly.
She nodded and closed her eyes. She was smiling so serenely. When she opened them, she looked dreamy. "Can ask you for something?"
"Anything."
She moved closer to him, so that their noses were almost touching, and said, "I'm tired. Do you think you could... hold me, while I sleep?"
He smiled. "I do that," he said.
She looked absolutely content, and his heart swelled. She lay down next to him, in the shadow of the rock, and snuggled into his arms. It had been a long day for her, and she fell asleep almost instantly.
Malachi watched her, still and silent. He could hardly believe this was happening. He did not sleep himself, because he had to keep watch. And as he lay there, staring into the twilight, his heart filled with dread. She felt right in his arms. What would she do when she found out he was Spike?
* * *
Xander had woken up, abandoned and aching, in their empty hostel room. He looked around, but even Kennedy's body was gone. Why had they left him?
He got up slowly, even inch of him screaming, and as he got to his feet he heard a voice, softly. "Do you know when this happened?"
Xander almost collapsed back onto the floor because his legs turned to jelly with fear. "Who's there?" he called, voice cracking.
Angel stepped into the room, looking grim as usual.
"How did you get in?" Xander demanded.
"It's a hotel. The manager invited me." He looked around the room, and said, "Drusilla was here. Did she take Buffy?"
Xander closed his eyes. "I think so," he said, "but as you can see, I was out cold when it happened. They took Willow, and they killed Kennedy."
"We don't have much time," Angel said. "It's a good thing I stayed."
"You were thinking of bailing?" Xander asked.
He shrugged. "Buffy told me to leave," he said.
"And you listened to her?"
He shrugged again.
"We've got to find Drusilla hideout," Xander said. "Do you know where it is?"
"Yes, and I checked it," he said. "They aren't there."
"Maybe they've escaped," Xander suggested.
"I don't think they could have," Angel said sadly. "Not without our help. Xander, I think we have to consider the possibility that they're dead."
At this, Xander could hardly breath. He could not lose them, not now. They had been so hard to live with this past year, but ever since he had broken up with Anya, they had been his family, his closest friends and best supporters.
Suddenly, Willow appeared in a pillar of light.
"Wow," Xander said. "Good timing."
Willow looked around the room anxiously, hardly noticing them. Her eyes were wet. Her breath came quick and raspy. "Where is she?" she asked frantically. "Where's Kennedy?"
Xander said, "I don't know."
"Maybe she didn't die," Willow said hopefully, meeting his eyes. "Maybe they just knocked her out and she looked dead. She was really strong. Maybe she got up and left."
"I don't think so, Will," Xander said. "I think they took her body."
Willow collapsed to the floor, her fists clenched. "I can't believe this has happened to me, again!" she cried.
Xander knelt in front of her. "Please don't be offended, Will, but I need to ask you something," he said carefully. He put his hand on her back. "Are you going to rip anyone's skin off?"
She laughed through her tears and said, "No, Xander. I'm a stronger person now... and besides, Kennedy is different. Tara was my life partner, but Kennedy and I were just starting. And Kennedy knew what she was getting into. I'm better, but I just feel like... God! Why can't anything go right, for any of us? What is the deal?"
"Willow," Angel said quietly, "where's Buffy?"
Looking up, she seemed to notice Angel for the first time. She fairly glared at him. "Safe," she snapped, harsher than she meant. Angel took it in stride. He coughed and said, "I was just leaving... going to get Faith. She's staying with a guy named Wood and some of his friends. They can help us."
Angel left hurriedly. Willow looked back to Xander. "Are you hurt?" she asked.
He shook his head. "Just sore," he said. "Some bruises. Do you want to talk?"
"I left Buffy with a man who helped us escape, Malachi. I told her I wanted to be alone," she explained. "I guess that isn't true. I wanted to be alone with Kennedy, to say good-bye... but her body... it's gone."
Xander put his arms around Willow and pulled her against his chest. Her face felt wet through his shirt. "You can pretend she's still here," he said. "It might feel the same. This is where she died."
"Okay," Willow said, clearing her throat. Her voice sounded raspy. "I think I loved you, Kennedy." She paused, and Xander stroked her hair, urging her with his eyes to continue. "You were one difficult chick, but I loved you. You picked me up when I had fallen, and you held me when I was afraid. You had to have everything your way, but you wanted the best for all of us. I'm sorry I couldn't protect you when you needed me. I won't ever forget you." She broke down, sobs wracking her body and she pushed into his chest, her nails digging into his arms. "Please forgive me!" she bawled.
"Shh, shh," Xander said softly. "It's not your fault, Will. It's okay..."
They stayed that way for a long time, kneeling on the floor, her head against his chest. The sun was going down, but Willow didn't want to move, because if she broke the stillness the pain might start again. They were sitting in a well of pain, unable to move for fear of drowning. There were no worries here, only loss, and the silence.
"I can't believe she's gone," Xander said softly.
Willow rubbed her wet face on his shirt and looked sad-eyed at Xander. "I didn't think you liked Kennedy that much."
"Oh, not Kennedy," he said, looking away. "Anya."
