Thoughts were assaulting her mind at a faster pace then she could really handle. This was all just to much. This place, this earth, this shell she had been yanked back into. Buffy’s head fell into her hands, raking her fingers through her hair. That’s disgusting The completely unrelated thought flittered through her mind as she felt the dirt in the one time honey blonde locks. Blonde…Spike. He had been there when she woke up. The blonde vampire had helped her come out of the ground and held while she freaked out about how different it was here then in…well wherever exactly she had been before.
Sea green eyes drifted down to her body, taking in the bruises and the carefully cared to cuts on her hands and arms. He had taken care of her even when she hadn’t been awake and from what she could tell - from what she believed inside - he hadn’t even tried to take advantage of her. Not that she really thought he would have. As much as he had told her over and over that he had changed and as much as she had denied that fact over and over again…she knew he really had. He wasn’t the same vamp who had blown in here in that old black Desoto intent on bagging his third slayer. Not only had he gained a chip while in good old Sunny D, it seemed he’d grown a conscience too, maybe even some semblance of actual feelings. Good feelings. Protective feelings.
There she went again with the wandering thoughts and of all things to be thinking of at a time like this. Focusing on Spike. She had to get over this thought process like now. There had to be other things to think about now that she was alive again. Thinking…thinking…Dawn! Right, that’s what she should be thinking about right now. The sister that she had died to save - she needed her now and she had to focus on that. Couldn’t focus on how these lights hurt her eyes, the way it was so cold, even in the still warm water, the way that everything was so loud…the way things had felt better in a certain dead beings arms…she couldn’t focus on that. She had to focus on Dawn.
**************
“Buffy’s…what?”
Spike tipped his head back and took a deep breath as Dawn stuttered out the same question that she had been asking for the past twenty minutes.
“Big sis is alive and…” he cut himself off at that, he wouldn’t quite say that Buffy was well. “…well, she’s alive.” Great Spike, way to break it to the girl. All gentle like. “Look, bit, I don’t even know what’s all going on here. I just… I just knew the slayer was in trouble was all and when I went to the grave, well, there she was.” He didn’t think that she needed to know that Buffy had to claw her way out of her coffin. “She’s upstairs and she’s wantin’ to see you so don’t keep her waiting any longer, got it?” He smiled lightly, trying to be reassuring - not so easy to do when you haven’t practiced that certain quality in over a century.
“Are…” Dawn collected her breath, swallowing heavily as she continued. “..are you sure its really her? I mean, it could just be the buffy bot and everyone’s just wrong…hopes up…you know how the scoobies get, all jumping into things…”
With a soft sigh and a hesitant rocking on the balls of his feet, he finally just sussed up all the nancy boy in him and reached over to draw the younger girl to his chest, wrapping his arms around her in a tight hug. It was surprisingly easy to press a reassuring kiss to the top of her head, soothing her quietly. Must be what being protective over something other then a daft bint of a vampire felt like. He wanted to take away her fear and her apprehension, wanted to chase away the pain and doubt that was in her.
“It’s her love, trust me on this one, its her.”
Spikes reassurance seemed to settle her mind, letting Dawn nod and smile a bit watery on him.
“Well, I guess…I’ll go say hi to her then.” She muttered absently, worrying her lower lip as she left the platinum blonde vamp at the bottom of the stairs, heading up to see her sister.
Spike just let out a low breath, running his hand over his head causing the gel to loosen its hold on the platinum locks, bringing out the natural curl even more so then it had already been. It made him look so much softer and that, along with the pain and distress on his features, made him look less like the big bad and more like a worried lover. His jaw tensed as he patted down his pockets, finding the pack of Kamel Red Lights he had bought with money he had nicked off the whelp. Maybe a cigarette would stop this bloody shaking in his hands.
Stepping outside, grateful for the cloak of dusk, he lit up the smoke before he noticed that Willow was sitting on the curb in front of the store. His eyes took her in silently for a moment, leaning against the wall as he exhaled.
“Is…is…she…Buffy?” Willow questioned softly, the words stuttered and broken and obviously forced out through a choking clog of tears in her throat.
Spike took his time thinking through his answer - hitting on the cigarette with an almost eerie calm. “She’s Buffy alright…just a scared, confused and upset Buffy.” His eyes rolled up, his jaw tensing as he opened up the claim to sense how she was doing. “She’s uncomfortable here now, unsure of where she was and worried about how she’s going to handle being back and all…nervous about seeing all you lot more so Dawn then anyone.”
“She told you all this?”
Right, it would be kind of weird for Buffy to be spilling her guts then, wouldn’t it?
“Well, its written all over her face, that’s how I know. Kinda hard not to see that she’s in pain and lost.” Spike tried to cover up his tracks. He definitely wasn’t in the place to explain the claim to the scoobies, couldn’t handle being all shunned and looked at like the outsider who was trying to hurt the slayer. Didn’t they bleeding well understand that he would die for her? “I think she’s in shock, you know. All being brought back and whatnot.”
The smoke was exhaled slowly through his parted lips as he ashed the cigarette to the side, his eyes moving back to the empty walkway instead of focusing on the witch. “You didn't tell me. You brought her back and you didn't tell me.” His voice was almost choked, they hadn’t thought this through and he just wished he could get it through the witches head that magic always had consequences!
Willow’s brow furrowed gently as she looked up at Spike. She really hadn’t thought twice about not telling the vampire about the plan to bring Buffy back when it was in the makings. It wasn’t like he was a part of the scoobies. Now though, as she looked at him, as she saw the pain and the…what was the other expression on his face…well whatever it was it had her feeling even more guilty.
