Chapter 7 Figuring Things Out
Buffy swam towards consciousness. She became aware of strong cool arms wrapped tightly around her. She willed her body back to sleep wanting to prolong the luxurious feeling of peace and safety she found laying in Spike’s arms.
The irony that she found these things in the arms of one who was once her worst enemy was not lost on her. It was just one of the reasons she had trouble admitting how much she cherished this. The other reason being that she was the Slayer, she shouldn’t need anyone to make her feel safe or at peace, she should have that on her own. The truth was this was the closest thing to heaven she had found since Willow had brought her back. When she was in his arms she felt whole again. Even last year during their desperate and abusive affair, there were moments when she allowed herself to enjoy these feelings, that, more than anything else was what had her going back time and again.
What was that rustling noise she kept hearing? Thinking it must be the girls upstairs doing something she tried to ignore it.
She snuggled closer to him, wanting as much contact with him while she still had the chance. She knew that sooner or later daybreak would come and then it would be time to face the First.
For some reason she was worried about Spike in the upcoming battle. She felt sick to her stomach when she thought about him fighting by her side. She had meant what she said when she called him a champion, but now she was worried about the amulet. They didn’t know anything about it, what if it harmed him in some way?
It was that thought that brought the memories back.
Buffy’s eyes flew open. The battle with the First had already happened. They had won. But Buffy had lost; she had lost them man who was now lying next to her.
She bolted upright breaking Spike’s hold on her, she looked around frantically, but there was nothing familiar about her surroundings at all. The rustling noise she heard seemed to come from the walls around her.
“Buffy?” His voice, thick with sleep still, made her turn back towards him. Her heart clenched at how much he looked, even smelled like her Spike.
“Where am I?” She asked trying to keep the panicky out of her voice.
Spike, however, heard it right away, it woke him fully. He remembered everything that had happened the night before and knew he would have to tread very carefully. “I brought you back to my apartment.”
“Your apartment?” Buffy said slowly. She looked around, still nothing looked familiar. She tried to wade through all the memories in her head; some were blurred or distant, as if she were watching them through someone else’s eyes.
“Your apartment in Los Angeles?” She wasn’t certain how she knew that’s where they were, but she did. The scratching and rustling coming from the walls kept breaking her concentration.
“That’s right.” Spike said carefully.
“Where you live and…” She hesitated, surely this couldn’t be right. “Work with Angel?”
“That’s right, luv.”
Buffy let out a humorless laugh and jumped from the bed, she began searching frantically for some clothing to cover herself with. “So this is one of those Alternate Reality thingies?” She said. “Ok, I can deal with this; I just need to find someone to send me back to my reality.”
Spike gave a bark of disbelief. She assumed it must be an alternate Reality because she was in bed with him. Nice. “Sorry to disappoint you, but no such luck.” His voice came out harsh.
Buffy stopped searching for clothing for a moment. Anger flared in her eyes. “No!!” She snapped at him. “My Spike died saving the world.” She was beginning to think that if the noises in the background didn’t stop soon she was going to rip through the walls to make them stop. She began rummaging through the only dresser in the room, but most of the drawers were empty except for a few pairs of black jeans.
“Buffy, I was brought back…”
“NO!!!” This time her eyes actually flashed their golden color again. “Spike is gone.” She swallowed back the tears and pain that she felt from saying that out loud. “Even if he wasn’t, he wouldn’t be in Los Angeles with ANGEL of all people. They hate each other.”
Spike jumped out of bed and followed her to living room where she continued to search for anything to put on. “Its not like were bosom chums, we’re just working together. This is where they brought me back at and I couldn’t leave for a long time. I didn’t even have a body for a few months. I had to float around like a ghosty.” Buffy didn’t pay any attention to him. She finally found a closet and opened it, only to find it empty; however the noises were much louder in there. She closed the closet door quickly; her skin was crawling at the noise.
“Where are my clothes?” She demanded.
“You didn’t have any when I found you.” Spike told her. “Buffy, I wanted to find you, I did. But I wanted you to have that normal life you wanted so bad.” She finally stopped moving and stared at him. “I also didn’t want to disappoint your memories of me.”
Buffy finally stopped moving and just stared at him. “Spike??” She whispered.
Spike sighed; relieved he had gotten through to her. “I just wanted you to be happy. I did it because I love you.”