Willow caught her breath. She didn't think she had room in her heart for more pain, but she said, "Do you want to talk about it."
"No, but..." and he looked back at her. "I never meant to let her go, Willow. I loved her. We were going to get married. And now she's dead."
"Do you think you were going to get back together?"
"No," he said. "We tried, but our feelings were gone. It's not that. It's just what I said -- I can't believe she's gone."
"I know," Willow said.
Willow sat up, and as she did, Angel, Faith, and Wood entered the room. "We think we know where Buffy is," Angel said. "If you're all ready, I think we should go now, before Drusilla finds her. I don't want to leave her alone."
"I left her with Malachi," Willow said.
"I don't think that will be enough," Wood said grimly. "Drusilla's army keeps getting bigger. I think she has at least ten slayer-vamps now. We have to hurry."
Faith stepped forward, beside Wood, and looked at Willow. "Red," she said, "Drusilla is using Amy to find the slayers. Can you help me find them first?"
Willow looked anxiously at Xander. "We need to help Buffy," she said.
Angel shook his head. "This is more important," he said. Wood nodded agreement. Willow looked at Xander again before getting up and joining Faith.
"Can I help?" Xander asked.
Angel was about to say no before Willow said, "Buffy's injured, Xander. Go with Angel. If trouble starts, get her out of the way."
Angel turned on Willow. "Buffy's injured, and you left her alone?" he demanded.
Willow shrunk. "I left her with Malachi," she said. She took a trinket out of her pocket, whispered to it, and handed it to Xander. "If you need to get away, hold onto Buffy and pinch this. Say my name. You'll be safe."
"You left her with Malachi," Angel grumbled, glaring at Willow. "Whoever that is."
"Enough," Faith said. "Willow, whip out the magicks."
Willow nodded. She conjured a red light, which hovered over her hands and then whipped out of the room. After a look at Faith, she hurried after it.
"We're out," she said, and she pinched Wood on the cheek. "Catch you later." Faith ran out of the room. Wood, Angel and Xander exchanged a glance, then headed out as well.
* * *
Buffy woke up in Malachi's arms in exactly the same position she had fallen asleep. She felt calm, and turned around to kiss him.
"You're awake," he said.
She planted the kiss. "So are you."
"Couldn't sleep, love," he said. "Had to watch over you."
"Well, we seem to have survived," she said. "Anything I should know about?"
"Nothing," he said. "Oh, there were some vampires attacking young maidens right there a few hours ago. And, I took advantage of you while you were sleeping."
"Somehow I doubt that," she said, smiling. She paused. "You were kidding about the vampires, weren't you?"
"Yes."
Buffy heard something, like footsteps on leaves. She jumped to her feet. "Do you hear that?" she asked.
"No," he said, "but I don't have slayer senses. What is it?"
"Footsteps," she said. "Get up."
He stood, and assumed a fighting stance next to her. "Do you think it's Drusilla?"
"I don't know."
The footsteps turned to running, and she heard Xander's voice. "Guys, I found them! Over here!" She saw Xander running towards them in the night, and she ran to meet him. She threw her arms around him. "Buffy! You are a sight for sore eyes. Oh, and back... careful, there."
She saw Angel and Wood approaching, more slowly. "You could have been a little louder, Xander," Wood said, growling. "I don't think they heard us in Cambodia."
"Principal Wood!" Buffy said, startled. "What are you doing here?" She looked over the Angel. "And I thought I told you to leave," she said.
"It looked like you could use some help," Wood said, and Angel nodded. "Although it's ruining my reputation, this working with vampires."
"I'll keep it close to the chest," Angel said.
Malachi was approaching them cautiously. Xander let go of Buffy and gestured at Malachi. "Who's your friend, Buff?" he asked.
Buffy smiled and stepped towards Malachi, who was looking warily at Wood and Angel. "Oh, guys, I almost forgot. This is -- "
"Spike?" Angel said, eyes wide.
Buffy was about to laugh, but when she looked back at Malachi, he was no longer tall and red-haired. His hair turned bleach-blonde, he shrunk a few inches, and his face bore the familiar scar and scowl that haunted her dreams. Buffy couldn't help it. She screamed.
Spike's mouth opened, and he looked around. Everyone was staring at him. He buried his face in his hands. "Bloody hell," he said.
"What is going on here?" Wood demanded.
"I don't think you're the only one who wants to know," Xander said, looking at Buffy.
Spike looked at Angel. "How did you know?"
"Oh, come on. I've known you two hundred years." He looked Spike up and down. "Are those my clothes?"
The question was unanswered. Spike looked at his hands. His fingernails were painted black. "I guess the jig is up, then," he said, shrugging. "I didn't think it was a spell to be broken."
"It wasn't a spell," Angel said. "It was just truth, waiting to be recognized."
"But Dru knew who I was the second I saw her..."
"She wasn't the one who needed to recognize it," Angel said, and with that, he nodded at Buffy.
Spike swallowed hard. He dropped his hands to his side and looked at Buffy, who had stopped screaming. She was staring at him blankly. "I don't... understand," she said. "How could you ...? And why ...?"
