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Chapter 5

The first light of dawn was trying to peek in through the heavy curtains into the room. Buffy blinked slowly, her eyes feeling dry and sore from the crying the night before. Strange how calm she felt now, how rested. She couldn't remember the last time she had felt this at peace. It was then that she noticed the cool arms wrapped around her. Turning her head, she looked at the man lying beside her. His eyes were still closed and Buffy couldn't help but think how innocent he looked in his sleep. Without thinking, her hand rose up and caressed his cheek.

His eyes fluttered open at her touch. As he looked at her, a smile tugged at his lips.

"Mornin’ luv."

"It wasn't a dream; you're really here." As she said it, her voice was filled with wonder.

"That I am pet," his voice softened. "You okay?"

A bright smile came across her face and to Spike's delight reached her eyes giving them a light he had rarely seen before. If he had been breathing, his breath would have caught in his throat. She didn't even know how beautiful she was.

"Never better." The lilt in her voice sung to him in a way he couldn't describe. "And you?"

"Better than I've been in a long time." He beamed a smile back at her. It occurred to her then that she had rarely seen a genuine smile from him. Usually it was just a grin or his trademark smirk and he was gorgeous when he smiled.

As silence settled back over them she carefully stretched without moving from his embrace.

"Spike." She placed a hand on his chest her eyes never leaving his. "I love you." Her voice was clear hoping that he understood that she needed him to really hear her say it. She wanted him to know that what was said the night before was real. That she hadn't just blurted out the words because of the moment.

He pulled her closer to him letting her head nestle into his chest. "God Buffy, I love you too." He broke their hug and looked down at her. "Do you know how long I've wanted to hear you say that?"

"A long time." she nodded "Told you I'm a little slow." He grinned at her then. "I could get used to waking up like this."

"Have to admit pet don't mind it myself." He cupped her cheek with his hand. "I don't want to break the mood but..."

"But?"

"What does this mean now? I mean for us." he stopped and gulped at her. "I mean is there an us?"

Her gaze was constant on his; calm and collected and sincere. "There better be an us." She grinned at him. "You think I'm going to go through all this again?" she looked at him seriously. "Spike I love you and I want to be with you. You don't think I'm stupid enough to let you go after all this?"

"You want...?" suddenly he was having trouble with words.

"Yes I want a lot of things. I want to see more of Europe, I want to have a million dollars and I want to be with you. Guess which is the thing I want more than anything? I tried living without you Spike and it didn't work out too well for me."

"You're serious?" She just gave him a look that said duh. "But, I mean what about the Scoobies. They wouldn't be too happy about this."

"Honestly Spike," she gave him a small frown, "I love my friends and yes their opinion matters to me, but this is way beyond opinion. Besides, I just spent two months refusing to talk to any of them because you were dead. Do you really think they would be upset about you and me being together? I know you think that they all hated you, not true you know? At the end there, Willow and Dawn really did like you. And after the battle well what could Xander and Giles do? Saving the world, sacrificing yourself pretty much tells them they were acting like a couple of jerk offs."

"Are you sure about this?" Buffy could see the fear in his eyes. "What about having a normal life?"

"What are you channeling Angel now?"

"HEY!" he protested.

"Look I've kind of come to terms with some things. One of them being I am never going to have a normal life. I'm still the slayer and I will be until I finally get to die and stay dead. I couldn't if I wanted to; I've seen too much, done too much to ever forget this part of my life. Besides I'm in love with a vampire. So not of the normal." She traced his frowning lips with her finger.

"Buffy I just want you to be happy. I don't want to be the wanker that keeps you from having what you want out of this life," he sighed deeply. "Besides I haven't told you why they sent me to you."

"Doesn't matter," she stated with finality. "You and me Spike, that's all that matters. We'll cross all the other bridges when we get to them. And you'll know how all the others feel when we tell them at Faith's wedding tonight. Trust me it won't be bad."

"Will you listen to me for once?" he grumbled. "I love you more than life itself. Trust me nothing would make me happier than being with you for as long as you would want me around. I don't want you to regret any of this."

She sat up at that. "Now you listen to me. That's exactly what I'm talking about. I don't want to regret anything anymore. I just spent the last year with a boatload of regret. I don't want to regret letting you go. Not when you're here now and not while I know we love each other."

Her words smacked into him; each one feeling like the punches they used to trade. He looked up at her stunned.

"What?"

"You're amazing." He sat up and pulled her to him.

"Could have told you that." She giggled. "I mean it Spike." She looked back up at him her eyes suddenly serious again.

"What?" he wanted to know what that look was for.

"We need to promise each other something first."

He waited suddenly feeling his heart sink. A bloke couldn't take anymore of this roller coaster. He tilted his head to her.

"This thing that we do to each other. The self doubt its gotta stop." She looked at him seeing the fear in his eyes. "See that? What you're feeling there? That's what I'm talking about. I trust you Spike with everything. I need you to trust me too. Whatever happened in the past is just that, the past, we need to move forward."

"I love you Buffy and I do trust you. It's hard, you know, trying to break over a hundred years worth of learning. But I promise I'll try." His voice broke then.

Buffy beamed another smile at him. "I love you,” she whispered as she moved closer to him her lips brushing against his.

The kiss was gentle and almost chaste. It was a kiss to signify new beginnings innocent and pure. And all it did was make the two of them aware of how much time had passed since they had made this kind of physical contact. Spike's hand went up behind her head tangling in her hair. She wrapped her arms around him her fingers running up and down his back as the kiss suddenly deepened. He nibbled on her lower lip than ran his tongue over it. She moaned against his mouth and taking the opportunity, he slid his tongue into her mouth slowly exploring getting reacquainted with all the hollows. Her tongue met his, dueling in a soft slow dance.

The door shattered, flying off its hinges and landing across the room. They pulled apart quickly.

"Well that figures," Buffy said as three angry demons rushed into the room.





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