Chapter 9
They were all quiet at dinner later that night, neither knowing how to start a conversation.
Giles looked at the two teenagers to see that they were both staring down at their food. He had enough of the silent treatment and slammed his fork down in his plate, which caused them both to glance up at him. “What is going on with you two?” They still wouldn’t say anything and Giles grew irritated, then turned to Buffy. “You should eat something, Buffy.”
She shrugged. “I’m not really that hungry.”
Giles let out a sigh. “I will have to tell your father about this.”
Buffy shrugged again and really couldn’t seem to care. “Yeah, you should probably do that. We wouldn’t want him to get worried and come back early. Right, I forgot. He would actually have to care for that,” she claimed, jumping out of her seat and running upstairs.
Giles took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes.
Spike got up and went after her, without saying anything to his father. He opened her door to find Buffy sitting on the bed, with her stuffed pig clutched to her chest. He sat on the bed next to her.
They were both sitting in silence, until she decided to break the ice.
“I didn’t mean to snap at Giles. I hope he’s not mad at me.”
Spike shook his head. “He’s not, probably just concerned. He’s handled me for eighteen years; anything would be a picnic after that.”
Buffy smiled at his attempt to make her feel better, then wondered about something. “Why weren’t you embarrassed at all when he walked in on us?”
“That’s not the first time it’s happened. I can’t tell you how many times he’s caught me and Dru in my room.” He stopped when he saw the expression on her face. “That’s not really important, though.”
Buffy sighed and thought about what else she wanted to ask. “Is that all you want?”
He raised his eyebrows in confusion.
She decided to clarify for him. “Are you only after sex? I mean, you told your dad that we were about to do that if he didn’t interrupt. I actually wasn’t really planning on going that far.”
Spike shook his head again. “I didn’t mean it, just said that to annoy Rupert. I only would have gone as far as you would let me. I actually care about more than just sex.”
Buffy sighed in relief now.
“Are you a virgin?” he asked suddenly.
Buffy rolled her eyes at the question. “Hardly, haven’t been since I was thirteen.”
Spike was stunned. “I lost my virginity at fifteen. Not bloody fair.”
She smiled. “Guess I have you beat there. It's not like it's a competition, anyway.”
Spike nodded and decided to change the subject. “So, why did you look scared if you’re not a virgin?”
Buffy really hoped he wouldn't think any less of her when she told him the rest of her story. “Those guys were never any good. They never cared about me and I hardly knew them half the time. I would basically punish myself by finding jerks to sleep with that would treat me horribly. I guess I thought that I deserved it at the time.”
Spike was even more concerned for her. “Why would you deserve it?”
Buffy gazed at him, tears forming in her eyes. She seemed to cry a lot around him. “My parents would fight a lot and I was usually the cause of most of their arguments. I would always blame myself and figured I deserved to be punished, but that wasn’t what made me do it. My parents were out one night and I was alone in my room with this guy. We were only studying and he suddenly kissed me. It was hardly anything, but my dad came home early and found us like that. He got so mad at me and he said some things, I could tell he was drunk again. He told me that at the rate I was going, I would grow up to be a whore. I figured if my own father said that, then it must be true. I started to sleep with these guys and basically felt like a whore, just like he said. My first time was with a friend at least, so it wasn’t so bad. Things got worse after that, though. My parents didn’t know anything about what I was doing. My mom would have been so disappointed in me. I hated myself and I wanted to stop, but it was hard.” She took a deep breath before continuing. “I...I was raped one night when I was walking home. I was so scared. I didn’t want it then and I tried to push him away, but he was too strong. I never told anyone about that. I had enough after that. I decided that I wouldn’t sleep with anyone else, unless he was different. I don’t want to go through that again,” she finished, more tears falling down her face.
Spike put his arm around her and kissed the top of her head. “Things will be different from now on,” he whispered, placing a soft kiss on her lips that only lasted a few seconds. He pulled away and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “I promise, Buffy. When that happens with us, it will be different. I won’t pressure you to do anything you don’t want to, all right?”
Buffy nodded and rested her head against his shoulder. She really believed that everything would be different this time.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
And the badness just keeps coming. Buffy has quite a bit to deal with in this fiction. I wonder if I went a bit overboard. Oh well, nothing that can be done about it now. I still hope you guys would like it. Thanks for the reviews=)