Spike bit his lip. "I was in Heaven," he said frankly. "The Powers That Be came to me and they offered me a second chance. They said I could... sanshu, or some such," and at this, Angel looked ready rip his head off, "but they didn't tell me I would come back as someone else. When I did, well, it seemed like a sign. I had to come to you, Buffy. I had to be..."
Xander looked at Angel, then Wood. "Does anyone else feel really awkward right now?" he asked. Angel nodded emphatically. Wood rolled his eyes, mumbled, "This is pathetic."
"I said there were things about me you didn't know," Spike added.
"I thought you meant, like, that you were an only child!" Buffy screamed, running up to him and smacking him. "I trusted you for so long... I forgot how stupid you can be! Did you really think this would work? Did you think you would trick me into loving you?" At that, she hit him too hard, like old times, and he fell to the ground.
"Easy, pet, I'm only human now!" he yelled.
"Well, I'm human too!" she yelled back, and she kicked him in the ribs. He yelped, and Xander ran up to her, pulling her back. She realized what she was doing, and yielded. "I can't believe you let me think... God, you never change, do you?"
He picked himself up, looking wounded in every way. "You didn't used to think so," he grumbled, eyes dark.
Buffy didn't respond.
"I didn't lie to you," he said, looking earnest. "You have to remember that. I just didn't want to tell you, right away. I was given a second chance, and I wanted to start fresh."
"You took advantage of me," she snapped.
"I did not!" he said. He cast a glance at the others, who were doing their best not to listen, and hissed, "If you recall, I was on my best behavior. And I think you need to open your eyes, Slayer. I never hid who I was. You saw what you wanted to see."
She had to admit he was right. He had said things to her that only Spike would have said, and she knew in her heart that it was why she had wanted him so quickly. He had known her too well, and he had called instinctively to the empty parts of her. If she had wanted to see, she would have.
She relaxed, and he looked relieved. "This doesn't mean I forgive you," she said.
He rolled his eyes. "Obviously."
Xander stood next to Buffy. "Well, now that embarrassing moment has passed. Not that I was aware of it at all." Buffy laughed at him, and he looked at Spike. "Not at all surprised to see you, by the way. Buffy's boyfriends never really die."
"He wasn't my boyfriend," Buffy said.
"Whatever, Buff," Xander said, and he clapped Spike on the back. "By the way, thanks for saving the world. You know I don't like you, but I gotta respect that."
"We don't need to be friends," Spike said.
"Okay then," Xander said, removing his hand.
"This is all very touching," Wood said, barely hiding his disgust, "but I think we can save the reunion for later. There's an army of slayer-vamps out there, searching for us."
"The search is over, Scoobies."
They all turned around and saw Amy the witch, a mob of vampires behind her. A red flame danced above her hands.
"I used a locator spell to find you," she said. "You should have been expecting it, since you already know I can do it. Where's Willow?"
"You'll never get her, Amy!" Buffy shouted. "You'll have to go through me first."
Drusilla stepped gracefully out of them mob. At the sight of her, Amy stepped back. "Oh, you've guessed our plan," she said. Her eyes caught Spike. "This looks is much better. She'll never think so. Has she torn apart your insides yet? I warned you, I did."
Buffy watched Spike, who didn't flinch. "I won't let you hurt her," he said.
Drusilla laughed. "He talks big, but it's all talk," she said, and with a flick of her wrist, the horde of slayer-vamps charged. Buffy readied herself and was about to limp to battle when Xander grabbed her. Angel grabbed Wood and Spike and pulled them into a huddle with Xander and Buffy.
"What are you doing?" she shrieked. "We have to fight."
Xander shook his head. He locked hands with Wood, and Wood grabbed Angel, who grabbed Buffy, and Buffy grabbed Spike. When they were all in a line, the vamps just a second away, Xander pinched a little trinket and said, "Willow."
* * *
Before she could even blink, Buffy was out of the park and standing in front of Willow, on a brightly lit sidewalk in front of a fancy hotel. Faith was standing beside Willow, and behind them three girls, two of whom she recognized as former potential-slayers-slash-houseguests.
"You found her," Willow said, smiling. "We've been rounding up slayers, to help us. You remember Sarah and Annette?"
Buffy blinked at the two she totally didn't recognize, and said, "Yeah... um, sure."
Willow turned, about to say something to Xander, when her eyes fell on Spike. "Holy shitballs!" she said. "Where did you come from?!"
"What a dirty mouth you have, Red," Spike said, smirking.
Willow turned to Buffy, mouth open.
Buffy took a deep breath and said, "You remember Malachi?"
Willow looked at Spike, then back to Buffy, then back to Spike, and considered. "No way..." she murmured, shaking her head. "I can't believe... although, come to think... yeah. But color me fooled. I'm a witch and I didn't even see it. Tara would have."
"It was really strong magic," Spike assured. He shrugged. "From Heaven and all. Like I said before, I didn't even know it was a spell to be broken."
"This is all very... well, weird... but I think we need to keep moving," said Sarah. Or Annette; Buffy didn't know which was which. "There are a few more of us here, I've seen Karen around too."