Buffy face twisted with bitterness. She spied his coat on the back of a chair. She snatched it up and wrapped it tightly around her. She met his eyes for an instant and he could see the hurt and betrayal in them.
“No you don’t, but thanks for saying it.” She said with a sneer, before she darted out the front door.
Spike stared at the space she had just occupied for a split second, until her words sunk into his brain.
“Bloody Hell.” He muttered dashing after her.
She hadn’t gotten far. He actually ran into her frozen right outside his door.
“What’s going on?” She whimpered when she felt him behind her. She leaned back against him unconsciously seeking some kind of comfort or reassurance. “The scratching noises are so much louder now, and I can feel and hear all the people living here.”
Spike noticed immediately what she was referring to. “The noises are echoing in the stairway, making the louder. The same goes for the humans’ essences, it works just like sound. The scratching noises are rats and insects, I’m sorry to say. You’ll have to learn to filter it out. I have.”
Buffy looked around as she worked on shutting out the noises, she peered up into a corner. “My eye sight is better too. I can see a spider building a web up there. There was awe in her voice now instead of fear, Spike’s presence calming her.
Her head turned quickly to the left. “Someone’s coming out.” She nodded at his neighbor’s doorway. Spike could here them approaching too.
However, when the doorway opened and his neighbor, who happened to be a drag queen, came out Spike remembered he was standing there half naked.
He quickly pulled Buffy back inside the apartment as the whistling started. Buffy giggled and turned to face him when she suddenly remembered she was furious with him. She opened her mouth, probably to start yelling again, but Spiked didn’t give her the chance.
He spun her around, none too gently and threw her back onto the couch. Before she could sit up he was crouched in front of her, directly in her face. “Now listen here, as familiar as I am with the whole wake up, yell, kick me in the head and run out scenario it isn’t happening this time, understand?” He told her fiercely. Buffy’s jaw set stubbornly and she glared at him. “For once you are going to sit and hear what I have to say.” He continued on. “If when I’m done you still want to yell and run out fine, but please,” He implored with his eyes and softened his tone. “Just hear me out first, ok?”
Buffy nodded stiffly. Spike sat on the couch next to her. Now he just had to figure out where to start.
Dawn was standing in Angel’s office with her hands on her hips eerily reminiscent of a pose her sister used often enough. “Well? I’m waiting.” She said.
“Dawn, Buffy has been having some, uh, identity issues…” Willow began, but Dawn cut her off.
“Identity issues? Is that what you call being possessed by her Slayer side like Faith was, killing her boyfriend and setting off on a rampage across two continents?”
“You knew about that?” Willow asked her surprised.
Dawn snorted. “Did you really think Andrew could keep a secret? How long did he keep quiet about Spike being back?”
“You knew about that too?” Xander asked.
“Just because you guys still think of my as a little kid doesn’t mean I actually am one.” Dawn told them exasperated. “Now where is Buffy? Have you managed to capture her yet?”
They all looked at the ground. “Do you even know where she is?” Dawn asked them.
“Somewhere with Spike probably.” Angel said sullenly from the other end of the table.
“Jealous much?” Dawn commented. She saw Xander smirk out of the corner of her eye. “At least if she’s with Spike we know she’s ok.”
“What makes you say that?” Gunn wanted to know. He had figured out by now that this intimidating young woman was Buffy’s sister and so far she seemed the most together of all of them.
“Spike would never do anything to hurt Buffy, he loves her too much.”
Angel snorted at the end of the table. “I’m sorry did you have something you wanted to say?” Dawn asked him coldly.
“No.” Angel sounded like a petulant child. “I was just thinking…”
“Sorry you already said no.” Dawn interrupted him. “Now does Spike live around here, or is there someplace he would take her to?”
“He has an apartment, but we don’t think he took her anywhere. We’re actually worried she did something to him.” Gunn said.
Dawn made a face at him and shook her head. “Have you even looked there yet?” She insisted.
“I don’t think we actually know where it is.” Gunn looked to Angel for confirmation of that.
“We don’t, but Lindsey does.”
“Well why don’t you get this ‘Lindsay’ to tell you where it is and we’ll actually go and try to find my sister instead of you guys sitting here trying desperately NOT to share information with each other.”
No one moved or spoke they all just looked at her. “What are you waiting for? Her to come and actually stake Angel this time?” She asked sharply.
