“I think if you change these words here and call on Diana instead, before midnight, you may be able to avoid invoking any of the darker energies.” Willow was telling Wesley as they looked at a spell he found that would transform Nina into her wolf state.
“I don’t suppose you’d like to stay and help perform the incantation.”
Giles looked at her sharply from where he was sitting paging through a stack of books.
“Easy Giles.” Willow told him. “I know better.” She turned back to Wesley. “Sorry, I’m on Dark free magic diet.”
Wesley nodded. “Of course I understand.”
“No problem I don’t mind helping with the research part.”
“Giles, do you want me to look up anything for you while I’m back at the hotel?” Dawn asked him.
“Actually, yes I do.” Giles handed her several sheets of paper covered front and back with things for her to look up. “If I come up with anything else I’ll call you.”
“Gee, thanks.” Dawn said dryly.
Illyria entered the room and walked up to Willow. “I would like to speak with you, if I may.”
Wesley immediately noted the fact that Illyria asked Willow to speak with her. Illyria was not in the habit of asking for things.
Wesley felt he needed to warn Willow of Illyria’s possible ulterior motives. “I believe Illyria is interested in the impact the strength of your magical abilities has on your physical body.”
Illyria glared at Wesley. “I know of your suspicions, this is not about that.” She pointed at Willow. “I once considered this one a friend. I have a need to speak to another female of this species.”
“Harmony was also once your friend.” Wesley reminded her.
Illyria considered him blankly. “I cannot even dignify that statement with a response.” She said before she pulled Willow out of the room.
“Well at least she has more of a personality than Kennedy.” Dawn muttered. “I’m going to go find Xander and see if he can give me a ride back to the hotel.” She told Giles and Wesley before exiting the room.
Illyria had taken Willow down several hallways until they were in the room that she and Spike used to fight in. Willow was out of breath by the time they stopped.
“Ok,” She said panting. “What was it you wanted to talk to me about?” She was trying not to be nervous.
“I want to know where these emotions I keep having are coming from.”
”Excuse me?” Of all the things she thought the Blue woman was going to ask her this wasn’t it.
“These emotions I keep having, they should not be possible. I need you to find out where they are originating from and help me destroy them.”
“Um, I wouldn’t even know how to go about doing something like that.” Willow told her.
“You use your powers to go inside my mind, locate the emotions and their origination points and then get rid of them.”
“You don’t know how that would affect you.” Willow tried to reason with her.
“It does not matter, I do not need emotions to function and they are causing me distress.”
The door slammed open and Spike stormed in with murder in his eyes. “Good, you’re here.” He addressed Illyria. “Up for a workout, Blue?”
“I thought you and Buffy would have left by now, Spike.” Willow said surprised both at the fact he was still here and his anger. She was pretty sure that it had something to do with Buffy talking with Angel, but she hoped she was wrong.
Spike turned his glare on her. “Why would you think that, Red? She wouldn’t lower herself to go anywhere with me. Five minutes with Mr. Puppy Dog Eyes and she’s giving me some speech about ‘just being friends’ so we don’t ‘complicate things’ or some rot.” Spike turned and threw a punch at the wall, cracking the plaster. “Over him my arse.” He muttered.
“That can’t be right, she doesn’t love Angel anymore.” When she realized Spike wasn’t listening to her she grabbed his arm. “Spike, Buffy loves you.” He started laughing, bitterly. “She does.” Willow insisted. “Something must have scared her.” She added thoughtfully.
“I do not understand this.” Illyria interrupted. “She is your mate, why would she be afraid to be with you?”
“She’s not my mate.” Spike growled at her, at the same time Willow answered.
“Buffy isn’t good with her emotions. Big love usually means big hurt for her. So anytime, anyone manages to get too close, she runs away.” Willow looked at Spike sympathetically. “Hey! But she’s getting better; she agreed to be friends so she didn’t completely run away.” She tried to but a bright outlook on the situation, but Spike just looked at her like she suggested they go sunbathing.
“But he is her mate.” Illyria reiterated. “He would not hurt her, because that would be the same as hurting himself.”
“She isn’t my Mate.” Spike snapped. “I never claimed her.”
“Why would you need to claim her?” Illyria asked. “That is an action that would MAKE her your mate. She already belongs to you; there is no need for a claim.”
Spike stared at her dumbly. “It constantly amazes me your species managed to climb out of the primordial ooze.” She added at his look.
“A mate is someone whose essence is bound to yours; it is a very rare and powerful connection that has existed since the dawn of time. Many beings have tried to replicate the power of true mates, which would explain the act of ‘claiming’ you spoke of, but true mates have no need of such trappings.”
“And what makes you think Buffy and I have this connection?” Spike asked sullenly. “Because she sure as hell doesn’t seem to feel any overwhelming need to be with me.”
“That is because your human insecurities get in the way. I could clearly see when she was in her primitive state the lines that connected you. It was even stronger when we found you in the warehouse that is why I did not alert the others to your presence. I knew that their worries were unfounded.”
“So what does being mated mean or true mates?” Willow was fascinated.