Buffy definitely didn't know who Karen was, but she nodded, and Willow cast another locator spell. They followed her quietly, and after a few hours they had gathered together three more slayers, one Buffy recognized and whom she decided was Karen. Willow was stronger than Amy, and the slayers were more eager to be guided than attacked, so they were able to work faster than Drusilla. Still, they all knew in the back of their minds that if they could gather slayers this quickly, they needed to stop Drusilla soon, before she captured any more.
By the time they found eight, it was dawn and they were all exhausted. Xander suggested they return to the hostel.
"We can't go there," Angel said. "Drusilla knows about it."
"They can find us with a locator spell wherever we go," Buffy said. "Does it matter where we sleep?"
"I can block Amy's spell," Willow assured.
"There's always the bus," Xander suggested. He gestured romantically and said, "It goes anywhere the road goes."
"Hmm, I was hoping I'd seen the last of that bus," Karen said. Sarah and Annette, or Annette and Sarah, nodded in agreement.
"Wood, will you friends take in a few more?" Faith asked. Wood looked at the group, and nodded. They trudged wearily back across the river and camped out in the living room of Wood's friends, who turned out to be a crack team of demon hunters he had met when he was a teenager. They also promised to help them in the battle, but Buffy demurred. She wasn't taking any volunteers.
"Okay, team," she said. "I've already slept, so I'll stand watch. Everyone try to get comfortable. I'll wake you in four hours."
They grumbled, but complied. Spike was looking at her, but she avoided his eyes. Sighing, he found a corner by himself to curl up in, and fell asleep. One by one, the slayers fell asleep on the floor. Faith and Wood left the room, apologizing, to sleep together in their bed. Willow resisted the temptation to conjure herself a pillow and rolled up her jacket to sleep on. The sound of slow breathing filled the room, and Buffy sat in a chair, watching them.
"If you want to talk about it, I'll listen," she heard Angel say.
He had crept up behind her, as usual, silent as a shadow. "Shouldn't you be sleeping?" she said, turning to face him.
"I'm a vampire," he said. "Sleep is secondary. I have this feeling you need to talk."
"I'm glad you're here," she told him, honestly, "but I meant what I said before. It hurts more to talk about it, and I don't have anything more to say to you."
"I know," he said. "Our time has passed. I meant, do you want to talk about him?" and he shrugged at Spike, who was sleeping restlessly.
Buffy laughed; she had never expected this from him. She shook her head. "There's nothing to say. Even if there was, why would I say it to you?"
Angel ran his hand through his hair anxiously. He wore it the same was he had in high school, standing straight up. How did he get it to do that? She waited. He said, "I still know you, Buffy. Better than you think. And it kills me." He paused. "He's not just in your heart. He fills it."
"Excuse me?"
"You're in love with him."
She laughed. "I think not," she said.
"It's much simpler than you think," he said. She rolled her eyes, but that didn't stop him. "Love is not what it was in high school," he said. "It's not about fire and craziness any more; it's about respect and caring. He's done so much for you, and I know, deep down, you're impressed. He suffers your tantrums. Don't pretend, Buffy... you know you're a handful. But he's there for you, and you love him for it. He died saving you. He came back from Heaven for you."
"You came back from Hell for me," she whispered.
"I didn't want to be there in the first place."
She smiled. "You're right," she admitted. "I don't know why anyone would give up Heaven."
"I think you do."
"Okay, okay," she said. "I admit, I am impressed. But I'm also betrayed and confused. It doesn't mean I'm in love with him."
"No," he agreed. "But then, why do you let him keep coming back? Why do keep him around despite all advice to the contrary? When he lied to you today, why did you forgive him?"
She didn't answer.
"I don't want to pry into your life," he said. "It's not my place anymore."
"Then why are you?" she asked. "Why would you say these things to me? I don't want to hear it. Not from anyone, and certainly not from you."
"You're right. Forget it." He leaned over her and kissed her, brother-like, on the cheek. "Good night."
She watched Angel lie down, still as death, on the floor, and fall asleep. There was no sound in the room except for the rhythm of breathing. The floor was alive with sleeping bodies. Everyone asleep except for her; she was awake but not alone.
Angel was always alone. She had loved him because he was alone in the world, like her. They had been wrapped together by destiny, but now the world was full of slayers and her destiny had changed.
She looked over at Spike, still tossing restlessly in his corner. He was separated from the others, and somehow he called to her, the space beside him waiting for her. She tried to recall her anger, but it seemed perfectly natural now that he had been Malachi, and somehow it didn't bothered her anymore.
She walked over to him and watched him more closely. He didn't hear her, and she watched his chest rise and fall as he slept. Breathe; he was human. He rolled over suddenly, mumbling. She knelt beside him. He didn't stir. Looking around the room once more, making sure everyone was asleep, she lay down beside him. She put her arms around him. He stopped mumbling, and she felt him calm in her arms. She listened to him breathing.
She did not sleep; she had to stand watch. But for four hours she lay with him, and held him, and watched him sleep. She stroked his arm, and his cheek, and held him by the waist. After four hours, she had adjusted to the fact that he was human, and that he was back, and she accepted, finally, that she loved him. At least a little bit.