“We…we just thought…I mean…”
“You didn’t bloody well think! That’s the problem!” He growled out, barely keeping the demon restrained as he lashed out at the witch. “You knew there was a chance that she'd come back wrong. So wrong that you'd have ... that you would have to get rid of what came back. And I wouldn't let you. If any part of that was Buffy, I wouldn't let you. And that's why you shut me out!” His words were an outburst of near hysterics, it was just beyond him that they had taken this chance. Of course he wanted to have Buffy there with him, of course he would give anything to go back to that day and make it so that she didn’t have to jump, so that she didn’t have reason to die in the first place but never would he take this chance with her. Never.
Nearly shaking with the need for violence among other things, he tossed the cigarette aside. “I need a sodding drink.” With that he turned in a swirl of leather, heading back inside the Magic Box to find an old stash of Rupe’s scotch.
************************************
As she walked up the stairs to the recently abandoned apartment, Dawn mentally prepared herself for disappointment. In was inevitable that some day, with all the wishing and missing, that someone would mistake the Buffy-Bot for Buffy herself but Spike of all people? Spike knew Buffy, he could like pick out her scent and all sorts of things that were huge on the gross factor like that. He of all people should know that Buffy was gone. She wasn’t come back.
With a soft sigh, the young teen pushed open the door to the bedroom - her eyes taking in the blonde girl who looked so broken, almost lifeless. She was clad in track pants and a white tank top, curled up on her side, as if hiding from the world itself. Dawn’s eyes widened as she gazed at the girl on the bed - it wasn’t the bot, the bot was always happy, smiling - this girl was….
“Buffy?”
Dawns voice was hesitant, watching the girl carefully as she moved a little on the bed.
“Buffy…is it really you?” Her voice was a little shaky, nervous and worried and definitely unbelieving. Her sister was supposed to be gone…not laying in Giles’s old bed and staring at her like Dawn was the ghost in the hose.
“I..I mean…are you really here?” A few steps had Dawn moving to the bed, her hand slowly shifting from her pocket to gently touch Buffy’s shoulder. As soon as their skin made contact though, Buffy jumped as if startled which made Dawn draw back and skitter back to the door again. She stood there, just watching the girl who had always been the strongest person she had ever known - nearly tremble in her younger sisters presence. She didn’t even hear as the door to the apartment opened - didn’t hear the voices in the living room - didn’t even notice anyone was around until the bedroom door open.
“I think we screwed it up. She's broken.” As usual, Anya’s tone was amazingly blunt as if she as stating a given fact to Willow who was standing behind her.
“No! She's not broken! She's just .... disoriented from being ... tormented in some hell dimension. Probably tortured and ... It's like, we don't even know how much time has passed there for her, uh, possibly years! That's not something you just get over! Oh my God. What if she never gets over it?” Willow was close to tears yet again, Spikes words had really struck a chord - what if she had acted to soon, what if Buffy really was broken?
******************************************
Buffy knew it was Dawn. That was Dawn, standing right in front of her. The one who was talking to her was Dawn, her sister. The one she had died to save. That was Dawn. She needed to go to her, hug her, reassure her even. Still, even though her mind knew it, something inside of her was telling her to stay back, to protect herself. No one could be trusted and no one could be close to her . The feeling -- the instinct -- inside of her demanded it. Her eyes narrowed as she slid off the bed and watched the girl standing by the wall. Buffy concentrated on trying to get her body and heart to understand that this girl wasn’t any danger, she was no harm but her thoughts were distracted by the two other voices.
Anya and Willow, see, she knew who they were too. Willow was her best friend, a witch and Anya was an ex-vengeance demon who was dating Xander. Buffy’s mind frantically worked through all the thoughts she was sure of and even all of that didn’t make her feet move towards her family and friends. Her arms wrapped protectively around herself as she eyed the people. Something was missing here, someone was missing….
“Where’s Spike?” Her voice was harsh, demanding, almost accusing. Just a few minutes ago she had sent the vampire away in favor of her sister and now, suddenly, she felt like if he wasn’t there she wasn’t going to be able to handle this. That couldn’t be right though. Spike was evil, a souless monster who wanted nothing more then to kill her. He wanted to having bragging rights on the death of another slayer, that was it, that was all there was to it.
Her brow furrowed yet again as her lips puckered into an almost pout. That wasn’t right either. As much as she knew that Dawn was her sister and Willow was her best friend, she knew that Spike would never hurt her again. Where did all this sudden belief in Spike come from? Dark eyelashes lowered as she squeezed her eyes shut, this was all wrong, she had come back wrong. It was all to confusing and to hard to sort it all out right now.
*****************************
Spike was sitting downstairs in one of the many chairs scattered around the Magic Box, taking long gulps from the bottle of Brandy. He was trying to shut off the connection to Buffy caused by the claim - he’d found if he just worked at not listening to her feelings, he could almost pretend he didn’t feel them. Bloody bint didn’t want him around anyways, no use in wallowing in her sadness and losing himself in her pain. Only made him want to fix it all and that wasn’t an option when the girl was kickin’ him out of her room now was it?
His jaw clenched as he took another long drink from the bottle, eyes closing before they flew back open again. Now there was a feeling he couldn’t ignore - his slayer was about to cry. No one made his girl cry. With a growl his demon took over, legs carrying him as fast as they could up the stairs and into the apartment.
“What the Bloody Hell did you do to her?!” He growled at the two girls who took a step back at the fully enraged vampire.
“Well, Willow brought her back from a horrible Hell dimension where she was most likely tormented and now she’s broken.”
Of course, Anya with the play by play….
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Thanks again for all the reviews and encouragment guys! I try to respond to each one so hopefully I got you all! Just a note, my Beta has gone MIA so I apolagize for any errors!