“It means they are bound together for all eternity.” Illyria said. “Because of the powers both of them now possess there is probably some higher purpose intended for them, but even if there isn’t being mated will give them heightened senses of each other and neither one would be able to die without the other.”
“So Buffy and I are already mated?” Spike was still dumbstruck.
Illyria rolled her eyes in a gesture that almost made her look human. “YES!!” She said, she spoke as if she were talking to someone with reduced mental capabilities.
“Then why is it we don’t feel this connection.”
“Probably because she is too busy running from her emotions and you are too caught up in your own insecurities.” Illyria said.
“So she really loves me?” Spike asked, wonderingly.
“This conversation is getting repetitive.” Illyria grumbled. Willow shot her a look.
“Yes, she loves you.” She said soothingly.
“You should go to her and force her to accept her feelings.” Illyria advised him.
“Done that before, it didn’t work out too well.”
“So why don’t you go with the opposite approach this time?” Willow suggested.
Spike looked thoughtful. If Illyria was right and Buffy and he were meant to be together and she really did love him then that changed almost everything. All these years he had spent being the Big Bad trying to force her to accept the darkness in herself so she could then accept him, then getting a soul and trying to be a good man for her, when what he should have done was just be himself.
Granted he wasn’t the poetry spewing, innocent human, that Drusilla met all those years ago, but he also wasn’t the sick and twisted vicious killer Angelus was.
“Red, I have an idea, but I’m going to need some help.”
Willow smiled, “What can I do?” All she really wanted to do was go and get some sleep, but between Illyria and Spike that didn’t seem too likely.
Spike looked at Illyria. “Can you track Lorne down for me; I’m going to need him as well.
Buffy, Dawn and Xander sat down at a table in a small diner style restaurant, similar to the dive Buffy had worked in when she had run away to Los Angeles, all those years ago.
“I’m sorry we forgot to get you food before, Buffy.” Xander said to her. Buffy was lost in her thoughts, though and didn’t respond.
“Earth to Super Slayer.” Dawn waved her hand in front of Buffy’s face to get her attention.
“What?” Buffy’s eyes focused on them. “Sorry guys, I must just be worn out from everything that has happened the past few days.”
Even as she said it, she knew that wasn’t what was wrong with her. She missed Spike, it was almost as bad as right after he burnt up in the Hellmouth. She felt the loss of him almost physically.
It only made her more determined she had done the right thing. She hadn’t lied to Spike when she told him that it hadn’t been anything Angel said that changed her mind, because it wasn’t. What made her change her mind was talking to Angel and remembering the pain she went through because of him.
Then when he brought up Harmony and Spike, Buffy remembered the night she had witnessed Spike and Anya together.
Buffy’s feelings for the blonde vampire were far beyond anything she had ever felt for any of the other men in her life. She honestly didn’t think she could open herself up to him fully and ever hope to recover if he left her the way all the others did.
Buffy couldn’t delude herself with the fact that there’s might be a forever kind of relationship. She knew those were just fairy tales told to children.
It was much better for her and Spike just to be friends, that way he would always be in her life and she wouldn’t have to worry about losing him. She knew she had done the right thing and she hoped that he would stop being mad at her soon so they could actually work on the whole friends thing.
She just wanted the empty feeling inside her to go away.
“Buffy, do you know what you want?” Dawn’s voice pulled her from her musings. She almost slipped and answered ‘Spike’, before she realized that Dawn was talking about the menu. The waitress was staring at her expectantly, but Buffy hadn’t even read what they had to offer.
“I’ll just have a cheeseburger, fries and a coke.” She told the woman.
Dawn’s cell phone rang and she answered it.
“Hello.”
“Oh hey, what’s up?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Ok, so what do you want me to do?”
“No problem. Just let me know.”
“Bye.”
“Who was that?” Xander asked.
“It was Willow. They have a situation with a demon at some house up in Beverly Hills they want us to go check it out then.”
Buffy sighed. She just couldn’t catch a break.
“Do we have time to eat?” Xander asked, “Or do we need to rush out?”
“They aren’t sure of the situation right now; she’s going to call me back with the address and details.” Dawn said.
Buffy didn’t say anything; she looked out the window into the busy city night. She tried not to think about how safe she felt upon waking this morning or remember the day she spent with Spike just talking with him and being able to indulge in the luxury of touching him without guilt.
She knew she was doing the right thing.
They had just finished eating and were about to pay the bill when Dawn’s cell phone rang again.
“Hello.”
“Yeah.”
”Ok, give me the address.” Dawn took out a pen and wrote down the address on a napkin.
“Let me give you to Xander, you can give him the directions since he’s the driver guy.”
She handed the phone to Xander.
“Doesn’t Wolfram and Hart have anyone else who can take care of this?” Buffy asked irritably. She was feeling worse by the minute. She had never been someone who indulged in crying much, but right now she felt like she could dissolve into tears. The last thing she wanted to do was go out demon hunting tonight.