* * *
Spike woke up alone, but he felt like she had been with him. The space beside him was warm. He saw her, talking to three of the other slayers, and she looked at him blankly. She didn't smile, but she didn't scowl either. He expected worse.
Buffy, Angel, and Xander gathered together in the corner, armed with knives and a pile of wood. They were making stakes. The rest of the girls were dressing and preparing themselves. The girls who had been at Buffy's house were teaching the others about how to fight.
He got up, his shoulders aching from the rough bed, and he frowned. It was as comfortable as his crypt had been, but he was human now, and humans needed beds and pillows and things. "Bollocks," he cursed, flexing.
"What's your story?" one of the slayers he had never seen before asked him, when she noticed he was awake. She was older than the others, perhaps twenty, with short brown curls and green-brown eyes.
"I don't think we have time," he assured her.
She continued to eye him curiously, which was unnerving.
"Can I help you?" he asked.
"Maybe," she said, and she ran her tongue over her upper lip, wetting it. For a slayer, she was very girly. She batted her eyelashes. She said, "I'm Jessica. I didn't catch your name?"
He stared at her, dumbstruck. He hadn't expected this. "My name is ah, that is..." He glanced at Buffy, who was turned the other way.
"Leave him alone, newbie," he heard Faith say, from over his shoulder, "he's with the blonde."
Faith walked up behind him, arms crossed, and the younger slayer retreated, nodding curtly. Faith looked down at him and grinned. "We're not really a couple," he told her.
She laughed. "Yeah, whatever," she said, and walked away.
Buffy clapped her hands for attention. Her slayer healing powers had left her feeling almost new again, and she felt ready to face the battle. She stood on tiptoes and cupped her hands over her mouth, shouting, "Saddle up, girls. It's go time."
Willow had worked out a spell so that they could find Amy without her knowing they were coming. There were no flecks of light to follow, just a sense of where to go. They set out slowly. As they walked, Willow gestured to Faith and Buffy and pulled them apart from the others.
"We have a tough choice to make," Willow told them.
"Boxers, for sure."
"I like briefs," Faith admitted.
"I could care less," Willow said. She sighed. "I've worked out a way to reverse the spell. I can take away all their power without affecting either of yours. It will take a couple of days, and I'll need the axe again, but it should work."
Buffy's heart sank. She walked silently, head down. Faith chewed her lip and said nothing.
"I know it sounds good, having hundreds of slayers all the time," Willow said, "but look what it's come to? All sorts of super girls, with no one to guide them, with so much power just waiting to be corrupted. Faith, back me up here. This isn't going to work."
"The call of the dark side is powerful," Faith agreed. "Especially without Watchers."
"We'll talk about this later," Buffy said. "Right now, I have an army of super vampires to stop."
She broke ranks with them, and settled back with Spike. She didn't look at him, just walked beside him, arms crossed. Willow looked at Faith. "What do you think?" she asked.
"You know what I think," Faith said, looking away from Buffy and back at Willow. "This isn't going to work. But let's just get through this, and see what she comes up with. Are we there yet?"
"You'll know."
After almost an hour, they came to an apartment building in a low-rent part of town, and they camped out across the street. Buffy opened up her bag and pulled out a fistful of stakes. She handed them out to the former potentials. "Most of you know the drill," she said. "It's pretty simple: you put this through their heart. It's daytime, and hopefully most of them will be asleep. Stake as many as you can before we start. We don't want a fair fight. We want to live."
Buffy pulled the red battleaxe out of her bag for herself. She fingered it, remembering its weight and feel, before swinging it over her shoulder and settling. She then nodded at Xander, who reached into his pocket and pulled out a pile of cheap cross pendants. He must have made an emergency run to Claire's Accessories. He gave one to each of the slayers, skipping Angel and Spike. Buffy nodded at Spike, and Xander gave him one. "Sorry," he said, "I forgot."
"Me, too," he said, holding the cross incredulously. He put it around his neck; it felt cold.
"Alright," Buffy said, tensing, "now!"
They all ran across the street. Angel busted the door down, and the crew stormed in. A few vampires were asleep, and the girls dusted them, but most of them were awake. The girls fought gamely, but half of them were overwhelmed to meet such power in their first fight. Buffy glanced around, and saw that Jessica was already dead.
"You let the foxes in," she heard Drusilla say. Buffy had to keep her mind on the game, as she parried with a super vampire, but she could tell that Amy and Drusilla were fighting. The vampire she was fighting was fast but unskilled. Buffy faked her out, and then snuck in from below with a stake. The vampire faded to dust. Buffy looked around for Drusilla, and saw her just in time to see her dust Amy. Buffy blinked and tried not to dwell on it.
Two vampires had ganged up on Faith, who was struggling in a corner. Buffy came up from behind and swung her axe wide, decapitating both of them with one swing. "Thanks B," Faith said, panting. She pointed over Buffy's shoulder. "They're outgunned," she said, nodding.
Buffy looked around. The vampires seemed to have sense that Xander, Wood, and Spike were the weakest in the bunch, and they had cut them out of the herd. Each one was pinned against the wall, looking very battered.
"I'll get Wood," Faith said, and she bounded across the room.