“Well if you’re right and Spike is with her…” Xander began, and then thought about what he was saying. “Never mind.”
“Gunn, have Lorne find out where Spike’s apartment is and you and Xander go see if they are there.” Angel said, trying to act like he was still in charge of everything going on.
“Got it, boss.” Gunn said with a grin as he headed out. “Slayer’s sister is almost as scary as she is.” He mumbled quietly to Angel, who nodded.
“And if either one of you, gets the idea to chain my sister up like Faith is, you’ll see how scary I can be.” Dawn told them. They looked up surprised that she had heard them. “Now where is Giles I have some information that may prove useful in figuring out how this happened in the first place.”
Figuring before they got too far into things, they should address what happened to Buffy, Spike started there.
“What do you remember about the past couple of weeks?” He asked her.
“The last thing I remember clearly is being out with Donatello…”
“Donatello? What the hell was he? A Teenage Mutant Turtle?” Buffy shot him a glare.
“No, he…” She stopped. “Oh god, I killed him.”
“What?”
“When I woke up, and I was all different, I was having all these thought about how he wasn’t worthy of me. Then he woke up and he must have sensed my changes because he attacked me, and I killed him.”
“I just shouldn’t have boyfriends; all I ever do is scare them away or kill them.” She said miserably, she wasn’t that upset that he was gone, because she didn’t really care about him THAT much, but she did feel guilty for killing him.
“Or maybe you should choose fellas who aren’t scared off by the smallest thing and aren’t that easy to kill.”
Buffy looked at him from under lowered eyelids, almost coy like. Spike’s mouth twitched up in a smile, before he concentrated on the topic at hand. “What happened after that?”
Buffy concentrated. “Its really hard to pick out details. There was Slaying, but it wasn’t any fun. I kept thinking about the similarities between Donatello and Angel and then I was traveling. I didn’t stop at all until I got here and found Angel.” Her face paled. “Did I kill Angel’s girlfriend?” She asked him.
“Last I heard she was in a coma.” Buffy’s face fell. “But before you get yourself all worked up, she’s a werewolf, so I’m sure she’s harder to kill than you might think.”
Buffy still didn’t feel very good about that, but she went on anyway. “I tried again to kill Angel and that’s when the Slayers were waiting for me and that’s when I saw you.” She searched her memories for what happened next.
“Then I ran and you followed me. We were fighting in a warehouse and then…” Buffy’s eyes widened and her cheeks flushed a lovely red color. Her hand reached up to her neck and she brushed her fingers lightly across the bite marks there. She was surprised that she got the same feeling from touching those marks that she did when she was in his arms. She looked at Spike wonderingly. “I let you catch me.”
Spike took her hand and placed a kiss on her palm. “I wasn’t planning on biting you.” He said, “I was trying to get through to you, and then my demon took over and…” His voice lowered. “I didn’t mean to take advantage of you.”
Buffy looked at him surprised, but his head was lowered and he wouldn’t meet her eyes. “Spike, look at me. You didn’t take advantage of me, if anything I took advantage of you or my Slayer side did. What vamp was going to be able to resist a willing Slayer buffet?”
Spike gave her a weak smile.
“And name one other vampire who wouldn’t have drained me in the same situation?” She added.
“So what happened to make me become myself again?” She asked.
“I think it was when I drank from you.” Spike told her. “I think it changed me too.”
“What do you mean?”
“The whole enhanced senses thing, I’ve got it too now. Its a lot stronger than my normal vamp senses and I could feel the blood changing me.”
“Changing you? Into what?”
“I think these are questions for the ones in the research department, pet.”
“You’re probably right.”
They sat in silence for a few moments. It was a comfortable silence, but both of them were aware of all the unanswered questions still between them. Buffy broke the ice first.
“Why didn’t you want me to know you were back?” Her voice was hesitant.
”It wasn’t that I didn’t want you to know. I was just afraid. You were finally free of the whole destiny ‘Chosen One’ mess. I didn’t want to ruin that by showing up on your doorstep.”
“A call would have been nice.” She said in a cute little voice. “A postcard. SOMETHING!”
Then she had a thought. “Did Andrew know you were back?” She asked suspiciously.
“He found out when he came to take Dana.”