The Slayer side of her, which she had been studiously avoiding since giving Spike the brush off, was crawling around inside of her just waiting to get in some much needed violence. However, Buffy was afraid of what it would do if she let it out right now, she didn’t think she would be able to get it back under control. Spike made it seem so easy to work with the demon inside of her, but he didn’t tell her what she should do when what the demon wanted, in this case it was Spike, was in direct conflict with what she knew to be right.
“Evidently this is a very delicate matter and since we just opened up the lines of communications between ourselves and Angel’s group they figured we would be the best ones for the job.” Dawn told her. The entire time she was speaking Dawn kept her eyes focused on Xander. He had a confused look on his face as he listened to Willow, when he finally looked up and met Dawn’s eyes her warning look was enough to make him keep his mouth shut about anything he shouldn’t say.
After about five minutes of listening to Willow without saying anything Xander finally spoke. “Sounds ok to me. As long as you’re sure about all this, Will.” But his tone included Dawn in his statement.
Dawn looked worriedly at Buffy to see if she picked up on anything unusual going on, but she was once again lost in her own world of misery.
“Ok, we’re on our way.”
Lorne had just finished delivering all the items Spike had requested and getting them set up. Some of the things were completely understandable for a night of romance; candles, wine, massage oil, bubble bath. It was the other items that had Lorne questioning what was going on. There were a set of magically enhanced manacles that wouldn’t break or respond to magic no matter what the strength of the person being held. There was also the pair of Japanese style swords. The most worrisome item was the stake.
“I think that’s it.” He said to Spike. He paused for a moment to stare at the vampire. “I saw Sid and Nancy when it first came out you know. I hope you aren’t planning a reenactment with some of this stuff.”
Spike didn’t answer. “Just send the car back tomorrow at sundown and remember, no tells Peaches what’s going on.”
“You’re the boss; I just hope you know what you’re doing.” Lorne said before leaving.
Xander pulled up to the long driveway of the mansion, there were gates blocking the car from going the whole way up to the house.
“Whose place is this?” Buffy asked as she stared in awe at the impressive home.
“It belonged to some producer that sold their soul to Wolfram and Hart for a shot at fame. When the deal was up they repossessed the soul and the house. Its empty most of the time, but they use it occasionally for out of town clients. I guess one of them was a demon and now we need to get rid of it.”
“Ok.” Buffy got out of the car. “You guys wait here. I am in no mood for this tonight, so it should only take a few minutes.”
She headed off up the driveway, she never even thought about taking weapons.
About half way up the drive she heard the sound of Xander pulling the car away, she stopped and looked back confused, but then decided someone must have been coming up the road and they didn’t want to look like they were casing the joint. A familiar tingling inside her called her attention back to the house in front of her and she started moving towards it more quickly.
By the time she reached the door she was certain it was Spike she felt inside, his signature was as familiar to her as her own reflection. She couldn’t figure out what he was doing there. Had they also sent him in to take care of the demon? Was he inside hurt?
Then she tried to remember what she heard Dawn and Xander say when they talked to Willow, but all she could think of was how strange and stilted the conversations sounded when she thought back on them. At the time she was too caught up in her own thoughts to notice.
Then she thought about the way Dawn and Xander pulled away when she was half way up the drive.
Everything clicked into place. They all ganged up on her. They brought her here for Spike to make some gesture that would make her give in to her feelings for him. She shook her head angrily. He probably wanted to relive their first night together and have some ‘rough and tumble’.
She threw open the front door and stormed inside. She didn’t see any sign of him, so she used her senses to lead her up the stairs to him. She got a closed door at the end of a long hallway. She knew he was inside waiting for her.
She threw open the door, prepared to begin yelling. Instead she stopped cold.
“Oh my god.” She breathed. Every inch of the floor was covered with rose petals, their scent heavy in the air. Golden candlelight lit up the room from the fifty or more candles scattered around. The entire outside wall was windows that looked over the city below her. In the center of the room was a large bed covered with satin sheets and soft fluffy pillows.
Movement out of the corner of her eye caught her attention and her breath when she saw what it was.
In a corner, Spike sat in a chair watching her. He was wearing black leather pants that fit him way too perfectly for Buffy’s sensibilities and a black shirt with red metallic dragons embroidered on it. His hair wasn’t slicked back as it normally was, but left curly.
“Spike?” She asked breathlessly. He stood up and walked towards her fluidly, the look in his eyes and the way he moved almost had her knees buckling.
He walked right up to her and leaned down to whisper in her ear. “Hello Slayer.”
Willow raced into Wesley’s office, he was alone now, Giles had gone in search of a cup of tea at one of the restaurants close by.
“Willow is something wrong?”
“Um, I need to talk to you.” She said anxiously.
“What is it?” Wesley was concerned; he was hoping Illyria hadn’t done anything towards Willow.
“Its about Fred.”
Wesley immediately shut down, he didn’t want to talk about Fred, it hurt too much.
“Wesley, please. She’s not gone.” Wesley looked up at her.
“Yes, she is.” He said stiffly. “Fred is no more.”
“No she isn’t. Part of her is still inside Illyria. I know because I just saw her.”
Wesley almost passed out from shock.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Thank you so much for all the reviews, I know some people were upset with the last chapter, but I will begin to make up for it in this one.