"Willow!" Buffy yelled, and when she had got her attention, she pointed at Xander. Willow's eyes were black, and it was clear she was having trouble controlling her power. At the sight of Xander in trouble, though, she focused, and a bolt of fire shot out of her hands and incinerated the vampire.
Buffy was already tackling the vampire that had cornered Spike. She grabbed it under the armpits and rolled it over her head, assuming a fighting stance as she landed. The vampire was one of her girls, well-trained and experienced in battle. She blocked both of Buffy's kicks and then punched her in the face. Buffy's nose bled. "I'm not you pupil any more," the vampire said, spitting. "I'm stronger than you and I'm faster than you."
"We'll see about that."
They circled for a minute, and Buffy feigned nervousness. When the vampire charged, she pretended to run away, then doubled back and stabbed the vampire with the sharp end of her axe. When the vampire recoiled, Buffy swung around the other way and cut of her head. It rolled on the floor before it exploded to dust.
"I had that," Spike said, looking from the rolling head to Buffy's bloody face. "You don't have to protect me."
She smiled. "Yeah, whatever."
The room was clear now except for Drusilla, and a vampire waiting in the shadows. Angel had amassed a large pile of dust in a circle around him, and Buffy could see that his years in Los Angeles had made him stronger. Drusilla laughed. "Just like old times, Spike," she said, looking from the powdery room to him. "She's always beating us, and killing us, like the nasty thing that she is."
"In case you hadn't noticed," he said, "I'm on her side now, pet."
"You can't hide from her," Drusilla said, cocking her head. "She'll never stop fighting us."
Willow walked up beside Buffy, fists clenched, eyes black. "Can we kill her now?"
The vampire in the shadows began to walk forward. "You'll have to go through me first," she said angrily. The vampire was new, and hungry. Light fell on her pale face. It was Kennedy.
Everyone stopped. Kennedy laughed. "You thought I was dead, didn't you? They threw me against the wall, and you all abandoned me. But I guess I had enough life left to be brought back. Drusilla wanted me even though you didn't."
Kennedy looked at Willow, her eyes softening. "I know you didn't mean to leave me," she said gently. "I'm willing to take you back, if you'll let me turn you." She slipped into vamp face. "Do you still love me?"
Willow's eyes turned human again. She wilted, and said weakly, "Why me?"
Buffy hefted her axe and decided to use this moment to kill Drusilla. But when she looked, Drusilla was gone. She had slipped out when they were staring at Kennedy. Buffy looked around, and she saw that Spike was gone, too. Buffy nodded at Faith, who stepped forward to face Kennedy, and she motioned to Angel, who followed her.
"I didn't see her go," Angel said weakly.
"You can smell her, right?"
He nodded and they ran out of the apartment together. "Which way?" Buffy demanded. Angel pointed, and she broke into a run. He settled in behind her. "Which way now?" she shouted. He pointed again, straining.
She turned her head back to look at him. "Can't you run any faster?"
"I'm not a slayer," he said. "Aren't you injured?"
She shook her head firmly. If she let herself feel pain, he might die. "Catch up to me!" she hollered, and left him behind.
After a few minutes she stumbled upon them in a shady alley between two walk-ups. Running full out, Buffy skidded to a stop, her breath coming hard, her body numb with adrenaline. Drusilla stood there in the sunlight, bent over Spike as if to kiss him. Her teeth were on his throat, she realized. Buffy lept into a spin kick, smashing Drusilla in the jaw and knocking Spike to the ground. She held her fists in the air, panting, waiting.
Drusilla turned on her, her yellow vampire eyes flooded with hate. "You've ruined everything," she snarled, "again! You took away all my darling girls, and now you suppose you'll be having him back, too." This last she whimpered, and nodded at Spike.
"Something like that," Buffy growled, staring at Drusilla.
"Here's a story for you, then," Drusilla snapped back. "It's very stupid; you'll like it. It's about a hound cut free from the pack."
"I suppose I'm the hound," Buffy said. "What are you? The moose?"
"The bear," she snarled. "You can't take me alone."
Buffy's limbs ached, and she felt her blood freezing. Scared stiff, Buffy was about to snip something witty and get back in the fray. She could barely move, barely think, but she would save him. She lifted her hands and made fists. She would press on to the end. Drusilla coiled like a snake. Oh, God, she was going to get thrashed.
Suddenly, Drusilla roared and exploded into dust. All of a sudden, it was over. She was gone. Buffy blinked. Spike stood in front of her, still as death, holding a stake. "She's not alone," he said quietly, letting the stake fall to the ground. He fell softly to his knees.
Buffy dropped her fists and stared at the pile of dust. "I can't believe you just did that," she said.
Spike shrugged. "I know," he said weakly. He seemed very melancholy. He ran his fingers through the pile of dust at his knees. "She was my dam. I loved her for a hundred and fifty years. Eh. I was over her, really."
"I know..." she said, eyeing him, "but that's not what I meant. I just can't believe she's finally dead. After all this time, I was beginning to think we weren't allowed to kill her."
Spike laughed, then moaned. Buffy rushed over to him and knelt beside him. "You're bleeding," she said, holding him.