“That’s what he and Dawn were always whispering about I bet. That’s why Dawn always told me I should come see how Angel was doing!!! That little witch. I am so going to ground her when I get home.”
Spike tried to ignore the feeling of loss he felt when she talked about going home.
“All right. I’m not saying I’m not still mad, and I still reserve the right to kick your ass later, but tell what’s been going on here in LA.” Spike looked at her questioningly. “Well, I’m sure there has to be another reason you decided to hang out with Angel, other than your love to be annoying.” She said with a smile. Spike smiled back at her and leaned back on the couch. He felt a warm feeling spread inside him, when she leaned back and into him. He wrapped his arm around her and began to tell her about his unexpected reincarnation.
It was mid-afternoon by the time Spike finished up his tale. He had told her pretty much everything that had happened since he had been brought back. He left out the part about shagging Harmony and he also didn’t mention some of his saltier comments to Angel when they were fighting for the fake Chalice, but everything else had come out. Including the details of their trip to Rome.
“So the night I changed was the night you guys were in Rome?” Buffy said thoughtfully. “You didn’t have anything to do with it, did you?” Spike shot her a look. “I just had to ask.”
Again there was a silence.
“So this whole take down the evil law firm, is that working at all for you guys?” She asked him.
Spike sighed heavily. “I don’t know, honestly. I know I have to keep trying, though.”
Buffy nodded. “For Fred.” She stated.
“Yeah.”
“You cared about her a lot.” This was also a statement.
“I wasn’t chasing her or anything if that’s what you are thinking. She was Wes’ girl from the get go, she just didn’t know it for a while. She was my friend. She was the first person who really cared about what happened to me, she never judged me for things that happened before she knew me and she could also see right through my bull.” Buffy laughed. “I did see her once when she was in the shower, she did have a nice…” Buffy hit him in the chest. “Hey now!!” He protested.
“There will be no talk of other women naked, at least not while I’m practically sitting on your lap.” Buffy admonished.
Spike smiled pleased at her jealousy. “So what is this then?” Spike asked gesturing to the two of them.
Buffy grew serious. “I’m not sure. I guess I understand why you didn’t get in touch with me, but it still hurts.” She told him honestly. Spike waited for her to offer up some other excuse of why they wouldn’t be together, some other reason she had in place to protect herself.
“I was thinking I might stay in Los Angeles for a while, help you guys out with your apocalypse. You obviously need the help of a professional, and there really isn’t anything keeping me in Rome anymore.”
Spike’s entire face lit up, and then he had a thought. “Are you staying to help out, or are you staying to be closer to Peaches?” He asked her.
“Spike, in my most primitive state, I crossed about 8 countries to kill Angel. I think its safe to say I am completely over my Angel crush.”
“Don’t worry the whole wanting to kill him, is something you never really let go of.” Spike said. “So does that mean that you are going to give us a chance?” He wasn’t going to get his hopes up, really he wasn’t.
Buffy leaned in until their lips were almost touching. “I would say I already have.” She said softly. Their lips had just barely touched when they both sensed someone approaching the door. Both of them groaned knowing their alone time was now interrupted indefinitely.
Spike pulled away from her abruptly and stood up. Buffy looked at him surprised. “It’s the Whelp and Gunn. I’m sure you wouldn’t want them to get any ideas about what’s been going on here.”
“I’m sure me naked wearing nothing but your coat and you bite mark on my neck will explain what went on pretty clearly.” Buffy remarked as she stood up and threw open the door just before they knocked.
“I take you guys are here to take us back to Wolfram & Hart?” She greeted them.
“Buffy!!! You’re you again.” Xander said excitedly and grabbed her into a hug. When he let her go he noticed what she was wearing and not wearing. “Are you naked under there?” He asked.
Buffy shot him a look. “If you guys don’t mind could we stop and get some clothing for me? I really don’t want to have to face the firing squad in nothing but Spike’s coat.”
“I know a place that we can stop on the way.” Gunn said.
“Can we get some food too?” Buffy asked. “I don’t know when the last time I ate was.” Spike pulled on a shirt and put on his boots, then walked up beside Buffy. She grabbed his hand. “Ready?” She asked him.
“Let’s go face the music.”
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Author's Chapter Notes:
I haven't slept in almost 48 hours now, I have reread this chapter over and over again and I think its ok. However, at this point there are also flying monkeys circling my outside my head, so who really knows...