He kissed her on the lips as hard as he could. She waited a moment before kissing him back. He lingered on her lips, tasting her, before pulling away. They stared at each other quietly.
"It occurred to me that I had never kissed you," he said.
She considered this. "Yes, you did," she said. "That night, when Xander called the musical demon, after all the singing and dancing."
He shook his head. "You kissed me."
She had; the memory was clear in her mind. She had felt so alone, and she had reached out to him because he had been there. Did she still regret it? She had once. "I'm still angry with you," she said. "You lied to me."
"Technically, as I said before, you never asked me outright if I was Spike, come back from the grave," he said, with the tiniest of smiles, "but I'm sorry. And I think it's pretty far down on the list of horrible things I've done to you. Do you forgive me?"
"Pretty much," she admitted. "You know, you're leaking an awful lot of blood. Do your new powers come with a mutant healing factor, or should we get you to a hospital?"
"I think I can hack it," he said. "I may not be a vampire anymore, but my new powers are alright."
"You didn't need to get them," she said, looking down at the ground. "I don't know why you think it's so important to me. Like I can't date normal humans, or something."
"Of course you can't," he said. "What would they offer you? Honestly, you know I never would have gotten near you if I wasn't what I was, what I am. Plus, you'd be dead, or full of holes right now, if I wasn't there to save you. You need someone on your level. It's nothing to be ashamed of."
"I don't need a monster."
"I know." He reached out and grabbed her hands. "I'm just a man."
Her tongue caught in her throat, unsure of what to say. He returned her gaze calmly. She did love him, didn't she? What was she waiting for? Before she could say anything, Angel caught up to them.
He ran in, panting, and his eyes traveled from her to Spike, and back again. "You found him," he said, frowning. "Where's Drusilla?"
"Right there," Buffy said, pointing at the pile of dust on the pavement. "Spike killed his own sire. Very Freudian."
"I feel kind of bad about it, actually," Spike admitted.
"I remember the feeling," Angel agreed. He cleared his throat, and Buffy realized she was still holding Spike's hands. She dropped them. They waited in silence, avoiding each others eyes.
"So, I walked in on a private moment, didn't I?" he asked awkwardly.
Buffy blushed and looked at the ground. Spike cocked a brow, and then nodded.
"Well, that explains the mind-shattering discomfort I'm feeling," Angel said, looking cross. "Can I just say something, Spike? I should have killed you when I had the chance. Honestly, do you think I left her in Sunnydale just so some other vampire could take my place?"
"I'm not a vampire, peaches."
"A technicality," Angel said, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his trench coat.
"Angel," Buffy said, rising from the ground. She walked over to him and lowered her voice, said. "This doesn't change anything. No one will ever take your place. I'll always love you."
He grabbed her shoulders and kissed her on the forehead. "I know," he said, "I love you too. I'm just giving you a hard time. It's just... Spike? Come on. And I loved Cordelia, you know... and she gone. I'm bitter."
"It would be alright if you never mentioned loving Cordelia ever again," Buffy said. She flashed a smile and pulled away.
Spike walked up beside her. He looked Angel up and down. The two of them stared at each other, stern as death, before Spike turned away and leaned into Buffy's ear. Smirking, he said, "So, can we be a couple now?"
"Watch it, Spike," Buffy said, "you're still on the shit list."
Angel rolled his eyes. "You're just saying that for me, are you?"
Buffy laughed. She looked at Spike, digesting him. "Either way, Malachi was right about one thing. We need to take it slow."
* * *
When they got back to the lair, Kennedy was dust. Willow was crouched in the corner, crying in Xander's arms. Faith, covered in blood and bruises, was leaning on Wood's shoulder, looking damaged. Kennedy had been the strongest of the potentials, and she had not gone easily, but at least now she was gone.
Buffy walked up to Faith and looked her in the eyes. "I think I was better off in prison," she mumbled. Buffy smiled, and patted her gently on the shoulder. She said, "I'm really glad you were here."
There was still a reckoning to be made, and Buffy knew it was hers to make. She had created the slayers, and now she must decide what to do with them. She would probably have to undo their powers, and it killed her. If there was any way around it, she would find it, but she didn't see how.
Seeking quiet, she found herself back in the yellow schoolbus, lying lengthwise on a seat in the back. It seemed like decades had past since she had first jumped onto this bus. It was only a few weeks. It had only taken that long for everything to go wrong. Her perfect solution had become a perfect nightmare in less than a month. For every reaction, there is an equal and opposite reaction; she knew that now. So much for backpacking through Europe. She was slayer-bound, forever more.
"Is this seat taken?"
Propping herself up on her elbows, she saw Spike standing over her, looking concerned. "Only in the sense that you should leave me alone when I'm moping," she said, "but sure, sit down."
He rolled his eyes, and sat.
"How did you find me, anyway?"
"Followed you," he replied. "Human-like. Hey, what do you think about us skipping the chatter? I'll summarize. This is the part where you ask me what I'm doing here. Then I ask you what's wrong. Then you tell me that I wouldn't understand. I insist. Then you tell me. Alright? Fess up."
"Sure," she said, laying back again. "Willow has found a way to reverse the spell, making all the new slayers just potentials like they were before. It would keep anything like this from ever happening again. I would be singing the slayer solo again; well, Faith and I would be the only slayers. Very simple."
"But you don't want to do it," he finished, "because you kinda like the company."
"My thoughts in a nutshell," she agreed.
"I know what the old poof would say," Spike said. "He's all for the big sacrifice. He would say reverse the spell, because no cost is too great to save a life. But it occurs to me that your life could be saved, too."
"I'm not about to die," she said.
"No," he agreed, "but you aren't ever getting a vacation, either."
She sighed and sat up. "What am I going to do, then? I can't let these girls run free, without guidance or training. And the Watcher's Council can't help them, they're almost wiped out after that bombing."
"The Watcher's Council sucked, anyway," he said, shrugging. "Make a new one."
This struck her. What she wouldn't have done to change the Watcher's Council if she'd had the chance. Was it in her now?
She must have looked like she was considering it, because Spike said, "Huh. I guess it is a good idea at that."
Buffy nodded. "It's perfect," she murmured. "We'll make a school. Giles can come back from England and help. Oh, and Willow's a great teacher... she can teach magic. We'll have to find some way to locate the slayers..." Her eyes lit up, and she was smiling again. Spike smiled back at her, for the hell of it. She jumped out of her seat and pounced on him, knocking him flat on his back. "I can go to Europe!" At the same moment, they were both aware that she was on top of him. She remembered the last time she was pressed against him like this, back when she was using him as a practice dummy for the potentials. She remembered feeling it back then, a moment like this, but there was something different now. "Your heart is beating," she said.
"And rightly so."
He looked vulnerable, even scared. She bent her head down to his and kissed him on the lips, gently at first, then coaxing his mouth open and wrapping her tongue around his. His breath was warm. She let her hands crawl down his sides and then slid them under his shirt, feeling his skin. He shivered at her touch, and she drew back, looking at him.
"Are we taking it slow?" he asked.
She sat back, straddling him, her hands still under his shirt. "What do you want?" she asked.
He closed his eyes. "Do you think we have a chance? Honestly? Because if we don't, it doesn't matter; but if we do, I don't want to screw things up. Not when I've been given this chance. I want to get it right this time."
"I'm feeling very fond of you right now," she said. "Do you have to ruin it by thinking too much?"
"Yes."
"Hmm, well maybe... who knows?" She pulled her hands out from under his shirt and rested them on his belt. "Can't we just experience this, for a little while? You've saved my life three times this week. Can't we just have some fun?"
"We've had plenty of fun, Buffy. I'm human now. I want the real thing, the full package, you know?"
She smiled and said, "I love you."
He laughed, opening his eyes. "Maybe you do."
She nodded and lay down on him again, her breath warm against his face. "Okay, then," she said. "Can we have sex now?"
He sighed. "Buffy. Are you taking me seriously?"
"Oh, please, nobody takes you seriously."
He allowed that. She unbuttoned his pants, and he let her. She slid her hand inside and touched him, just so, making his heart jump. She had not forgotten what he liked, either. "Make love to me?" she said.
"Buffy..."
"Please?"
There are only so many times a man can say no. He grabbed her by the shoulders, kissing her, pushing her back onto the opposite seat. She was still wearing that little skirt. He slipped it out of the way and, fingers trembling, pulled her underwear down her legs. He had wanted to wait; he wanted to get this right. He withdrew an inch, but she pulled him down on top of her, undressing him before he could protest.
To hell with it. Her eyes called him, and he knew he would make it right. Gently. She wrapped her legs around him, watching him, mouth open, eyes half-shut. It had been so long. She was so strong, he had forgotten how soft she was, and how needy. She felt right; he gave way to her soft cries and his inner need. It would be okay, and he would be with her, after all.
Her fingers grasped his shoulders, pulling him closer, and he dissolved into her. Warmth, and sweat, and breath. They came together like an avalanche, each one bringing the other, until it was over. It was like nothing he had ever felt before, and all he wanted to do was lie beside her, forever.
It lasted a few moments. Then once she caught her breath, she kissed him and sat up. She sighed. Gracefully, she pulled up her skirt, sat up, and kissed him again. Then she laughed.
"What?" Spike snapped, sitting up. He pulled up his pants hastily. "I just can't... what's wrong?"
Her face grew serious. "Nothing, it's just..." she said, paused, then, "I have this feeling that maybe everything's okay. That maybe I'm going to be happy now."
"Okay. So?"
"I never get to be happy!" she said. "Something is about to go wrong. I can't believe it's going to be this easy." She looked at him sternly. "You aren't going to leave me, are you? Or sell your blood to a vamp junkie?"
He sighed and kissed her. "Probably not. Just don't laugh at me after sex. Ever again."
She nodded and lay down on the seat, smiling, and he cuddled beside her. "I think we might be okay," she said. He agreed. They lay there together, and she remembered why she had needed him so much. He held her like she was the whole world. She would have to give him something in return. His head was nestled on her breasts, eyes closed, a contented smile on his face. And she realized that for him, this was enough.
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